by Max Hudson
Chapter Seven
Benji
Owen looked ready to bail but I’d stop him if he tried. This conversation was a long time coming. I expected it to be quick but then Owen started rambling like a nervous little boy talking to his crush and just started vomiting out words. I knew he was attracted to me; he’d admitted it the night we’d shared together but he made it seem like it had only been a recent thing. I knew Owen was the reason I knew I was gay, but I had no idea I’d been the same thing for him.
“Okay, look, we’ll do it this way, you tell me, and I’ll tell you, deal?” Owen’s brows furrowed but then he nodded and took in a deep breath.
“I was thirteen, which made you eleven,” he began and rolled his eyes. “I was just entering eighth grade and that was when all the guys could talk about was chest hair and boobs. I didn’t care much for either. Anyway, it was at Connor’s tenth birthday party. We were all swimming and you were getting out of the pool. Even back then you were long and toned. You were running track and I guess it kept you fit. Anyway, you got out of the pool and I remember thinking, wow, he looks good, then my dick got hard. I didn’t want to admit it because it was embarrassing as hell. I knew what being gay was, I’d heard about it. I also knew that people thought it was wrong and I felt wrong for popping wood over you.”
My heart sympathized with Owen. Coming to terms with your sexuality is always tough. I completely got his anger toward me from a kid’s perspective. He was scared and feeling things he didn’t think were natural. It was no wonder he’d treated me like garbage after that.
“It wasn’t until a year later, when Connor came to me and told me he thought he liked boys, that I stopped acting like an idiot. He was only eleven and he was as terrified as I was. I couldn’t let my baby brother be afraid of who he was. I knew I was gay, and it was you who made me see that.”
I looked out toward the window and remembered the day Connor told me he thought he liked boys. I’d been surprised because I knew I did too. We were only eleven and twelve years old, too young to know what it all meant. Then Connor told me he talked to Benji and that Benji told him it was okay, to like whoever he liked. But he asked Connor to keep it quiet until he was older and knew for sure. I took the same advice.
I’d come over one night shortly after I’d turned fourteen and Connor had stunned me into silence when he told me Owen had come out to the family. I’d had no idea that Owen was interested in guys and my stupid little heart had grown hopeful. But then Owen started bringing home these “friends.” His straight friends who liked to hook up with Owen then pretended it never happened. I hated those guys and I’d hated Owen for allowing it to happen.
“So, you’re telling me, you’d had a thing for me since you were thirteen?” Owen blushed and nodded. I huffed out a laugh and shook my head because never in a million years would I have guessed it.
“I’m feeling pretty pathetic right now, so it’s your turn,” he said before he put his plump lips around his straw and sucked. I quickly glanced away as my dick twitched. I remembered vividly what those lips felt like wrapped around me and this wasn’t the time or place to be thinking about it. He wanted me to tell him my story and that’s what I was going to do.
“I’d been home alone, again,” I said with a roll of my eyes. Owen gave me a sympathetic grin because we both knew my being home alone back then wasn’t anything new. “Anyway, Connor came over to the house and said you guys were having a barbecue and that I should come by. I knew he figured I didn’t have anything to eat other than canned spaghetti or whatever was in the pantry, so I agreed to go. Anyway, you were standing with your dad at the grill and you were wearing a tank top. You’d just started working out and were getting muscles and I remember just wanting to touch your chest.”
Owen blinked at me and tilted his head before he said, “You were ten!” he exclaimed and I nodded. He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So, you knew you were attracted to boys at ten?”
I shrugged and picked up another fry. “I knew the boys at school were talking about girls and how pretty they were; and I remembered thinking, yeah, sure they’re pretty but it didn’t make me giddy like it did them. They were always talking about how they couldn’t wait until they were older to have girlfriends and it never appealed to me. When they talked about kissing and holding hands, I never entertained it. Then I looked at you and I thought maybe I wanted to kiss you and hold your hand. I knew a little bit about what gay was, I’d heard my dad saying some… not so nice things about it and I knew I could never say anything about what I was feeling. So, yeah, that’s it.”
Owen stared down at his plate and picked away at his fries. I could tell he was thinking hard about what he wanted to say next and I waited patiently for him to get his thoughts together. He finally looked up and it was hard keeping my reactions to myself. Owen was still the most handsome man I’d ever seen in my life and I’d met celebrities for crying out loud. I’ve tattooed models and actors, some of them who’d made their interest in me very known but none of them compared to Owen. At least not for me.
“I’m sorry Benji. That night with you was the best night I’d ever had. I wanted you, I’d wanted you for years. My interest in you never went away but you were a kid. Yeah, I know there’s only two years between us, but I was sixteen when I’d finally accepted who I was. You were still in middle school and I couldn’t act on it.”
“I was fourteen,” I reminded him, and he nodded.
“Yeah, I know but still, it would have been weird. Anyway, when you guys finally got to high school, I was already a Senior. You were growing more handsome by the day and it killed me to have you at our house all the time. It only got worse over the years and I swore to myself it would get better. It never did. Then that night, I’d heard you and Owen coming in and I just… I gave in to what I wanted. I orchestrated you seeing me, and then…”
He didn’t need to say anymore because we both knew what happened after that. It was surprising to hear Owen’s crush on me was almost as long as mine was for him. We’d both kept it hidden as best we could until we’d given into desire. It was a night I’d never forget for as long as I lived.
“I-I couldn’t face what I was feeling for you after that night,” Owen said. “It was supposed to be about sex. About finally getting a taste of you but when it was over it was almost like an addiction because I immediately wanted you again. But it was more than that. I remember thinking I didn’t want anyone ese to ever touch you again. The thought of it had pissed me off and I knew I had to get away from you. I knew we couldn’t become anything, so I took off until my head cleared. It just took longer than I’d expected.”
If there had been the tiniest breeze it would have knocked me over. I wouldn’t have ever guessed Owen’s feelings had matched mine so perfectly. I’d been feeling the same as he was. That I wanted it to be more than just a one-time thing. That I wanted him to want me for more than just one night. I’d known it could end in disaster but what I’d felt with him was beyond anything I’d ever experienced nor had I experienced since.
We sat in silence for a long time while we picked at our food. I was happy to finally have answers, but it still hurt. He ran away to get over me and he’d just insinuated that he was over me. As for me, my heart was still trying to find an inkling of hope that he still might have some sort of feelings for me. But I couldn’t go there again. It took me a long time to get over Owen and I wasn’t going down that rabbit hole again.
“So, what now?” I asked and Owen glanced at me before he looked out the window.
“I don’t know Benji. We can move forward and pretend like it never happened or we can just acknowledge that it happened and move on from it. I’ll never forget it because it’s impossible to forget but we don’t have to dwell on it. You are family and I’m tired of letting what happened between us be the reason why we can’t all be together again. I just want things to go back to how they were. Do you think we could do that?”
“Yeah, I believe we can,” I said, and Owen sighed in relief.
“Thanks for making this easy for me. You could have told me to fuck off and I would have deserved it.”
I picked up my burger and took a massive bite. My stomach was feeling more settled now that we’d gotten the tough stuff out of the way. “We’re grown men, it was time. Now, tell me what you’ve been up to.”
We spent the remainder of lunch with Owen telling me about his job as an interpreter. I didn’t even realize being an interpreter was such a demanding job, but it seemed the company Owen worked for kept him pretty busy. I wasn’t surprised however, to learn he spoke so many languages. In high school we’d been required to take one foreign language elective in order to graduate. Owen had signed up for all of them. By the time he’d graduated he was pretty fluent in both Spanish and French. It was clear he loved his job as he talked about it and it made me happy that he was doing something he loved. I believed that’s how it should be for everyone. I’d hate to be stuck in a career that made me miserable.
“I’m not surprised you became a tattoo artist,” he said, and my brows shot up toward my forehead.
“Really? Because it shocked the shit out of me.”
Owen laughed and I cursed my heart from racing at the sound of it. He had a great laugh. It was loud and joyful. It made you feel good just hearing it.
“You used to draw on any and everything you could get your hands on. Mom would find your little doodles all over the place. She kept all of them, you know?”
I smiled and nodded because I did know. The day I’d opened the shop she’d brought me a framed photo of the first drawing I’d ever done for her. I’d gotten so choked up I had to excuse myself from the room.
“Anyway, she was really proud of you. So was Dad. Honestly, we all were. I know Connor helped with the startup but from what he tells me, you’re pretty much running the show. You should be proud of yourself Benji.”
I felt a familiar tickle in the back of my throat and cleared it away. Owen smiled but didn’t call me out on it. I mumbled a thanks and his smile widened. A sigh came from next to me and I looked up to find the waitress looking love struck. I didn’t blame her; Owen’s smile was almost as captivating as his laugh.
We paid for our meals before we got up and left the restaurant. When we got out on the sidewalk, Owen’s phone pinged, he looked at the screen and cursed.
“Sorry to dine and dash but I have a few interviews lined up for while I’m in town. I actually have to get to one right now. I’m glad we did this Benji and I hope we can get together again soon.”
He held out his hand for a shake and I grasped my now bigger hand in his. Warmth shot up my arm and through my body and I fought back a gasp. Owen stared at our latched hands, his own chest heaving. We released each other at the same time but the warmth remained.
Owen cleared his throat and glanced away. “I’ll um, see you later. Take it easy, Benji,” he said before he walked toward the Marta station to catch his train. I watched him leave and wondered if it were truly possible for he and I to be friends.
Chapter Eight
Owen
My interview the other day went better than expected. The hospital I’d interviewed with was looking for a long-term interpreter. I had no plans to be back in Atlanta for long and I told them so. But they loved what they saw in me and were convinced that they’d be able to change my mind and keep me on permanently. I’d laughed and told them I’d take the job. The pay was amazing and the job came with great benefits. It was a great start to being back home.
We got our first emails from Mom and Dad a few days after they’d left. It had warmed my heart to see their faces bright with joy. I couldn’t think of two people more deserving of this month away than my parents.
I was staying at their place while they were gone and figured I’d look for my own place for while I was in town. I was likely going to have to find something closer to the hospital because the commute was going to be a drag. I knew Benji lived in the city, not too far from his tattoo shop and figured I could ask him about the area. I hadn’t spoken to him since our heart to heart and I thought looking for apartments would be a good enough reason to contact him. Not that I was actively looking for reasons to talk to Benji. I hadn’t thought of him at all since the lunch. Okay, that was a lie. A big fat lie. All I’d been able to do was think about Benji.
I hadn’t been lying when I told him I wanted us to move forward. I just left out the fact that even after eight years, I wasn’t over him. Sure, I’d finally admitted I’d had feelings for him back then but then I’d alluded that I’d gotten over them. It was a big fat lie. I still wanted Benji in the worst way. I still thought he was the most gorgeous person I’d ever laid eyes on and I still wanted him all to myself. People like Benji were one in a million.
You rarely met people who were just good to their core. I knew that Benji donated a lot of the shops proceeds to various charities. It wasn’t something that was public knowledge because Benji wasn’t the sort of guy who needed recognition. I’d heard it from Connor who’d sounded so damn proud. Benji was just an all-around great person, which was why I was stunned when Dad had casually mentioned the last time they’d come to visit, that Benji was single. Now that I knew he knew about what happened between Benji and me, I was starting to think it wasn’t very subtle at all.
So, no, I wasn’t over Benji, but I couldn’t let him know that.
I was just getting out of the shower when my phone buzzed on the dresser. I checked it and found a message from Connor. He was driving back to Florida in the morning and wanted to meet up for dinner. I was more than happy to meet up with my little brother, so I replied and got dressed.
An hour later we were seated in a booth at our favorite steakhouse.
“Dude, I haven’t been here in such a long time. I hope everything is as good as it used to be,” I said as I scanned the menu.
“Me too. There’s one in Tampa but it doesn’t taste the same.”
We ordered some beers and steaks before we chatted about work. It was fun catching up with Connor. We didn’t do this enough and that needed to change.
“So, Benji didn’t want to come out?” I asked. I tried to sound casual, but I wasn’t sure I succeeded.
Connor shrugged and stared down at the table. “I thought about inviting him but you two always get so weird around each other. I just wanted to spend some time with you without it being awkward.”
I felt bad because I knew Connor, which meant he’d wanted Benji there. I knew with Connor having moved to Florida, he and Benji didn’t see each other that often. He missed his friend and because of me, he was missing out on time with him.
“Hey, you know we had lunch the other day, right? We’re cool.”
Connor nodded but he didn’t look convinced. “Yeah, Benji told me but I figured it would take longer than a few days to get over a feud that lasted eight years.” He paused and his eyes narrowed. I knew what was coming and I braced. “Why did you two fall out? Whenever I’d ask Benji he always said it was something I’d have to ask you and when I did, you’d be all vague. Now that ya’ll have made up, I wanna know.”
My heart began to race and my palms became sweaty. The whole point of me taking off was so my feelings for Benji wouldn’t affect his relationship with Connor and our parents. I hadn’t wanted to take a chance on something just for it to fall apart. I couldn’t tell Connor that I’d fallen for his best friend, fucked him and then ditched him. So, of course, I lied.
“I honestly don’t remember the details it was so long ago. I think I was drunk and said some things to him I shouldn’t have. You know how I always felt like h
e was around too much. I might have said some stupid shit and hurt his feelings. I felt really bad the next morning and just dodged him instead of apologizing. It was the coward’s way out but I’ve apologized and we’re okay now, I promise.”
Connor studied me for a second and I wondered if his bull shit detector was going off. But I must have sounded convincing enough because he didn’t ask any more questions.
“Okay, well, I’m glad you two worked it out. It sucked not being able to bring him with us on trips. He missed out on seeing so many different cities. I’d always felt bad leaving him behind for the holidays. Mom had hated it too. But you know Benji, he put on a brave face and told her he was fine. Anyway, I’m happy we won’t have to do that anymore.”
As if I couldn’t have felt worse, Connor had to go and prove me wrong. My apology wasn’t near enough and I knew I needed to come up with something to show Benji just how sorry I was.
***
Connor left early the next morning and shot me a text to let me know he was on the road. I wished him safe travels and got my day started. My new job didn’t begin until the following Monday, so I had some free time on my hands. I spent most of Saturday looking up rental properties close by or near the hospital. I found a few month-to-month leases near Benji’s shop and smiled.
And that’s how I found myself once again at Cole World Creations. The same receptionist, Carrie, was sitting at her desk, but the shop was ten times busier than it had been when I’d stopped by on Wednesday.
“If you’re planning on a quickie, you might be out of luck. He’s booked solid for most of the day.”
My head whipped toward Carrie who was grinning from ear to ear. I felt my face heat and she giggled. “I’m just kidding. About the quickie part anyway. He really is booked solid for the entire weekend.”
I nodded and looked toward a booth and found Benji bent over, his brows furrowed in concentration but the rest of him looked at ease. The guy he was working on was built like a linebacker and from where I was standing, I could see the piece on his back was massive. It took up the entirety of the upper half and it seemed that Benji was finishing the lower half.