Hunter's Moon

by Susan Laine

  The compassionate look on his face appeared sincere, and Kieran nodded silently. Kris got up and walked away, exchanging a quick hug with Gabriel on his way. Where Kris had sat, Gabriel now took his place, perched on the edge of the bench breathing for a long time, his hands clasped together.

  “Nice kid,” Kieran said, referring to Kris, because it felt like a good dialog opener.

  “Kris? Yeah, he is.” Gabriel looked past the lawn and over the road at the trimmed hedges on the other side of the street where residential buildings stood as lovely and picturesque as in postcards from the countryside. “In the spirit of not lying, I should probably tell you I overheard what you and he talked about.”

  “With your wolf hearing?”

  Gabriel hemmed. “At first. Then I got close enough for the normal way.”

  “You can use your wolf senses even when you’re not a wolf?”

  “They are engrained into the very core of our being, inseparable from who we are. It’s not like a button we can turn on and off. The actual wolf form, however, is different. That takes control and….” Suddenly Gabriel paused, a confused expression clouding his handsome face. “No, I didn’t come here to talk about that. I got distracted.” He glanced at Kieran who felt a strong pang of apprehension twist in his stomach. “I want to talk about you and me—and us.”

  “Wait, just wait.” Kieran held out his right hand in a definite stop-right-there gesture. “Look, the truth is all you know about me really is what you’ve witnessed me doing in the weirdest fucking twenty-four hours of my life. None of that is indicative of who I am. What you saw and heard was me blocking out certain human responses in exchange for the thrill of the chase and for a quick buck.”

  “I understand that, Kieran. Really I do.” Gabriel’s tender voice was fragile. “I know people are more than their jobs—even professions such as yours.”

  “Was,” Kieran corrected, and there was no doubt in his tone. “The trouble is that since I met you, I’ve started to empathize with your position, waiting for me for so long, so that it’s hard for me to see beyond that, to see myself, you know?”

  “Yes, I know.” The rueful voice was almost more than Kieran could bear, which was funny with his background in holding his own against anything.

  “I’m military, for fuck’s sake,” Kieran growled to himself, chagrined. “I can stand my own ground. I can…. Ugh. Never mind. Forget that. This is getting stupid and repetitive.” Brushing his face with his hands, he felt tired and worn. “I checked your myth reference. Tantalus? Not your everyday kindred spirit. Look, the problem’s not the job I had, okay? If you can live with that crap, so can I. It’s not even about the… gay sex. I don’t want to back down on this thing between us, but I don’t know exactly how to move forward to the point I desperately want to reach. Does that make any sense?” Yes, he did have an idea forming in his head, but he was scared to pursue the train of thought to its inevitable conclusion—to becoming a couple with a man.

  Nodding, Gabriel spoke softly, “I do get it, Kieran. And, if you permit me, I think I may have a solution for us.” Holding his breath in anxiety, Kieran waited to hear what the cowboy had to say. “We could go through with the mating. Not the sex. Just the mating ritual. Then your head will clear and you’ll be able to decide what you want to do.”

  Kieran blinked hard. The implications of Gabriel’s suggestion did not go unnoticed by him. After all, Gabriel had said that if they mated and didn’t fuck, Gabriel would suffer more than if they did neither. Kieran was conflicted. He was pissed at Gabriel for suggesting he make a choice that would grant Kieran his sanity and levelheadedness, but leave Gabriel a miserable mess. And yet he was relieved because a part of him now treaded on the familiar territory of decision-making he had already traveled.

  It was then that Gabriel’s gaze met Kieran’s eyes, and he smiled gently. “You need clarity. As a lycan, I have known all my life that I have one person out there who is meant only for me. I’ve grown accustomed to the idea. You have not. Mating will offer you lucidity of thought and emotion, and you can make an informed decision.”

  “About whether or not to have sex with you?”

  “That is only part of it, Kieran. I mean whether or not you wish to stay with me and try to forge a life together as friends, companions, partners, mates, and perhaps even lovers.”

  Slightly exasperated, Kieran found Gabriel’s willingness to address their mutual issue very noble. But in essence what he was suggesting was for Kieran to build his life on the foundation of Gabriel’s everlasting misery—and Kieran couldn’t do that. But… what could he do? He knew sex wasn’t a Band-Aid, and sex alone wouldn’t fix anything wrong or broken between two people, but could he just up and change his whole sexual life because of one man? For now he had made his decision.

  “Wanna know something funny? Even though you lied to me by an omission of the truth, I had already decided to mate with you before you got here.”

  Gabriel’s stare was astonished. Kieran felt for him. The truth was he had come to that conclusion before he had spoken with Kris, before he had read about the suffering of Tantalus, even before their row up on the ridge at the ranch. Yes, he didn’t want to hurt Gabriel by denying him the physical connection lycans craved for with their mates, but he required this to fully understand what he was getting into. Since he was a kid, he had been all for the practical demonstration over other options, and in this instance theory just didn’t cut it.

  Kieran had witnessed Gabriel kill a man for him. It had not been an aphrodisiac in any sense of the word, but he had not truly understood the lengths the man would go for him until right at that moment—that split second between Deck’s life and death.

  Kieran sighed. “You’re taking an awful risk. I might never come to choose you, Gabe. Sexually and emotionally, I mean.”

  Gabriel’s ruggedly handsome face paled and his eyes took on a haunted appearance. “But you said you didn’t mind the gay part, or let the mercenary thing—”

  “I did say that,” Kieran admitted.

  “You lied?” Gabriel appeared nonplussed.

  “No.” Kieran took his cowboy’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Rough calluses in Gabriel’s hands were different from the scars of his own hand, and yet so alike. “I’m directionless. Being with you, or not being with you, can’t be my only….” Searching for words that failed him, Kieran struggled to get the right meaning across. “Forgetting for a moment the obstacles—my gay virginity, our half-truths, our separate lives—I need to make right with my past and with myself. I need something to strive for. A goal. A purpose. Something beyond… us.”

  Slowly Gabriel nodded in concordance. “I see.” Relief gave his tentative smile a bright sunny quality Kieran didn’t mind seeing. “Every man must walk his own path. I just hope that when you figure out where that path leads you, you might consider letting me walk by your side. Just for the company, at least.”

  Kieran smiled as a huge weight lifted off his back. “I’d like that.”

  Chapter Nine

  “YOU won’t be wearing these clothes for long anyway, so who cares what you look like?” Again slapping Kieran’s hands out of the way, Kris straightened Kieran’s midnight-blue tie and mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like a litany of curse words.

  Kieran swallowed. It had been a month since his shaky truce with Gabriel, and it was full moon again. The mating ritual was about to commence, and his knees felt rubbery and his chest tight and constricted. “It feels like a fucking noose around my neck.”

  Kris let out an exasperated sigh. “Jesus, you’re worse than Rafe. He hates ties too. Maybe they think they’re being collared or something. You know, like dogs. Ridiculous.”

  “Remind me again why I’m doing this?” Tugging at his neckline as if he was an inch away from choking, Kieran felt too uncomfortable. His hands were cold, he was so nervous, and he shook them repeatedly to loosen the tension and return the circulation.

  C
upping Kieran’s cheek, Kris smiled up at him encouragingly. “You’ve spent a month learning about the lycan way of life, you’ve steered clear of Gabe, and now it’s time to get it on and consummate your relationship.”

  Growling, Kieran shook his head. “He’s just going to bite me, right? He’s not going to try and change me or… fuck me against my will?”

  “Oh my God, you’re insane,” Kris huffed, once more shoving aside Kieran’s hands as they lifted almost involuntarily to loosen the necktie he was wearing. “Do you really think he’s that kind of a person? So amoral and aggressive that he’d hurt you? Gabe’s a kitten, and you know that.”

  Yes, Kieran did know that. Never had he had cause to suspect Gabriel was the kind of man who hid his true proclivities behind a veneer of falsehoods. He might have had a wolf inside, but he was kind and considerate, without a violent bone in his body. They had not been alone in all this time, even though Gabriel had given Kieran much of his introduction into the wolf way of life. But always there had been someone there to keep them at a distance. Kieran felt a tingling electric fire burning beneath his skin at the promise of soon being close enough to Gabriel to touch him.

  Shaking his head, he admitted without reluctance, “Yeah, I know. Gabe’s great.”

  Kris stood before him and peered up into his gray-blue eyes, dead serious. “Kieran, you must remember that when the bond is sealed, when Gabe has bitten you and you two are finally mated, you will want him. The need for him is already there, because whether you acknowledge it or not, you are his mate. But when he bites you, it’ll be a hundred times stronger.” Hesitating, Kris smiled tentatively. “At that point what you do is your call, but it will be momentous.”

  Frowning, Kieran dipped his chin to stare at the floor—and right through it at nothing. “Is he… Gabe… is he all right…? We haven’t really talked, and I….”

  “He knows you’re here on the ranch,” Kris comforted him. “Your mere presence has a calming effect on him. I know you are worried about him, but he’s a big boy, and he can take care of himself.” Tightening Kieran’s tie yet again, Kris seemed pensive. “Have you come to a decision about what you want to do now? I mean in terms of a job and… stuff.”

  Vague and allusive were both approaches Kris had mastered into a casual art form of communication, and Kieran smiled. In the past month they had become good friends, even though they came from completely different backgrounds.

  “I have an idea, yeah.” An offer had been made to him, and this opportunity that had presented itself Kieran did not want to turn down because it brought him that much closer to his goal, which was to forge a balance between him and Gabriel. Kieran was uncertain about a great many things, but he did want to remain with Gabriel, regardless of the actual nature of the relationship.

  “Have you told Gabe?”

  “No. I wanted to wait and see how tonight goes first.” His fingers were still so cold they were practically numb, and he kept shaking them to regain some sensation. He felt like a big jumble of nerves, and tiny tremors wracked his body. “It’ll be all right, won’t it?”

  Kris chuckled to alleviate the tension in the room. “Totally. So would you stop being so rattled already? Jeez.”

  A knock came from the door just before Rafe cracked it open a bit and peeked in. “Y’all ready, or what? It’s show time.”

  Nodding like a jack-in-the-box, Kieran kept reminding himself that hyperventilation was not an option anymore.

  WIND rustled in the tall deciduous trees surrounding the forest clearing. Pine tree resin and fresh earth dominated the place with their natural fragrances, and the midnight’s full moon cast a silvery light over the sacred site. Night birds were chirping in the branches, and cicadas tuned their own concert. The grass on the meadow felt wet and cold against Kieran’s bare feet, but he braved on toward the center of the circle with stones and lit candles placed to mark the perimeter. At the heart of the circle was a small bonfire, giving off waves of heat and light, sweet, smoky scents of burning wood, and what smelled like herbs or plants. The hairs on the back of Kieran’s neck stood up as he sensed the shadowy figures of the pack members standing outside the circle, waiting, watching. He couldn’t tell how many there were, but from the feel of it, several dozen at least.

  Only one person stood at the heart of the circle, and Kieran locked his gaze on Gabriel, ignoring everything else. Kris had told him many times that the mating ritual changed according to the people involved. Rafe and Kris had been able to perform the mating during sex because that way the intimate act accompanied the spiritual bonding, requiring less formality. Without the sexual component, however, a more defined ritual was required.

  Gabriel was bare-chested and barefoot, wearing only low-hanging jeans that bulged at his crotch in a way that made Kieran’s heart beat faster. The look on Gabriel’s face was at once reassuring and hungry, and Kieran couldn’t tell which excited him more. It still made little sense to him why he had to wear a formal suit when Gabriel was all but naked.

  Stopping before the big cowboy werewolf, Kieran peered steadily into brown eyes bursting with flames. For so long, his body had cried out, craving to be touched again. Too long, he knew, as he fought for control of his body’s reactions. Then Gabriel’s nostrils flared, his pupils dilated with lust, and fangs peeked just beyond his parted lips. Kieran wondered why he didn’t feel like running but instead felt like throwing himself at Gabriel and climbing up the man’s body like a crushing vine around a tree trunk.

  “Kieran.” Gabriel’s voice was low, husky, and filled with promises Kieran wanted the guy to deliver on.

  “Gabe.” His own voice cracked and he trembled all over, but he didn’t care. This was where he longed to be. This was what he had spent a month planning and getting ready for. It was too late to chicken out now. Not that he wanted to, either, as he had everything invested in this, from his dreams of the future to his body yearning to be claimed.

  “Are you all right?” Gabriel’s tone held such sincere concern it melted away the last shreds of doubt within Kieran’s heart. Whether they ever had sex or not, this was the man he could trust with anything and spend the rest of his life with.

  Accomplishing a faint smile, he said, “Yeah. You?”

  Gabriel grinned and his tone was downright mischievous. “Perfect now.”

  Without realizing it, Kieran was leaning toward Gabriel in the hopes of a kiss when a new voice startled him and caused him to rear back. “Are we ready?”

  Daniel King was Gabriel’s father, tall and lean, his brown hair graced with a few strands of gray, and his voice one of authority that could just as easily soothe a wild beast as scare the pants off the bravest man. In fact, he had this feature in common with his son, which didn’t surprise Kieran. Dressed in simple jeans, plaid shirt, and brown felt cowboy hat, he was the epitome of an aging cowboy, still holding on to every shred of his masculine prowess. No wonder he was the Alpha, Kieran thought, because he radiated power. As the lights of the bonfire flickered behind him, Daniel came off as almost nothing more than a black silhouette against the brightness of the flames.

  Still, Gabriel was the one dominating Kieran’s mind at the moment. “Yeah, good to go.” Of all the things he had learned about lycans, this momentous occasion was the most significant because he understood its fundamental purpose—the unification of two into one. He hadn’t always felt so receptive to new things, especially one that could lead to him becoming the partner of a man for life. But Gabriel had a way of disarming all his fears and doubts.

  “As am I, father,” Gabriel noted.

  “Very well then,” Daniel called out, speaking to all participants in and out of the ritual circle. “Would you stand here before me, please.” Gabriel and Kieran stepped closer to Daniel and faced each other, and Daniel completed the triangle, standing before them both, addressing all those present. “Honored pack members, we are gathered here tonight on this sacred land to join these two men—Gabriel King, my son, and
Kieran Knight, my soon-to-be-son—in the holy bond of mating.”

  Daniel turned his gaze from the pack members around the circle to Gabriel and Kieran, who felt like his stomach had been invaded by a swarm of butterflies, fluttering about frantically.

  “Gabriel and Kieran have chosen to unite their lives in this affectionate mating, a bond of kindred spirits, a balmy benediction to kindle their flames into a bonfire of love.” At this point Daniel gave them both a stern, but compassionate, look. “What is mating? Since time immemorial our kind, the lycan breed, have been privileged to be bestowed with the foreknowledge of our soul mate. It is a blessing to find the one who is meant for us when the chances of finding that special someone are few and far between. We, the pack, are fortunate to be a part of this rare opportunity to share this precious and loving moment with Gabriel and Kieran.”

  Daniel spoke to everyone, and yet Kieran felt like the man was speaking to him alone. “Please, enter this circle of love.” From the shadows of the night, under the dusky sky riddled with stars, pack members—young and old, men and women—stepped over the line of candles and stones marking the circle. “Like lycans, a mating circle is perfect and infinite, magical and wondrous, with no beginning and no ending. And like the circle, love is perfect and infinite, magical and wondrous. For true love is at the heart of mating, a gift of bonding granted to us by the gods, the spirits, nature, and the fates. Tonight we celebrate the loving bond between Gabriel and Kieran, two halves of one whole, two souls entwined as a single being, two hearts beating as one.”

  Smiling encouragingly at Kieran and Gabriel, Daniel spoke to them directly. “Please, face each other and take each other’s hands as a symbol of the promise of unity and the journey you are about to embark on together.” Kieran lifted his hands to take hold of Gabriel’s hands extended in front of him. He knew he was shaking and his skin was vibrating and sweating, but Gabriel’s hands were strong, firm, and they held his so protectively that the gentle grip became the embodiment of their relationship. Kieran smiled tentatively, and Gabriel grinned back reassuringly. “Love changes with the passage of time, as the tides ebb and flow. Though it is our way to seek permanency and stability, the flow of love is by nature the pattern of life itself, and the rewards unfathomable. In this circle that which is unseen will be visible.”