All was still here, the only sign of life the faint flickering of the flames in the alabaster sconces to either side. Only half of them were lit, and so the place had an odd, dreamlike quality very different from its normal opulence. Although I knew Besh would not be up at such an hour, still I stopped and peeked into his library. Yes, all was dark within, not a single lamp lit, and so I ducked back out into the corridor and resumed my stealthy journey into a section of his apartments I had never seen before. Here, all was unfamiliar, and I hesitated, not sure where I should go next.
But then I saw that the long hallway ended in an elegant staircase which curved its way up to the second floor, and I realized Besh’s sleeping chamber must be up there somewhere, away from the library and offices and other rooms where he might, if he wished, grant an audience to a favored member of his court. Of course, if I were truly his wife, I would know very well where his bedchamber was located, and my mouth twisted at the irony of my ignorance, even as I hurried to those stairs, made my way up the steps of gleaming marble inlaid in an intricate diamond pattern, and emerged on the landing.
There was an entrance to a corridor directly in front of me, and so I went down it, passing walls hung with embroidered silks and a few paintings, stylized portraits of past members of the royal family, done in a stiff, formal style that had gone out of fashion in Sirlende almost a century earlier. And that corridor ended in a pair of double doors carved with more of the intricate leaf and flower motifs so popular in Keshiaar.
I paused there, my heart beating so loudly I thought for sure it must be audible even on the other side of those doors. In my heart, I had been worried that there might be another contingent of guards standing here outside their Hierarch’s bedchamber, but the hallway was empty, save for myself.
All was still within. Of course it was; I did not know the exact hour, but I guessed that we were nearer to dawn than midnight. Besh would be sleeping. And oh, although I had thought myself quite fearless in coming here, now that the moment was upon me, I found it harder than I had thought to reach out and touch the carved bronze handle on the right-hand door, to wrap my fingers around it and pull it toward me.
But somehow I did force myself to do that very thing, and the door swung outward.
Within, it was not as dark as I had expected. Like my own apartments, this inner sanctum of my husband’s had a sitting room immediately inside the entrance, and there the sconces on the walls still glowed, warm light flickering across the frescoes painted on the smooth surfaces. By the window there was a desk, and at that desk sat my husband.
His head lifted as soon as the door opened, and his gaze fell upon me as I stood there in shock, staring at him and wondering why he was not in his bed.
He was the first to find his voice. “Lyarris?” he asked, obviously so discomfited that he had forgotten the distance he usually maintained between us, and used my first name. Abandoning the pen he held, he rose from his seat. “Whatever are you doing here?”
So I would not have the leisure of approaching him as he slept, and deciding the best way to awaken him. Resolutely, I shut the door behind me and took a few steps in his direction before saying, “I needed to speak with you.”
“Now? In the middle of the night?” He ran a hand through his hair, and I realized then that he wore a heavy dressing robe of dark wine-colored silk, embroidered in gold. And beneath that…nothing I could see, save an expanse of golden-brown skin, and the smooth, sculpted muscles of his chest.
My breath seemed to go out of me at the sight, and a new kind of heat washed through my body, one I did not immediately recognize. Desire. Yes, that was it. I had never experienced it before, not like this, but as I gazed on my husband, I knew then what it was to truly want the meeting of flesh and flesh that I should have experienced by now…if only my husband had been truly my husband in anything other than name.
He seemed to note my particular attention, and at once tightened the sash at his waist, causing the fabric to overlap more closely. Without precisely meeting my eyes, he said, “And how is it that you came here unnoticed, unremarked? Surely the guards would have stopped you long before you came this far. You should not have been able to go more than two paces from the entrance to your suite.”
No, I should not, thanks to the guards you have posted there, making me your own particular prisoner. Then I pushed that thought away, deeming it not precisely fair. After all, guards had stood watch outside my chambers back in Sirlende as well. That was the way of things, when one was a member of a royal household.
I found my voice and replied, in what I hoped were casual tones, “Oh, to be sure, they do an excellent job of guarding the doorway…but I fear they do not pay quite as much attention to the window.”
These words seemed to take him aback, and he stood there staring at me, amber eyes wide in shock. “My lady wife, tell me you did not — ”
“I did,” I said boldly. “There is quite a convenient ledge that runs the entire length of my wing. It was easy as a wink.”
A bit of an overstatement, but I was not about to let on just how frightened I had been, with my feet on a strip of stone less than a foot wide, fingers clinging to the spurious safety of a thin tile border.
However, he appeared far from fooled by my nonchalance. Taking a step toward me, then another, he said, “That was quite a stunt, my lady.” For the first time I saw the glitter of anger in his eyes, and I swallowed. I knew he was not a man given to any sort of physical violence, and so I did not fear for my person, but I also didn’t want him so angry that he would not listen to what I had come here to say. He seemed to gather himself, adding, “But as you have come to no harm, I will let that go for now. I find myself wondering what on earth could have been so important that you could not wait until morning, and send word then that you wished to speak with me.”
Now that I was confronted by his very real displeasure, I found myself wondering the same thing. Truly it had been a sort of madness that seized me, in the depths of my desperation and sorrow. I moved toward him as well so that only a few hands’ breadths separated us. “My lord, I have been thinking of this man who has been captured, the one Chancellor Tel-Karinoor says was the mastermind behind the attempt on your life.”
“Yes?” Besh said, still clearly irritated. “What of him?”
“It is just — just that I have heard things, and I wonder — ”
“Heard things?” he cut in. “What sorts of things?”
From the furrowing of his dark brows, I could see that he wished to know where I would have heard anything, trapped in my quarters as I was, with only a brief respite here and there where I would walk in the gardens, or escape to have dinner in company. Not that that was much of an escape, as I had still made no good friends here at court. Everyone was courteous and polite, as befitted proper conduct toward the Hierarch’s wife, but I had thought I would find at least one person to be intimate with, as my sister-in-law had found her dear friend Gabrinne. No one had ever approached me thus, however, and if it were not for my late acquaintance with Therissa, I feared I might have started to go mad with loneliness.
Then again, there were some who might think I had already begun to go mad….
“Only that — that perhaps the evidence against him is not so damning as one might think. Is he a man of wealth? Whence came the means to hire mounted mercenaries skilled enough to take on guards from the royal household?”
Besh’s frown deepened, and I saw then that perhaps he had not considered such matters…no doubt because his visanis had never broached them in the first place. “These are good questions, my lady, and I will ask them of my chancellor in the morning. But I still do not understand why worry over such a thing would cause you to come here in the middle of the night, risking your very person. Surely you can never have met the prisoner, so it is not a personal concern for his well-being.”
“Of course I have not,” I snapped. “For I cannot take two steps without my movements being over
looked by at least two or three guards or maids or members of your court. But I can still use my ears, and my mind, and I am not the sort of woman to idly sit by while an innocent man is sent to his death, all because your chancellor finds it expedient to do so.”
During this speech Besh’s jaw had tightened more and more, and when I was done, he retorted, “My chancellor does what is best for the realm.”
“No doubt he does, but I fear that in this case what is best for the realm is certainly not best for that poor man being held prisoner in the dungeons.” I knew better than to reach out and lay a hand on my husband’s arm, but still I moved closer to him, so close I could almost hear the angry beating of his heart. His entire body stiffened, but he did not move away. “All I am saying is that perhaps there are some questions which should be asked. Yes, it would be wonderful to execute this man and say the threat is gone, but if he is innocent, then the threat is still present, and all you will have done is taken a life that never should have been forfeit.”
“I will speak with Tel-Karinoor on this matter,” Besh said, after a perceptible pause. “I cannot promise anything, but if it troubles you this much, then it should be addressed.”
“Thank you,” I replied simply. Whether that would change anything, I did not know, but it was better than having him dismiss my concerns outright.
“Now, if you have said your piece, I think it best that you return to your chambers. I will call for an escort.”
It was then that I saw the heavily embroidered bell pull hanging in a corner, and I knew he was about to go toward it. Before he took a step, however, I laid a hand on his arm. “Wait.”
Another of those flashes of irritation passed over his features. “My lady, it is very late. You will be lucky to get even two hours of sleep ere the sun comes up.”
“I do not care for that,” I told him, knowing if I did not seize this moment, I might very well never have the chance again.
His expression darkened, although I doubted he could guess the true reason behind my protest. “Indeed?”
“I only want one thing from you,” I went on, forcing myself to meet his gaze directly, to not look away. No, I would not beg, but I would ask in a forthright manner, as befitted a princess of Sirlende and the Hiereine of Keshiaar.
“Just one?” he asked, his eyebrow raising slightly. Now he appeared almost amused, his anger from a moment ago seeming to dissipate.
“Yes,” I said simply. “I want you to kiss me, Besh, kiss me as a husband should kiss his wife. Only that, and then, if you feel nothing, I will ask for nothing else from you.”
His entire frame seemed to go rigid, and although he did not move away from me, I could almost feel the distance between us growing wider and wider, although in truth it was only a few inches. When he replied, his voice was pitched so low that I could barely hear him. “You do not know what you are asking.”
“No, I suppose I do not, for you have made certain that I can understand nothing of what is in your heart. But mine, Besh — mine is becoming as dry and barren as the desert that stretches beyond this city. All I ask is a single kiss. Surely a man who controls Keshiaar’s riches cannot be so miserly as to deny me that one small thing?”
A heavy pause, and then he said, “Very well. And then we will be done here. Understood?”
“I understand perfectly, my lord,” I said, voice calm enough, although my heart had begun to pound in my breast. For of course I hoped that we would most certainly not be done once we had shared that kiss, that somehow my touch would help to break down the barriers he had constructed around himself.
And if it did not?
Well, I did not see how things could be any worse than they already were between us.
The windows were open, and a cool breeze blew in at that moment, sweet with night-blooming jasmine, exotic…enticing. It seemed the perfect moment to step toward him, to close the gap between us. I reached up, my arms closing around him, drawing him toward me. As our bodies touched, I realized that so little separated us. Just a few layers of thin silk, certainly not enough to mask the heat of our flesh. My breasts pressed into him, and I thought I heard him give a little groan, just before he bent down and pressed his lips against mine.
Oh, how sweet the taste of his mouth, how delicious the warmth of his skin! My entire body seemed to catch fire then, and I pushed against him, feeling how hard were the muscles touching my softer flesh. I had never experienced anything like this before, not with Thani, who I had thought I loved. I was melting into Besh, needing his touch, needing to become one with him. My fingers tangled in his heavy hair, and his hands were tightening on my shoulders, pulling me even closer, if that were possible.
How perfect his touch, how exquisite the way our bodies molded to one another’s! Surely now he would lift me from my feet, carry me into the bedchamber that lay only a few yards away from where we stood. At last we would be husband and wife, and he could finally abandon the false separation he had allowed to grow between us.
But he did not. Another groan, this one that sounded as if he had torn it from the very depths of his soul, and then he was pushing me away, his eyes blazing, muscled chest rising and falling as if he had just run a mile. I was so startled that I tripped over the trailing skirt of my dressing gown as I moved away from him and began to fall backward, the room swirling around me in a panicked blur.
And then his hand was on my wrist, pulling me back to my feet before I cracked my head on the marble floor. “Are you all right?” he asked, voice rough, quite unlike its usual elegant baritone.
I wanted to fling back at him that of course I wasn’t, not after being kissed like that and then just as quickly being rebuffed in the most brutal way possible…but I did not. No, that kiss had not been enough to change things between us. The way he had groaned, though, as if he were having a limb ripped from his body, told me that he was not quite as indifferent as he wanted me to believe. Well, that, and I did not think a man could kiss a woman in such a way and not care. Not completely, anyway.
He wanted to love me…and would not allow himself to do so.
“I am fine,” I told him, straightening my dressing gown, which had become quite disarranged. As I did so, I noticed how his gaze flickered toward my half-exposed bosom. No, definitely not as indifferent as he wanted me to believe. It was the tiniest of victories, and one I would not allow myself to enjoy. How could I, when it seemed as if nothing I said or did seemed to make the slightest bit of difference?
But, as I had told myself earlier, I would not beg. I drew in a breath, brushed my hair away from my brow, and said, “You may send for my escort now.”
Chapter 14
Despite my agitation, I did manage to sleep longer than the bare two hours Besh had cautioned me about. The sun was quite bright when I finally pushed myself up from my bed and made my way to the window. Looking out, I saw that two guards now stood directly beneath my bedchamber. Their heads tilted upward as I opened the shutters all the way and took in a few breaths of the morning air, which was already beginning to warm. Since there was nothing else I could do, I smiled sweetly at them before closing the shutters again.
Obviously, Besh was not going to allow me to escape my apartments that way again.
I went and gathered up my dressing gown, then put it on. As I did so, a knock came at the door to my bedchamber, and I heard Therissa’s voice. “My lady?”
“You may enter,” I said formally, as it was late enough that I knew the other maids would be up and about.
She came in and closed the door. This was somewhat unusual, but not so much that Lila or Alina or Marsali would dare to comment upon it. No doubt they had noticed that “Miram” and I had grown much closer over the past few weeks, and that would help to explain why we might be closeted together in such a way.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well what?” I returned, my tone harsher than I had intended. Seeing those guards beneath my window had set me on edge. Not that I had expec
ted Besh to do any less, but even so, their presence sent home the message that my few liberties had been even more closely curtailed. “As you can see, I am whole in body. I did not fall from the ledge, and neither was I captured by the guards. I did make my way to my husband’s apartments, and we did have…conversation…but I do not think I have changed his mind about anything.”
No, not about freeing the man currently being held in the dungeons, nor about having the courage to recognize me as his wife.
Therissa’s face fell, but she said stoutly, “I would give it time, my lady. Your husband is the sort who needs to think things over before he makes up his mind, and you only spoke with him a few hours ago. No doubt he is reexamining the matter and will come to a decision in time. You must be patient.”
Ah, patience. Mine seemed to have quite run out, even though in the past I would never have described myself as a hasty woman, or one given to making quick decisions herself. The heat of Besh’s kiss seemed to linger on my lips, and I found myself wanting more of that, more of him. I wanted him to stop with his infernal brooding and understand that his heart was quite safe with me.
If Therissa and I had been more intimate — if we were more of an age, as Ashara was with her friend Gabrinne — perhaps I would have related everything that had passed between Besh and myself. But I found I could not speak of how he had kissed me, and then pushed me away. It hurt too much, and I did not want to see her pity. Not now, anyway, while the wound was still fresh.
“I will try,” I said. “I did what I could. Now we will just have to wait and see if Besh heard anything of what I had to say.”
Her expression was uncharacteristically sober, but then she brightened a bit, saying, “And in the meantime, I think I will do a little information-gathering. By now everyone has become accustomed to me in this guise, and if ‘Miram’ is now a little friendlier than she used to be, no one has remarked much upon it. So striking up a conversation here and there might be just what we need to gain some additional insights.”
One Thousand Nights (Tales of the Latter Kingdoms Book 6) Page 20