How to Knock a Bravebird from Her Perch : The First Novel in the Morrow Girls Series (9780985751616)

by Bryant Simmons, D.

  “I...”

  “This my stuff! Your ass is lucky I let you use it this long. And now I’m taking it back. Besides I like my mattress. It’s real good for my back.”

  “You-You can’t just take my stuff.” I don’t know what was wrong with me to step to him like that. I grabbed Nat by the hand and ran into the house thinking I could stop the rest of my stuff from leaving. The two fellas strolled back in careful not to look me in the eye then asked Ricky what he wanted to do with the clothes upstairs.

  “The ones in the big room. I’m taking those.” He grinned at me. “My girl might like some of them dresses.”

  “My clothes? You gonna give her…You can’t do that!”

  Ricky set the box of china gently on a chair then backed me into a corner without a word. “You mean to say my clothes. I paid for them. So they mine.”

  “What you want with women’s clothes?” I snapped. The curtains swayed in the cold air that was blowing through the front door. They swayed up against my back. Telling me to get out the way, so I did, tripping over one of the side tables and dragging Nat with me. “Your friends know you come up in here to get some pretty dishes and women’s clothes? Huh? They know down at the gym how you taken such a strong liking to them?”

  “Keep talking, here.”

  “Maybe you funny like that.”

  Ricky turned hot red, burning at me like a raging bull. If his friends hadn’t come down the stairs right then he would’ve came charging at me just like a bull too.

  “Hey, man. Anything else?”

  “N’all. That’s it. Gimme a minute.” They looked at him and ain’t even bother looking my way. I was the one wanted them to stay so of course they left. They were his friends, on his side. “You started this, Pecan. You wanna sick that Jew lawyer on me—well I got news for you! I got a lawyer too and he say a man like me got certain rights. I done provided for you and this family and now you wanna take my stuff and my kids? N’all. It ain’t even gone happen like that. My lawyer say that women like you always get they come up-ins.”

  “LIKE ME? BUT I AIN’T DO NOTHIN’! WHAT I DO TO YOU? I AIN’T DO NOTHIN’!”

  “You took what’s mine so I’m gone take what’s yours. Just you wait.”

  I ain’t have to wait too long before they had everything they wanted piled up in their cars and trucks. And I couldn’t do nothing but stare from my porch. Folks were walking down the street just looking...looking at the stuff, probably thinking some of it was for sale, then looking at me. They’d wave at Ricky, a few of them even stopped to chat, talking him up about his next fight, just smiling away. But when they got around to looking at me, there was something else on their minds. I was an ungrateful wife, giving up all the nice things I had. And for what?

  After Ricky left I still hadn’t seen my way through none of it. Couldn’t believe that he could just walk in my house and take what he wanted.

  I sat at the kitchen table twirling the phone cord around my finger waiting for Paula to come to the phone. She’d never thought much of Ricky but once I told her what had just happened she got real quiet.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “What? I hear you thinking.”

  She sighed and asked me if what Ricky had said was true. Had he paid for everything?

  “Don’t make it his. Paying for it don’t mean…it’s still mine. I’m the one picked it out. Cleaned it. All he did was lay his behind on it.”

  “Okay Pecan.” But she wasn’t convinced.

  “Mama, where the comfy?”

  One of Ricky’s friends had a pick-up truck. They’d slid the sofa into it. Leaving the broken TV for us.

  “We’re gonna sit on the floor from now on because...just because.”

  Nat ran from one room to another, calling out what was missing, like it was a game. She never paid too much mind to me being on the phone. When she got upstairs she called down to tell me that her Mr. Fluffy was gone too. I figured it was just somewhere it wasn’t supposed to be like under her bed. What Ricky want with some old stuffed animal? It only had one eye to begin with. Wasn’t until we got hungry that I realized he’d taken stuff from the kitchen too. Wasn’t no food in the house. Fridge looked so empty it whistled when you opened it. Plates were gone. Forks and spoons too. And he ain’t stop there. Most of the towels were gone, only sheets that were left were the ones on our beds.

  “Mr. Fluffy need me!”

  “Paula, I gotta go.”

  “Mama he need me. Gotta find him! He lost!” She whined and whined, making the headache grow bigger and wider across my forehead. “MAMA!”

  “Okay baby.”

  So, I put it on the list of things to get. List was so long I needed two sheets of paper. Most of the stuff I could get at work, and with my discount, I was thinking it might have been better that way, maybe Ricky did me a favor. He’d robbed me of plenty but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. I was about to buy my own stuff for the first time in my life. And wasn’t like there was anything else for him to take.

  THAT WAS THE NIGHT my dreams about Ricky started. He’d come in from the windows, doors, outta my closet even. Sometimes I’d wake up and he’d be standing over me in the dark. Just standing there. Then came the part where I’d run outta my bedroom too scared to scream, run into one of the girls’ rooms but their beds would be empty. I’d run across the hall and that room would be empty too. Always took a few seconds before I realized it was a dream. I’d wake up all outta breath and sweating up the sheets something terrible. Course wasn’t anybody for me to tell about this. I had it in my head that it was some weakness in me that made Ricky have that affect on me. If folks knew, how was they gone love me? They’d just think I was stupid for staying with him long as I did. That I should’ve been stronger from the get-go. So, I kept quiet about it and made sure I always had some coffee and cigarettes on hand.

  “Can I have some?” Jackie wiggled her way into my lap. “Can I, Mama? What is it?”

  “It’s bitter. You ain’t gone like it.”

  But she watched me sip at it, taking in the strong scent of my French roast. “Please. I’ll like it. I will.”

  “N’all you won’t. Get some Kool-Aid out the ice box.”

  “But I want what you got.”

  “Fine. Take a little sip.” I held the cup for her but wasn’t long before I had to give it up. “Slow down now. Guess you like it, huh?”

  “Mmhmm. But can I put more sugar in it?”

  “Yeah. Guess I’ll make me some more.” I moved the tiny sugar bowl from the counter to the table and watched her dump half of it into her cup.

  “Mama, this what grown folks do? Sit up in the kitchen drinking coffee?” It was funny watching her sitting at the table, her legs swinging like always and her back straight as a board, trying her best to look grown. “Like you used to do with Auntie Clara?”

  “Yeah, guess that’s about right. Me and Clara used to sit up in here and talk until y’all came home from school. We’d talk until y’all was ready for dinner and get right back to it when we were cleaning up after.”

  “Whatcha talk about?”

  “Grown folks stuff.”

  “Did you talk about me?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “What’d you say?” Jackie must have been imagining something good because she couldn’t stop grinning.

  “We’d say...Let’s see...We’d say how you was an awful awful chile. And how we couldn’t wait to get rid of you!”

  “No you didn’t!”

  “Yeah we did. All the time.”

  “I miss Auntie.”

  “I know you do, baby. Me too.”

  “I miss…I miss how she tell us stories—like the one about how she grabbed the guy by his collar and told him a thing or two! That one’s my favorite.”

  “Yeah I know. She’d tell it over and over just because you liked to hear it.” Made me smile just talking about Clara, even though it reminded me of how long it had been sinc
e she’d been gone.

  “Mama, whatcha doing?”

  “Locking the back door.”

  “How come you gotta do it a million, ca-jillion times?”

  The deadbolt snapped to one side, unlocking the door just so I could lock it again. Had to unlock it just to be sure it’d locked, otherwise I’d be wondering about it all night. I still had to check on the downstairs windows one more time but I decided to wait until Jackie went off to bed since it bothered her.

  “Baby, what happened to your hair? Hmm?”

  “Nothing.” She shrugged and slurped down the last of her coffee.

  She had four braids when the day started but by the time bedtime came around they were just a few loose gatherings of hair. The colorful little balls that wrapped around each one was two seconds from the floor. I got to fixing me another cup of coffee and me and Jackie sat down and talked about all sorts of things. About school...her teachers...kids in the neighborhood...wasn’t until Nat came stumbling into the kitchen with a big old yawn that I realized what time it was. Nikki’d already gotten them in their bed clothes so I just had to tuck them in.

  “But I ain’t sleepy, Mama.”

  Was all the damn coffee. Jackie sat right up in bed, looking bright as the day is long. Wasn’t like I could make her sleep so me and her sneaked across the hall and got into my bed. Snuggling up good so we were like two peas in a pod, nose to nose. Was all good, until my little pea had to go and ask me about Heziah.

  “I think the time done come for you to let that go.”

  “But he’s my daddy. I gotta love him. If I don’t, then who will?”

  Her little girl lashes fluttered with innocent belief and I knew she couldn’t see the difference between the lie and the truth. Jackie had said it so much she’d actually talked herself into believing it was true.

  “Jackie...baby...”

  “You love him too, right, Mama? You just gotta have faith. That what Auntie used to say. She say when God got to feeling real good, he was gonna set things right like they supposed to be. He’ll bring Heziah back to us so we can be a family. Heziah’ll come like the-the man on the white horse—the man in the story that save the princess. Then you won’t have to lock the doors a bunch of times every night.”

  “Jackie—”

  “It’s gonna happen, Mama. You’ll see. It’s gonna be like this.” She bounced up outta bed and stretched both arms out in front of her then started running in slow motion. “That’s the way it goes in the movies.”

  THE VERY NEXT DAY it seemed, Mr. Silverman was sending me a letter saying Ricky wasn’t going to fight me on the divorce but that he wanted sole custody of the girls. He had to get on the phone to explain it to me because my brain just wasn’t getting it. Wasn’t no way Ricky could’ve wanted them, not really. Wasn’t no way he was going to get them after what he did. Mr. Silverman told me to be real calm and not let it get me upset. He said it was most likely some stunt that Ricky’s lawyer was pulling to get out of paying child support. But he ain’t know Ricky like I did. Money wasn’t enough. My stuff wasn’t enough. Not even my body. Ricky had set his mind to breaking my spirit too.

  Mr. Boss Man

  I WENT TO WORK, THINKING myself lucky that Ricky’s friends ain’t take all of my clothes. Wanted to wear something bright and fun to celebrate my freedom so I picked out this red and black dress with black tights and Mary Janes. It was one of them outfits that Ricky ain’t never want me to wear unless he was taking me somewhere special. I was wearing it anyway and it felt good! By then it was all outta style but I acted like I ain’t know it and pranced around the store like a peacock until it was quitting time.

  Mr. Bryer came outta the woodwork, fitting his hands into brown gloves that probably cost more than my whole outfit. He smiled and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing with suede gloves this time of year. They ain’t keep him warm, ain’t even keep him dry. Just ain’t make sense. I figured Mr. Bryer was a smart man, at least he looked that way.

  He offered to drive me home but it just ain’t feel right. The last of the night shift was slipping past us, a few of them looking at me sideways. They were his employees too. Going home same time as me, on the same bus as me, and he ain’t ask none of them if they needed a ride.

  I ain’t have no long history of getting special treatment so my first thoughts were to suspect him of something. But what did that say about me? Didn’t I deserve someone wanting to protect me from the late night hours? Somebody to ask me how my day is going? Ricky was gone and still messing up my head. So, I let all that suspicion go and just accepted Mr. Bryer for what he was­—a nice boss. To me, any ways.

  “OH COME ON BELINDA—I can call you Belinda, can’t I?”

  “Yeah, sure, Mr. Bryer.”

  “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret about men.” He was sitting on top of his desk and he leaned over and dropped his voice so nobody’d hear the secret but me. “There’s three ways to a man’s heart—food, sports, and well…the last one I’m sure you can guess. You should know this if you want to get remarried any time soon. You’re thinking about it right? You’re still young. Got your looks. You follow my advice and you’ll snatch up another husband, like that.” He grinned and snapped his fingers.

  He was so sure of it, I couldn’t help but smile, even though I wasn’t too keen on the idea of another husband. Wasn’t like I had any good record of picking them. All I needed was to end up with another Ricky.

  “I know what you’re thinking.” He eased off the desk and poked his head out his office to ask his secretary for another cup of coffee. “You want one?”

  “No—my lunch break just started.”

  “Now hold on here. Let me just make this one point then I’ll let you go. Go on now. Sit back down.” He took the seat next to me and crossed his legs. “I have a niece, got divorced around your age. Smart girl. Not so pretty. Or motivated but don’t tell her I said that. Anyway...she’s divorced. Couldn’t find another man to save her life because, you see, her best years were already behind her. She kept putting it off and putting it off. By the time she hit forty, men her age were looking at women your age! And now...now she doesn’t have any options. Her kids are going off to college and she’s going to be all alone. It’s really quite sad. I don’t want that to happen to you.” He sighed real heavy like and squeezed the top of my shoulder.

  Mr. Bryer’s secretary knocked at the door, carrying his coffee. She wasn’t what most people’d call good looking but she dressed like she ain’t know. “Black with two sugars. Just like you like it, Mr. Bryer.”

  “Oh, thank you. You can set it right on my desk.”

  “Um, Mr. Bryer, I really gotta get to lunch.”

  “Oh! Sure, sure, sure. Don’t let me keep you.”

  I got up to go and made it all the way to the outer office where a few ladies had their desks pushed together, whispering. All of them stopped soon as they saw me. Everything in me wanted to run back to the sales floor but I suddenly remembered what I’d gone to see Mr. Bryer for in the first place.

  “Back so soon?” He looked up from the pile of work he was sorting through on his desk.

  “I forgot to ask you...um I was wondering if I could get the afternoon shift. Well really the morning shift. I just can’t be here to open because I gotta get my kids off to school but I do kinda wanna be home when they get there because they not really old enough to be alone all night.”

  Clearing his throat in a raspy sorta gargle, he pulled off his glasses, holding them by one side until they dangled over his papers. “I’ll see what I can do, Belinda.”

  And he did. From then on I was never on the night shift. Which made me the enemy of every other salesgirl on the floor but it made my girls happy. First few days they were real surprised to see me when they got home even though I told them I’d be there. I think it made me work harder too. I was just so grateful to have something work out the way I wanted, and I was grateful that I had a boss that was understanding
.

  THE CAFETERIA WAS BUZZING with secret conversations and busy little eyes. Outside of Helen none of them girls were any kind of friendly towards me. I wouldn’t have put it past any of them to run back telling Ricky everything I did.

  Helen parked herself right across from me and crossed her legs, waiting for a answer to an unspoken question. “I’m your friend. I’m trying to be your friend. Now, I know this the first job you done had so maybe you just don’t know—”

  “Know what?”

  “How it goes. Maybe you just don’t know how hard it is for us...for women to get respect around here. Respect, Pecan. That’s all any of us got.”

  I’d brought my lunch as usual and was finishing up my third cup of coffee. The clocks said I had about four minutes to get back to my station but Helen ain’t notice. All she saw was me.

  “Pecan, you listening to me?” Helen reached under the table and took my hand like it was a secret. “I know you. This ain’t how you are. There’s women like this and then...then there’s women like us. We not like this.” She looked over her shoulder at the other ladies crowded around the main tables. They’d sent her over to talk some sense into me, either that or they wanted to know if all the rumors were true. “They say you was up in his office for damn near an hour.”

  “So.”

  “So? So, what was you doing in there? Huh? I mean you gotta know how that looks. You only been here a few months and you get whatever hours you want—and you up in his office all the time doing God knows...You not thinking clearly. What with Ricky and the divorce and all.”

  “I think just fine. Ain’t nothing wrong with how I think!”

  “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

  I’d been right about my co-worker’s assumptions about me. Was just the kind of stuff Ricky would throw at me in court. Say I wasn’t a fit mama. I took a deep breath and forgave Helen. I needed as many folks on my side as possible.

  “It ain’t like that. Okay? He just like talking to me. He think of me like a daughter. It…It ain’t like that.”