When To Fear The Living

by B. L. Brunnemer

  When I was done, the officer took a deep breath and asked, "Lexie, when you woke up, were you dressed?" My stomach rolled as I thought about those buttons.

  "Yeah, but..." I took a deep breath and told them. "My shirt was untucked, and a few buttons were messed with." I looked at her shoulder in that dark blue uniform. "He had my phone. When he knocked me out, it was in my bra, and I'm missing a tracker that was in the same place," I croaked. The officer and the doctor shared a look, the doctor knelt down and met my eyes.

  "Lexie, I'm going to have you get an MRI and x-ray of your skull. I think you have a concussion, and even possibly a skull fracture," She said gently. "Then I'm going to suggest that you get a S.A.R.T kit done."

  I blinked at her. "A what?"

  "It's a rape kit," She explained. My heart dropped. "From what you've told us, I think you should have one, just to be sure. And you'll be needing a pelvic exam for your groin injury anyway, we can do it at the same time." The world spun, and tears fell. I nodded. What else could I do? I needed to know.

  Chapter 21

  The Hospital

  What they never tell you about a rape kit is that it can take hours. I'd already been sped through the MRI and the X-ray department for my other injuries. Then we started the rape kit. I had been examined, hair plucked, my injuries photographed, my nails had been scraped for DNA, and I gave my statement again, in more detail. I broke down crying three times. I thought that wasn't so bad for how I felt. I was laying on the exam table, my feet in those fucking stirrups and trying not to cry again. My groin hurt, a lot, and I couldn’t remember if it hurt before the knee to the groin or not. I'd still be crying just from that if wasn’t for the IV of pain killers the doctor given me. The doc was about to lift the paper sheet when there was a knock on the door. Dr. Melville frowned as her assistant answered the door. There was whispering then the assistant closed the door and came back to my side.

  "Lexie, there is a woman named Maria here for you," She said. "She wanted to know if you'd like company." I started crying immediately and nodded. The assistant went back to the door and let the twins' Mom in. Maria strode through the room straight to my side as I started sobbing uncontrollably. She took my hand and gave me a small understanding smile.

  "Rory called and told me what was happening, honey," She said softly. "No matter what this test says, you're going to be okay," She promised. She hugged me tight until I could stop crying. She wiped my face and gave me a smile.

  "Do the guys know?" I croaked.

  "Miles does, he met me at the ER entrance and brought me here. That's all I know," Maria said. "Are you ready?" I nodded. Maria looked down at the doctor who waited patiently. "Let's find out," She said. The doctor nodded then lifted the sheet, I closed my eyes tight as I tried not to be sick. It was a few minutes of hell, then the doctor was putting the sheet down again and standing up.

  "Lexie, I don't see any sign of sexual activity, consensual or otherwise," She announced. I went limp with relief, Maria wasn't so convinced.

  "How can you tell?" Maria asked.

  The doctor answered matter-of-factly. "There would be tears, irritation, even bleeding. The only damage is around your clitoral area, which is extremely bruised. That, I believe, came from your attacker's knee?" I nodded, still too relieved to speak. "I can continue the exam if you like, but from my experience, I'm confident that you were not raped tonight." I took a few deep breaths as that news set in. I hadn't been raped. I thought about finishing the exam, I looked at Dr. Melville.

  "Let's do the whole exam," I said in my frog voice. "I'd hate to be wrong because he had a tiny dick." Maria gave a small sigh. Dr. Melville gave me a small sympathetic smile. Well, I thought it was funny. The doctor went back to her stool.

  "Deep breath, Lexie," She told me. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply forcing myself to relax as she used the speculum. A few minutes later and it was over. I was able to put my legs down from the stirrups and sit up. Though my body still wanted me to die, I knew the truth. I hadn't been raped. I still felt disgusting where he touched me, but he didn't rape me.

  "I'm sure these tests are going to come back negative," The doctor assured me. "You're going to be in the staying in the hospital overnight for observation and pain management," Dr. Melville told me gently. I nodded, too emotional to say anything. Maria hugged me as I held on tight to her as I cried in relief. I got a whiff of his musky cologne and I felt his hands on me again.

  "God. I can still smell his cologne," I bit out.

  "Can we get her a shower?" Maria asked. Dr.Melville seemed to think about it.

  "I'm worried about her skull fracture. So, we could have you use a seated shower with a nurse," Dr. Melville explained. I crossed my arms over my chest at the idea. Maria's arm gave me a squeeze. Dr. Melville added. "Or we can set you up with a sponge bath."

  "Then let's get her a sponge bath," Maria demanded for me.

  "Of course," The doctor and her assistant left the room as I cried on Maria's shoulder. She sang to me in Spanish. I don't know what song it was, but it helped me calm down. The nurse came back with warm water, soap, and towels. Maria steadied me and held up the sheet, so I was covered as I washed until I felt clean again, until I couldn't smell that cologne on my skin. Then she helped me into the clothes the guys brought from home for me. Asher's Sylvester the cat bottoms, Zeke's giant blue thermal that reached my knees, and Miles' hoodie. Maria wet my hair, brushed it out, then braided it for me. When I was ready, she covered me back up with a blanket and sat with me.

  "Thanks for coming," I said. Maria gave my hand a squeeze.

  "Of course, honey," She said softly. "The doctor suggested a sedative, I'm going to suggest it for tonight."

  "Really?" I asked, my voice small.

  "Yes, you've taken a beating and need to rest," She said. "You won't tonight, not without help." I thought about it and nodded. She kissed my forehead and went to get the nurse. The nurse came in with an ice pack and a syringe then explained what she was giving me and what the side effects were. I didn't care, I was too busy putting the ice pack between my legs. It was cold at first, but it helped with the pain. The world became fuzzy and less sharp as I relaxed into the bed. Maria stayed with me until the nurse came to take me to my room for the night.

  "Do you want me to stay, honey?" She asked. I shook my head.

  "You've got to work tomorrow," I told her. "I'll take your advice and stayed sedated tonight." Maria gave me a small smile.

  "If you need to talk, or anything, you call," She ordered me. I nodded. I felt horrible for not telling her that Sophie was in her house, but I managed to keep my mouth shut until she walked out the door. A couple of people came in with the nurse. They unlocked the wheels and moved the bed through the hallways until we reached the third floor. They set me up again, gave me the buzzer, and left the room. It started to snow outside. I watched the snow fall through the window. Soon, voices came down the hall.

  "She took a beating," Rory's voice announced. "She has a skull fracture, one eye completely black. She had some testing done and ... well... She took a beating. So, don't be surprised when she looks like shit."

  "Thanks, Rory," I called in a scratchy, hoarse voice. Rory cursed, then came in and looked around the curtain.

  "Sorry, kid," He said gently before stepping further into the room. The others came in behind him, but I couldn't focus enough to see them. "What'd did the doc say?" Rory's voice was hard and shaky.

  "Negative," I said. "I did the rest of the test to be sure. But... she said she's sure it's negative." Tension melted out of Rory as he took a deep breath in relief. His eyes shimmered.

  "Good," He managed, his voice thick. "Is... is there anything you need?" He was struggling, even sedated I could see that.

  "Ice cream," I said, mostly to give him something to do. "I want ice cream, chocolate, and strawberry or cherry if you can find it." He snorted, it pushed the tears back for him.

  "I'm on it, kid." He ran his hand throu
gh his hair. "I'll... I'll hit the store." Rory headed out of the room and down the hall. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before I looked at the guys. Miles was leaning against the wall next to the curtain near the bed, Zeke was standing just inside the curtain, and the twins were at the end of the bed. Isaac's knuckles were bruised, and he had a black eye, but that seemed to be it. Asher was leaning against the cabinets in front of the windows. Every one of them had dark faces and shadowed filled eyes.

  I didn't know how to fix it. "I'm okay, guys."

  "What test?" Zeke asked carefully. I looked up. He was watching me, his hands clenching and unclenching. I opened my mouth and closed it. Zeke's eyes narrowed on me, demanding an answer. Apparently, Miles had kept it a secret. Crap.

  "I was dressed when I blacked out, and when I woke up... a few... a few buttons were...." I stopped, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath then looked at him. "I just needed to be sure." I didn't have it in me to say it, but I didn't have to. Zeke's eyes went wide, his body rigid.

  "Did you just have a fucking rape kit done?" Zeke growled. Everyone but Miles went still. I fought off tears and took deep breaths.

  "Zeke," Miles began patiently. Zeke shot him a look that silenced Miles then looked back at me, his eyes were tortured.

  "Someone should have been with you," He breathed. Tears started to fall as reality hit me hard, I'd just had a rape kit done.

  "I.." I took a deep breath.

  "One of us should have been with you," Zeke said again, sounding lost. I started crying.

  "It was hard enough to have the test," I told him, my voice small and shaking like the rest of me.

  "I didn't want to even think..." Ethan came around the bed and sat on the side facing me.

  "Lexie, you don't have to explain anything," Ethan told me, his voice gentle but firm, his hands going to my arms. "Not to us, not to Zeke. As long as you got the support you needed."

  "Rory called Maria, Zeke," Miles said calmly as he walked over to Zeke. "Maria told me she got here in time for the worst part. She wasn't alone in there."

  I sat up and hugged Ethan, my face buried in his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me gently; I took a deep breath of spice as I tried to calm down. Limes reached me as a hand went to my back.

  "You're okay, Lexie," Isaac said softly. The bed dipped, vanilla reached me as a hand went to my shoulder.

  "You're safe now, Ally," Asher whispered. That just made me cry harder, because he was right, I was safe now, I could cry all I needed to. Another hand went to my other shoulder.

  "We're here for you," Miles said in that soothing voice of his. I shook under their hands as I kept sobbing. A large hand ran over my hair.

  "I... I'm... I'm going to get Hades," Zeke muttered. Lips touched my hair then the hand was gone. He left? Zeke just left?

  "He's just getting your puppy," Miles reassured me.

  "Zeke loves you, honey," Ethan whispered in my ear. "He just can't take seeing you cry like this, I'm tempted to join him myself." I nodded that I heard him. They held me as long as I needed them to. Eventually, I pulled back from Ethan and wiped my face.

  "Can someone get the nurse? I don't think the sedative is working," I asked. Miles hurried out into the hallway immediately. The guys convinced me to lay back down, and with the pain coming back, I didn't care. The nurse came back in, she explained it was time for my pain meds again and that she was adding another dose of the sedative. After a while, I relaxed in the bed. Ethan covered me with the blankets and took the chair on the left side of the bed, Isaac sat on the ground while Miles and Asher went looking for chairs to bring in.

  The world was fuzzy again, and my body didn't want me to die so much when they brought back chairs for everyone. The guys were chatting when Rory came back in, empty handed.

  "No ice cream?" I croaked. He gave me a small apologetic smile.

  "Sorry, I had a talk with Zeke, and now the stores are closed," Rory apologized as he sat down on the side of the bed and looked at me.

  "You know what this means," I said.

  "What?" Rory asked.

  "Milkshake for breakfast," I grinned as much as I could without hurting my face. His eyes ran over me as his face grew concerned.

  "Lexie, are you okay?" Rory asked.

  "She had a small breakdown," Miles answered for me. "She's sedated now." Rory looked at me.

  "A drugged Lexie is a good Lexie right now," I said in a silly all-knowing voice.

  "You sure about that, kid?" Rory asked.

  "It's just for tonight," I told him. "I'll have another breakdown tomorrow, and you can deal with that one." The guys chuckled as Rory sighed.

  "Okay."

  "They arrested him, right?" I asked. Rory nodded.

  "Yeah, Isaac did a pretty decent job of beating the shit out of him. He's in the hospital, handcuffed to a bed," Rory explained. "But as soon as he's released, he's going to jail." My stomach dropped. He was in the building?

  "Rory, can you..." I began, then swallowed hard. "Can you watch him?" Rory blinked.

  "He has a guard stationed outside his room-"

  "I know that, I don't know him, but I know you," I said quickly as if it made sense. "Please, watch the fucker?"

  Rory took a deep breath before looking to the guys. "Are all of you staying?" He asked. They all said yes, Rory nodded then met my eyes. "I'll go camp out in his room," He promised.

  "Thank you." My voice shook with relief, Rory got up and headed out. The guys turned the TV on.

  I simply floated there, half-awake and half asleep, when a dog whined. I opened my eyes and listened. The animal was crying, whining, and whimpering as if he was being tortured. It made my heart ache.

  "No animals allowed!" Someone shouted.

  "Service animal," Zeke's growl came from the hallway. When he turned into the room, Hades was pulling on his leash like he never had before. When Zeke walked in, he just dropped the lead. Hades ran and jumped up onto my bed and immediately started sniffing me.

  "Hades, baby, I'm okay," I told him in my soothing voice. Hades stopped whining as the puppy examined my face, neck, and body. I looked up at Zeke. "How long was he crying like that?" He ran his hand through his hair.

  "Since I picked him up," Zeke said. "He saw you get grabbed. I think he's been like that since." I hugged my dog to me, he rested his head in the crook of my arm and passed out. I shifted to get comfortable and winced. I wanted another ice bag but... I looked around the room at the guys and said fuck it.

  "Could someone get me a bag of ice from the nurse, please?" I asked the room in my rough voice.

  "No problem, Red." Isaac got up from his chair next to my bed on my right and headed out. Zeke walked over and sat down. His face was hard, his eyes haunted as he looked at me. He didn't say anything, he just examined my face and my neck. He opened his mouth when Isaac walked back in and handed me the ice.

  "Thanks," I said as I put in under my blanket and between my legs. The whole room went still.

  "Lexie," Zeke said in his 'I'm trying not to kill someone' voice. "You said the test was negative."

  "It was," I groaned, as I shifted until I was comfortable. "He kneed me in the groin," I muttered, everyone relaxed. The guys started talking again, they made jokes and tried to keep me smiling. Eventually, the meds really kicked in, and I fell asleep.

  A hard, shaky breath woke me up. I opened my eyes, my hospital room was dark and the guys were gone but someone was taking deep, ragged breaths. I looked to my right, Zeke was still in the chair next to me. His elbows were braced on his knees, his forehead resting in his palms. His shoulders shook as he took deep, shaking breaths. My heart broke. Zeke... Zeke was crying, I couldn't take it. I pulled my blankets off and moved to get up. He quickly wiped his face and lifted his head. His bloodshot eyes narrowed on me.

  "Baby, what are you doing?" His voice was thick as he reached out and stopped me from putting my feet on the floor.

  "Hugging you." Wasn't it obvious? I went to s
tand up. He stopped me again.

  "No, you're staying in bed. You've got a fucking crack in your skull, and you're bruised to hell and back," He snapped.

  "Zeke, I'm hugging you. Either let me up or get your ass over here," I told him matter-of-factly. His ice blue eyes were tortured as he met my gaze, he knew I wasn't joking.

  "Get back in bed," He told me gently. I carefully brought my legs back into the bed then scooted over slowly. Zeke waited until I stopped moving then he sat down carefully next to me. I leaned forward so he could put his shoulder behind me. When he settled with one leg on the bed, I curled up against his side. My head rested on his shoulder while his arm wrapped around me and held me to him, he treated me like glass. His other hand pulled my blanket up to cover me again. I rested my hand on his chest as he took a deep shaking breaths. I listened to him breathe and felt safe, I really needed it.

  "Are you okay?" I asked quietly. His lips went to my hair.

  "You were beaten and had a rape kit done today," He whispered against my skin. "No, I'm not okay." I hugged him tighter, well, as tight as my beaten body would allow me. I remembered the feel of Clay's hand on me. I buried my face into his shirt then breathed in leather and engine grease.

  "I'm here, he’s handcuffed to a bed, Rory is watching him. You’re safe." Clay would never touch me again, Zeke would kill him before he even got close. He scared me, even handcuffed to a bed somewhere, he scared me. I started talking, Zeke had to know so he could understand how scared I really was.

  "He yelled at me a lot, mostly a lot of psychobabble and he kept hitting me." I whispered. "And..." My voice choked off.

  "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready," He whispered into my hair. I wanted him to know, someone needed to understand.

  "He grabbed me," My voice was barely a whisper. "Second and third over my clothes." I summed up the worst as vaguely as possible using a baseball metaphor. Zeke took a deep breath and let it out slowly as it ran through my hair like a warm breeze.