Hold Her Down

by Kathryn R. Biel

  Ben again bent over to take off her other shoe. She leaned on him again to steady herself. Her touch made him feel warm inside. He stood up, but looked uncomfortable again. "Janell," he said, the name sounding foreign on his tongue, "You need to take the rest of your clothes off. You've got to do this to get warm."

  But she just stood there. Nellie gave him the slightest of nods. Holy shit, he was going to undress her. Ben knew he was getting aroused, and did his best to not think about what he was doing. He knew she would allow him to undress her. He hoped she would allow him to do more. He maintained eye contact, getting as lost in those emerald depths as he had when he was sixteen. Fuck, he had to do this. As he gingerly grasped her drenched shirt, his fingers grazed her skin, just above the gaping waistband of her jeans. Ben lifted the frozen gray bundle off over her head.

  Oh fuck, he thought when he saw what was under the shirt. It was a black camisole. The top was edged with lace, which did little to cover the top of her breasts. Was he in heaven or hell? "This too," he said, moving a little more quickly in removing her lacy black camisole. A black bra that perfectly cupped her round breasts was underneath. It just got better, like unwrapping a gift. She just continued staring at him. Her face was hollow, and he wondered what had happened to the vibrant girl she used to be. Not just tonight, but with life in general.

  Finally, he broke from her gaze and, moving more quickly now, undid the button on her soaked and soiled jeans and slid them down. She was wearing skimpy black panties. Between the lacy black bra and the itty-bitty panties, Ben knew that he would not be able to let Nellie go after today. He did not know what divine force had brought her out in an ice storm to his house at the exact moment he needed, but some karmic force was obviously working in his favor. He grasped her forearms and held her as she stepped out of them. She was shaking uncontrollably.

  "Janell, I'm gonna put you in the shower to warm up." He tried to maintain eye contact. He knew, freezing or not, if he got a good look at her in her underwear and bra, he would take her in the hallway. Right here, right now.

  "Mommy!"

  Elizabeth's head jerked up. She had fallen deep asleep while reading. "MOMMY!" she heard again, and then the tell-tale sound of Sydney retching. Elizabeth was out of bed and was flying down the hall. Sydney was sitting in bed, with vomit everywhere. Elizabeth didn't even know where to begin. She grasped the hem of Syd's nightgown and whipped it over her head, and then used the nightgown to wipe her face. She folded the covers back and helped Sydney out of bed and into the bathroom. Elizabeth sat her on the toilet while she set about turning on the shower and stripping the bed. Luckily, Sydney had managed to contain the vomit to the bed, so other than having to wash all the bedding in the middle of the night, cleanup was minimal.

  Elizabeth was just finished washing out Sydney's hair when another wave of vomiting struck her. At least the shower clean-up was easy. And so it went for the rest of the night. Sydney vomited at least once an hour until about six a.m., when she finally fell into a deep sleep in Elizabeth's bed. Elizabeth had gotten no sleep, and called in to work to stay home with Sydney. Peter had showered, made his coffee, and headed out to work without concern for who would stay home. He just assumed that Elizabeth would. Her job paid less, and therefore, in his mind, was less important. Elizabeth, in her fatigued state, was irked that Peter was so transparent about his disregard for her career. He seemed more intent on avoiding a sick child than in nurturing one. It seemed that, despite all their efforts to parent as partners, when push came to shove, it was apparent that they were not truly equals in the relationship. Elizabeth had to force herself not to ruminate about it in her current state of mind; otherwise she would probably lose it when she talked to Peter again.

  About noon, Elizabeth received a call from the school nurse that Teddy had just vomited. She packed up Sydney and trekked over to school to retrieve him. Peter never called to check in on Elizabeth or the kids all day. By 5:30 p.m. when he arrived home, Elizabeth was frazzled and fried. The washing machine was going constantly, although the kids were getting relatively good at hitting the bucket rather than the bed or couch. Sydney had only gotten sick once more during the day, but Teddy was still throwing up almost every hour. Elizabeth had been awake since midnight the previous night and was not feeling that great herself. Peter, who had been oblivious to the previous evening's goings on, seemed honestly surprised that she did not still want to go to the book signing.

  Elizabeth texted Julia, "Mass vomiting here. Both kids. Have to back out tonight. Please tell Nancy I'm sorry."

  Julia promptly texted back, "Kk. Hope all get better soon. Will let u know how it goes."

  On some level, Elizabeth was disappointed at not being able to go. But she was so tired and worn out that she knew it was for the best. She tried to think about what she had read last night. She was having trouble recalling it, but was not sure if it was because she was sleep-deprived or if it was because it was not good. She just had an uneasy feeling about the reading. The thought of it, although she could not recall specifics, left her unsettled and worried. Once both Teddy and Sydney had had their chicken noodle soup and ginger ale and had been tucked into their beds, Elizabeth took a long, hot shower. She had been awake for eighteen hours straight, with only two hours of sleep in the past two days. She felt awful, but was not sure if it was just from being overtired. Her head was pounding and her eyes were fuzzy. As she turned off the shower, the wave of nausea overtook her, and she knew it was her turn. Good thing she had decided against going to the book signing. Although Nancy Beemer would probably hold a grudge against her for missing this, the grudge would probably be much larger if Elizabeth had contaminated the whole party. Elizabeth felt like death. She felt even worse that her kids had gone through this. At this point, her face pressed into the cool porcelain of the toilet, Elizabeth did not care that her absence may have caused the death of her tenuous social status.

  CHAPTER EIGHT: June 2, 2012

  "No, it's fine. I understand." Nancy's tone was clipped. Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably. She did not understand how this woman could wield such power. She just knew that Nancy was making her feel like a small child being scolded. Elizabeth got enough of that from Agnes and didn't need a supposed peer to make her feel badly about herself.

  "Nancy, I'm thankful again for the invite. I really wish I could have made it. However, I think you and your friends, as well as John's father, should be very thankful that I kept that awful virus to myself. I really didn't want to ruin your special day."

  Nancy softened ever so slightly. She still seemed a little irritated. "Yes, and I thank you for that. Are you feeling better?"

  "Much, but it was terrible. I can't believe it has taken us almost two weeks to fully recover. How did your event go?"

  "Fine." Nancy seemed perturbed again. She was flicking her acrylic nails on each other in an agitated manner. "I need to go speak to the principal about something. Excuse me."

  And with that, she was off. Elizabeth was not sure what had happened. It seemed that Nancy was obviously upset, although for the first time, Elizabeth sensed a crack in Nancy's otherwise smooth veneer.

  Elizabeth could not focus on Nancy's apparent issues for long. She was busy setting up for the Summer-Kick-Off Carnival, which was due to start in a few hours. With the unfortunate forecast of a 75% chance of showers, Elizabeth and Julia had been forced to re-think the set-up and use the school building. The gym was humid and sticky, and the smell of old perspiration permeated the air. Unfolding and setting up tables was hard work, and Elizabeth paused momentarily to pull her long hair back into a ponytail. Normally, she clasped it back at the nape of her neck, but she was feeling energized and decided to make her ponytail high on her head. With her blunt-cut bangs, she felt trendy and stylish, and wanted her hair, even in a ponytail, to reflect her energy and style. Elizabeth was glad that, despite the cool temperature and precipitation outside, she had decided to wear shorts while setting up.

  When
the gym was cordoned off with tables, chairs and tape lines reflecting partitions, Elizabeth moved onto the library to set up some activities in there. Julia was frantically trying to move tables and furniture so the library books would be off-limits. Elizabeth fell seamlessly in step with Julia's efforts, and before long the library was festive and ready for the carnival. They paused to take a brief break and drink of water before moving to the next task. Perched on the edge of a table, Elizabeth pushed up the three-quarter-length sleeves of her heather gray shirt and fanned herself. She saw Nancy pass by out in the hall in a huff. It again occurred to her that Nancy was upset, and she began to wonder why. She hoped that it was not merely her absence at the book signing.

  "Hey— what's eating Nancy? She seems upset," Elizabeth casted, fishing for information.

  "I knew there was something I wanted to tell you! I can't believe we haven't talked about this since the book event!"

  Elizabeth's heart dropped into her stomach. "Oh God, is it because I wasn't there? We were really, really sick."

  "No, no, no. Haven't you read the book?"

  "Um, well, I started to. I don't think I got that far."

  "How far did you get?"

  "I don't know. Really not far. I think the main guy is drunk and horny and the high school girl shows up and then I kind of dozed off. I don't remember much else."

  "Oh, so not far at all."

  "I guess not. I wasn't up to reading that much when I was sick, and then Peter was away, and I've been doing carnival stuff since. Why?" Elizabeth was suddenly wary.

  "So, Nancy did totally think the book was going to be about her. But it's not. Not really. You can totally tell that it is set here, in Cherry Road. There are details that are spot-on. The school is described, the soccer field. Even some people."

  "Really? Like who?"

  "Well, there is a Nancy-like character, who is always after the main female. She's not horrible, but not super-nice either."

  "And Nancy is upset about that? I probably would be."

  "That, and – I don't want to give it away for you."

  "No, it's fine. I keep falling asleep while reading it. I'm not sure I'm going to get back to it. Tell me."

  "So the main guy, Ben, is totally the author guy, J.P. You can tell by the physical description. And he has this hot and heavy affair with this girl he used to know in high school."

  "Right, got that. So how does the school and town come into play?"

  "Ben and Nellie continue their affair after the weekend. But she's a married mom."

  "No way!"

  Julia paused. "Well, that's the thing. She is pretty slutty, and ends up wrecking her marriage. Ben and Nellie have sex all the time, all over the place. Including school."

  "Holy hell. Are you kidding?"

  "Not even close. There's this one scene in the closet off the stage."

  "What happens?"

  Julia gave Elizabeth a look. "Exactly what you think. I know I'll never look at that room the same way again."

  "Was it that good?" Elizabeth leaned in.

  "No, it was bad, like in a perverted, deviant kind of way. I can't believe I would know anyone who would act like that."

  "Neither can I."

  "But that's the thing. You know, that makes it even worse –" she broke off.

  Elizabeth was literally perched on the edge of the table with anticipation. "Worse how? Don't leave me hanging here!"

  "The way it's written, with the details of the story, and the descriptions, leads us to think that it is actually one of the moms here."

  "What? Like someone here, at school, has done this? Had sex in the theater closet?"

  "Yeah, and she appears to be in the PTA."

  "Our membership is close to 80%, so that could be a lot of women."

  "No, she's one of us– on committees. Actually involved, from the description," Julia said dramatically.

  "Well that certainly narrows it down." Wow, this was big.

  "Sure does."

  "So, lemme guess. Nancy's on the warpath trying to find out who it is."

  "Yep. Even though she and this J. P. guy split up a long time ago, she wants to find out what tramp is screwing her ex-husband."

  "So they were married? I could never figure that out, and I didn’t want to ask."

  "Before this episode, she would have gladly talked about it. Now, I think she is so mad she would scratch someone's eyes out if you asked her. I guess they were married very briefly. And he is based out of the city and travels around for book tours and stuff. Nancy wanted someone who came home every night. I don't know if she didn't trust him. I'm guessing she certainly doesn't now."

  Elizabeth agreed. "I certainly wouldn't. It is hard when you are misled. On the other hand, if they're long divorced, and she's remarried, then it really shouldn't bother her that he's with someone else."

  Julia winced a little. "But it's her ex-husband. You don't go there without talking to your friend first. And since this person is one of us, I would consider her a 'friend,' probably. She should have talked to Nancy first."

  "Maybe she didn't know that he was Nancy's ex-husband, if she knew him from high school, and just randomly showed up–" she trailed off. Oh my God. Elizabeth's heart hit her stomach. It couldn't be. She swallowed the bile down. She could not throw up now.

  "And to make matters worse, he dedicated the book to this woman. That's how we know she is real. Nancy is hurt that he didn’t dedicate it to her, after basically using her for research."

  Elizabeth rubbed her eyes, dragging her hands down her cheeks and over her mouth. Finally she swallowed and was able to say, "So, who is it dedicated to?"

  "That's the thing. It's not a name that seems familiar to anyone here. Lauren or maybe Lesley, something like that."

  Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. She tried to cover her own inner turmoil. "I don't know any Laurens or Lesleys from PTA."

  At that moment, Nancy walked into the library and scowled, her arms folded acrimoniously across her chest. Elizabeth quickly jumped up from her perch. She felt guilty, like a teenager who was caught smoking. And then it occurred to Elizabeth that she should feel resentful that Nancy made her feel that way. That she, taking a break after hours of hard work, was somehow doing something wrong.

  Nancy's bad mood was now much more evident. "I take it you've finished everything, since you're both sitting in here gabbing and gossiping?"

  Elizabeth straightened her shoulders. "No, Nancy. We were taking a short break. The gym is finished, as is the library. We're about to head into the cafeteria, to make sure that Fred has it under control in there. We've been working hard and have it under control. Julia and I are quite capable of doing this, you know."

  Nancy visibly bristled. Her hands were now on her hips in an aggressive pose. "Well, see that it gets done, then. The Summer-Kick-Off Carnival is one of our most profitable fundraisers. If it is not successful, I guess we'll know who to blame. Julia, I need you to come to the main office with me to double-count the initial cash boxes."

  Julia hung her head and followed Nancy out, like a child who had been scolded. Elizabeth squared her shoulders and marched into the cafeteria. She had a moment of clarity. Nancy was just a woman, a mother, with a past and character flaws, just like the rest of them. Why did Elizabeth try so hard to win this woman's approval? Why did Nancy get to set the standards and pass judgment on the rest of them? Sure, she had money, but it was her husband's money, not anything she herself had actually earned. It struck Elizabeth with startling simplicity that Nancy was a woman who achieved her status by standing on the shoulders of giants, rather than by earning it herself. She rode her husband and ex-husband's coattails and used her position to manipulate and control. Elizabeth could not believe how she had been groveling the past two weeks, apologizing about missing the event. If Nancy had deemed Elizabeth her equal, she would have understood and not given Elizabeth a hard time. Nancy did not respect the other PTA mothers; that was now clear.

>   Elizabeth moved on into the cafeteria and helped Fred finish setting up in there. Before she knew it, the doors were open and people were flooding in. Despite the rain, the kids and their parents came. The publicity of well-crafted and valuable raffle baskets and the debut of the yearbook seemed to draw people in. Those were two new ideas that Elizabeth and Julia had come up with, in addition to a whipped-cream pie throwing contest. Many kids jumped at the chance to throw a pie in the principal's face. There were a few parents in line for that one too.

  Elizabeth was in the cafeteria, working her hour shift in there when Peter came through with Teddy and Sydney. Syd had her face painted so that her whole face resembled a tiger. Teddy had a moustache and beard, and thick eyebrows painted on. He looked like a miniature version of Peter. The face painter was wonderful, and her booth always had a line from the time she opened to the closing of the carnival.

  "How's it going in the gym?" She asked Peter, handing him his change.

  "Good. Crowded. The kids seemed to have fun."

  "Anything look bad?"

  "A poster fell down off the wall, and the line for the face painter is pretty long."

  "It always is. She takes her time, but does an awesome job. Make sure to get a picture of Syd. She looks so cute."

  "She already made me take her picture." Peter was good about the camera. He enjoyed documenting the kids' adventures.

  "When I'm done here, I want to get a picture of you and Teddy. He's a mini-you."

  Peter nodded, and with that, they were off to eat their hot dogs and cotton candy. Elizabeth watched her family eat and felt detached. She wished she could sit down and share in the family time, but she had to work. That was how she always felt. That she had to work twice as hard just to keep things going, to keep things together. She was grateful that Peter took pictures of the children having fun, because that was often the only way she got to see it. She was always too busy helping out, volunteering, working, running from here to there.