A Prayer Heeded

by Samreen Ahsan

  His one hand is still locked over her wrists, so he uses his other hand to pull the strings of her satin caftan, which is hiding her beautiful body. He looks at her to see if there is any hint of discomfort or denial but to his surprise, she turns her face to the other side, giving him complete access to her neck and shoulders. Their bodies are burning equally with euphoric desire, and he desperately wants to take her to that ecstatic state where only paradise exists. The place where anything and everything is possible. All she has to do is to trust him. And she does.

  The delirium from his passionate kisses is driving her wild. She is completely aroused and ready to surrender to him. He looks at her once again as he pulls more strings from her lacy front neckline, to see if she is giving him her heart or not. At that profound moment, he feels her heart. He feels that she is trying her best to bring her soul to him, to allow herself to go to the level of insanity where nothing else exists, except the love. She opens her eyes and looks at him with burning desire.

  “Take me anywhere you want, Adam. Take me far away from everything that ever existed in my life.” She closes her eyes and brings her body close to him. “Make me forget everything. I want to flow with you.” Her words are enough to tell Adam she is in love with him. She has confessed it not in words, but in a different manner—her heated body is saying everything to him. He kisses her again, deepening it this time—allowing his urgency to bleed into her mouth. His lips travel down her neck and collarbone, and he pulls all the strings until he reaches her breasts.

  There is no light in the room, except that coming from outside the window, from the glittering downtown skyline. She wants to move her hands, and since he understands every inch of her body, he releases her wrists and she instantly digs her hands into his hair, drawing his mouth more closely to her. He tosses off his shirt, revealing his upper body, and she looks at him with smoldering eyes.

  He starts sliding her caftan down, exposing her to the waist. She looks extremely beautiful in the dim light, as he unfolds all the barriers between them. There is no one to stop them now. She has decided to surrender her heart, body and soul.

  His mouth and his hands trail down her beautiful body as he opens the hooks of her bra, and passionately kisses the swells of her breasts. She can completely feel his hardness pressing into her, which is taking her toward insanity. After so long when she thought she would never find love in her life again, that she would never feel any passion in her body, this is the moment to savor at last. He continues kissing and licking, tasting every inch of her upper body.

  “Let’s stop pretending we’re friends.” He looks into her eyes. “We are not friends, Rania. We are lovers. We can’t hide what’s between us anymore. You and I both know what it is, so let’s just stop fooling ourselves.” He kisses her between her breasts. “I love you so much. You have no idea how deep my love is.” His words are melting her heart, and she moans with pleasure. She wants to listen to his words and since he knows her body, he doesn’t stop. He trails back from her stomach to her breasts and then to her neck, finding the sensitive spot just beneath her ear.

  “I have never seen a more beautiful woman than you, Rania. The world ceases to exist when I feel you close to me. Nothing matters to me when you are around.” He continues kissing her passionately, but doesn’t stop expressing his feelings.

  “When you’re with me, I don’t see anything other than you.” He takes a deep breath. He continues touching her body, cupping her breasts gently and teasing them with his fingers, while he diffuses passionate words into her ears.

  “There will be no one else. You are my first and last. There will be no one else.” His hands reach slowly between her thighs, to her most sensual body part. “I wish and pray that we always stay together, as long as we live. I will love and worship you as long as I live.” She parts her thighs, and his hand starts to feel her wetness. He wonders why that asshole used to slap her for being frigid.

  “I thought I lost my virginity long time ago. But this moment, it feels like the first time. You’ve brought me back my virginity. What are you doing to me, Rania?” He notices her smiling with happiness, her dimples deepening on her cheeks. He wonders why she didn’t ever feel her husband. What could be the reason to reject him?

  “Tell me you’re mine.” He kisses her collarbone. “Say it, Rania.”

  “Yes…”

  “Only mine…”

  “Yes…”

  “Heart, body and soul…”

  “Yes…”

  “And there’s no turning back after this. I will never let you go…even if you try to run away. You get me? You are mine, forever.”

  Her face flushes with his authoritative statements. He draws her closer to his body, leaving no space—he doesn’t want even air to come between them. Suddenly her pulse turns shallow and she is having a hard time breathing. She tries to take deep breaths, but her heart and lungs are not cooperating. He notices the sudden change in her body. She isn’t crying, but her eyes are dripping tears. He feels the heaviness in the air again, that bothers him every time they are close, and he feels someone pushing him away from her. What the hell is going on? he thinks in frustration. He doesn’t understand if she is breathing hard from pleasure or discomfort, but when he looks at her wet cheeks, he opens the side lamp instantly to scan her face, taking his hand from between her legs.

  “What’s wrong, Rania?” He holds her face in his hand. Her eyes are tightly shut; she’s biting her lower lip so hard, it’s turning purple. He covers her bare body with her satin dress and gently kisses the corner of her lips. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  She starts shaking her head with pain. “I am so sorry, Adam. I am so sorry.” She is breathing harder. “I ruined everything. Please, don’t hate me.”

  He caresses her face tenderly, trying to calm her down. “Hey, don’t say that. You know I love you so much. I can never hate you. Open your eyes, Rania. Look at me.”

  She looks at him, but all the desire and passion is gone. He sees only fear and pain. He doesn’t understand what just happened to her. A moment ago, she was completely engrossed in him, surrendering everything, and suddenly all that is wiped out, as if someone flushed all the rapture from her body.

  “I want to feel you, Adam. I really wanted to, but…” She can’t finish her words, as her tongue fails to accompany her heart.

  “I’m sorry. I guess I was trying too hard to push you over the edge. I didn’t know you would fall down. I wanted to fly you away.”

  “I have no wings. I can never fly.” She sighs. “Please, don’t hate me. I don’t want to lose you.” She looks at him with pleading, almost like an orison. At this moment, he realizes how broken she is.

  “There is nothing in this world that could make me part from you except my death. Don’t ever think like that.” He places a kiss on her forehead. “I guess you should sleep now. It’s been a tiring day for you. We have a whole life to discover.” His mouth twitches slightly with a smile. “I know you love me, Rania. I sensed everything tonight. Your love has given me patience.” He kisses her on the corner of her lips. “Good night.”

  He closes the lamp from her side and places his head beside her shoulder to make her feel that he isn’t frustrated. He’s wondering if she happens to have issues like panic attacks. The thought of being physically close to someone would bring back all the memories of her past life, which usually freaks her out. He wants to take her to a therapist, with whom she can discuss all her fears. He wants her to recover. And he knows what he has to do.

  ***

  In the middle of the night, he wakes up suddenly to find Rania missing from his side. He opens the lamp instantly and looks around the room. The washroom and closet lights are off, but since he knows she has a problem with sleepwalking and she can sometimes be found in the closet or washroom, he checks the washroom first. He turns on the light, but there is no one. He checks the closet and to his surprise, there’s no one there, either. He notices the door
to the room is closed, so why didn’t he hear her when she left? Her absence is frightening him. He fears she might have run away from him. He checks all the rooms on the upper floor, one by one, but he can’t find her. He thinks she may have stepped down to the kitchen to get water or a snack, but all the lights are off on the main level. He looks through the whole main level, turning on all the lights, but she is nowhere to be found. He checks the main door, and it’s locked from inside. She can’t have gone outside. He looks at the locked door for a moment, trying to figure out where she would go.

  Looking for her in her apartment was much easier than this. The last time she’d slept here, she was under the influence of a sedative the medical officer had given her. He thinks maybe giving her a sleeping pill was better than having to search for her every night. He’s searched every bit of his apartment, from washrooms to kitchen, from laundry room to study, but there is no sign of her. The only place left is the terrace. She would be crazy to go out in this weather. He opens the large glass sliding door to the terrace, but the smoothness of the snow proves that no one has stepped on it. He glances around the whole terrace area with heavy eyes, cold wind rushing through his hair. He shivers—not from the cold wind, but from her absence.

  He closes the door, shaking his head in frustration, and calls her name. There is no response, only silence. He is about to search for her in the corridor and elevators and the helipad, when he realizes that the only place he hasn’t checked is the pool area. He goes back to the study, which has access to the pool. It is completely dark, but he always found her in the darkness when she was sleepwalking. He opens the door to the pool and turns on the lights.

  “Shit. Rania.” She is floating face-down in the pool, her face completely submerged. He thinks for a second that she is dead. He rushes to her and pulls her out of the pool, laying her on the cold tiles. Her body is like a stone, cold and icy blue.

  “Oh no no no…Rania, wake up…no no no…please wake up...” Tears crowd his eyes and it is getting hard for him to breathe. He shakes her hard from her shoulders, but she isn’t responding. “You can’t leave me like this, Rania. Wake up, dammit….” A peal of anguish escapes his throat. He doesn’t know what to do. Her body is completely soaked, water dripping from her caftan. He blows air in her mouth and compresses her chest. He checks her pulse and it scares him when he can’t feel it.

  “No…no. Please, God! Help me. Please send her back to me. Please don’t take her away from me.” He keeps begging God. He doesn’t know how long she was in the water. He needs her to comprehend how much his existence depends on her survival.

  He is scared, dead scared.

  He keeps doing CPR, blowing air into her lungs and compressing her chest. A small cough signals him that she is alive and breathing. “Oh, thank God.” He starts kissing her all over her face.

  “Open your eyes, Rania. Talk to me.” She is still unconscious. Her body is trembling from cold, but she isn’t responding to anything. He peels off her wet clothes, stripping her naked, and wraps her in one of the bathrobes that are always placed beside the pool. Her body starts to return to its normal color. He picks her up in his arms and takes her into the bedroom.

  She is unconscious. She definitely needs help. This is so damn dangerous. The thought that she could go anywhere and do anything in her sleep scares the shit out of him. He decides that whether she agrees or not, he will drag her to the therapist. He hugs her closely to his body, trying to wake her. A minute later, she coughs again and opens her eyes.

  “Oh thank God, you’re okay.” His eyes are almost clouded with tears, from the relief in his heart. “I’m calling the doctor. You need help.” He tries to leave her and she holds his hand firmly.

  “No, Adam. I’m fine.” She gets up from the bed.

  “No,” he yells at her. “You are not fine and you will listen to me.” Her denial is frustrating him. “Don’t take this lightly, Rania. You don’t know what just happened.”

  “I know what happened, Adam. I’m not in the mood for any kind of argument at this hour.” She shakes her head annoyingly. “I’m going to sleep.” Without giving him a chance to say any more, she escapes to the guest bedroom.

  Adam sits on the bed for a while, wondering what just happened. She could have died, if he hadn’t woken up in time. He’d have found her dead. He wants to make sure there aren’t any complications after her near-drowning. She needs medical help and she needs psychiatric treatment.

  By the time he reaches the other room, she has already fallen asleep, as if nothing happened. He leaves the room and calls Ali, who answers his call after two rings.

  “I want Dr. Nicolson here in an hour,” Adam says impatiently.

  Ali doesn’t know if Adam is giving an order or making a request, but he has no choice. He drags himself out of his bed and checks the time; it is five in the morning. He isn’t sure if it’s the right time to call a private doctor on a Sunday morning, but he knows Adam’s money can make anything possible.

  An hour later, Dr. Nicolson is sitting in Adam’s study with Ali, waiting for Adam to come in.

  “Good morning, Mr. Gibson.” Dr. Nicolson looks tired, but pleased. Adam assumes Ali has offered the doctor a large fee; otherwise, there is no way a person would be smiling at six in the morning.

  “Good to see you, Dr. Nicolson. Thank you for coming on such short notice. I need to discuss a few things with you.” Adam sits in his black leather chair behind his extra-large dark mahogany desk, and faces Dr. Nicolson.

  Ali, being wise, leaves the room to give them some privacy.

  “So what can I do for you, Mr. Gibson? Are you having nightmares?”

  Adam takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, not sure where to start. He looks back to Nicolson and speaks. “No, it’s not about me.” He pauses. “I believe my girlfriend has sleeping disorder...” He explains each incident he experienced, the ones he noticed in Edmonton and the ones he saw at her apartment. The doctor listens to his every word, noting down everything in her notebook.

  “...and now, today, she was in the pool, floating face down in the water. I don’t know how she got there. I didn’t even hear a sound. I just don’t know how to deal with this, Doctor.”

  Rebecca Nicolson is rubbing her pen on her cheek, thinking intently.

  “You mentioned, Mr. Gibson, that you heard her talking in the closet sometimes. Did she ever talk to you about it?”

  “No, Doctor. Whenever I asked her in the morning, she said I was hallucinating. The problem is I have heard her talking, but whenever I stepped into the closet or the washroom, she used to stand like a stone.”

  “Hmm. Has there been any incident in her past, which is hard for her to forget? Like the death of a close family member?”

  “Yeah. Her mother died in a car accident, when Rania was driving. She always blamed herself for that. Because of it, her father disowned her, blaming her for his wife’s death.”

  Nicolson looks at Adam in silence for a moment. “I can’t really come up with a conclusion right now. I need to talk to her first.”

  “What if she refuses to talk to you, Doctor? It took me two months to gain her trust. No one knows this other than me. She doesn’t trust anyone.”

  “She talks to me or to you, but she needs to talk, Mr. Gibson. We want to dig out the information that she has kept hidden. If she is open to you, then talk to her and find out what’s going on in her imagination. Listen to what she has to say, make her believe that you trust her. I’m not sure, but she could be schizophrenic, which could lead to many disorders, like the one you told me about her sleep.” Adam looks at the doctor quizzically, so Nicolson explains to him.

  “People with this mental disorder encounter auditory hallucinations. They imagine they’re hearing voices. She might be imagining her mother talking to her. She may not have accepted her death.”

  “But she told me her mother is dead. She never said she doesn’t believe it.”

  “But you told
me she hasn’t told this to anyone except you, and that her father blamed her. I see that she has a problem with trusting people, but right now, the larger concern is her sleepwalking, Mr. Gibson. The incidents you mentioned are all related to her sleep. You said the door was closed, but she still managed to go out, and she reached the pool area. This is very dangerous. We can treat her wild imaginings, but this is something you need to work out. Lock the room, probably set a security alarm to sound if she goes out of the room. She could be a threat to herself, or to someone else, because she wouldn’t know what she’s doing. She could go in the kitchen and turn on the gas grill, she could go out and—”

  “I get you, Doctor. I will make sure she doesn’t go beyond the room.” He closes his eyes in anxiety, thinking about all the worst possibilities that could have happened.

  “It’s very important for me to talk to her, Mr. Gibson. I cannot say any more about it till I speak to her. I will come in the afternoon.”

  Adam keeps thinking about how to convince Rania to speak to Dr. Nicolson about everything. He knows her so well. He’s sure that she’d never agree. In fact, she would probably argue and run away, angry that he discussed her with anyone. She never let anyone discuss her personal issues. But it’s not about her reservations now; it’s about her own existence. He could have lost her forever, if he weren’t there at the right time. He isn’t sure how to deal with the situation, but he can’t leave her alone like this, knowing that she might be dangerous to herself. He loves her deeply, and that love means he has to be with her at all times, with patience and self-control. What happened today was beyond belief. She could have died. Someone has to convince her to talk to Nicolson, and Adam knows exactly what he has to do.

  It’s around seven in the morning when Adam checks on Rania again. The discussion with the doctor has taken a lot of time. He looks at Rania with sympathy in his eyes. He can’t even tell the doctor about the panic attacks she always gets during their close physical encounters. He wants to treat her sleep disorder first. If she agrees to the treatment, maybe she’ll also agree to talk about her panic attacks.