Alaska Home

by Debbie Macomber

  Marriage. That was how a woman’s mind worked. Duke had assumed, had hoped, that a career-oriented woman like Tracy would be different. She wasn’t.

  “I’m waiting,” she said, and smiled up at him, her eyes so bright they nearly blinded him.

  Duke swallowed uncomfortably. “Sweetheart, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “I most certainly do,” she insisted.

  Duke knew he was walking onto a tightrope without a safety net, but he also knew he couldn’t avoid the subject. “It’s only natural that you should feel close to me, seeing what we’ve been through. But it’s not enough to...” He let his words trail off. Yes, they shared a closeness that went beyond the usual male-female relationship. They’d faced death and had bonded in ways that took most folks years to achieve. And while it was true that he harbored few of the resentments he’d originally felt toward Tracy, he wasn’t anywhere close to considering marriage.

  “In other words, you don’t feel anything special for me, even though—”

  “I didn’t say that,” he interrupted.

  “Then explain yourself, Duke Porter.” She raised her head from his shoulder, and sat up straight as a pool cue, sliding closer to the passenger door.

  “Let’s discuss this later,” he suggested, wanting to delay the argument until they’d both had time to give the subject some rational thought. But he knew that no matter how much thinking he did, he wasn’t going to change his mind. Any kind of long-term arrangement between them was impossible. For many reasons.

  “I’d prefer that we talk about it now,” Tracy persisted.

  He should’ve known she wasn’t going to let it drop this easily. Figuring it would be impossible to talk about this and drive safely, he exited the freeway. He didn’t know the name of this city, only that it was north of Seattle. He followed the signs to a city park.

  Neither spoke until he pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. There were trees everywhere, their leaves brilliant shades of orange and red, but Duke barely noticed.

  “All right,” he said, and expelled his breath slowly, dreading what was sure to come. “Since you insist, let’s air this here and now.”

  “You make it sound like we’re about to put up our dukes and fight.” She paused and smiled thinly. “No pun intended.”

  Grateful for her light remark, Duke grinned. Maybe they could both laugh off the marriage suggestion. It would save her pride and his freedom.

  Sure he loved her; he was willing to admit that. He loved her as much as he did any woman, possibly more. All right, definitely more, but that still didn’t mean he was ready to settle down for the rest of his life.

  “Marriage? Can’t you see that it’d be a disaster with us?”

  “No,” she answered fiercely.

  “Sweetheart, think about it. You and me? We’re different people.”

  “I should hope so.”

  This wasn’t going well. Not well at all. Already he could feel the noose tightening around his neck, and he wasn’t going to let that happen. He tried a different approach.

  “We live in different worlds. I don’t fit in yours, and you sure don’t fit in mine.”

  “I love Hard Luck,” she said, her tone heartfelt.

  “Sure, it’s a great town—I couldn’t agree with you more. But your work is here and mine is there. I’ve enjoyed my time in Seattle, but if you didn’t live here, I’d’ve left within a couple of days.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t deal well with this many people around me twenty-four hours a day. I need elbow room, and lots of it.”

  “I’m not asking you to move to Seattle,” she said.

  “You’re not suggesting you move to Hard Luck, are you?” Try as he might, Duke couldn’t picture Tracy living in the Arctic.

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  “Tracy,” he said, laughing softly, “have you lost your mind?”

  Her eyes held his for a long time. “No,” she whispered. “I’ve lost my heart. I love you, Duke. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to help you build that house you’ve planned, and then, God willing, I want us to fill those bedrooms with children. Our children.”

  Her words fell like a sword, cutting him to the bone. His mind immediately filled with the sound of children’s laughter, and the allure was so strong he was forced to close his eyes and concentrate in order to banish it.

  Home. Children. She sure was good, but then Duke knew that; after all, he’d seen her in action in a courtroom.

  But it wouldn’t work, not this time. If she didn’t recognize that, then he did.

  Duke had tried to be part of her world, and it had cost him five hundred dollars for a suit he’d probably never wear again. He’d been snubbed by an arrogant waiter because he preferred ranch dressing. He’d never paid more for a few leaves of lettuce, even in Alaska, than he had in that fancy restaurant. He’d done all that in an effort to impress Tracy, and the only thing he’d gained—he suspected it was a bargain—was the realization that he’d never be comfortable in the big city.

  For her part, Tracy had tried to fit into his life, too. If he’d ever doubted she loved him, all he had to do was remember the dinner she’d slaved over on his behalf.

  If he didn’t love her as much as he did, he would’ve laughed himself silly that night. As it was, he’d been determined to chew every bite, smile and compliment her even if it killed him. And if the first taste was a sample of what was to follow, it just might have.

  Tracy living in Hard Luck? As much as Duke enjoyed the notion, he was smart enough to realize it wouldn’t work. Besides, there were other more obvious considerations.

  “Your career is here in Seattle,” he reminded her.

  “I can get licensed to practice law in Alaska.”

  He didn’t want to argue with her. It seemed pointless to tell her there wasn’t enough work to keep even one attorney employed in Hard Luck. And any cases there were would be minor stuff—wills, maybe a few contracts—not the exciting criminal cases she’d trained for.

  She might assume she loved him now, especially in light of what they’d been through together, but that attraction would soon wear off. Once she was subjected to everyday life during an Arctic winter, she’d grow bored and restless. The last thing he wanted was for Tracy to marry him and regret it later.

  As gently as he could, Duke said, “It won’t work. I wish I was different, but I’m not. I can’t move to Seattle, and you’d never be happy in Hard Luck.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her. “Hear me out. If I was ever tempted to marry anyone, it would be you. But you’re missing the entire point.

  “I believe in family, but I like my life just the way it is. I’m free to go where I want, when I want, without the responsibility of a wife or kids. And frankly that’s the way it’s going to stay.”

  “I don’t intend to lock you away in a closet for the rest of your life,” she snapped.

  Duke could see he was waging a battle of words with an expert. Tracy was capable of swaying a twelve-person jury with her arguments. He didn’t stand a chance if he continued.

  “Listen,” he said, his voice gaining strength and conviction, “you took it upon yourself to ask, although I see that as the man’s prerogative. Okay, then I suggest you be ‘man’ enough to accept my answer, and that answer is no. I don’t want to be married, and I’m not going to let you persuade me otherwise. Understand?”

  “Perfectly,” she answered in a clipped voice.

  Duke immediately regretted the harsh words. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He wanted to kick himself for flying to Seattle and giving in to the need to see Tracy. If anyone was to blame for this fiasco, he knew where to look.

  The mirror.

  * * *

 
; Lanni O’Halloran was as nervous as she was excited. Charles was due home that afternoon after three weeks in the field.

  She’d known long before they were married that, as a geologist, he was required to make these trips. The first few months of their marriage he’d managed to get home every few days. Not this time. Charles had been gone a full twenty-one days, and it’d felt like that many years to Lanni.

  In an effort to exhaust her emotional energy, she cleaned house and planned a gourmet dinner. But it wasn’t food Charles would be thinking about when he walked in that door, and Lanni knew it.

  A soft smile touched her lips.

  So much had happened in the time he’d been away. She’d sold another article, this one to a glossy women’s magazine. With extra hours on her hands, she’d dabbled in writing fiction. She wasn’t sure how successful it was. But her sister-in-law Karen had read the short story and liked it.

  There was far more important news than her most recent sale, though. News she couldn’t wait to tell her husband.

  Lanni glanced at the clock and sighed, wishing the hands would move faster.

  Every time a car drove past the house she found herself racing to the front window, hoping it was Charles.

  Her news wouldn’t keep much longer. She felt it would burst forth the minute he walked in. It wasn’t every day a wife could announce she was pregnant.

  She’d kept the information to herself a full seven days now, and she was finding secrecy more and more difficult. But it didn’t seem fair to share her excitement with her friends when her own husband didn’t know.

  Charles had wanted to wait until they were married for a year before she became pregnant, and Lanni had agreed. But eight months was close to a year.

  Their original plan had sounded good—until Karen had come to Hard Luck, pregnant, and Lanni found herself longing for a baby, too.

  Her brother, Matt, and Karen had been divorced at the time Karen discovered she was carrying Matt’s baby. She’d served as Lanni’s maid of honor at the wedding, and things had progressed from there. Really, everything had worked out beautifully. There was no telling how long it would’ve taken those two to come to their senses if not for the pregnancy.

  Within a couple of months, Matt and Karen were back together and they’d remarried soon afterward.

  No sooner had Lanni heard the happy news about Karen’s baby than Charles’s brother Sawyer informed them Abbey was pregnant.

  Sawyer and Abbey were ecstatic. Sawyer was still walking two inches above the ground and had from the minute Abbey told him the news. The last Lanni had heard, Sawyer had purchased a case of cigars and was handing them out to his friends. Their daughter wasn’t born yet!

  Charles had been pleased for his brother and Abbey, but he’d still felt they should wait the full year.

  Waiting wasn’t Lanni’s strong suit. She’d agreed to postpone the wedding for eight painful months while she finished her apprenticeship with the Anchorage paper. Charles didn’t want her to regret their marriage and had insisted she complete the program. She’d done it, but had been miserable a lot of that time, missing him terribly.

  The door swung open. Lanni couldn’t believe she hadn’t heard the truck. Charles stood just inside their living room, as compellingly virile and handsome as ever. No, more so.

  “Charles!”

  He dropped his backpack onto the carpet and held out his arms. Lanni didn’t need any further encouragement. She ran across the room and hurled herself into them. Even after eight months of marriage, her heart felt as if it would explode with joy at the love she saw in his eyes.

  Charles gathered her close. Before she could speak, his mouth met hers in a kiss potent enough to buckle her knees. He told her with that one kiss how lonely he’d been, how much he’d missed her, how glad he was to be home.

  The kiss went on and on, and probably would’ve lasted even longer if Lanni hadn’t been bursting with news.

  She pulled her lips from his. “Charles, I’ve got wonderful news!”

  “Later,” he said, lifting her from the floor and bringing her mouth level with his. “What have you done to me, woman?” he whispered, kissing her repeatedly. “I’ve never missed anyone so much in my life.”

  “Good. Now you know how I’ve felt.”

  “I need a shower,” he said, bringing his arms around her waist.

  “Dinner’s in the oven.”

  “It’s not food that interests me,” he said, and chuckled.

  “I’ve been your wife long enough to know exactly where your interests lie, Charles O’Halloran.” She braced her hands against his shoulders. “Now, look at me, because I’ve got something important to tell you.”

  “You made another sale?” he guessed.

  “Yes, but that’s not it.” Tears of joy filled her eyes and she cupped his face with her hands. “I...we’re going to have a baby.”

  Apparently her news shocked him, because his hold slackened and he released her. She slid down and landed with a thud on her own two feet. Dismay widened his eyes.

  “I know you wanted to wait a year,” she rushed to say, “but we’ve been married over eight months.”

  Charles walked to the ottoman and slumped onto it. “Pregnant?” Almost immediately he was back on his feet. “I need a drink.” He walked into the kitchen and brought down a whiskey bottle from the cupboard above the stove.

  Lanni followed him, nervously rubbing her palms. “I... I thought you’d be happy.”

  He looked at her as if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said, then poured a liberal amount of the amber liquid into a glass. He tossed it back. “A baby?”

  Lanni nodded. “Don’t look so shocked. We’ve been playing Russian roulette with birth control for weeks. What did you expect would happen?”

  “Who else knows about this?”

  “No one yet. I wanted to tell you first. I thought you’d be happy,” she said again.

  He shook his head. “I am. It’s just that...”

  “Just what?” she challenged.

  “A shock.”

  “Well, maybe you should receive another!” Whirling around, she grabbed her coat and rushed out of the house.

  “Lanni!”

  She heard him call her name, but ignored it and ran down the street. She’d only gone a short distance when Mariah, driving Christian’s truck, pulled up alongside her. She rolled down the window on the driver’s side.

  “Lanni,” she asked, “is everything all right? I thought Charles would be home by now.”

  “He is.”

  “What are you doing out in this cold with just a jacket?”

  Lanni looked at her sister-in-law and burst into tears. Unable to speak, she wrapped her arms around herself and sobbed.

  “You’d better come with me,” Mariah said quietly. Leaning over, she opened the passenger door.

  Lanni climbed into the truck just in time to avoid Charles, who’d come running after her. She heard his frantic cry, but ignored him.

  “Lanni?” Mariah asked gently when she pulled up in front of the house she shared with Christian.

  “How about a cup of tea?” Lanni asked, wiping the tears from her face.

  “Tea?” Mariah glanced over her shoulder. “Sure. Come inside and you can tell me what’s made you so unhappy.”

  “Unhappy? Me?” Lanni cried. “I couldn’t be happier! Charles and I are going to have a baby.” Then she started to weep all over again.

  * * *

  Charles figured he’d give Lanni a half hour before he went after her. He’d seen her climb into Mariah’s truck. Right this moment, she was probably telling Mariah and Christian what a jerk he was, and she’d be right.

  A baby. Lanni pregnant. It still didn’t seem real.

  What
Lanni had said about playing Russian roulette with birth control was true, but she’d never made a secret of the fact that she wanted a baby. Maybe he was being selfish, but Charles had wanted to keep Lanni to himself for a while longer.

  He rubbed a hand across his eyes and thought about what he’d done. Lanni was hurt and confused. Hey, so was he.

  Charles had never expected to fall in love. When he did, he fell for the granddaughter of the woman who’d spent a large part of her life working to destroy his family. He hadn’t known that at first, though. When he had learned the truth about her, Charles had turned his back and walked away.

  He’d soon learned that was a mistake. He loved her, and with his mother’s help and Lanni’s persistence, he was able to put aside his doubts. Lanni’s love was the greatest gift of his life.

  Once again, Charles thought in near-despair, he’d found a way to destroy what he wanted most. After an hour it was clear that Lanni wasn’t coming back. He’d have to swallow his pride and go after her. But before he made another colossal mistake, he decided to do what he always did when he needed advice. He visited Ben Hamilton at the Hard Luck Café.

  Ben was busy in the kitchen when Charles arrived.

  “Long time, no see,” Ben greeted him when Charles sat on a stool at the counter. It surprised him how busy the place was. In the past there’d been times Charles would stop in and be the only customer.

  Today Ben actually had a waitress there, and furthermore, he needed her.

  “What can I get you?”

  “How about a psychiatrist?”

  Ben laughed and automatically filled Charles’s mug with coffee. “What happened?”

  “Lanni’s pregnant.”

  Ben eyed him speculatively. “That’s great news, isn’t it?”

  Charles nodded without a lot of enthusiasm.

  “You don’t look too sure,” Ben said, leaning against the counter.

  “I don’t know that I’m ready for a family. Darn it, Ben, I love my wife and I wanted her to myself for a few more months.” He wasn’t going to be the type of father Sawyer was, Charles realized. His brother had wanted to get Abbey pregnant from the moment he’d slipped a ring on her finger.