Antihero (Imperfect Heroes Book 1)

by C. J. Pinard

  My phone buzzed in my pocket again so I pulled it out. Two texts from Talia asking where I was and when I was coming back.

  I sighed heavily and texted her back: Sorry, I had to clear my head. I’ll be back in 15. Then I’ll take you to breakfast.

  I pocketed the phone and felt something. I pulled it out to see the business card from that guy Kyle last night. I sat on my bike, my legs out in front of me, propping the bike up as I stared at the card. Flipping it over and over in my fingers, I looked out over the water again. I hadn’t even given a second thought to the card until today. Maybe I should stop being so complacent and try to get a legit job. I was only twenty-five. I was done with the service and it would be a long road ahead working shitty jobs and living paycheck to paycheck if I didn’t find a career soon. Maybe they could show me where to look for something I’d love to do. I just had no idea what the hell that would be.

  As far as the counseling aspect—no thanks. My head was fucked up, but I sorta liked it that way. I just hoped Talia wasn’t too mad at me for leaving her without saying anything. That was a pretty crappy thing to do. On second thought, maybe I should find out why I’m such a fucked-up dick. I pulled out my phone and saw Talia hadn’t responded to my text. I dialed Mathis Associates and made an appointment for later that afternoon.

  Talia

  “Hi, thanks for coming to get me at this ungodly hour,” I said to Bo as I got into her car.

  She laughed. “It’s not ungodly. Ungodly is 5:52 a.m., which is what time Alyssa woke me up this morning.” She laughed, thinking about her daughter. Then she looked at Ellis’s empty house. “Trouble in paradise?”

  “Paradise, hardly.” I snorted. I shook my head and crossed my legs after fastening my seatbelt. “He left. I have no idea where he went.”

  She put her little car in gear and headed out of his mobile home park and onto the main road.

  “Wow, no note or anything, huh? That was… rude.”

  I found a piece of gum in my purse and shoved it in my mouth. “Yeah. I texted him, but got no response.”

  Just then, my phone buzzed. It was Ellis, so I read the text out loud to Bo.

  “Clear his head, really? From what? It’s eight in the morning. Wow…” she said after I’d finished reading it.

  I nodded, trying not to let tears form in my eyes. This shouldn’t be any surprise to me. It wasn’t like I knew him that well. Maybe this was just how he was.

  Once we reached my apartment, Bo dropped me off with a hug and told me she’d see me later. We were both working the closing shift, and I was grateful I’d have the distraction this afternoon.

  After closing and locking my front door, I suddenly felt really tired. I set my purse and keys on my dining room table, went into my room, and fell sleep, trying to stay the tears that wanted to fall. I felt like such an insecure little girl. Ellis was the one making me feel this way, and I didn’t like it at all. Maybe it was time I took a break from him. I drifted off to sleep easily.

  My practiced smile was hard to keep plastered on today. Ellis was completely blowing up my phone. I’d been on shift for three hours, and he’d called four times and sent me no less than ten texts.

  Obsessed much?

  I thought maybe I should just answer, tell him I was busy, but I didn’t want to. He deserved to twist in the wind a little bit, and it made me smile. At least I had some sort of smile for the customers. I couldn’t wait to finish school so I could get a job where I didn’t have to be “on” all the time. It was damn exhausting.

  “You okay, hon?” Bo asked, coming out from the back office, holding the schedule. It was her handwritten rough draft, the one she made sure all the employees were okay with before she put it in the computer. We could log in from anywhere and check our schedule any time of the day or night once it was done. She was such a good boss.

  I looked it over, nodded my approval, and thanked her, and took the next order. I was just jumpy today and for some reason, really, really wanted to go get high. I was ashamed to be thinking that way, but just the thought of snorting a couple lines of coke and not dealing with reality for a few hours just seemed so appealing. Old habits died hard.

  You’re not that person anymore. I know.

  What would your mom say? Nothing, she’s dead.

  What would Ellis think? Who cares? Asshole.

  Bo would be so disappointed. Shut up.

  Nobody had to know. I knew exactly where I could score some, too. I knew where all the good dealers were. I didn’t even have to go into a bad part of town to get some. A girl named Ariel at school dealt, and everyone who has ever lived in that world knew it, too. She was making a killing, helping students pull all-nighters with a large choice of coke, meth, or anything else they wanted. Weed seemed to be the most popular, but I was never a fan of that shit. Just made me hungry and sleepy, and really, I was already those things most of the time anyway.

  Which is why I’d love to get some coke. Just a little. I wouldn’t get addicted again, I would be okay.

  Feeling increasingly twitchy, I kept checking the clock, and finally, it was time to close and go home. Getting in my car, I started it and pulled my phone out, scrolling through the contacts until I found Ariel’s name. My finger paused over the contact. Call or text?

  Neither, a voice in my brain said. Think about someone other than yourself.

  Like who?

  Everyone you love.

  But I don’t love anyone.

  I’m going crazy. That’s it, I’m gonna have to be committed for having full-blown conversations with myself.

  “Fuck!” I yelled, throwing the phone into the backseat and heading home. But not before stopping by the liquor store first. I wouldn’t do drugs, but I sure as hell could do a few shots of Fireball before I went to sleep tonight.

  I heard my phone ringing in the backseat. “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor was the sound. That was Ellis’s ringtone. When was he gonna take the hint?

  Chapter 10

  Ellis

  I steered my motorcycle into the parking garage of a huge building downtown. I removed my helmet and smoothed down the dressiest polo shirt I had in my closet. Taking the business card from the pocket of my khakis, I could see I had to take the elevator to the seventeenth floor. Easy enough.

  So why was I so nervous?

  The elevator dinged my arrival, and I got out to immediately see a wall of glass, one door set into it marked “Mathis Associates” in frosted writing. I walked through and a male receptionist greeted me.

  “May I help you?”

  I nodded. “Yes, I have an appointment with Harper Mathis.”

  He stood and smiled. “Right this way.”

  We walked amongst a throng of desks and cubicles until we reached another glass-walled office overlooking the city marked “Harper Mathis, Owner.” The receptionist guy knocked lightly. “Your two o’clock is here, Ms. Mathis.”

  A knockout blonde with eyes the same color as the sky outside her window, and wearing her hair in a long ponytail, stood up. She was dressed in a sharp black skirt suit and conservative black heels.

  She smiled warmly at me, putting out her hand. “Hi, Mr. Anderson. Nice to meet you.”

  I shook her hand. “You can call me Ellis.” I sat in a chair where she indicated.

  She took a seat behind her desk and handed me a clipboard. “If you could take just a few minutes to fill that out, then I’ll give you my spiel on what we do here.”

  I took the clipboard and began filling out my name, date of birth, marital and parental status, service branch, dates, regiment, disabilities, and everything else. I listened to her talk while I filled it out.

  “So this is my nonprofit business. We help veterans from all branches, who have recently been released from the military, re-integrate back into the real world, so to speak. A lot of vets don’t need help, but some need a little “hand-up”, if you know what I’m saying. We don’t do hand-outs here, but we do offer job placement and c
ounseling at no charge. We can also refer to you to support groups, if needed, speciality medical professionals, and we always encourage vets to get involved with their local VFW, which is also a very good resource for vets.”

  Interesting, I thought. Pretty awesome actually. I quickly finished filling out the forms and handed the clipboard back to Harper.

  She took a look at it. “Referred by ‘Kyle Something’.” She chuckled. “Kyle Adams? Kind green eyes and a metal rod for a leg?”

  I nodded. “That’s him. He’s pretty nosy, too, but I’ll let it slide since he’s a fellow Marine.”

  She smiled in genuine at that, her blue eyes sparkling. I noticed no wedding ring, but told myself this was just business and I shouldn’t be flirting. Not only that, I had a huge amount of ass-kissing to do to a certain redhead when I was done here. She didn’t want to answer my calls and texts, then I’d just show up at her house. I thought about going to the coffee shop, but that boss of hers seemed like a real mama bear, and I didn’t want to deal with her at all.

  “So, Ellis, I see you indicated that you have disabilities here. Do you want to tell me what they are, or if there are there any restrictions you might have?”

  “Physically?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Yes, we’ll start with that.”

  “Aside from this,” I said, holding up my left hand to show her my missing pinky finger, “I’m as healthy as a horse.” I thought about poor Duke Hawthorne and the limp he now had, and surpressed a shudder.

  “Can you shoot a weapon with that?” she asked, typing into her laptop as I spoke. It didn’t seem to have fazed her at all.

  “Yes, ma’am. I can shoot a perfect score.”

  “Awesome. Now, mentally. Any PTSD?”

  I nodded and shifted in my seat. “Yeah, so they say, but I’m good. Really. I have a recurring nightmare all the time, but I don’t lose a bunch of sleep like some dudes I know.” And I felt guilty for that, I really did. Some guys I’d served with were really, really fucked up. I’d seen the same shit they had—bodies burned to a smoky crisp from roadside bombings, beheaded bodies of the enemy left to rot in the sweltering sun, dudes getting shot, helicopter crashes, and everything else. But people handle things differently, and I believed I had some sort of jacked-up blackened heart or something, because it didn’t affect me like it probably should have. And that scared me sometimes. Probably why I almost became a criminal. I was literally born with no fucks to give. I was just grateful I didn’t have that insominia shit like some of my buddies.

  She quietly finished inputting my information in the computer, and then read the results once it beeped at her.

  “You’re single, no wife, no kids, no baby mamas, right?”

  I smiled and nodded.

  “No girlfriend?” she asked, her lips twtiching.

  I let out a breath. “That’s… complicated.”

  “I see,” she said, nodding her head.

  “You interested in law enforcement work? I’ve got connections in the Tampa P.D. if you’re interested. You seem very tough, and I bet you take no crap from anyone. Am I right?”

  She probably saw the lack of pain or emotion in my eyes like everyone else did. I stiffened at her question and then asked her one of my own. “Do you wanna know why I joined the Marines, ma’am?”

  She smiled and folded her hands together on top of her desk. “Absolutely.”

  “I was sentenced by a court of law to join. I was in a white surpremecist street gang in Orlando when I was a teen. My choices were either prison or the military after being arrested for a felony. And not just any branch, specifically, the Marines. I obviously chose correctly.”

  Her eyes went wide, and then she regained her composure. “Wow, that’s… rare. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that happening in this century.”

  I laughed. “So I’ve heard. I never told anyone I served with. So now just you, my ma, and Judge Perkins knows.”

  “Interesting. So you’re saying you don’t want to work in law enforcment?”

  “I will say that working as a street cop would probably not be good for me. I know a lot of bad people, and a lot of them have long memories. Probably wouldn’t be good for my reputation. No street cred and all that.” I winked at her.

  She nodded contemplatively. “I see. Any computer skills?”

  I laughed. “None at all. I can barely use my smartphone.”

  She was quiet for a minute. “So how comfortable are you around criminals?”

  I’d feel right at home! I wanted to tell her, but instead I said, “Criminals don’t scare me. I’m sure they’d be more afraid of me than I would be of them.”

  She grinned. “I have the perfect job for you.”

  She hit a few buttons on her computer and printed out a job application for the Federal Bureau of Prisons.

  Oh, hell.

  Talia

  I really wasn’t surprised to see Ellis sitting on my doorstep with a bouquet of roses in his hand. He looked ridiculously handsome and I kicked myself for licking my lips. I’d ignored his texts and calls for almost a week straight, and I knew it would eventually come to this.

  “What are you doing here, Ellis?” I sighed, moving past him to put my key in the door.

  He stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist, the flowers in my face as he leaned down and kissed the back of neck. I shuddered in pleasure and then cursed my body’s reaction it always had to his touch. I got the door open but didn’t go inside. Instead, I twisted out of his arms and turned around and looked up at him.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said, staring at me. I could see the sincerity in his eyes and tried to not let his gaze undo me.

  “You hurt me,” I blurted out.

  He nodded. “I know. I see that now. I’m fucked up, which causes me to fuck up even more. It freaked me out that you spent the night—”

  That pissed me off. “You asked me to spend the night, Ellis! Practically begged me…”

  “I know, I know, which was why I didn’t understand why it freaked me out. I’ve long since stopped trying to analyze why I do the things I do. I just try to learn from them, then roll with it.”

  “Unbelievable,” I muttered under my breath, turning around and walking into the apartment.

  Ellis followed me inside, and then closed the door. “I’m sorry, T. I am, it won’t happen again. I left you alone for a few days when you stopped responding to me. I wanted to give you space.”

  When I said nothing to that, he continued. “I want to make it up to you.”

  He stepped closer to me and handed me the flowers, which I took, but didn’t look at. I was mildly excited because no one had ever given me flowers before, but I tried to keep my face neutral. “I don’t know…”

  “Have you ever been to Universal?” he asked, referring to the big amusement park in Orlando where all the lore of film and TV came to life.

  I responded flatly, “Yes, on a field trip once when I was in middle school.”

  He smiled. “Well, I got a pair of passes. We’ll go spend the day and then we’ll stay the night at the park’s hotel. I’ll buy you anything you want. I want to start doing things as a couple. Get to know you better. Treat you like a princess.”

  Trying not to let my mouth hang open in shock, I set the flowers down on the table and then cocked my head to the side, my arms folded across my chest. “Why? Why now, Ellis? I thought you just wanted to sleep with me. I’ve always wanted more than that, but I never pushed you. You’re always so closed off and angry, and I assume you have some issues from being in the military, but I never wanted to rush you into something you obviously didn’t want. So why the change now?”

  “Because I just want you. Any way I can have you.”

  He moved in and gently but forcibly removed my arms from their defiant posture and threaded them around his neck. His arms encircled my back and he cradled me up against his hard chest. I didn’t give any resistance because obviously, I was a weak addict an
d he was my fix. Last week, when I really wanted that coke, I had resisted. And I was proud of myself. Sure, I’d come home and drank a little cinnamon whiskey, but I didn’t get high. Hell, I’d barely gotten a buzz.

  Now, here I was, faced with a drug of a different kind and I was powerless to even want to say no. I wanted to say yes, I wanted to get my fix of his addictive eyes and body, his tongue all over me, his deep voice growling commands in my ear. I wanted it all and I was going to give in.

  “Yes, I’ll go to Universal with you. But please do not hurt me like that again, Ellis. The rejection was almost unbearable.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I didn’t reject you. I was just a selfish asshole. There’s a difference. Please say you’ll forgive me.”

  I nodded and sighed. “I forgive you.”

  He smiled in triumph.

  Too easily? Sure. Just call me Talia the Weak Addict. It fits.

  Thankfully, I didn’t have to work the next day. Neither did Ellis, and that made me curious. I’d asked him once before where he worked, and he had told me he was still looking for work after leaving the Marines. Knowing a tiny bit about the military from one of my coworkers, I had asked him, “Well, what did you do in the military? What skills did they teach you?”

  His reply had been flat. “How to kill people.”

  Alrighty then. I didn’t ask again. I didn’t know where he got his money from and I wasn’t going to ask. Honestly, it bothered me a little, but was always afraid to say the wrong thing. I’d seen his temper a couple of times, and I really didn’t want to see it again.

  Miraculously, he hadn’t stayed the night last night. He’d hinted at it, and even though I had said I’d forgiven him, I really wasn’t all that truthful. I was still mad and hurt. So I’d told him I was tired and would see him tomorrow, and aside from a very sensual kiss that almost made me change my mind, he hadn’t pushed. That, ironically, sort of turned me on even more that he’d been courteous, respectful, and gentlemanly about my decision and I almost changed my mind and told him to stay.