by Leanne Davis
The song is an instrumental version of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Waters,” and lovely. He pulls me closer and we start to sway to it. It’s easy enough to lean my head against his chest. I’m tall so my head fits right under his chin, and my chin is above his heart. His shoulder is right there in my view. His arms circle me, adjusting to hold me more intimately. Our bodies start to sway together. It isn’t a stylish technique and anyone watching would see it as pathetic shuffling. A sudden swelling in my heart tries to contain the overwhelming feelings. I tighten my arms around his neck and he grips my waist harder. It smashes our middles together and I can feel him getting semi hard through the layers of clothes. My body reacts with swelling lips and I begin dripping in my panties.
It’s sexual lust like I’ve never experienced in all my twenty-nine years. And I’m no virgin. I’ve had sex since I was a teen. I am usually greedy, seeking my own release and orgasm and enjoyment and not so much my partner’s. This is sharp, fast, hard and overwhelming.
We don’t shy away from the connection as my brain tells me I should. Move away from him or just push his chest and give us some space. Oxygen. Breathe. But I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. It’s the first time I feel turned on and sensual and sexual… in… fuck.
A full year.
We move just enough to cling to our torsos as we torture each other with the barely-there rubbing. I feel him stiffen in my arms as his breath exhales to the song and something rises in my heart as well as my pussy. It’s all of me. I’m being filled and renewed with all of him. Head to heart, to torsos, to guts, to genitals all the way down to our nearly entangled feet.
Then the songs ends. I pull back a few centimeters. As he tilts his head down to me, our eyes meet before they devour each other. “I… didn’t expect that.” He’s breathless. As am I. “It’s like no time passed since we…”
“I agree.” His arms are still around me. The music moves to fast oldies that are popular at weddings and with older crowds. We stand there, half embracing, staring, evaluating each other and whatever this is.
He steps back, but keeps my hand in his. Blindly, thoughtlessly, I follow him. I don’t stop to ask where we are going or why, I’m just so glad, I’m nearly running after him. I don’t glance around to see if anyone notices us. I just go. With him. Joyfully. Gladly.
Chapter 8
KAEJA
He walks briskly down a hallway that leads to an outside door. I follow him. Rushing now, he is tugging me. I wear strappy high heels, sexy as all fuck, and have a hard time standing upright, let alone, keeping up with him. He stops when we come to the far side of the building, where we sneak down a walking path and towards the river. Glancing around at the descending twilight, there is no one about. Holding hands, we duck off the main path until we come to a lonely bench near the river. I have no idea why it’s there or how Damion knew it was but we stop before it.
I stare at him, blinking. He is breathing hard. He pulls me forward and his mouth crushes mine in a spring flood of emotions. All of mine seem to exit my mouth and enter his. Finally. His arms encircle me while his hands busily push and pull the material on my back. Reaching down to my ass and then back up, he gathers the flounce of my dress in his big hands. His mouth is thoroughly covering mine. His lips are suctioned around mine, his tongue colliding with mine, sparring with me, dominating me. My back bends in his aggressive conquest. His tongue feels thick and long as it relentlessly dips inside my mouth. He rubs and swirls and coaxes my tongue to follow his. I moan into his mouth and wrap my hands around his neck to hold onto him and keep from falling downwards.
He suddenly changes the entire, needy, crazy, demanding overture. His knuckles slowly slide along my cheek in a tender, soft and totally unexpected caress. He lifts his mouth and stares down at me. “I’ve missed you.” His eyes meet mine and he begins the long, slow journey of exploring my face before dropping down to my neck and torso. He pauses at the bit of cleavage thrusting upwards thanks to the binding bra I wear and the cut of my dress.
Lowering his head, he takes my mouth in a long, slow kiss that features his lips, tongue, teeth and spit. One that’s so long and slow and thorough, he could map out every centimeter of my mouth by touch. He sucks on my tongue and I feel my underwear getting soaked. I shift at the pangs of desire filling me.
Slowly turning me around, he runs his fingertips down my face and neck. I shiver at the slow, sensual way he examines the texture of my skin. His hand stops at the top of my dress and then he slides it in. Slipping into my bra, he has no trouble locating the long, turgid tip of my breast that is eagerly waiting for him. First pricking and twisting the pebbled skin to get it harder, I relish my pained but full response as my breath is stolen. His other hand slides down my waist to the edge of my skirt, where he feels my panties. Without hesitation, his fingertips push the gusset to the side before they slip between my plump, juicy lips. The wetness lubricating me allows his fingers to easily slide inside and my legs quiver and nearly buckle.
His hand left her breast to slide down to her waist. His other hand finds the tight bundle of nerves comprising my clit, urgently needing to be noticed and caressed. He gently rolls, strums and holds it with firm, loving hands as I flip my head back in ecstasy. Pillowed now on his shoulder, he nuzzles my neck and jaw until his tongue finally dares to explore the fragile, yet responsive contours of my ear.
“Come for me, Kaeja. Come on my hand, baby,” he mumbles when he’s not tonguing my ear or running his lips over my neck.
I moan at his urgent command as he shoves his fingers into my swollen, longing and hungry hole. Pressing onto my clit, he does it again and my hips jerk in ecstatic response. I am fully reacting and holy shit. It’s beautiful and hot and quick and hard: everything I’ve been missing for years.
My legs start to quiver before collapsing and all the nerve endings in my body join together as one entity. They shift and transfer the energy from my core to my toes, and my brain to my heart, and my arms and hands. My entire body comes alive like snapped power lines. The bundle of nerves at my very core is the central nervous system for my entire body.
He presses my waist back so my ass is cradling his hard-on… He feels so rigid and it’s all for me. So solid and hard. He pushes into my ass as I come on his hand. It’s wet and sloppy and absolutely glorious.
He whirls me around before I find the strength to open my eyes. His mouth falls on mine again. Taking his wallet from his pocket, I glimpse a foil wrapper. “Put it on me,” he commands. He backs up the few steps to lean into a tree trunk. Retreating far enough to grab the waistband of his dress slacks and pull the zipper down, he grasps himself and bounces out. I stare at the long, hot, thick length of him as I easily drop to my knees and replace his hand. I touch and tug, going tight but slowly. I pull as he lifts his hips for easier access. Using his shoulders to provide leverage against the tree, he tilts his head back, closes his eyes and his mouth opens in ecstasy. Licking my lips, I take him into my mouth. First, I lick and bathe him with my hot, wet tongue, making him as wet as he made me. Then I literally swallow him, relaxing my jaw to allow him to reach all the way to the back of my throat. “Kaeja,” he mutters as he shifts towards me.
He pistons his hips and I embrace him. Not gently. We are both bundles of nerves and succulent juices and our feelings are hot and mutual and lusty and exciting.
He suddenly lifts me up. Startled when he pops free of my lips, he pushes me against the bench and begins rubbing the knob of his hard penis against my opening and folds. He makes me drip with hot juices before he fills me. Up. Fully. All the way to the base of his shaft and my body greedily devours him. I groan and spread my legs wider to receive all of him as the wonderful onslaught of pressure and desire and passionate feelings finally culminate in a blinding, wonderful, aching joy. A blend of fulfilment and ecstasy like I deserve to feel.
I draw all of his essence from his body, squeezing him until every last ounce of my own pleasure
jolts though me. That’s my cue. I’m giving him permission to lean over me on his own.
DAMION
As I’m leaning over her, all the feelings and the new reality drop like an anchor on my head. Crap. Shit. I’m still inside Kaeja. Outside the church of my brother’s wedding.
So much for sex being appropriate, sedate, and right. I should wait until after I get married, on my wedding night, and only in missionary position. Maybe then I’d get it right.
With a deep sigh, I slowly but gently slide free of her glorious, warm, receptive body. I put one hand on her round, firm ass, since it’s right in my view, and with a tender squeeze, I let her know how much I appreciate her. How beautiful she is to me. How open and free she is with me. Not all women would do that. I gently tug on the flouncy panels of her dress and try to iron them over her body. She releases a deep, seductive chuckle as she straightens her clothes and turns back towards me. I quickly adjust my pants and we just stare at each other.
“This wasn’t about Ireena, was it?” She licks her lips.
I shake my head. “It was about no one else but us.”
She closes her eyes tightly and then blinks them open. Her gaze is both weary and dare I say it? Hopeful. “I’m glad. I don’t want to keep making mistakes. And if it is more about her than me or you, it’s a mistake.”
“Was it? A mistake? I don’t know. I swore if I ever did it again, I had to do it right.”
“What is right? And do what? You actually thought about us being together like this again?”
“Sex. I didn’t know what to think of you and me.”
Her eyes are wide, round globes in her face. “You haven’t had sex at all since we were last together? That’s been a year, Damion.”
I turn away slightly when I feel heat on my neck and face before it pops out on my forehead. A second later, her hand weighs down my forearm and she squeezes it just below my elbow. “Damion? I didn’t mean to shame you. But you seemed to think what we did then, and just now, is wrong.”
I close my eyes tightly and wish I could avoid this conversation. But she waits. Quietly. Her hand on my arm, and I know Kaeja will wait for as long as it takes me to reply. She has the patience and calm of a saint and I suspect sitting here waiting for my answer is easy for her. I take in a shuddering breath and try not to sound whiny. I definitely don’t want her thinking I’m falling back into my grief for Ireena.
“The thing is, I seem to have lost all sense of judgment about sex. With whom and when and why and where. I’ve concentrated mostly on Dayshia and rebuilding my life. Or rather, building an entirely new life. I run the café now with Devon. We finally made amends, and I can honestly say I have a transparent relationship with my brother again. I can also think and talk about Ireena without any reference to how we got together or how she died. The power of time has shifted her memory into a way of only remembering the good, and that’s the only thing worth discussing. Of course, the guilt over what we did last time hasn’t vanished yet. Wasn’t that why we haven’t seen each other for a year?”
“So you haven’t had sex with anyone since me?”
“No. I’ve been fine with it too. I’ve been very busy.” There’s a surly, defensive quality to my answer.
She lets out a soft chuckle. “I know you have been. Just surviving your grief for the first year probably sapped all your energy, as it did mine. And I don’t think what we did was wrong. I still think it was necessary for both of us. But I also agree it would have crashed and burned as a terrible rebound experience and we might have ended up hating each other.”
“And now?” I ask, glancing down at her. She wafts some kind of citrus scent. Light, sweet, and tangy. Just as her voice, demeanor and overall personality are.
“Now? What just happened? I’ve been fine for a full year without any sex and now it’s like I could not wait another second. Is that still considered a rebound? Is it right? It was at my brother’s wedding—”
“To take a vow to share his life with someone else, this time,” Kaeja answers with a small grin. I glare and she laughs, adding, “Damion, Devon was marrying another woman today, so it doesn’t matter whom you have sex with as long as it isn’t your brother’s wife.”
“But here?” I wave my hand around.
She shrugs and replies, “I agree. Here was not only shocking, weird and surprising but it was also necessary and urgent for both of us. Remember, I tried to leave.”
“Why did you want to go?”
“I was totally overwhelmed at seeing you. My senses were so overloaded, I didn’t know how to face you or what to say. It could have been just two days or twenty years, I don’t know. But it just felt like a tsunami washing over me.”
“Yeah. I get that. I felt the same way when I spotted you. And then I panicked that you would leave. Which is so stupid. We haven’t spent any time together in a year and yet, I couldn’t bear the thought of not talking to you right then and there.”
“Do you think there’s too much between us? It’s so familiar that even time couldn’t diminish it?”
“I don’t know,” she mutters, shaking her head before she adds, “yet.”
The yet hangs me up. “Do you think there is a chance what we have isn’t the result of loss and grief and sadness caused by Ireena?”
Kaeja shakes her head. “I don’t know. It wasn’t in my thoughts or plans; it just happened.”
“What do we do now?” I prod her since I can’t seem to find the right words. “I just don’t know. It feels right to me now but also wrong. And I vowed I’d never again do things that were wrong, not even if I wanted to.”
“I don’t think this was wrong. No one else is involved and even the timing isn’t wrong, not like last time. Look, Devon asked me to come up with some logos and new labeling for the café including the new location. Let’s just see. This was good… for me. I haven’t had any interest in sex either since she died. So maybe it was just to comfort ourselves and fill that need.”
I nod. But my stomach twists. That doesn’t seem right. What if it’s something more? What if it’s not? Which one of those do I prefer it to be? I honestly, in my gut, don’t know. Both sound wrong and terrifying. Yet, not having her in my life again feels totally unacceptable.
“We have to find a way to at least be friends. Let’s start there?”
“I think… yeah, we could start there.” I shake my head. “You know where our friendship led us last time…”
“Well, this time we started on the opposite end, so maybe we’ll see the opposite results.” She shrugs. “I don’t know how to pretend Ireena wasn’t involved in bringing us together. Believe me, I don’t get why we can’t just be friends or even nothing to each other. But seeing you again felt like getting socked in the gut and also…”
“Right?”
She nods. “Yes. It did feel right.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand it. We never had anything before Ireena? I mean… on my end anyway.”
“No. I briefly considered you in passing when Devon and Ireena first started dating, but that faded. I was just busy and it never happened. I didn’t pine for you or harbor a raging, unrequited crush like Claudia did for Devon. We weren’t even close friends, and then Ireena died and we…”
“We finally saw each other. The same weird understanding just seemed to pop up overnight… as it just popped up now. Again.”
“It kind of does that.”
We stare at each other. The waning twilight imbues the sky with a peach hue. Trees form silhouettes around us. “What do we do now?”
“Um… I don’t know. Think about it some more? Call each other? See if it feels awkward and cringe-worthy tomorrow. Or not.”
“And if it is? Do we avoid each other for another year?”
“No. No. I’d like Dayshia to at least know who I am. She reminds me so much of Ireena, and I don’t want to lose that.”
“I promise you no matter what happens between us, you won’t. I agree, s
he needs to know you and all the good things you can relate to her about Ireena. The mother that she doesn’t even know she lost.”
We stare at each other again, but the solemnity and weirdness are making it awkward. I wish I knew what was really happening between us.
Maybe I should just accept it as it is. Two people who share a special kind of solace with each other that is based on their mutual love for someone most other people never knew or understood.
“What if we found out?”
“Found out? What?”
“If this connection that keeps us coming back is about Ireena or about us?”
She straightens and her eyes brighten at the idea. She isn’t offended, which I didn’t expect she would be. She gets it. We don’t know what this is. Or why it comes right back in full force after all this time.
“How do you propose we do that?”
Having thought this out for no more than five seconds, I blurt out the first thing I think of. “While Devon is on his honeymoon, my mom and dad are going to watch Dayshia for a few days. I intend to take a few days off and relax. But what if we went somewhere together? We could… I don’t know, just be together. Relax and see how far this goes. See what happens. See if we are friends or helpmates or…” What do I say? How shall I word this? Should I suggest we might be more? Could we mean something special to each other? It makes me pause, and I fight the urge to step back and start shaking my head, no. No! I can’t do the whole relationship thing again. I can’t start over. But I also can’t deny the strong pull towards Kaeja. And she’ll leave here, in this moment, and I won’t see her again. I know she will. She’s that strong-willed. She won’t come groveling towards me just because we have a connection. So, I either put out some effort towards her, or I lose her now. I see that so clearly. But am I ready? What if I’m not?
What if I am? What if that’s what our connection is all about? Or what if I’m so fucked up that I can’t be alone? Will I fall into any pattern that feels familiar? What if I’m about to hurt her? I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her at all. Fuck.