Shelf Life

by Robert Corbet

  ‘And the screaming,’ Dylan murmured.

  Jared nodded. ‘You said that Phil was screaming.’

  ‘He wouldn’t shut up,’ Dylan smiled grimly. ‘It just got louder and louder, until I couldn’t tell the difference between the screaming and the grinding metal. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get away from the noise.’

  ‘That’s when you lost it,’ said Jared.

  Dylan closed his eyes. ‘I started hitting Phil, just to get him to shut up. I was laying into him and abusing him. I was out of control, until I realised he wasn’t reacting. Phil was unconscious. He wasn’t the one who was screaming . . . It was me.’

  CUSTOMER SERVICE

  Louisa was doing her best to explain to the irate man in the tortoiseshell glasses that his item could not be exchanged.

  ‘What’s the point of calling it Long Life Milk,’ said the man,‘if it goes off?’

  Louisa showed the customer the use-by date, clearly stamped on the side of the box. The man took the box and held it very closely as he read. Then he looked at Louisa.

  ‘I’m not blind. I thought ‘08’ referred to the year, not the month.’

  Louisa shook her head.

  ‘It’s Long Life,’ she said dryly. ‘That doesn’t mean it’s Eternal.’

  The man glanced at her badge. ‘I don’t care who you are. I’m not about to be pushed around by a shop assistant! Either you give me a refund or henceforth I will buy my groceries elsewhere.’

  Louisa gave him his refund. She hadn’t meant to answer back like that, but she hadn’t had much sleep and, anyway, the guy was asking for it. All week, Louisa had been working night shift in the emergency ward. The traumas and injuries she had seen made customers’ complaints seem trivial by comparison. Comatose patients didn’t care when the milk went off.

  On the form, where it said REASON FOR REFUND, she wrote: Customer needs a reality check.

  When Louisa looked up, Adam was standing at the counter, wearing casual clothes and sunglasses.

  ‘Hey there,’ he nodded, taking off his sunglasses and hanging them from the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. ‘I’m not rostered on today, as you probably know or might have guessed.’

  Louisa stared at him. There was something strange about the way he was talking and he was dressed like a middle-aged man.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘I was out this way. I thought I’d just, you know, swing on by, to check out what was happening.’

  The phone rang. ‘Hold the line, please,’ said Louisa, transferring the call.

  Adam nodded at the buckets of fresh flowers. ‘What are those blue ones called?’

  ‘Irises. Did you want to buy some?’

  ‘Do you like irises?’

  ‘They’re OK,’ Louisa shrugged.

  Adam unhooked his sunglasses and began polishing them on his shirtsleeve.

  ‘Another day, maybe. I’m on my way into town. To the art gallery, actually.’

  ‘Alone?’

  ‘Just me.’

  ‘What’s on?’

  Adam’s face dropped. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Is there an exhibition on?’

  ‘Hopefully. Probably. I mean, I’m sure there will be something.’

  Louisa looked at the irises. ‘I went to the Van Gogh.

  Did you see that?’

  Adam stared at her blankly.

  ‘Some people say “Van Goff ”,’ she added. ‘He was a brilliant painter, but so tormented. Did you know, he cut off his ear and sent it to his girlfriend?’

  Adam was shocked. ‘Why would he do that?’

  ‘It was probably just one of those things,’ said Louisa. ‘I want to be with you, but you don’t want to be with me.

  ’ ‘How do you know?’

  ‘All I’m saying is, perhaps they were friends, but she didn’t think of him in that way.’

  ‘Maybe all he wanted was a bit more of her time?’

  Louisa grinned. ‘A sympathetic ear, you mean?’

  Adam frowned. ‘Didn’t she realise what he was going through?’

  ‘I’m sure she felt bad.’

  ‘Not as bad as he did.’

  ‘Obviously.’

  Adam tugged on his earlobe. ‘I hope they worked it out, in the end.’

  ‘Actually, he killed himself.’

  The phone rang again. ‘Front desk,’ Louisa replied. ‘If the card won’t swipe, you have to delete the transaction. Do you know how to do that? Hang on, I’ll come over.’

  Adam knew that Louisa was busy. He didn’t mind, though. He had come prepared.

  ‘Just before you go,’ he dug his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a roll of film,‘could you send these off to be developed?’

  AISLE

  seven

  DAIRY FOODS

  SCENE 1: Emma is speaking on the phone

  Emma

  I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to ring you, Mum. I’ve been so busy. . . Work’s fine. They’ve asked me to do overtime during the holidays . . . Because I need the money, Mum . . . Yeah. The college is pretty empty. Our results aren’t up yet . . . I know they’ll post them out, but I want to see how my friends went . . . It’s summer, Mum. Everyone goes to the beach . . . No one’s even heard of Gunyah . . . Because it’s so far away, of course . . . I do miss you, and Dad . . . How are the calves? Are they getting bigger? . . . Because I’ve been busy . . . I’m learning my lines for the next production . . . Henry IV . . . No, not Shakespeare. It’s by Luigi Pirandello . . . Actually, he’s quite famous, Mother . . . It’s about a man who falls off a horse and forgets who he is . . . It’s too complicated to explain . . . Well, he’s an actor who’s supposed to be playing the title role, but after the accident he believes he actually is the King. Everyone plays along, just to humour him, so in the end you don’t really know if you’re watching a play or not . . . No, Mum. It’s not out on video . . . Because that’s the whole point. It’s like Hamlet. It’s a play within a play. ‘All the world’s a stage’ . . . No, that was another play . . . Of course I do . . . I hope so too . . . I’ll try to get some time off, I promise . . . Yes, Mum, I’ll really try.

  SCENE 2: Two boys are standing at Emma’s register

  First boy

  Hey, Emma! I didn’t know you worked here.

  Emma

  I didn’t know you shopped here.

  Second boy

  We haven’t seen you for a while.

  First boy

  We thought you’d dropped out.

  Emma

  Actually, I’ve been flat out, rehearsing a play.

  Second boy

  We were just, like, picking up a few things for tonight’s party.

  First boy

  Any chance of a discount?

  Emma

  Sorry. I’d love to, but I can’t.

  Second boy

  What happens if you, like, forget to swipe something?

  Isn’t that the same thing?

  Emma

  Except I could lose my job.

  First boy

  Come on, Emma. No one’s around.

  Emma

  There are cameras, you know.

  Second boy [looking up at the roof]

  I can’t see any.

  First boy

  Don’t worry, Emma. We’ll take the rap. We won’t dob you in.

  Second boy

  Even if they, like, torture us or give us the lie detector test.

  Emma [laughs]

  I’m sorry. I’d really love to. But alas! I cannot.

  [The boys pay their money, then leave.]

  Louisa [watching from the service counter]

  What was that all about?

  Emma

  Just some boys from my college.

  Tessa [serving at the next register]

  You shouldn’t let them push you around like that.

  Emma

  They weren’t pushing me around, Tessa. Boys can be quite amiable, you know. />
  Tessa

  What’s that supposed to mean?

  Emma

  It means, I don’t have a problem with boys, that’s all.

  Tessa

  If you’ve got something to tell me, Emma, you should just come out and say it.

  Louisa [tactfully]

  Anyway, I’m glad you didn’t do it. Management would have found out, for sure. They’re really cracking down. Has Graham spoken to you yet?

  Emma

  Not yet.

  Tessa

  I saw him yesterday.

  Louisa

  What sort of things did he ask you about?

  Tessa

  Just the obvious. Had anyone been acting suspiciously? Had I seen anyone milking the till or forgetting to scan the items?

  Louisa

  What did you say?

  Tessa

  I told him to mind his own business. I told him I thought only the police were allowed to interrogate people.

  Emma [sarcastically]

  That was courageous of you.

  Tessa

  You know how it is, Emma. There isn’t a single worker in this place with a perfect record. Management included.

  Emma

  Do you think Graham would sack us all?

  Louisa

  He’s the boss. I guess he can do what he wants.

  SCENE 3: Louisa leaves to return some items to the shelves. When Tessa takes a break, Chloe replaces her at the register

  Emma

  Did you ever see Survivor?

  Chloe

  I saw the first series.

  Emma

  I mean, would you ever do something like that?

  Chloe

  For a million dollars, I’d do just about anything. Wouldn’t you?

  Emma

  You only get a million dollars if you win, remember. It wouldn’t be easy.

  Chloe

  You’d have to be good at making friends.

  Emma

  And totally ruthless when it came to getting rid of them.

  Chloe

  You’d have to get used to the cameras, too.

  Emma [looking up at the roof]

  That would be easy enough, for us.

  Chloe

  You’d have to act as if you cared, even when you were stabbing someone in the back.

  Emma

  You’d need to be stoic and resolute, so that no one could guess how vulnerable you felt.

  Chloe

  It’s supposed to be reality TV. But really they’re just like actors.

  Emma [nods]

  They sure know how to milk it, don’t they?

  Chloe [looking up at the roof]

  Do you think Graham actually watches us?

  Emma

  He probably has nothing better to do.

  Chloe

  Do you think he ever sees anything?

  Emma

  You mean, someone forgetting to scan items?

  Chloe

  Everyone does it, don’t they?

  Emma [smiles]

  No one’s perfect. And accidents do happen, I guess.

  Chloe [smiles]

  Especially when we’re busy.

  Emma anyone, do you

  Would he ever sack anyone, do you think?

  Chloe

  Not without any evidence.

  Emma

  But someone might turn us in, to avoid getting sacked themselves.

  Chloe

  And Graham would have to do it, as a warning to the rest of us.

  Emma

  So instead of waiting for someone else to betray us. .

  Chloe

  . . . we should get in first.

  Emma

  It would be like voting someone out, the way they do on Survivor.

  Chloe

  The tribe has spoken!

  SCENE 4: The next day. Emma is in the tearoom.

  Tessa [enters]

  Did you rat on me, Emma?

  Emma

  I have no idea what you mean.

  Tessa

  Don’t look so surprised, Emma. Graham accused me of stealing, then he told me to get my things and leave.

  Emma

  That’s terrible! You poor thing!

  Tessa

  I asked him to show me the proof, but he said it was none of my business. That’s when I knew someone must have dobbed me in. And I’m pretty sure it was either you or Chloe. Because I know you both hate me.

  Emma

  That’s not true.

  Tessa

  Yes it is, Emma. You hate me because I don’t dress like you, and because I don’t go all stupid whenever boys are around. You’re a backstabber, Emma! I know it!

  Emma [upset]

  That’s unfair, Tessa! I’m not like Chloe. I don’t demean myself in front of boys. And I don’t hate you the way Chloe does. If anyone was going to deceive you, Tessa, it would be her, not me. Just yesterday, she said . . .

  Chloe [enters]

  Hey guys! What’s up?

  [Emma looks away]

  Tessa

  I just got the sack, Chloe. And Emma was in the middle of telling me who she thought might have dobbed on me. Weren’t you, Emma?

  Emma [embarrassed]

  I was just . . . I didn’t mean . .

  Tessa

  Come on, Emma. I’m sure you don’t mind if Chloe hears. She’s a good friend of yours, isn’t she?

  Chloe

  What was it, Emma?

  [Emma buries her face in her hands, doesn’t answer]

  Tessa

  Are you going to tell her, Emma? Or will I?

  Chloe

  Tell me, Emma.

  Tessa

  She can’t tell you, Chloe, because she . .

  Emma

  OK. OK. You win.

  Chloe

  What’s going on?

  Tessa

  Emma said it was you, Chloe. That you were one who . . .

  Emma [tears rolling down her cheeks]

  It wasn’t Chloe. It was me. I don’t know how it happened. Sometimes I say things just to make people happy. I tell people what they want to hear. Graham asked me, so I told him. [sniff] How could I say no? I’m so ashamed. I feel so stupid. [sob] I’m not a bad person. I’m sorry, Tessa. [sob] I just made a mistake, that’s all.

  Tessa [softer]

  Anyway, I don’t care. I’m sick of this place. I don’t want to work here any more. You’ve probably done me a favour, Emma.

  [Tessa exits]

  Chloe

  I hope you’re satisfied, Emma.

  [Chloe exits]

  [When Tessa and Chloe have gone, Emma wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She imagines a curtain closing, then opening again. As the audience rises to give her a standing ovation, she takes a step forward and bows.]

  CUSTOMER SERVICE

  ‘Are my photos back yet?’

  ‘What name was that?’ Louisa teased.

  ‘They’re under “A” for Anarchy,’ Adam smiled.

  Louisa sorted through the envelopes until she found Adam’s. He paid her the money and she handed it to him.

  ‘Don’t you need to check them?’ he asked.

  ‘What for?’

  ‘At the photo shop they check the prints to make sure the customer is satisfied.’

  ‘You could always return them, if you’re not happy.’

  ‘Because I experiment with light,’ said Adam, proceeding to lay the prints out on the counter, ‘my work can be a bit tricky to develop.’ He started to explain about apertures and shutter speeds, but stopped himself. Plan B, after all, was to show Louisa how cosmopolitan and sophisticated he was.

  Louisa looked at the photos laid out in front of her. There was Adam reading a newspaper in a sidewalk cafe, Adam standing reflected beside a river, and Adam silhouetted against a factory wall. There were photos of broken glass and burned-out cars, of graffitied trains and vandalised phone boxes. Since his TV had been sent off to be rep
aired, Adam had been getting out of the house a lot more.

  ‘Hmm,’ Louisa nodded. ‘A couple of good ones in there.’

  ‘If there’s one you really like, I could get a reprint.’

  Louisa scanned the photos. Was she interested in anarchy, Adam wondered, or was she interested in him? Louisa picked out the photo of him standing by the river. Adam’s heart began to race. After all, he did look very thoughtful and interesting in it.

  ‘How did you take this?’ Louisa asked.

  ‘Automatic timer.’

  ‘What’s that in the background?’

  When Adam looked closer at the photo, his heart sank.

  ‘It’s probably just some litter,’ he said, collecting up the prints and putting them back in the envelope.

  ‘It looks like a bag.’

  ‘Terrible, what some people leave lying around.’

  ‘It’s a schoolbag.’

  ‘I should be getting back to work,’ he said, taking the photo.

  As Adam walked away, the phone rang at the service desk.

  He heard Louisa speak into the microphone. ‘Adam, to the front desk. I mean, Amanda,’ she quickly corrected herself. ‘Telephone for Amanda, at the front desk.’

  On the way out to the storeroom, he threw the photos in the bin.

  AISLE

  eight

  FRESH MEAT

  Jared and Dylan had gone into ‘Babe Alert’, following the platinum blonde at a not-so-discreet distance while pretending to stock the shelves. Her shorts were very short and her halter-neck top was chosen to show off her tan. She wore eyeliner like Cleopatra, pale pink lipstick and matching nail polish. In her knee-length boots, her denim cap and matching shoulder bag, she looked more like an MTV presenter than a supermarket shopper.

  Rahel and Brian the meat manager stood watching from the butcher’s window at the back of the store.

  ‘Does she know she’s being tailed?’ asked Brian.

  ‘I’m sure she does,’ said Rahel.

  ‘Do you reckon she needs some assistance?’

  Rahel looked at Brian’s apron. ‘You’d better wipe that blood off first.’

  ‘Look more sophisticated, you reckon?’ Brian raised one eyebrow.

  Rahel tried to keep a straight face. ‘Definitely.’

  Brian the meat manager was a man of few words. For twenty years he had worked in an abattoir, standing for eight hours a day up to his ankles in a river of blood and gore. Brian had slaughtered sheep, cows and pigs. He’d skinned them and trimmed the fat. He had disembowelled their carcasses and sorted the steaming organs with his bare hands. For half his life, Brian had cut, chopped and lifted meat. On his arms were scars from self-inflicted knife wounds. His back was gone, and most days it hurt just to sit. When Brian had asked Rahel if she was interested in taking the job, he didn’t beat around the bush.