Someone to Cherish

by Cheryl Holt

  She tossed down her napkin and leapt to her feet. Without a word, she marched to the door, and Samson asked, “Where are you going?”

  “To see if Mr. Ralston has left.”

  “I forbid you to speak with him,” Samson said.

  “And I am ignoring you.”

  “Caroline!” he shouted. “Let him be away without a fuss.”

  “I intend to tell him goodbye, and just so you’re aware, I will be instructing Mrs. Scruggs to inform our guests that the wedding is off and they can begin packing their bags.”

  “Then I shall countermand your edict.”

  “It will be a waste of breath.”

  She hurried out, and Janet smirked with amusement. “I think you might be done bossing her.”

  “If you mouth off to me one more time, I swear I’ll take a belt to you.”

  “Sticks and stones, Father. Sticks and stones.” She stood too. “Is it still your position that I can’t move to London?”

  “Of course it’s my position. Why aggravate me by raising the issue again?”

  “I was merely giving you a chance to change your mind.”

  “I will never change my mind about it.”

  She walked out, and he slumped in his chair, wondering how he’d fostered such insurgents in his own home. How dare they defy him! How dare they assume he had no authority.

  Well, he wasn’t without options, as both of them were about to discover.

  Caroline hurried down the halls, trying not to run, but she had to find Caleb. How could he ride away without apprising her? If he’d already departed, she’d be crushed.

  In his bedchamber, the wardrobe and dresser were empty. She stood in the quiet, listening to her heart beating and wondering if it might not break into tiny pieces.

  She dashed out and down to the foyer, and as she reached the bottom of the stairs, the front door was open. Caleb was standing in the driveway with his brother. Their horses were saddled, and they were chatting amicably—as if nothing was wrong.

  Her relief at stumbling on him was so intense she was surprised she didn’t collapse. She slowed her pace, then walked outside, not wanting to appear as if she’d been chasing him through the manor.

  “Caleb!” she called as she marched toward him. “I heard you were leaving, but I refused to believe it.”

  He spun to her, smiling affectionately. “Caro! There you are. I had an early breakfast, and I was hoping I’d see you. When you didn’t come down, I couldn’t wait. We have a long day ahead of us, and we should be off.”

  “I’m embarrassed that my uncle kicked you out.”

  “You needn’t be embarrassed.”

  “I wish you’d spoken to me before you agreed to oblige him.”

  “I didn’t think I should argue about it.”

  “I hate that he treated you so rudely.”

  Caleb shrugged. “It probably couldn’t be helped. In light of my relationship with Gregory, I shouldn’t have visited Grey’s Corner in the first place.”

  Their conversation dwindled, and an awkward silence ensued. There were a thousand issues she yearned to address, but would he care about any of them?

  If she’d awakened a bit later, if Janet hadn’t warned her that he’d been evicted, he’d have vanished without her realizing what had happened. How many hours would have passed before she’d figured out he was gone?

  “Could I talk to you for a minute?” She sounded as if she was begging.

  He delayed forever, giving her every indication that he felt it was a bad idea. He glared up at the house, then finally, he said, “I guess we can talk.”

  His brother raised a brow. “Don’t dither, Caleb. I’m eager to get to town. If we dawdle, we’ll have to spend the night on the road.”

  “This won’t take long,” Caleb said to his brother.

  He extended his arm so she could grab hold. She glanced about, searching for a private spot where they could be alone and away from any prying eyes. Ultimately, she led him back into the manor. They went down a hall and entered a deserted parlor.

  They turned to each other, and she studied his handsome face, cataloguing every detail so she’d never forget. Yet she couldn’t accept that it was the last time they’d ever be together.

  In she had her way, she’d see him again—and soon. She wasn’t about to let him trot away without extracting a promise that, whatever was escalating between them, it wasn’t ending simply because her Uncle Samson was being an ass.

  What thoughts were racing through his head? He was such an enigmatic fellow. How was he assessing the situation? She doubted they shared similar views on what the conclusion should be.

  She started the discussion. “You were leaving without a goodbye.”

  “When I missed you at breakfast, I told myself it was a sign.”

  “A sign of what? That I didn’t deserve an explanation? If you’d left without my knowing, I’d have been devastated.”

  He winced. “Don’t tell me that. I recognize that your life here has been hard, and I’m afraid my brief association with you has made it even harder. I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?”

  “I’ve been flirting with you when I shouldn’t have been, and it’s skewed your impression of me. You’re gazing at me as if we’ve pledged ourselves.”

  “It seems as if we have.”

  Thankfully, he didn’t disparage her for voicing the comment. “Yes, it seems as if we’re very close, and in a sane world, we’d act on our attraction. We’d become engaged and marry.”

  He halted, and when his pause grew too excruciating, she said, “But. . . ?”

  “I’m not interested in matrimony.”

  He proclaimed it with such certainty, but it wasn’t true. He was rich and charismatic. Women would throw themselves at his feet, and eventually, he’d break down and catch one of them.

  Yes, he would wed someday, but it wouldn’t be to her. A vision pummeled her—of the type of gorgeous creature it would be—and she suffered such a wave of jealousy that she was dizzy with dismay.

  “Will you be a permanent bachelor?” she asked. “Is that your plan? You’ll be all alone.”

  “I’m not alone,” he said. “I have Blake and our old guardian, Sybil Jones. She’s like our mother. The three of us have had many difficult experiences, and we’re tightly bonded.”

  “And that’s enough for you? Blake and your old guardian?”

  “It always has been.”

  She peered down at the floor, her mood at its lowest ebb. She’d endured many distressing moments, but this one was the worst of all.

  She’d cried off from her betrothal to Gregory, and as she’d reached that decision, Caleb had appeared—as if by magic. He’d given her something to dream about, and it had been so long since she’d dreamed about anything. It was inordinately cruel for him to snatch it away.

  “Don’t be sad, Caro. Please?”

  He clasped her hand and linked their fingers, and he pulled her to him so they were snuggled together.

  “I can’t help it,” she said. “I was counting on you, although I have no idea why. We’re barely acquainted, but it seems as if we’re connected in a thrilling way.”

  “I agree, but I’ll never be anyone’s husband. I have too much of my father’s blood flowing in my veins. I wouldn’t inflict myself on any female.”

  “Don’t disparage him to me. I have such fond memories of him, and he has a special place in my affection. He saved my life, Caleb.”

  “I know that.”

  “This will sound silly, but I feel as if he brought you to me.”

  Caleb stared at her for an eternity, and she could practically read his mind. He sensed it too, but he was too stubborn to admit it. And maybe that was for the best. If he was determined to traipse off without a commitmen
t, she shouldn’t hope and pine away.

  “My father wouldn’t have brought me to you,” he said. “He didn’t have a romantic bone in his body. He seldom watched over me while he was alive and walking around on Earth. I can’t picture him watching over me from Heaven.”

  “From your dour tone, are you positive he’s in Heaven?”

  “No, I’m not positive at all.”

  She’d asked the question teasingly, but he’d responded seriously, providing a clear indication that Captain Ralston hadn’t been the man she’d fantasized about. She’d frequently envisioned him galloping up on a white horse, that he’d hug her and say, Caroline, I’ve finally found you!

  He’d have told her grandfather to stuff it, would have cantered away with her. They’d have gone to a happy spot, one where she was wanted and loved.

  She’d imagined it a thousand times, and it was typical that his son—who stood there killing her with his disregard—would smash that image to pieces.

  “So. . . I guess this is goodbye.” She was so despondent she was surprised she didn’t fall to the floor and weep.

  “Yes, I guess it is.”

  “Can you really ride away? Can you bear to never see me again?”

  Her pleading was a waste of breath. “We should have a clean break. It’s better this way.”

  “Could we correspond?”

  “We shouldn’t.”

  Her shoulders slumped with defeat. “I suppose you’re right.”

  If she corresponded with him, she’d be able to keep track of his antics, and they would ultimately include the news that he was betrothed. She refused to put herself in a position where she’d ever hear that information.

  “Take care of yourself,” he said.

  “I always do.”

  He chuckled. “That’s not true. Aren’t you the girl who survived a shipwreck in the Caribbean?”

  “Well, except for that little mishap, I’m incredibly cautious.”

  “Be wary of Gregory. Promise me you will be.”

  “Gregory is rarely home, so I’m not concerned about him.”

  “You’re not safe with him.”

  “He’s annoying, but harmless.”

  At the comment, he studied her intently, as if debating whether to share a vital secret. He settled on, “I will pray you’re correct.”

  “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Your uncle will pressure you about the wedding. Swear to me you won’t relent.”

  “I won’t relent. I swear.”

  “I’ll miss you,” he said.

  “That’s some consolation.”

  He grinned a delicious grin. “Will you miss me too?”

  “Every minute of every day.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  He dipped down and kissed her. She shouldn’t have let him. She never should have let him, but she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on as if he were a rope tethering her to the ground.

  He deepened the kiss, his passion proving he was more conflicted than he claimed to be. In the ensuing weeks and months, it would be her balm. She’d remember that he’d been a tad distressed too.

  She had no notion of how long they continued, but they only stopped when there was a knock on the door, and Blake said, “Caleb, are you in there? What’s delaying you? We need to get going.”

  They drew apart, and he smiled at her with such affection that she nearly exploded with grief. A terrifying sob bubbled up, but she swallowed it down, not eager for him to realize the depth of her woe.

  “My brother has always had the worst timing,” he murmured.

  “If you ever change your mind about me,” she said, murmuring too, “you know where I am. I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll never give up hope.”

  “I won’t change my mind, Caro.” His tone was firm, but fond. “Don’t wait for me. If the man of your dreams strolls by, I would hate to have you ignore him simply because you’re expecting me to magically appear.”

  She snorted with a very sad amusement. “I’m an optimist. I will yearn for you to come to your senses.”

  “It won’t alter our situation.”

  “I’ll think of you in town. I’ll imagine you happy and content.”

  “I’ll think of you here in the country. I’ll imagine the same.”

  Blake knocked again. “Caleb! It’s late!”

  “If you ever need anything,” Caleb said, “my club in London is called Ralston’s. You can find me there. Or write. If you’re ever in trouble, contact me.”

  Fleetingly, she struggled to envision the sorts of incidents that might arise where she would urgently seek his assistance. It would be thrilling to have him rush to aid her, but she was a very proud woman. She would never ask him for help. She would never contact him. If he could blithely saunter away, she would never lower herself by begging.

  “I won’t ever need you,” she told him.

  “You never know what might happen.” Tears flooded her eyes, and he said, “Don’t you dare cry. I don’t want there to be tears in my last glimpse of you.”

  “I will save my anguish for the hours when I’m alone, and I can ponder how bereft I am without you.”

  “You won’t be bereft, Caro. You’ll be grand. In fact, I’ll bet in a few weeks, after you’ve had occasion to reflect, you’ll figure you dodged a bullet when I left.”

  “From your lips to God’s ear,” she whispered.

  His brother was too impatient, and he opened the door. He flashed a look at Caroline that she couldn’t decipher. Was it pity? Was it irritation? Was it disgust?

  Then he said to Caleb, “Let’s go! I’m tired of cooling my heels.”

  Caleb squeezed her hand. “Goodbye, Caro.”

  “Goodbye, Caleb.”

  “Will you walk me out? Will you wave to me as I ride down the driveway?”

  Could she stand to see him vanish down the lane? No. His request was far beyond what she could tolerate.

  “Will you forgive me if I stay right where I am?”

  “I already have.”

  He winked, eased away from her, then marched off without a backward glance. He and Blake hurried down the hall, but she didn’t peek out to watch them depart. She would focus instead on that final smile, that final wink.

  His brother said, “You didn’t tell me you were engaged in a flirtation with her.”

  “I wasn’t flirting,” Caleb replied.

  The remark should have crushed her, but it was so accursedly true. They hadn’t enjoyed a flirtation. They’d simply reveled in some torrid kisses she couldn’t mention aloud.

  Despite how fervidly she listened, she heard no more than that. She staggered over to a nearby sofa and sank down. She stared blankly at the wall. The morning ticked by, the afternoon too, but she didn’t notice.

  She understood that time would pass, and she’d get over him. She understood that he was correct, that she’d eventually accept she’d dodged a bullet when he’d declined to bind himself. After all, he owned a gambling club where he ruined men financially merely so he could grow obscenely rich.

  What kind of person pursued such a wicked career? What kind of morals—or lack of them—did it take to be so cold-blooded?

  Yes, she’d gradually heal and be glad he’d gone. But just that moment, when her wound was new and raw, she wondered if her heart might simply quit beating.

  “You’re the most audacious oaf I’ve ever met.”

  Caleb didn’t bother to peer over at Blake as he asked, “Why would you think so?”

  “You traveled to Grey’s Corner for an acquaintance’s wedding, then you seduced his fiancée. I don’t imagine it helped spur the union to its logical conclusion.”

  “I didn’t seduce her,” Caleb felt compelled to insist.

 
“I must point out that she’s severed her betrothal.”

  “She’d been waffling long before I arrived,” Caleb firmly stated. “Our relationship simply galvanized her opinion.”

  They were trotting away from Grey’s Corner, their horses clopping side by side. He was struggling to appear nonchalant, but he wasn’t having much luck.

  “You didn’t seduce her?” Blake snorted with annoyance. “I could swear I just caught you kissing her senseless.”

  “It’s not your business, little brother.”

  “Was she expecting a commitment from you? It definitely looked as if she was.”

  “We’re friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  “A man like you can never be friends with a woman like her.”

  “I realize that.”

  “Does she though?”

  “No.”

  “Should I ride back and share a few facts about the type of cad you are? She probably assumes you’ll change your mind and return for her someday. I hate to have her pining away. You’re not worth the despair she’ll suffer as she waits and waits, but you never show up to claim her.”

  He sighed with regret. “I wish I could be the man she needs.”

  “Don’t tell me you’ll suffer as well. I’ll never believe it.”

  Caleb shook his head, as if he’d been in a stupor. “I’m being ridiculous. Don’t pay any attention to me.”

  “I never do.” Blake cast a sly glance in Caleb’s direction. “If you leave her there, she’ll end up shackled to Gregory. She won’t be able to deflect the pressure her uncle will apply, and how old is she?”

  “Almost twenty-five.”

  “A spinster by any measure,” Blake said. “Gregory is likely her one and only chance to have a husband. Considering what you’ve learned about him, can you bow out and let her marry him?”

  “It’s none of my affair. I’m nobody’s savior, and I most especially can’t be hers.”

  “So if you discover that she’s his bride, you’ll be fine with that?”

  “Shut up, Blake.”

  Blake chuckled. “I want to be sure you recognize the consequences you’ll set in motion by abandoning her.”