One Direction: Who We Are: Our Official Autobiography

by One Direction

  I think the fairest and most honest response from me regarding any tag I seem to have been given about relationships is to suggest that if you put any 16-year-old boy who’s obviously interested in girls into the position I found myself in at that age, then it kind of might go that way a little bit!

  On a related note, I can definitely see how being in the public eye could change someone. I think that’s why I’ve always made myself take a step back, to kind of just see it as what it is, so that it doesn’t become normal life. If you think that life in a pop band is normal, that it’s normal for you to stand on stage and sing to 50,000 people, that it’s normal for girls to wait outside your hotel all day and night just to say ‘Hello’ for two minutes ... if you ever think all that’s normal, well, then you’re in trouble. That’s not normal, in any way.

  I think it’s very important that your mindset keeps hold of that crucial fact because otherwise it can become your whole life. I always try to retain some element of a private life, so I go and work with the band really hard and then when I’m not working I like to just see friends and hang out, go swimming, have a meal out, or whatever. After a gig or a really hard day with the band I always need an hour or so to unwind a little bit. It’s an amazing life to have, but I think the reason why people sometimes struggle with it is because the lines can very easily become blurred. It’s a tricky balance to maintain.

  For example, seeing the stage for our 2014 stadium tour for the first time completely took my breath away. As I walked round the corner from backstage and the full scale of the set hit me, I just said, ‘Oh my God!’ out loud. We were all stunned. In fact, I reacted in exactly the same way as I did to certain big moments at the very start of One Direction, so I’m really pleased to still be able to get such an intense buzz. There are still surprises that I can be completely taken aback by. It hasn’t become normal to me, at all. I hope it never will.

  It’s obviously odd when people talk about us being famous. We all feel that way. I know we’re recognised but none of us considers ourselves ‘famous’ in that respect. Perhaps that’s helped us take so much in our stride, because we just still feel outsiders, in a way. There’s times when I’ll be sat at dinner with a famous person who’s there perhaps as a friend of a friend, and I’m chatting away having a nice time and then suddenly I think, Oh my God, that’s so-and-so! Then I feel about 14 years old. If they’re talking to me and say ‘Harry’, it freaks me out.

  I feel very lucky that being in One Direction enables me to meet certain people that I’ve been a fan of since I was a kid. There have been so many famous people that we’ve been lucky to meet and I’m not gonna mention them all here, but certain ones do stand out. Take Martin Scorsese, for example. He came to meet us backstage at Madison Square Garden and that was just the most surreal moment. When you meet a name that’s just so big, a proper household name who everybody recognises as a genius, it’s an odd feeling. You know you’re really in the presence of a person who’s changed stuff, who’s really made a difference to the way things are done.

  If I meet those kind of people I tend to be completely in awe of them. I’m star-struck. Conversely, I know that some people might feel ‘star-struck’ when they meet the band. That’s daft to us, but we do see some fans getting pretty intense. Then I start to wonder, Is that how people see me? As famous? We’re just people and our job means we happen to be in a high-profile position. Other than that, how are we any different to anyone else? Same goes for Martin Scorsese and all the famous people I’ve met. They’re just people at the end of the day.

  The funny thing is, I hate the word ‘fame’ because I don’t think it should define someone. You often hear people say, ‘This is when he was famous and then after that he wasn’t as famous,’ which seems to mean that the person is a failure now because he’s not as famous as he once was. It’s like a timeline. People seem to use the period when someone was famous as a barometer of failure. In that sense I don’t like the word.

  I’ve noticed I really enjoy meeting famous people who my parents are fans of! Somehow this makes the experience even more special, and I love telling Mum and Dad about it, or better still getting them to meet that person too. It excites me to see how much it excites them. I was talking to my dad about Rod Stewart one time, and Dad was telling me about a gig years ago when he climbed up on to these rugby posts to get a glimpse of Rod. I love it when things like that happen.

  I’m always looking to learn from people who are more experienced than me. I feel like I can learn a lot from the ‘famous’ people I occasionally meet because many of these big stars are so grounded. It makes me think that it can be done – you can be involved in a successful band and be in the public eye, and not become a bit of a diva. Also, it makes me realise that people are just people. It’s like I was saying at the start of this chapter about my parents teaching me that everyone’s equal. I certainly don’t think having a high profile makes me better than anyone else. If you make an effort you can find common ground with everyone.

  Events around our third album Midnight Memories were just completely crazy. Making the movie This Is Us was an amazing experience. We’re used to the cameras, so that was pretty fun and just seeing so many people enjoy our film was amazing. Leicester Square – well, what can you say about that?! What a day! I think that was one of the few occasions when we were all able to acknowledge that maybe the band was pretty big, that maybe it has gone pretty well. It was a rare moment to step back and see how far we’d come. It was so enjoyable. Same with 1D Day. How can you not enjoy being supported by so many people for that many hours in one day? It was really enjoyable having that direct link again too. This is the most exciting part of using the new social media and technology – you can foster that relationship and keep it cared for. The fans deserve to be looked after. We’re so lucky with our fans, we have to pinch ourselves sometimes.

  The anticipation for the tour is immense. When we first saw the stage at tour rehearsals we were all overwhelmed. The opportunity to perform in front of so many fans in so many countries is such a privilege. The selfish part of me also can’t wait to get that buzz you experience from performing live. The adrenalin you get is said to be like a drug and I’d certainly say that it could be addictive. If I was to leave the environment where I perform in front of a crowd, there’s no doubt that I’d miss the adrenalin hugely. I think it’s the best time you can have. There’s such a pure, unadulterated sense of enjoyment, a buzz, a wave of excitement, it’s just the best feeling ever. To have the opportunity to do that all over the world again is something we’re all very grateful for.

  I feel like One Direction is a one in a million opportunity for us. It certainly doesn’t happen very often, and in some ways it’s been a unique thing to have to learn to understand. They don’t give out lessons on how to deal with all of this. Yes, it’s completely crazy at times, but there are five of us who know exactly what the other people in this band are feeling. That’s always a very cool part of being in this band. I feel like whatever happens in the future and however things go, we’ll always have it in common that we went through this together. All of the stuff that’s happened to One Direction, if you think about it, is mind-blowing.

  A lot of people will say to you that life is short. That’s easy to dismiss as a cliché, but what I’ve learned along the way is that life is so short – so you might as well enjoy it as much as you can.

  In the general gist of things, so many people want to be famous and crave the attention that accompanies fame, but as soon as they get it they’re like, Oh! This isn’t always nice. But you really have to think to yourself, There’s not one part of this that you can complain about and think isn’t worth it. The pros will always outweigh the cons.

  I’m extremely grateful for the opportunities this band has given me. There are certainly jobs that are very demanding and often badly rewarded. By comparison, I really don’t have much to moan about. I’m incredibly fortunate that I’ve had this opportun
ity and that this has all happened to me, and to us.

  I ’m lucky enough to come from a large and very close family, so I’ve got mostly fantastic memories of my childhood. Growing up in Bradford, a town in the north of England, was interesting and sometimes a bit of a challenge. It’s a great area, and the sense of community and family is very strong there. When I was a kid, though, there were quite a few new families arriving and some moving on too, so the community was changing fairly rapidly.

  This had an impact on me simply because I’m mixed race. As a really young kid, it never crossed my mind that being Irish/English/Asian might cause some people an issue – I was just having a great time playing with my three sisters and friends. But as I got older, a few kids started asking questions, and that’s when I began to realise that some of them thought I was – how can I put it? – different.

  Kids always like to put things in a category – it’s just a part of childhood and growing up in a way, because it helps them understand stuff that’s around them. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just the way kids are. Kids are inquisitive. That’s fine when you’re at school and someone’s asking you which football team you support or what bands you’re into, but when I started to get a little older and joined in with various social groups at school, some of the kids started asking me questions that I just didn’t understand. ‘Where are your parents from?’ or ‘Where are you from?’ as well as ‘Why is your mum white and your dad brown?’ I can honestly say that when they asked that last one it had never even crossed my mind before, so I didn’t actually know what to say in reply.

  I was confused. Not confused about who I was and what was important to me, but about why these kids were even interested in this stuff in the first place. I couldn’t understand why it had any relevance. It was baffling. I just thought, Why do you find that so interesting? What does it matter to you? My mum’s my mum and my dad’s my dad.

  I am lucky to have a fantastic and very close family, such as my sister Doniya.

  As a kid I tended to stick to myself, if you like. I like my own space, and I like having the freedom to be who I am and do things my own way. Being the only boy in a family with three sisters meant I spent a fair bit of time on my own at home playing in my room – on computer games, reading comics – boy stuff! I enjoyed school but I didn’t have dozens of mates, just a couple of really good ones. I always seemed to have that independent streak.

  Growing up with my sisters Safaa, Waliyha and Doniya was a very happy time for me. (cont. over the page...)

  It’s really interesting how that independence developed as I got older. Before my teenage years I knew that certain kids thought I was different and that sometimes caused problems. You obviously want to be accepted in some way as a kid – no one wants to be left out. Once I hit my teens, though, I started to embrace that feeling of being ‘different’. I realised that it was actually kinda cool to be different! By the time I was 15, I enjoyed it.

  When One Direction took off I had grown into a more confident lad. I was happy within myself. The music and entertainment business is such a varied and interesting place to work too, and there are so many people you meet who are individual. In fact, in the music business being ‘different’ is applauded and encouraged. So I can honestly say that since the band started, it’s never been an issue. In terms of the people I surround myself with – band mates, management, everyone in the behind-the-scenes team – I’ve never experienced that again. Now I’m getting into my 20s, I can see that any adversity I experienced as a kid has made me who I am.

  I was a tough little kid, though, and, as I’ve explained before, I was extremely hyperactive when I was younger. I used to be bouncing off the walls all over the place, the sort of kid that was always laughing and joking, constantly trying to do something to annoy somebody! My mum was so incredibly patient but she’d still be like, ‘Zayn! Calm down! Sit still please!’ but I was just impossible to keep still for more than five seconds. It reached a point where my mum didn’t know what to do to keep me occupied so she took me to the doctor to try to find out what she should do. They did all these tests and eventually decided that it was some kind of intolerance of vitamin C that was causing the hyperactivity. If I ate something full of that vitamin I’d literally go crazy. So I was told not to eat oranges or any other fruit with vitamin C in it, that sort of stuff, which really helped. I mellowed out as I got older. Around the age of 17 or 18 I naturally just calmed down – ironically, mostly while I was on The X Factor.

  Birthday fun with my sisters. (cont. over the page...)

  By the time I was on the show I’d been performing for quite a few years. I sang in choirs back in primary school and loved the experience. I was about 12 when I got into the performing arts. I’m not sure if my initial motivation was something a singing teacher would necessarily approve of, though, because it wasn’t about being on stage at first! I went to a performing arts school and quite quickly noticed that a lot of lads were interested in acting and performing; it wasn’t just a girly subject, which was how most lads my age thought about it. Then I realised that if you were involved in all these classes and productions, you seemed to get a lot of female attention! I thought to myself, All the older, fit girls will know who I am! The ratio of girls to boys was also heavily weighted in my favour too, so I was well up for these classes.

  Really quickly after I started the classes, though, I forgot about that flirty motivation because I just loved performing so much. I was totally into it straight away and I found it much more enjoyable than conventional schoolwork. I was quite good in normal classes, actually, and I got 11 GCSEs. So from that point of view I did OK. From time to time my parents would ask me what I fancied doing as a career, and I always said what I really enjoyed more than anything was being on stage and performing. They always replied by saying they’d back me all the way.

  At that young age I was actually as much into acting as I was into singing. I ended up appearing in a number of productions, such as Bugsy Malone and Grease, among others. I loved being on stage playing a different character and doing different accents. For the first time it gave me a chance to channel that energy, the hyperactivity, into doing something creative. The quiet and reserved part of me also loved the opportunity to be more outgoing under the veil of someone else’s fictional character.

  In my teens I started to get into music big-time. I tended to listen to a lot of R&B, so when I began to watch The X Factor and think about maybe auditioning, that was always going to be the type of music I wanted to sing. I studied the show a little bit and thought that there had never really been a person on The X Factor before who’d been given a chance to do anything with R&B. I thought if I tried that approach it would be something a little bit ... different. That word again.

  I actually think that’s why I got through my first auditions, ’cos I was singing songs that maybe other people weren’t choosing at my age. I was singing R&B 90s tunes and there didn’t seem to be any other lads that were doing that. I wanted to be the first person in the show to try that style and I figured it would be cool for a young lad of 17 to be able to explore that more left-field type of music. It was quite a brave approach for someone of my age, I think. Obviously, a different opportunity arose for me when they said they wanted to put me in the band. That was a pretty simple decision. I thought, I’m either gonna go home right now or try this. I knew it was a massive opportunity so I gave it a go ... it seems to have worked out OK so far!

  This makes me sound more calculating than I actually was. I was never that deliberate. At that age – and in fact through pretty much all of my childhood – I was just a bit of a dreamer. I did have big aspirations for myself and I dreamt that hopefully it might happen for me one day in some way, so my attitude was always, Let’s give it a go. I wouldn’t say I was driven or highly ambitious, though. In fact, I know I wasn’t ‘super-driven’ because even on my audition day for The X Factor I didn’t wanna get out of bed to go to the show! I think the fact
I was a dreamer is nice – it shows my innocence at that age and it reflects really well on my family that I was brought up to believe I could pursue my dreams. Whenever I did performances, at school or anywhere else, Mum and Dad were always there, watching and supporting. They always said, ‘Zayn, follow your dreams.’ That’s an amazing attitude and it’s had a significant impact on my life. I’m very grateful for it.

  You all know what happened on The X Factor – it was the most amazing time! Obviously, there was also a really low point too – losing my granddad during the show. That was a really hard, weird time. When you’re on that show you’re living in a bubble – it’s difficult to explain. Nobody really gets it unless they’ve been in that environment too. You’ve hardly any contact with the outside world for weeks, and you’re not doing anything except for working, rehearsing, interviewing, routining – there’s really no time for anything else. You might see your family for maybe an hour after the show on the Saturday, and then that’s it – straight back into rehearsals the next day. For a time the outside world almost stops spinning.

  Then I got this phone call to say my granddad – who I adored – had died. He’d been ill for some time and knew he wasn’t gonna make it, but it was still a huge shock. It was just a weird thing to go through. As I’ve said, I’ve got a good relationship with my family – they’re really close and supportive. That really helped, but because I was on the show it was a time of really odd contrasts. In fact, because of all the madness going on with the show, losing my granddad didn’t really sink in until a few months later. I was at home talking to my mum about bits and pieces, then I went upstairs into my bedroom and suddenly everything came flooding back. I was like, ‘Oh no, I’m not going to see Granddad again ...’ That was a really low moment.