Illicit

by Jordan Silver

  “You know what, why not, what do I need to bring?”

  “Just yourself and lots of sunblock, there’s actually sun there and we wouldn’t want you to burn that lily white skin of yours.”

  She said it with a smile, but I wasn’t sure there hadn’t been a touch of malice underneath her words.

  Maybe malice was too harsh a word, but there’d definitely been something there.

  I shrugged it off as we headed away in opposite directions from each other, to our respective classes.

  As it turns out Mark was in this class a few seats back, and he came towards me as soon as I sat at my desk.

  “So, new girl, heard you changed your mind about the picnic this weekend.” He was all smiles and boyish charm.

  “Uh yeah, I kinda told Jane that I’d go.” A decision that I was fast coming to regret!

  “Sweet, see you then; please tell me you have a two piece bikini.” His eyes actually lit up as he ogled my almost nonexistent boobs.

  “Gross.”

  I turned around and ignored him. Why couldn’t other guys be like him who shall remain nameless?

  That was my new way of dealing with the strange phenomena that seemed to come attached with whenever I thought or said his name.

  For all that he was a thoughtless pig, who had just ran off without a by your leave, he was still kind of hot in his approach, the jerk.

  I got a nice little surprise when I found my arm grabbed by someone outside my last class before lunch period. It was the pixie and she looked ready to skin someone alive.

  “Hey!” I barked indignantly, this family was not on my friends list at all.

  I started to ask her what the hell she thought she was doing, but she stopped us a little ways down the hall and out of the way of the hungry horde that was headed to the cafeteria.

  “Did you accept an invitation to go to the beach on Saturday?”

  What the hell, did these people have a spyware network or something? I know the place is small but this is ridiculous, first Mark and now her. Wait a minute.

  “What’s it to you, do I know you?”

  “Cute, look, if you go to the beach you’re asking for trouble, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “What, what does that mean, is someone out to get me or something?”

  “What, one of these clowns? They wouldn’t dare. They know my brother would have their guts for garters if they touched one hair on your precious little head.” She rolled her eyes like this was something I should know already.

  “Look I don’t know what’s going on with you and...him, but I’m going to the beach. If people want to go around handing out orders then they should stick around to see they get carried out.” I was feeling very brave here suddenly, I think I like this new assertive side, yeah me.

  She shook her head at me, shrugged, and walked away; what was with them and leaving me standing in the halls looking after them anyway?

  I watched until she disappeared from sight; now I’m back to being wary and unsure. I mauled my fingernails as I made my way to the cafeteria, my mind full of her somewhat dire warning.

  Why should it matter to her brother what I did or where I went anyway? It’s not like he was willing to spend time with me, he’d disappeared for crying out loud.

  Saturday dawned like every other day in Havenhurst, dreary and wet. I wonder how far away this beach was that there was going to be sun?

  Dad had left earlier to go fishing with his old pal Barney. I guess he’d been ready to squash his plans if I’d stayed home, so this worked out for the best after all.

  I didn’t want my dad feeling obligated to put his life on hold for me.

  If this was going to work, then we had to do things as naturally as possible, and his weekly fishing trips with Barney was a staple.

  I’d decided to drive myself instead of catching a ride with Mark or Ian; both of who had offered. Besides, if I didn’t like the lay of the land it was always easier to leave if I had my own wheels.

  Dad had packed me an arsenal before he’d headed out at first light. There was mace shoved in with the sunblock, a roll of coins, some cash and every number to every deputy in town, which amounted to about three. I rolled my eyes as I put the bag over my shoulder and headed out the door.

  ***

  I guess the pixie’s dire warning of doom and gloom was wrong, because nothing happened. I’d almost been expecting strange winds and black cats at midnight, or at the very least a raven or crow at my bedroom window, but nothing.

  There had been that strange wind outside my window, but that’s been happening since I came here so, no.

  I did feel a little apprehensive about going against his wishes, but that didn’t last long.

  Obviously he had no real interest or he would’ve been here. I shrugged it off, along with the touch of sadness at the thought that even my dream guy wasn’t interested, and headed out the door.

  The beach wasn’t exactly crowded when I arrived, but there were some people there I hadn’t seen before. Everyone seemed to be having fun, either surfing or playing Frisbee.

  Boys surrounded Sara and Jane, and Michelle was learning how to use the boogie board from some kid named Cain.

  I found a spot and sat, not quite sure what to do with myself. I’d never learned to swim so there was no way I was going in that water, and the sun burns me to a crisp.

  Why had I come here again? Oh yeah, to have fun. Something I’ve not had a lot of opportunities to do in my past.

  Though their idea of sun was a laugh compared to some of the places I’ve been, it was still a nice change from the constant drizzle back in town.

  Somehow though, this place couldn’t seem to get away from the threatening clouds that seemed to hover around night and day.

  “Hey Jazz you having fun yet?”

  “I am.” I shielded my eyes from the sunlight’s glare as Mark’s hulking body dropped down on the sand next to me.

  “So, what made you change your mind about coming? You didn’t say.”

  I shrugged my shoulders because there was really nothing much to say on the subject; nothing that anyone would understand anyway.

  “Well, whatever it was I’m glad you came; I’m surprised that your friend didn’t tag along.” He looked around as if searching for someone. I knew exactly whom he meant, but feigned ignorance.

  “Who’re you talking about? I just moved here, I don’t know anyone, not really.”

  “You know, your new boyfriend.” He smirked and brushed my shoulder with his, but I could see it in his eyes that he was serious.

  “What’s with Azarov anyway?” I played with the sand at my feet so that he couldn’t read my expression and see the hunger there, the need to know. Once again I felt that strange breeze against my nape and ear, but ignored it this time.

  “No one knows, he and his family showed up here just a few months before you did. Everyone thinks he’s hot shit because they’re rich and he’s some type of boy genius or some shit from Europe somewhere.”

  So I’d been right when I’d been trying to place his accent. Something niggled at the back of my mind, but like a leaf in the breeze it escaped me and as usual, I let it go.

  We exchanged small talk about the area and school and what else the kids did for fun. I didn’t feel any danger from Mark, but there was something there beneath the surface, almost as if I was doing something forbidden.

  By now the others were eating and drinking and horsing around. We’d been here for a few hours already, but it felt like time had flown by without me noticing.

  If I were honest with myself I’d admit that I kept expecting him to show up here. With each hour that passed with no sign of him, the day lost more and more of its pleasure.

  I’d become a junkie, but this junkie had only been teased with her drug, only to have it snatched away without warning.

  Now I spend my days and nights fiending for him, just a look, a touch, even just to hear his voice one more time.
>
  I fought back unnecessary tears and concentrated on Mark and what he was saying. That…man-boy, or whatever he was, is of no interest to me and I hope he stays out of my stupid dreams from now on too, the jerk.

  “Say you want to come out to my place later, we’re having a bonfire?”

  “Sure that sounds like fun I...”

  A strong gust of wind kicked up the sand around us and blew hats and umbrellas across the beach. My heart went into overdrive and I looked around frantically, but of course he wasn’t here.

  I felt like bursting into tears for some unknown reason, the joy of the day now gone completely. Not only because of the sudden dark cloud that covered the sky, but also because I knew that somehow, he was so near and yet so far.

  I bit my lip in frustration, as I got to my feet ready to take flight. Maybe the pixie had been right after all; maybe I should’ve obeyed.

  “Um maybe some other time Mark, thanks anyway.” I brushed the sand off as I tried to make my escape. My heart was heavy and I felt like screaming, but what would that solve?

  “Sure Jazz, I guess I’ll see you around.” He headed back to his friends who’d been off by themselves doing something with a monster of a kite.

  I gathered up my stuff and prepared to go, the others planned to be here for a while yet, but the joy had gone out of the day for me, so there was no use staying.

  I said my goodbyes amidst a few mumbles of protest, but I made my escape without too much ado.

  What was really going on with me anyway? And how was it, that I could feel his presence, when he wasn’t even there?

  I’ve read of strange phenomena occurring in the world, in fact I’m obsessed with stories of unnatural happenings. But I’ve never been on the receiving end of anything even remotely supernatural.

  And there I go getting fanciful again. I thought I’d put those days behind me, but I was wrong. Days of make believe and pretend.

  Hours spent creating a world from my own unlimited imagination. When you were raised practically as a reclusive nomad, imagination was about all you had.

  Chapter 7

  All the way back I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched, which spooked me, since most of the drive was on another deserted stretch of road, with nothing but tall trees on either side, and there was no car behind me this time.

  Now what was I supposed to do with the rest of my day? There really wasn’t much to do. I could go to the local library I guess, but there wasn’t much there that I didn’t already own.

  That had been my one comfort over the years; scrounging yard sales and thrift shops for second hand books. It’s where I learnt my love for the classics, since that’s mostly what I found in those places.

  They had helped fuel my overactive imagination, sent me on adventures to far off places.

  Kind of like my dreams. Always after one of those dreams, I would feel as if I’d crossed the ocean, or walked in a strange land.

  I didn’t want to think about those dreams. If I did that, then I’d have to think of ‘him’, and I refuse to anymore.

  In order not to die of boredom, and to keep myself from dwelling on the nameless one, I have to come up with something to do.

  But I didn’t really feel like going to the library. Truth is, I didn’t want to be around people.

  Just go home and lick your wounds Jazz. Or try to figure out how Thorn Azarov had ran you off that beach without even stepping foot on the sand. Because I had no doubt that he had been in the wind. That’s it, I’ve finally lost my mind.

  ***

  The house felt empty once I got home, and I busied myself tidying up. There wasn’t much to do, since the lady who comes once a week had already been here.

  I kept hearing things, but put that down to an old house resting, or whatever they say it meant.

  The wind outside did sound kind of wild for this time of day with no storm warnings. A peek out the window was no help. The sky was a weird mix of almost clear, to pewter grey, almost black in some.

  I got a chill down my back and stepped away from the window, looking around furtively. There was something out there; I could feel it.

  Maybe I should lay off the horror flicks, and ghost stories. I’d never really had much time alone before; mom was always near, which was strange come to think of it.

  For someone who was always in flight, she seemed to always be there when it was time for me to come home. Sometimes I think she was afraid to be alone herself. Funny, I never thought of that before now.

  Now I had all this time on my hands and nothing to do with myself but mope around the house and think of you know who.

  When that only made me more miserable, I tried watching TV, but there was nothing there to hold my interest.

  The house was making those strange noises again and outside the wind had picked up. I went to the window and was just in time to see headlights turning the corner at the end of the street.

  My heart kicked up its pace and I had no doubt as to who it had been. Had he been sitting out there watching the house?

  But why would he do that? Why didn’t he just come to the door like a normal person? Maybe because he’s not normal? I stood there for far too long before turning back into the room.

  My stupid heart did feel a little warm that he’d been here watching after me. It struck me as odd that I wasn’t afraid, that my first instinct was to trust him.

  Somehow along the way, my mother’s blatant distrust of everything and everyone had given me a healthy dose of the same.

  But even when he was being the big bad wolf, I didn’t feel fear; what I felt was more like a knowing.

  I must’ve dosed off, because when next I opened my eyes, it was almost dusk outside. ‘Wow Jasmine, you must’ve been real tired, you slept the whole day away.’ I muttered to myself as I left the couch.

  Dad was staying with Barney overnight, so I was on my lonesome for the rest of the evening.

  I warmed up some leftovers and vegged out in front of the TV, before heading off to bed later that night.

  The day hadn’t been so bad, but now I wish I hadn’t gone after all. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d messed up somehow, but each time I felt it, I pushed it aside.

  I hadn’t done anything wrong and I refuse to feel guilty for disobeying a cryptic order from a complete stranger, who’d obviously moved on. But why had he been sitting outside? Or had that even been him?

  No one had mentioned a girlfriend, but it wouldn’t be a stretch for someone like him to have one, probably one in every town between here and Connecticut.

  With that lowering thought, I slapped my pillow into submission and tried to fall asleep.

  Again the wind was doing its thing outside and the trees seemed to be having a party, swaying and rocking, with branches knocking against my window.

  The sound soon soothed me into slumber, and I fell off into a deep sleep, with his beautiful eyes following after me.

  My dreams that night were...oh boy. They started out like all the others, but then suddenly, they shifted and became more, so much more.

  Instead of being followed on a long stretch of deserted road, I found myself in a darkened room, with barely a sliver of moonlight swathed across a wooden floor.

  I was alone on a bed, laying on sheets of silk and my body felt warm. I could sense someone in the room, watching, but instead of fear I felt, hopeful.

  There was the barest sound of a breath coming from the corner. My heart was racing in my chest, but not in total fear. It was as if I were anticipating...something.

  I sat up and looked towards the corner, making out the shape that stood there. My heart thumped and my skin burned hotter as my body, of its own volition, moved and slid across the sheets wantonly.

  Before he moved into the sparse light, I knew it was him. I watched him with bated breath as he moved, his feet seeming to glide across the floor.

  The first touch of his hand against my cheek brought such pleasure. I closed my eyes
as I snuggled into his palm; so familiar, I felt like crying.

  His thumb moved across my lips until they fell open, then it drifted inside, past my teeth, until it rested on my tongue. Without being told, I sucked.

  I reveled in the hiss of his indrawn breath and teasingly bit down. He withdrew his finger and bent over me, laying me back gently against the pillow.

  There were no words passed between us, just our eyes looking into each other, as he lowered his head and licked the skin between my breasts.

  I felt a slight sting from his teeth, as he took my flesh between them and sucked hard enough, that I felt it between my thighs.

  My body writhed and I wanted to beg him to touch me there, it hurt so good. And though no one had ever explored my flesh, somehow I knew, that his fingers would ease the ache.

  I felt the blush cover my body at my lascivious thoughts, but this was a dream, I could do or want anything in the privacy of my dreams.

  “Not yet lyubov moya.” Even his voice touched something deep inside me, as I felt heat unfurl in my tummy and run down to my secret places, adding to the fire already raging there.

  I wanted his mouth, needed it like I needed my next breath. But he evaded my every attempt to get him to kiss me.

  Instead he took soft nibbles around my lips, and up to my ears. His chest felt hard and strong as he pulled me in close.

  “You disobeyed me today, that’s a no-no. I’ll let you off the hook this time, but if you should do so again, you will be punished. Do you understand me?”

  How could a threat make my pulse race, and my blood grow feverish? Before I could answer him one way or another, I felt his fingers caress my nipple, before he squeezed down ever so gently, sending shock waves through my body.

  “Ohhh...” I couldn’t hold back the wanton cry as he changed nipples. My legs were moving sensually against each other, as I tried to ease the ache that seemed to have taken on a life of its own.