by Sherry Wood
“Oh great. Thank you.” She didn’t seem to know what to say either.
“I feel very special for getting to read it first.”
“You’re too much, really.” She walked into the living room and took the book down from the shelf with his picture in it and went upstairs. “So…I’m not in the pool…”
“It’s okay. I was a bit frisky this morning, I apologize.”
“Are you always frisky in the morning?” She asked. “Like a little puppy?”
“Yeah…” he smiled and ran his hand over his stubble, which in another day or so would be a full on beard.
“I want to say something but…I feel I shouldn’t.”
“Let’s have a quick, totally free run of saying things we shouldn’t,” he suggested. “I have ten seconds and you have ten seconds – go!”
“I wanna sleep with you!” Vanessa said. She slapped her hand over her mouth. What?!
Brian just laughed.
“I want to know what you’re wearing,” he said. How many seconds was that, he wondered.
“You first,” Vanessa said.
“Uh…” he glanced down at himself. “Really baggy jeans that make me look like a sloppy teenager, a can of beer in my hand…”
“Are you…” she couldn’t believe what she was about to ask. “Are you wearing a shirt?” she finished.
“White t-shirt,” he answered her question. She pictured him, his nice body, those tanned, muscular arms in a worn out white t-shirt. Then she heard John coming up the stairs and knew she needed to steer this elsewhere.
“So where did you grow up?”
“Evanston,” he said.
“Mmm, an Evanston boy.” She couldn’t believe how much she was flirting. She needed to pull back.
“I need another beer,” he said. “I want to watch a horror movie with you…and you can bury your face in my chest during the scary parts, and feel my beard against your cheek, my strong arm around you…”
“Oh…Brian…” she sighed. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She pulled the blanket over her. He slept here, she thought, in this room.
“What kind of horror movie?” she asked. She didn’t know why she asked that – like it mattered?!
“There’s a Japanese horror film based on Liquid Floor.”
“There is not!” Vanessa said. “I’ve never heard of it.”
“I know,” he said, his voice all husky. “It's pretty obscure, but…I want to watch it, with you. You know the part in the book where she falls in love with a boy who turns into a shark?”
“That’s my favorite part! And she has to decide whether to love him or go back to the orphanage to…gasp…reality!”
He laughed. “I like you,” he said. Hearing that meant more than hearing ‘I love you.’ It was the way he presented it. “Which side of the bed do you sleep on?” he suddenly asked. He felt a little weird for doing so, but it was too late. It was out there now.
“The right…I don’t like to sleep next to the wall,” Vanessa said.
“Me neither.”
“Do you sleep naked?” she had to ask. She paused and looked up into the hallway. She thought she heard John. He’d been in the shower. After a minute of not seeing him, she sank back into a lusty comfort.
“Do you swim naked?” he asked, therefore answering.
“Your pool is fantastic,” Vanessa said after a minute of silence occurred.
“Thanks. Did Izzy enjoy her walk today?”
“She did but she misses you. She’s always got her eye on the door like she thinks you’re about to walk in. And, she sleeps on the right side of the bed.”
Brian let out a little laugh. “I miss her.”
Brian did not know that Vanessa had his picture in her hand, staring at it. He didn’t know that during the next awkward silence, she wanted to tell him that he had nice eyes, and she bet he had a kind smile to go with it. And that she was lonely.
“How old are you?” he blurted. “I’m sorry – my mother says never ask a woman that. I’m sorry.”
“Twenty-nine. It’s okay,” she assured. He liked the way she said that.
“I’m smiling right now. I haven’t smiled in days,” he let her know.
“Why’s that?” she asked.
“I don’t…know. Stress, I guess.”
“Oh gosh, how is your mother?” she looked out in the hallway and noticed John walking towards the bedroom.
“Good.” He waited a minute. There were suddenly so many things he wanted to ask her.
“You seem close to her,” Vanessa smiled.
“I am.”
“I don’t know many people that…get along with their parents. There’s always some little…ripple.”
“I had a boring childhood,” he said. “Parents both worked, they got along – no drama. I had to do something special,” he said. “I thought moving to L.A. and pursuing acting – I was going to be the famous one in my family, goddamn it,” he hailed, pumping his fist in the air. “And now – Brian Cave? Who is that?”
“I know who you are,” Vanessa said. She paused and placed her phone against her chest when John looked at her to speak.
“You want a glass of wine?” he asked her.
“Sure, thanks,” Vanessa said. Brian heard John’s voice in the background.
“I should let you go,” he figured. Vanessa waited for John to walk down the stairs to speak.
“I don’t know – this is crazy – but I want to see you,” she said.
Brian hesitated. A part of him still loved Saphire, and longed for her, to scoop her up in his arms, to wake her up inside. He was still waiting for her to arrive.
“I should go,” Brian said. “But…I would like to talk to you again.”
“Okay.” Vanessa tried to smile. She was very embarrassed. She looked up as John came in with a glass of wine. “Bye,” she threw the word out awkwardly, before hanging up.
CHAPTER 23
The next morning buzzed with energy even though there wasn’t a whole lot going on. It was Thursday – which meant Morey would be here tomorrow, and the band thing would take over. Vanessa stared dreamily out at the ocean, reaching for Izzy’s leash when her phone rang. It was Brian. She stared at it and glanced upstairs where John was getting dressed.
“Hi,” Vanessa said, lowering her voice.
“Hey, you get those papers? The package should arrive today.”
“No, not yet.” Vanessa walked into the living room. The smell of scented candles was finally starting to lift. Vanessa had cleaned up a little – placing Saphire’s magazine in a neat stack on the coffee table and throwing out empty champagne bottles that had been left out. “How are you?” Vanessa asked.
Brian glanced down at Saphire, who had come home late and very drunk and crashed on the couch.
“Okay – I’m taking my mother out for dinner tonight.”
“Oh?” Vanessa said, delighted. “So she must be feeling better.”
Brian wanted to believe that. Calling Vivere and making reservations made him believe that.
“Where are you taking her?” Vanessa asked as she called Izzy over, patting her knee and blowing her kisses.
“Vivere,” Brian said, sitting down on the armrest and looking at Saphire, wondering if he should check for a pulse.
Vanessa’s voice crept through the phone in an amazed whisper. “I love…Vivere. Oh, I miss that place. They have the best Chablis.”
“Don’t they?” Brian said, so agreeable and relaxed. “I’ve been going since I was a little boy.”
“Have you?” she asked, right before Izzy barked.
“Hey Izzy!” Brian called out. She barked again.
“Ah!” Vanessa laughed. “That’s your daddy,” Vanessa told Izzy. “I’m about to take her for a walk,” she returned to Brian.
“Oh, I’d like to keep talking if that’s okay?” Brian hoped. “It will be almost like I’m walking her too.”
“That’s what I was thinking,�
�� Vanessa let him know as she pulled the sliding door open and Izzy ran excitedly for the ocean. “Man, she’s hyper!”
“She is. Her favorite spot are the rocks near the pier, where the coffee shop is.”
“Oh? I like that spot.”
“You should sunbathe there…naked.”
“You flirt,” Vanessa said, walking along the beach now, kicking the hot sand and enjoying everything surrounding her, including his voice. Everything was just warm…and exciting.
“I’m going to…” Brian started and stopped, rethinking what he wanted to say. “If I find this movie, this Japanese movie based on Liquid Floor?”
“Yeah…”
“That will be a sign – that we should meet up.”
“Okay,” she smiled.
“So…I’m going to go to this video store, they have lots of old finds, and if it's there, I’ll call you tonight. I’ll let you know.”
“That sounds great,” Vanessa said.
“Okay,” he looked over as Saphire started to wake up. “Tell Izzy bye for me.”
“I will,” Vanessa said, softly. “I hope to hear from you later – I hope you find that movie.”
CHAPTER 24
Brian drove into Wicker Park, where the video store was. The neighborhood had changed so much since he was here last. He parked and walked along North Avenue. He stopped at Starbucks where he was positive the video store should be. He took the little piece of paper out of his pocket and looked at the address and then inside the coffee shop, stepping aside as a nicely dressed couple walked out. He politely approached the man.
“Excuse me,” Brian said. The man looked at him, giving off that impatient city vibe. “But…” Brian looked back at the Starbucks. “Wasn’t this a video store…once?”
“Yeah, like five years ago, bro,” the guy scoffed before walking off. Brian got back in his rental car. The car felt unfamiliar – everything was suddenly so unfamiliar. He knew the drive to Evanston would make him feel better.
It was quite a drive, but Brian enjoyed it. It was nice and quiet here. No neon pink or palm trees, just the quiet subtlety of family life. Brian wondered if his life would ever evolve into a nice home and raked piles of leaves in the front yard, boxes of decorations for the holidays. Family dinners. Children. He couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried, imagine doing those things with Saphire. Saphire wasn’t even her real name, it was her favorite stone.
He pulled into the driveway of his mother’s home. He really liked coming here, it felt like a long, much needed hug. Each time he returned, the embrace strengthened. To the left of the garage was where his swing used to hang from a giant oak tree that got taken down by a storm a few years ago. Things, time, weather…it erased so much. He got out and took the flowers he’d bought for his mother. He walked up the long walkway that was built for her when she relied on a wheelchair. He banged on the door before he moved the pot and took the extra key hidden there.
“Mama?” he called out, pushing the door open. He went into the kitchen and took the old vase and rinsed it out. “I got you some flowers,” he called out. “I was just up on North Avenue,” his voice shook with discontent. “Can’t believe how much everything there has changed.”
He waited. The house returned nothing but silence. He went down the hallway.
“Mom? You asleep?” He slowly pushed her door open. She was lying in bed, her back to the room. She was not moving.
“Mom?” He stood there for a minute when something gripped him. He just knew. He waited a minute before he started crying. “Mama,” he walked over to her and dropped the flowers on the floor and crawled into bed, burrowing his head into her lifeless body. “Mama.” He put his arms around her and just sobbed.
Saphire got out of the cab in front of Brian’s old childhood home. She was dressed nice in a long black dress and high heel shoes so it took her some challenging moments to get over the rocks and come up the walkway to him. Brian sat in the old recliner on the back porch, staring off into space. This was an ending in his life, an epic sort of feeling had taken hold. He needed a new beginning, he needed to be comforted. He looked up at Saphire as she came up the walkway. She looked very worried – and incapable of soothing him.
“Baby?” Saphire called out. She was trying her best and he knew that. Brian didn’t have it in him to stand up. He leaned into her, so his head pressed against her belly, and she put her hands in his hair.
CHAPTER 25
“At least you got to see her,” she said as she drove them back home. She was trying to dig up words, but they sounded flat to him. “You got to spend time with her…”
“Time?” he interrupted. He never snapped at her, but he was unhinged tonight. “Two days? Two visits even…always coming back to you because you needed me! When did you ever, since we’ve been here, ask how she was doing?”
Saphire was stunned at Brian’s tone.
“I mean really,” he softened his tone but was still angry.
“Let’s not fight while I’m driving,” she said. “We’ll put other people at risk.” Her voice was shot. She couldn’t stand being yelled at. When she was a teenager, she was left to the care of her uncle a lot. He was rich, and single, and had a ton of money to spend on her. She liked his house, his pool, but sometimes he would drink and yell at her. It left her in a fragile state. When she told Brian this, he had held her for a long time and kissed her forehead and made her feel so safe.
“How thoughtful of you,” Brian said, sarcastic. “Why are you dressed up?” he asked, in a grim voice so out-of-character.
“I just bought this, I just wanted to put it on.” She spoke in a very timid tone.
He didn’t believe her, but left it alone. She turned onto Fullerton. He tried not to think about his mother in that bed, what she must have been thinking before she took her final breath. She pulled up in front of the house and got out of the car.
“Our pool would be so soothing right now,” Saphire complained. “They sure did get a good deal out of this whole house swapping thing.”
Brian kept quiet as he walked up to the building and unlocked the door. He was starting to like this place – the brick wall and fireplace were romantic. He felt like he was home.
“Oh no – I forgot my clutch at the house…” She turned to see it flying through the air when Brian threw it at her and walked off.
“Brian!” She watched him walk up the stairs. A few minutes later, she heard him slam the door.
He started to lose it. He took his shirt off and threw it against the wall and looked for something to break but reminded himself that nothing here was his to break and that was when his phone rang. He saw the number and recognized it. He almost didn’t answer. He could never explain why he did though.
“Hello?” he rubbed his forehead, a faint headache was developing into a more severe one.
“Hey Brian,” Vanessa said – her tone the perfect blend of excitement and guilt. “Did you find the horror movie?”
Brian was devastatingly quiet. He looked over the balcony at Saphire, pouting on the leather couch.
“Brian?” Vanessa checked. “You okay?”
For a minute, Brian just shut down. He spoke rather robotically. “Yes. How are you?”
“Oh…I don’t know…John’s band is going to come up here, I won’t…let anything happen to your house, I promise.”
“I don’t care.” Brian’s tone was stark, heavy.
“Are you okay?”
“My mom died.” He broke down, trying not to cry that hard but he couldn’t help it.
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. Oh, Brian…what can I do?”
“I knew…you know? When I walked into the room I just knew, the silence…was just different. Like when…the power goes out…something.”
“I’m so sorry, I wish I could hug you right now.”
He wanted to say, ‘Me too,’ but he just kept sobbing.
“What do you need?” Vanessa asked about a minute later. “You’re not
up for talking, I under…”
“No,” he quickly said. “Please don’t hang up.”
“Okay, I won’t.” Vanessa promised. “I’m here…” she walked over to the bookshelf and took the copy of Liquid Floor down and just began reading. “She felt alone – wickedly alone – with ten strange children sleeping on either side of her, in beds too small, hopes too small.” The words found Brian. He remembered everything about that book. He collapsed on the bed, shut his eyes and listened. “You simply couldn’t dream in these beds, there was not enough room. But she shut her eyes, and when she shut her eyes…”
“She saw a different world,” Brian’s husky voice took over. He knew the book by heart! “She could feel the bed suddenly drop into the most soothing water – not like bathwater, but clean, purifying. She went deeper and deeper, escaping it all.”
“She saw little mermaids, flapping their fins and laughing, and a cave,” Vanessa read on.
“Thank you,” Brian said, so sincere. He was crying some more, but he was grateful.
“Oh baby…I really want to hold you,” she said. “Come up here.” The words shot from Vanessa’s mouth. “I can be a better friend for you…if you were here.”
“Oh I can’t – my mom…my mom’s funeral,” he said, battling to get those last two words out. Vanessa felt so dumb.
“Oh, of course, I’m sorry. That was so stupid.”
‘You could come here,” he said, not obsessing over her thoughtless remark. They were both quiet, taking in what all this meant.
“I could,” she realized.
“I’ve been thinking about you – picking up the phone, putting it down. Picking it up. Fear…there’s this fear of what might happen, but I want something to happen, and fear is stupid.”
“It is.”
“And that video store is a Starbucks now and that’s stupid. And there are so many evil people in the world and my mother – my sweet mother – is dead and I just…want you to hold me,” he cried.
“I want to,” she said, reaching out to him as much as she could with her voice. “Baby, I think about you at night – I sleep on your side of the bed.”