Summer Nights

by Rachel Van Dyken

I parted my lips as he dumped water into my mouth and muttered. “Never thought I’d be so fucking jealous of water, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

  Heat flooded my cheeks. “Is it anything like being jealous of every single T-shirt that gets to wrap itself around your body?”

  His gaze went from teasing to burning as his nostrils flared, pupils dilated. He swayed toward me and then released me and took a deep breath. “Maybe I should start meditating.”

  “Where’d that come from?”

  “My unruly dick,” he said plainly and then shook his head. “See that’s where friendship gets us — honesty. Body and brain aren’t really in sync right now.”

  “And what about your heart?”

  “I have no idea.” He shrugged and turned away.

  Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked fiercely, determined not to let him see the hurt.

  Without warning, he looked over his shoulder and winked. “You tell me… you’re the one holding it in your hands. Careful, it’s fragile.”

  I didn’t have time to react because Jackson was nearing the table arguing with Jen over something to do with the set design while Brax trailed behind grumbling about all the parents hunting down staff members to ask about campers.

  More and more cars pulled up.

  And then Jen stiffened next to me while Jackson burst out laughing and did a slow clap. “Have I mentioned how awesome it’s going to be when your dad’s my father-in-law?”

  She elbowed him in the ribs so hard he doubled over.

  I turned around at the same time Marlo did.

  And there they were. Probably the cutest adult couple I’d ever seen in my entire life—dressed as Johnny and Baby. And she was carrying a watermelon. “HI, HONEY!”

  “Mom!” Jen did a half-hearted finger wave while Jackson ran toward her and grabbed the watermelon then kissed her on the cheek.

  She pulled him in for a side hug while her dad gave him a high five, and I was stunned basically speechless.

  Who were these unicorn parents?

  Who dressed up and smiled all the time?

  Who high fived the guy who slept with their daughter and looked at him like they saw potential when anyone else would run him over with a car?

  And it just got worse as they made it through the crowd of staff members scrambling around them like they were celebrities. Even other parents trickled down to the lake and shouted at them in joy.

  I didn’t mean to stare so hard.

  I also didn’t mean to get so jealous that my chest hurt.

  But how?

  How was it possible to have something so wonderful like that? And how did someone get so lucky? The universe?

  Music started pounding from the sound system around us as the BBQ kicked off, and still I stared in disbelief as happy campers hung out with their parents like it was normal.

  I mean in high school everyone hated their parents in my circle, it was what brought us together.

  But this?

  Why did I feel like crying? Why was I getting so emotional over complete strangers? Yet the more hugging I saw and the more “I’m so proud of you,” and “I love you,” that I heard, the more I needed to bolt.

  Because if I didn’t, I was going to burst into tears.

  I quickly turned on my heel only to run smack dab into Marlo’s chest.

  “Hey.” He gripped my wrists with his hands. “You okay?”

  “Uh, yeah,” I lied, as tears filled my eyes.

  “No lies.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I think I just need to go sit somewhere not here for a bit.”

  “Two minutes.”

  “What?”

  “Give it two minutes.”

  “Give what two minutes?”

  “Jen’s parents were theater majors.” He sighed, ignoring my question as Jen’s parents started dancing around each other in perfect choreography. People clapped, laughed. Their joy was infectious, and it made me want to smile so bad — I wanted to laugh and join in, I would have, had my jealousy not been so severe.

  And my sadness equally so.

  “It shows,” I finally managed to squeeze out over the emotions tightening my throat.

  I had just exhaled and calmed down a bit when I felt Marlo stiffen next to me, his face was unreadable, but something happened. And I’d like to assume I knew him well enough to know that there was something wrong.

  When I turned around it was to see my parents awkwardly standing next to the picnic table. Mom with her new Louis Vuitton purse, Dad with an expensive suit that had no business being worn in the woods, and of course she just had to wear Jimmy Choos. Her blond hair was pulled back into a low tight ponytail, her makeup flawless, and her white jumpsuit looked like it cost more than a car. Dad’s hair was swept back, very clearly dyed a dark brown, and he had his ever-present Gucci sunglasses propped on his nose.

  They stood out more than Jen’s parents.

  “Didn’t I say wait two minutes?” Marlo wrapped an arm around me.

  I dug my feet into the sand. “You did this?”

  He nodded. “I’m also regretting this. Have I ever told you how much I detest your father? I think I’d rather the chicken do me in than speak one word to him, but here we go.”

  “For me?” I shook my head. “You did this for me?”

  His eyes searched mine before he quietly answered. “I did it for us.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You will. Hopefully.” He started inching us toward them. My legs had filled with lead by the time we finally made it.

  Mom blew me a kiss.

  Like we were at the Hamptons and had just had a quick brunch.

  I eyed her skeptically while my dad held out his hand.

  Merciful God, was my own father trying to shake my hand?

  I gripped it, he held it tight, then released it like I was a sickness.

  Marlo held out his hand to him. “Sir.”

  “You.” Dad barked out a laugh. “You’ve grown up into a handsome young man! Still mowing lawns?”

  I clenched my teeth, while Marlo just smiled. “No, actually, I’m the camp director. And I’m sleeping with your daughter, but we’ll touch on that later.”

  Dad sputtered while Mom let out a little gasp and looked behind her like people could hear that her daughter was living in sin.

  “I’m going to make this really easy.” Marlo cleared his throat. “I love her. You don’t. But because you don’t, she can’t really love me, so I need you to clear the air. I need you to do the thing you should have done the day she was born and tell her how beautiful she is, how talented, how amazing. I need you to tell her she’s all of those things. I need you to see her, really see her, see her hurt, her pain, I need you to see that this woman in front of you deserves more than a missed text on her birthday, a gift to replace your love. Think of it this way, you owe her a lifetime of apologies, and I’m giving you the chance to start now. It’s your choice. Either way she’s mine now, and I’ll love her enough for both of you. I’ll love her more than you could ever possibly comprehend.” He bared his gritted teeth at my dad like he was ready to fight. “Be a man.”

  My dad reared back.

  Oh no.

  And then he pulled off his sunglasses.

  It was a classic intimidation move. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  My mom wiped an errant tear from her perfect makeup then sniffled.

  “Listen here, you little shit,” Dad gnashed his teeth. “You clearly have no idea what I’m capable of doing to you, or will do to you if you ever disrespect me again!”

  Marlo just smiled. “Joke’s on you. You can’t take anything away from me that I haven’t already had taken. So go for it, I’m calling your bluff.”

  “You’ll never get a job in town,” he sneered.

  “I’ll just live off the land.” Marlo laughed and then shrugged. “You don’t get it. This isn’t about me, th
is is about your daughter. Say what you want about me, but the only reason you’re here is to fix something broken and that something broken is her.”

  I flinched and then opened my mouth. “We should…” I felt numb all over, like all of my worst nightmares were suddenly real. My parents in front of me, my parents walking away from me. I started to shake so uncontrollably that all I remember was Marlo reaching for me, and then almost falling to the ground as he caught me by the elbow and led me to the bench.

  Mom didn’t reach for me, not until she wiped off the bench with a few napkins then sat on more clean ones, then and only then did she touch my arm and smile. “Do you want some water, sweets?”

  Marlo was already handing me some while my dad scowled in our direction like he was trying to find ways to plot his death.

  “Thanks,” I muttered, taking a swig that made my stomach curl.

  Mom stared blankly at me, with her forced smile.

  “Kieren!” someone yelled.

  The blood seemed to drain from my entire body, and then I swayed.

  Mom’s face turned ghost white. And dad whipped his head around and paled.

  A camper ran into what I assumed was his brother’s arms and hugged him while I told my heart to start racing. It was as if the universe gave me that gift in that moment.

  Or maybe just a stepping stone.

  I opened my mouth.

  Closed it.

  Then finally took a deep breath and said. “I loved him too.”

  “Oh, honey.” Mom waved me off with one perfectly manicured dismissive hand. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

  “But that’s the fucking problem!” I shouted, earning attention from at least half the campers near us. “We never talked about it because you were too sad! And then we never talked about it because I walked in on you and Dad crying and saying you wish it was me who had drowned!”

  Marlo’s eyes widened.

  “That’s enough!” Dad shouted.

  “It’s not enough!” I yelled, hugging my stomach. “Don’t you see? You can’t just say that in front of a six-year-old and expect them to recover! A six-year-old can’t process things said in grief. It’s why I did it, okay? It’s why I did it!”

  “Marlo…” Tears streamed down my mom’s face.

  “It’s why I jumped in the deep end and screamed for you!” I nearly shrieked. My own tears flowed over my lips, I tasted salt. “Because at least then, you’d cry for me, you’d miss me, right? But all you did was scold me, all you did was tell me that I wanted attention!” I shook my head. “You damned a six-year-old to Hell, and the worst part is… you did it knowingly. And you never apologized for your lack of attention, for your lack of love, for your resentment that I had his nose, that I was never as talented or pretty.”

  “You weren’t,” Dad said. “You weren’t him. You were twins, but you were… different.”

  My heart cracked in my chest. “Does that make me any less lovable?”

  “That’s not what I said.” Dad shook his head. “You can’t imagine losing a child only to turn around two days later and see your other child drowning!”

  “But I LIVED!” I shouted.

  “You died a long time ago,” Mom whispered under her breath. “We all did.”

  With that, she stood and nodded to my father. They took each other’s hands and then they stared at me like they didn’t know me. Like I was the problem.

  “This isn’t the time or place to discuss family matters.” Dad adjusted his tie. “When you come home, we’ll all sit down.” His smile was forced. “We’ll talk this through, hire a psychiatrist, the very best to see you.”

  I let out an angry sigh. Yet again, they were missing the point. Ignoring the obvious. I wanted to shake them, but what good would it do? Nothing!

  “I’m not coming back,” I said in a strange voice that sounded stronger than I felt on the inside with my six-year-old heart sobbing all over the place, banging walls, throwing vases, cursing the universe. “I’m moving to California.”

  Dad just rolled his eyes. “Not this again. We said if you got an agent we’d allow you to give it a try, and the minute you got one through my connections, you dropped him. See, this is why we struggle, you’re irresponsible, you don’t even know your own mind.”

  “I’m not coming back,” I said it again, softer this time.

  “The hell you won’t. Find an agent or this discussion is over and from the looks of it — you’ll probably get knocked up by the help before you even get a chance to live your life.”

  It was a low blow.

  I charged.

  Marlo snaked an arm around my waist and held me back.

  And then I just completely lost my shit.

  “Wanna know why I dropped my agent, Dad? Because he told me that he wanted to fuck me! And when I said no, he locked his door!”

  Mom gasped while Marlo swore.

  “So better to get knocked up by the help!” I roared. “I don’t want to see you again. We’re done here.”

  Mom started to full on cry. “Ray, you don’t mean that.”

  “Leave,” I said coldly. “Or I swear on Kieren’s life I’ll out every single one of your dirty secrets. And I know them all. I’d think long and hard about threatening the only person who knows what goes on behind closed doors.”

  It was Dad’s turn to laugh. “You know nothing.”

  “I know you have a teenage son with Maria.” I grinned, then instantly felt regret as my mom’s face dropped.

  “Fuck…” Marlo whispered under his breath still holding me.

  Dad started to back away, his face pale, while Mom slowly charged after him. She hit him with her purse as they both made their way back to the car, the shouting started before the doors opened and continued as they swerved around the parking lot and left.

  I was shaking like a leaf in Marlo’s arms as something cold hit my palm. It was Jackson’s flask. He just nodded and then started swearing right along with Marlo.

  I drank it all.

  And wrapped my arms around Marlo’s neck and listened to the noise around me, the happy families, the laughter, the music. The smell of barbecue hit my nostrils, and it was almost bittersweet.

  The happiest I’d ever been, was in my enemy’s arms, smelling hot dogs and drinking cheap whiskey out of a flask.

  I was drained.

  But I was happy, because the only thing I could focus on, was that I didn’t recognize myself in their eyes.

  Which meant only one thing.

  I wanted them.

  But I didn’t need them for me to be whole.

  Which gave me hope that maybe I didn’t need Kieren either.

  Maybe all I needed was me.

  And the person holding me, who said I was his forever.

  He didn’t know, though.

  I’d always thought of him as my destiny.

  THE DRESS REHEARSAL went by smoothly, if smoothly meant nobody fell off the stage or forgot their lines and the parents enjoyed it, but we still had a shit ton of work to do, and I was completely worthless in that department because I was so concerned with Ray.

  An hour after her parents left we had to get the campers ready for their performance.

  Now everyone was either staying the night in the HQ lodge or had already headed back to the city.

  I headed to the beach with enough alcohol to sedate an elephant, Jackson and Brax close behind. Jen and Ray were already by the lake lying on blankets placed around a bonfire on the beach.

  It was just us.

  “Thank God!” Jen ran toward us and grabbed a bottle of cheap rum from my box and then ran back to Ray. “Look! The universe provides!”

  “Or I provide.” Jackson winked.

  She flipped him off.

  “Good to see things are going well.” I slapped him on the back and dropped the box next to one of the blankets then sat next to Ray. She hadn’t said much since her parents left. Then again, it wasn’t exactly like we’d been give
n time to say anything.

  And what the hell was I supposed to say other than sorry? I’d had no idea? Do you want to talk about it? How is it that the princess in the golden tower’d had a worse childhood than me? At least I’d only suffered six years. She had suffered… a long time.

  She was still suffering.

  Funny how I always envied her, and she would have probably swapped places with me in no time. At least my foster mom loved me, truly loved me, and said so as many times as she could in a day.

  How did a person even start that conversation? So, your twin — new news by the way — drowned at six and then you tried to kill yourself? Oh, and your dad’s a cheating bastard, and sorry things didn’t work out with that agent…?

  I ran my hands through my hair and then exhaled. “So, I fucked up.”

  “Cheers.” Jackson held up his flask while Brax knocked it with his red Solo cup. Jen nudged Ray, who sat up from her position.

  “You were trying to do a good thing,” she said softly. “And I love you for it.”

  Everyone went silent.

  Crickets chirped a merry song.

  My breath stalled in my throat, just about setting fire to my lungs. My body ached. I just wanted to love her in every human way possible over and over again.

  “And…” She took a swig of rum and wiped her mouth. “I’m pretty sure we traumatized at least half the camp, including parents.”

  “Nah,” Jen piped up, “Don’t worry. The minute you all started yelling, my parents started a little strip tease. Mark my words, it’s going to go viral by the morning.”

  “Her mom was wearing a bra, so no tits.” Brax actually sounded disappointed. “But her dad had a thong on so… that’s… special.”

  Jackson burst out laughing. “It was the best! I actually switched part of the video to slow-mo, you guys wanna see?”

  “NO!” Everyone shouted in unison while he reached for a phone that I’m sure he’d probably had on him on a daily basis despite the staff rules. I was too exhausted to care.

  “So…” Jen gave Ray a look, the prodding look, but I didn’t know how to prod without sounding like a complete jackass. “You were a twin?”

  I held my breath while Ray reached for my hand. I squeezed it. Dear God, let her just say something, anything.