Expired Cache

by Lisa Phillips

  Unless absolutely necessary.

  Why had Jessica said that anyway? His “obsessively overprotective nature” wanted an answer. Given how close Ted and Jessica were, he figured Ted must’ve told her how Dean had abandoned him for years, leaving him alone with their father.

  Now he thanked God every day since that Chief Ridgeman had taken one look at Ted and seen something in him. The chief had turned what could’ve been a stint in juvie into an internship that gave Ted the support he needed through college. Now he worked there full time and was thriving.

  Dean decided, as he unlocked their front door, that it was entirely possible he and Jessica had similar personalities and were destined to clash about everything. What Dean didn’t like was how it bothered his brother that they were at odds.

  But that was a problem he couldn’t deal with right now when he needed to instead find out what possessed Ellie to leave the scene and go home where she was now alone.

  “Ellie? It’s Dean.”

  He got no response, so he pulled his gun and swept the first couple of rooms for her. He cleared the kitchen and living room. The dining room. When he saw her in the study reading like nothing was wrong, he cleared the upstairs rooms as well. Just to prove to himself no one else was here.

  When he went back, she was in the exact same position. The phrase “nose in a book” came to mind as he watched her study pages of handwriting in what looked like an old, yellowed journal. It looked a lot like the kind he used to use to write notes and record his thoughts.

  “Anything good?”

  Ellie screamed, dropped the book, and whirled around. Her legs seemed to get tangled. She’d never have been able to get up in time if she had been in real danger.

  “You’d be dead right now if I was the person trying to hurt you. Whatever it was you’ve found would be gone.” He holstered his gun instead of what he really wanted to do—throttle her for being caught unaware.

  She finally untangled her crossed legs and stood, pushing her glasses up her nose. “You’re here. You look…good for someone battered halfway unconscious.”

  “Being cute isn’t going to get you out of trouble.”

  Her eyes widened. “I’m not being cute. I was scared to death.”

  “So instead of going with me to the hospital, which was what I wanted you to do, you left with Officer Donaldson and came here alone?”

  “I thought there was an officer outside, watching the house.”

  “There was.” He wanted to cross his arms, but that would hurt right now. A lot. “And if someone snuck up to the back door while he was out front?”

  She gasped. “Did they?”

  “No.” He sighed. “Did you at least find something to justify putting yourself in danger?”

  Ellie frowned. “Jess said you might be like this. She said you’re the kind that has to be the one who takes care of whoever you think needs it.”

  “And you don’t? After a hit-and-run attempt, getting shot at, and with what happened on the road with the winch.” He was still mad at himself that he hadn’t ducked far enough, fast enough to avoid getting hurt.

  She started to say something, caught herself, and pressed her lips together.

  If Dean had to be honest with himself—which he usually tried to be—it was pretty distracting. “I plan on being as protective as I need to be in order to keep you alive.”

  “Okay.” She said, “I do appreciate it, you know.”

  He nodded and crossed to the couch her grandfather had stashed in his office after he bought new ones a few years back. Dean eased down onto it. The groan slipped out.

  Ellie came over. “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

  “I’d rather you weren’t out of my sight for a little while. Okay?” He’d had enough out-of-the-blue adrenaline rushes for today. Not “scares” as such, because he tended to ignore fear in favor of logic. But he figured she got what he meant. Even if she just thought he was being overprotective the way they all said he was with Ted.

  Ellie moved to the spot where she’d been when he first walked in, which meant he didn’t have to strain to look up at her from his prone position. She picked up a book her grandfather had read, one about the Navy in Vietnam.

  “Do you think your grandfather’s secret is all about something that happened back then?”

  She shrugged one shoulder, lifted the book, and shook it. Nothing fell out.

  “Outwardly he was all about his service. It’s in everything he had around him, a celebration of the time he gave to this country. Then in his journal, it’s all about how ashamed he was. How guilty he felt.”

  Dean nodded. He knew the pride that could be found in service, though he had to balance that with what the Bible said about the same thing. And he knew that outward display could mask a deep shame. Orders were orders. Servicemen and women carried the weight of what they’d seen differently. How it stayed with them in the long term was as individual as the person. Horrors aplenty. And yet they were supposed to let it wash over them? Bleed off. Just give it time.

  It was why he had gone into counseling and therapy. To help those who had been discharged—discarded—and find a way for them to regain their lives.

  Ellie said, “What he’d seen and done in Vietnam was nearly all he wrote about. Even years later there are still regular entries. Dreams he had. Memories. A smell that brought up an image he’d forgotten. Some were good, but most were bad.” She looked up. “I’m sorry. Maybe this isn’t good for you. If you’ve been through a lot of the same things.”

  “Not the same.” He shook his head. “Everyone’s journey is different. And while we can’t presume to know what they went through, it is possible to understand one another. To give respect and love to our neighbors.”

  He’d talked through a lot with her grandfather when he first got sick. It sounded like he’d used his journal to process what life had left inside him.

  “It’s easier to try and forget my journey.” She flashed a smile he didn’t believe and never met his gaze. “I didn’t want to remember any of it. My grandfather persuaded me to find a group, and I went a few times. Then I met with the leader one on one. All it did was make the dreams start up again. So I quit.”

  Dean wanted to ask what had happened to her but knew this wasn’t the time. He said, “It’s not a bad thing to see a resurgence. Sometimes it’s how we face enough of it that we can move on.”

  Ellie made a face then. “She wanted to get me into a therapy program where they use LSD to make you confront what happened so you can work through the fear.”

  Dean could see on her face how she felt about that. He had to admit it was a drastic therapy and wondered if that was something she might’ve needed.

  “I’ve heard of it.” Dean decided he needed to tread carefully considering she was shuddering. “I’ve done it once, with someone I was helping. But I don’t think it’s for everyone.”

  She blew out a breath. “I thought she was crazy until I looked it up and found out it’s an actual method professionals use for trauma therapy. Sending them on an LSD trip.” She shook her head. “That’s crazy.”

  He nodded. “We have a lot of tools at our disposal. It’s not a one-size-fits-all cure.”

  “You probably think I should’ve been through treatment.”

  There was another minefield he needed to navigate. Dean said, “What matters is whether you’re content.”

  When she said nothing, just waited, he continued. “If you stay as you are in this moment for the rest of your life, will you be satisfied with it? Or, do you want to change something? Because we all have room to grow, and things we want to do differently. Sometimes it’s diet. Or a new exercise program. Sometimes it’s a need to exorcise demons we can’t live with any longer.” He decided then that he wanted to tell her. “Like my father.”

  When she just waited and listened, he said, “He’s basically a con man. I couldn’t stand being around him, so I left and joined the Navy as soon as
I could so he wouldn’t be able to manipulate me in any way any longer. Except that he did try to manipulate me even after that, by using Ted to do it. When he tried that, I cut off Ted as well. I explained to him what Dad would do and how to fight against it. But I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was destroying me.”

  “What happened?”

  “I might’ve saved myself from being dragged into his schemes, but he nearly destroyed Ted in the process.” And that was something Dean would always have to live with.

  “Now you’re here, though. And Ted is great.”

  Dean said, “I drove my father to the county line and kicked him out of the truck. I told him never to come back.”

  “Wow.” She said, “There are a few people I’d have liked to do that to. But I just ran away instead. And not to find strength in myself, the way you did. I was scared.”

  That was really what she thought, that he’d found strength? It had been trained into him to survive— like most of the tools he drew on now to get done what he needed to.

  If she had to live with the fear, he had to live with the guilt.

  She settled back on the floor. “I found his service history. He was in Vietnam for several years.” She frowned. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  “You don’t have to worry. I’m going to keep you safe.”

  “I’m not worried about me, or even about your ability to do your job.” She bit her lip, the journal clutched on her lap. “Right now I’m just worried about you.”

  “It scared you.”

  “You were hurt.” She squeezed her eyes shut.

  “The vest took the brunt of the force. I cracked my shoulder blade, and I’ll be uncomfortable for a couple of weeks. But that’s all.” He said, “You know I was a Navy SEAL. And your grandfather was in a similar unit.”

  “That doesn’t make me feel any better.” She shot him a glance. “Not after reading about some of the things he got up to.”

  Dean chuckled. It shook his chest so much his bruise hurt. “Ouch.”

  “I knew you weren’t okay!”

  “I’m fine, Ellie.” He caught her gaze with his, wondering what she would do if he told her he could show her just how “fine” he felt. How would she react to a kiss? No, it was much too soon for that. But a guy could dream.

  “Thank you.”

  He wanted to look at her some more, but his eyes didn’t seem to be able to stay open. “For what?”

  “Telling me about you.”

  “So you can tell Jessica she has me all wrong?” Or all right, since he’d abandoned Ted.

  “I’m not sure that’s exactly true. She’s just got her skewed vision glasses on, like always.” Ellie rolled her eyes. “One of these days, that’s going to get her in trouble.”

  Dean heard an audible gasp and sat up.

  “What? What is it?” He rubbed his eyes, brushing off a bad dream about his father.

  “He looks so young.” She got up and crossed to him, handing over a picture. Dean checked the wall clock and realized he’d been asleep nearly twenty minutes. Not good. Before he could chastise himself, she shoved an old photo at him.

  Dean stared at the group of six men in fatigues, standing around a military Jeep. He was still dreaming.

  “Look at him.”

  He didn’t move his gaze to where she pointed. It was snagged on a man on the other end of the photo.

  No. It couldn’t be.

  Fifteen

  “What is it?”

  He covered it well, she had to give him that credit at least. Looking exhausted and pale from what was probably a huge amount of pain he didn’t want her to know about.

  And yet, she didn’t think there was a single helpless thing about him. There was no doubt in her mind that he would protect her. Injured or not.

  But he wasn’t well enough to hide his reaction to the photo.

  “Nothing. Just memories.”

  “Of these guys?”

  He scrubbed his hands down his face. “I think I nodded off for a minute there. I was dreaming, about everything we were just talking about.”

  He had fallen asleep? She’d been reading and hadn’t noticed. Her grandfather had snored like a black bear in hibernation. If Dean had been asleep, then he rested completely silently.

  “I’m going to put on a pot of coffee. Want some?”

  She backed up to give him room to stand, not making it too obvious she was watching him move. It didn’t work.

  He said, “I’m fine. Remember?”

  “Yeah.” She drawled the word. “The only problem with that is I don’t actually believe you.” She shook her head. “But then I have so much of all this swirling around in my head that I feel like I’m going to miss what’s right in front of my face.”

  “You’ll figure it out.” He moved close enough to touch his lips to her forehead.

  Ellie blinked. Such a small touch, and yet it was like having peace wash over her. Head to toe he just…calmed her. She’d never met anyone like him.

  Who she had met were guys who routinely tried to get whatever they wanted from her and didn’t have any qualms about lying to her face. Which meant she knew what being lied to felt like, and she was more than sure Dean was lying to her about the photo. She studied the image. Six men. How many were still alive? Her grandfather was the oldest out of them, a Lieutenant according to his shirt sleeves. The rest wore tank tops. Rifles and dog tags. Lounging against the Jeep in the Vietnamese sun.

  She turned it over to read what had been written on the back. Last Chance Boys.

  The first time she read the words, it sounded in her head like a threat. Like, “This is your last chance.” She shook her head. No, it was more likely that each of them had been local. Guys who grew up together and found themselves on the other side of the world fighting a war side by side.

  But the town hadn’t been founded until after Vietnam.

  It didn’t make sense.

  One looked to be barely out of high school. The rest were college age. One had a cocky smile. None of them, save her grandfather, was familiar. Had Dean recognized someone in the photo or was it simply a reaction to the memory of being at war?

  Dean was so low key about his path as a Navy SEAL that she wouldn’t even have known he’d been one. Not if several other people hadn’t told her. She didn’t think that was about shame. More that he was simply the kind of person who didn’t need anyone’s approval or their thanks.

  He just did the right thing. On his terms.

  Ellie took the photo to the desk and turned on her grandfather’s computer. His printer scanned in the image. She watched it load and tried to figure out how she would get the names of these men. Through local means or some kind of military information service. There had to be a way to find the history, the way people looked up who their ancestors were.

  She looked up and saw him in the doorway. “Maybe you should knock, or at least announce yourself.”

  He frowned.

  She didn’t want him to think she was mad at being disturbed, so she said, “Because mere mortals usually make noise when we move. So if you’re going to go all superhero on me, maybe you could let me know you’re in the room somehow.”

  “The coffee is doing its thing.”

  “Great. Thanks.”

  He sat back on the couch while she did some web searches. He pulled out a tablet from the backpack he’d brought in.

  Despite what she’d said about him needing to let her know he was standing there, she was now completely aware of him. In an elemental sort of way, he was completely distracting to her concentration.

  If Ellie was going to figure this out, she really did need someone to watch her back. But did it have to be a hot guy she had a crush on?

  That got you in trouble before.

  She bit her lip hard enough to make it hurt. Ellie had to find out what her grandfather wanted her to know, and she had to stay alive and healthy enough to do that. Dean’s presence couldn’t and shouldn�
�t be a distraction. After all, getting all swept up in her feelings had resulted in her being hurt before. Every single time.

  What was the point in going through that all over again?

  Not that she thought he was the kind of guy who would even think about assaulting a woman. No like the other one had done. She even shook her head, though she said nothing. Of course Dean wouldn’t do that. But she wasn’t ever going to stop being careful. Ellie would never again let her feelings compromise her judgment.

  “You okay?”

  She glanced at him. “Huh?”

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Oh, yes. Lots to do, that’s all.” She tried to smile, but the past had come too close. All that stuff she’d moved on from and put away? It was a lot closer now. Near enough she could feel it crawl up her throat.

  She stared at the monitor until her eyes burned, trying to remember what she was going to do online.

  “Nothing happening at the cabin.”

  “Oh?” She looked over, blinking away the sting. “You can tell from your tablet?”

  “Jessica gave me the Wi-Fi password.” It beeped in his hand. He swiped the screen, then said, “I have to make a call.”

  But he didn’t leave her. And she was grateful for it.

  Ellie could pretend for a moment that she was working, when what she was actually doing was reassuring herself that someone capable was here to watch out for her. You took self-defense. But that didn’t protect her from rifle bullets. SEAL training hadn’t even protected Dean from that winch.

  “Yeah, hey.” His gaze was on her, despite the fact he was on the phone with someone else.

  She ignored his frown and dragged the journal over, flipping through pages. She’d tucked a receipt in where she left off reading. While she stared unseeing at the pages, she listened to the sound of his voice.

  “I got an update from Savannah. There’s a guy, the biker’s closest associate. He’s in the wind, PD has got a BOLO out on him. When they track him down, they’ll get the story on what happened last night. At least according to him.”

  She didn’t understand what half those words meant, or what he was even talking about. But she knew who Savannah was. She was the detective she’d just met. The one with more style in one finger than Ellie had in her whole body. Honestly, she was trying not to hold it against the woman.