Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  I held her hips as she rocked against my face; my groan vibrated against her, and she pulled at my hair.

  “Enough.” Her command was cute, breathy, and absolutely not allowed.

  “I say when Selene… always.” I pulled away from between her thighs. Her cheeks were a bright pink, her eyes wild, and her mouth full and still swollen from our earlier kiss. I licked my lips as I stood, savoring what I could of the short-lived interlude. I wanted to fuck her, but I wasn’t sure this was the best venue. Selene was staring up at me, her brown eyes big… her black panties around her ankles.

  She dropped her gaze and leaned forward, curling her fingers around the fabric of her underwear. “Stop…” What the hell was I doing? This wasn’t the place. I took her hand in mine and brought her to a standing position. “Step out of them, Selene. We’re not finished yet.”

  “What if we are, Bennett, what if I’m ready to go?” She wasn’t.

  Our lips met with a furious crash. Selene’s spiced mouth blended with the scent that was only hers, her lips pulling at mine with fevered need. My choice was made. I took a breath. “Is that what you want, Selene? Or do you need to come again — this time with me.” She reached down and stroked her hand along my length as she stepped out from the small black fabric of her panties. My jaw tightened. Her action drowned out my words, giving us that quiet again.

  I lifted her, my palms burning through her thin dress at her hips. She brought her legs around my waist and licked my bottom lip. Our kiss was like a quench to starvation, a frenzied mesh of nips, teeth, tongue, and lips as I pressed her firmly against the wall. She was quick with my belt, and my pants dropped just enough that my cock was now poised at her entrance. “I’m on the pill.” The four words almost ruined the moment but were necessary. Without hesitation, I filled her with a hard stroke, and she shuddered around me. She was dripping wet and so ready for it; the feeling of sinking into her almost brought me to climax. It had been way too long.

  She brought her hands to my face again, forcing my eyes to stay with her as I fucked her relentlessly against the wine cellar wall. Selene’s eyes fluttered as she got closer, and I knew I wouldn’t hold on much longer either. Her body pulled at me, seeking my release. The only noises in the room were the sounds of her heavy breaths mixed with mine and her moan each time our bodies met with violent thrusts. She tightened her legs around me as she cried out; the motion caused her to spasm around my cock, and I lost it. Our movements were jerky, erratic, and I pushed hard inside her as I came with a roar. My growl muted in the sweet crook of her neck.

  The feel of her body wrapped around mine, the taste of her lips as they pulled with soft and lazy strokes at my mouth, the slow burn of my muscles as I held her against the wall, I didn’t want to release her. I was a collector. I sought out beautiful and extravagant things. Selene was both. Her body, her perfect submission, her easy acceptance, her need for silence… she was quite the find, and I wasn’t ready to let her go. I eased her to the floor and her dress fell to her knees. I pulled up my pants, and the sound of the zipper was loud in the silent room. Selene slipped her panties on, and her gaze met mine. The heat that had occupied her eyes earlier as she watched my control slip was now gone. She chewed at the side of her cheek and her brows creased.

  “Are you alright?” I asked, my tone a bit amused. She was shaking like a leaf.

  “I’m just cold.” She chanced a glance up at me from under her thick lashes. I removed my suit jacket and placed it over her shoulders. Her timid smile struck me in the chest. “Thank you.”

  I watched her for a moment; her cheeks turned a brighter blush with each second.

  “I should get going.” Selene’s eyes moved past me to the door.

  “It’s getting late. After you?” I held my hand out indicating she should go ahead of me. I needed a minute, I needed to gather my jumbled thoughts. Never seeing this woman again wasn’t an option. She walked past me, and as we ascended the stairs, my heart started an uneven beat. She shook me up. All the women I’d been with had to be taught. I had to show them what I liked, what I didn’t. It was like Selene already knew. She had completely worked me over.

  Once we hit the winery’s main floor, the sound of the overhead music mingled with the straggling guests. Christy, my assistant, exhaled a noisy breath when she noticed me. She started to walk toward me, and I motioned with my hand for her to wait a second. She stopped dead and looked back and forth between Selene and me, turning a shocking shade of red before she spun and walked away.

  “So, it was… I mean, thank… oh shit, I mean—” she stumbled and I smiled.

  “What’s your number?” I pulled my cell from my pants pocket.

  She hesitated and, for a half a second, I thought I was going to be dismissed. It would have been a first for me, but instead, she spoke her number quietly, and I typed it quickly into my contact list. “I’d like to see you again, Selene.”

  She nodded. “I’d like that.” Her tone was modest, and it made me hard.

  I brought my hand to her cheek, and she leaned into the touch. She brought her hand to mine and squeezed before pulling away. “Goodnight, Bennett.”

  She dropped my hand and walked to the center of the room where she gathered her things, along with her cello. She looked over at me one last time before she headed to the front doors; my jacket still on her shoulders.

  The distinct voice of Charlie Bartolie slimed it’s away above the din of the dwindling crowd and ruined the moment as usual. “Fuck, Bennett, is that a new piece of ass? ‘Cause if she ain’t yours, she should be… or do you mind if I try her on for size.” His thick New Yorker accent almost felt contrived. His eyes even skimming the surface of her skin pissed me off.

  “She’s a friend, and I’m sure she isn’t interested in guys like you.” My tone shouldn’t be so acidic, but he’d gotten under my skin. I hated that I’d had to rely on this asshole at all.

  “Guys like me, eh, Monterosso? Last time I checked, guys like me got you outta debt. I saved your ass when this little business didn’t pay back our investment right away, and don’t forget about the time that fucking cartel junkie tried to put a hit on you for shipping his competitor’s goods. I’ll look at any bitch of yours I want, Bennie. Don’t talk down to me.” He rubbed his nose roughly and licked his lips. He was stupid. He sampled his products, and right now he was fucking high.

  “She’s a friend, Charlie… and besides, I’m almost done shipping for you remember. I’ve paid you back, three times over. After this quarter, I’m out. I told you.”

  He smacked my shoulder, his fat gut hanging over his knock off Armani suit pants. His dark hair greased to the side, his heavy gold watch shined on his wrist; he was a walking stereotype. “I was hoping you’d—”

  “I’m out, Charlie. After my mom and dad died… I’m out as soon as possible, all right?” I swallowed down my emotion.

  He nodded.

  “Let Frank know, I’m grateful, but I can’t do it anymore. It’s getting too risky.” I no longer wanted to risk this small empire I’d built.

  “I’ll tell him. See you Sunday.” He smacked my shoulder one more time before walking away.

  How had I ended up shipping fucking cocaine for the Bartolie family? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My thumb and forefinger pressed against the bridge of my nose. The memory hit me like a ton of bricks each time… the sound of the police officer scrapping the snow off of his boot on my front porch grates inside my head. “May I come in?” The shaky level of his voice, the look in his eyes, I’d never forget it. “May I come in?”

  Sometimes I thought, maybe… just maybe, if I’d said no… no, you can’t… my parents would still be alive. But that was a child’s fantasy, a fucking ridiculous way to think. They died, and no matter how much money I make, or how much success I obtain, it’s tainted… and as much as I wanted to, I’d never forgive myself or Frank. Never. Frank said jump, and my father took the bait every time and now I was doing the
same fucking thing.

  The heavy weight of his wool suit jacket did nothing to stop me from shaking as my heels hit the pavement of the sidewalk. The doors of the winery shut firmly behind me. My body wasn’t cold, it was alive. The aftershock of Bennett still flowed through my veins. I shook my head. This night… I’d let it get out of hand. That pain between my legs ached with a sweetness that I used to crave. The sound of him coming echoed in my ears, and I shut my eyes. His face, his jaw pulsing, his deep chocolate eyes penetrating mine… it was all I could see. My eyes popped open, and I swallowed down the shame of fucking a total stranger. What the hell did I just allow to happen? My stomach turned and tied itself into tight knots. The memories of who I used to be sparked in my synapses. I had pulled myself out of my old habits; men weren’t important. Work, music, getting my dream job as a teacher at the prestigious Par Amour Music School in Los Angeles — this, this was what I had been working toward. Play, create, and teach. These principles were what got me out of Brooklyn.

  I raised my hand to hail a cab, and his jacket almost fell off. I placed my cello case on the ground and put my arms in the oversized sleeves. The Yellow Cab pulled to the curb. The trunk lid cracked open, and I shoved it up, quickly placing my things inside. Slamming the trunk shut, I noticed the fall air was crisp tonight, and my bare legs were not faring well. Once I was sitting inside the cab, the warmth of the heater eased my nerves. The familiar smell of BO and tobacco assaulted my senses, making me smile.

  “214 Thompson Street, please.”

  The cabbie nodded his head and pulled quickly from the curbside. I let the night with Bennett soak into my bones. My eyelids shut and I let my head rest against the vinyl seat. In that moment, I thought maybe it was okay, this one time I’d allowed myself something extraordinary. I’d allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to be his, to live in his luxurious life. I let myself pretend I was more while we were down in that cellar. I let myself imagine that once my feet hit the ground and my hand found his, we’d find our way to our own fancy apartment. But, he wasn’t mine, and the reality of that fact burned through my constructed fantasy. No matter what I told myself now, or a week from now, I wasn’t capable of no strings sex. My feelings, my insecurities… they always bubbled up, just like they did in high school and just like they did when I was stupid with men in college. The sickness building in my gut… that anxiety of “will he call” started to drive my heart faster, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My eyes finally spilled over, with regret.

  “You okay, miss?” The driver asked in an accent I couldn’t place.

  I nodded and wiped under my eyes. “Yes, thank you.”

  My phone alerted in my purse, and I pulled it from the side pocket.

  Renee: I got dinner from Balthazar’s. I tried to wait for you…

  Me: Sorry, the concert ran late.

  I never lied to Renee, and the minute she saw me she’d know something was up. I hated that I let her pay the majority of our rent. The thirty-seven-hundred-dollar bill was too much for my waitress salary, but as usual, Renee had to have her way, and her father’s well planned out trust fund dwindled on a daily basis. I paid about fifteen hundred a month, and that was including utilities. She spoiled me and I hated myself for letting her. I’d pick up extra gigs like the one tonight to try and make it more of an even effort, but most of the time my tips were all I had.

  My phone chirped again.

  Renee: See you soon, G.

  I rolled my eyes. I hated being called Gio, G, or Giovanna. It reminded me too much of my childhood: my mother’s threadbare clothes and her paper thin skin… I wasn’t that girl anymore. Selene was elegant. The choice to go by my middle name had nothing to do with a lack of respect or love for my mother, it had everything to do with rising above, becoming something great. Using my talent like she wanted. I wanted more for my life than Renee’s charity or my hand me down shoes.

  The cab rolled to a stop, and I pulled some cash from my purse and handed it to the driver. “Thank you.”

  The trunk opened as I stepped onto the sidewalk. I grabbed my instrument and took a moment to look up at the sky. It was almost impossible to see stars in the city, but for some reason, it didn’t bother me. I liked feeling surrounded. It made me feel safe. A slight chill blew along my legs and made me shiver, so I headed inside.

  The weight of my cello felt excessive tonight. My muscles sore from Bennett. The elevator doors slid open, and the smell of oranges hung heavy in the small space. They must have just cleaned the stainless steel. My reflection shone vividly in the metal as the doors shut. My hair was too full, messy. My lips red, but not from the tint of lipstick. His jacket ate my form entirely. I looked tousled, and the shame began to lick its way up my spine again.

  I took a deep breath just as the doors opened, and I stepped out into the hallway. The marble floor announced my arrival with each click of my heels. Really, I hadn’t done anything I hadn’t wanted. Submitting to him felt right, simple, like it was meant to be that way. I liked the way he took me without words, with just a touch — mouth to mouth and flesh to flesh. I could still feel the pressure of his body against me. I didn’t want to hope that he would call me, but despite my internal protests, I wasn’t finished with him, and I had a feeling he was just starting. Bennett’s thirst for me, it spilled from his lips with each kiss.

  I resolved that once I walked through my apartment door I’d leave that sad and regretful girl back in the cab. I turned the key in the lock; the sound of the television greeting me as I walked past the threshold. I felt lighter. I hadn’t done anything I hadn’t asked for, silently begged for, and I had to be okay with that… I just had to.

  “Concert ran late, my ass. Whose jacket is that?” Renee’s eyes widened and her Cheshire smile made my lips spread into a timid smirk.

  Shit.

  My rental car rolled to a stop about three parking spots down from where the cab had pulled up to the curb. I watched her as she struggled to hold her things and the cumbersome instrument. The cab drove away and she just stood there staring up at the building. This must be where she lived. I noted the address and wrote it down. It shouldn’t irritate me that she was wearing Bennett’s suit jacket, but it did. If anything, it confirmed my earlier thoughts. He wanted her and he’d had her. It was always him first. He’d take what he wanted and only then would he invite me in. Most of the time, I wouldn’t even fuck the girls. I’d let them blow me while Bennett took them from behind. Sometimes, he’d watch as I tied them down; physical submission, it was my thing. No matter what he’d said in the end, he’d got off on my type of dominance. And, I had never taken these women against their will. It was all part of our plan; they wanted to be used. And the one-nighters, they knew what they were getting into. Bennett may have been the leader, but I made sure the women were okay with everything beforehand, and when it was over, I was the one who soothed them.

  It had only ended because we both made the mistake of taking a regular. We’d both been obsessive when it came to Clara. She was so different than the others. She fed each of our addictions flawlessly. She pushed until our limits snapped until we couldn’t see right from wrong anymore.

  I lied to Bennett tonight when I’d said Clara had followed me out to California. After that night — the last night with her, with him — we’d found out she’d been doing coke, and I was done. I never screwed girls when I was drunk, it was too easy to lose control, but that night, we’d been out celebrating Bennett’s new account. Once we had gotten back to his place, she talked us into doing shots. Besides the alcohol, the night had been like any other night. While Bennet had taken her mouth, I’d taken her ass, and I’d been so fucking far gone that I didn’t realize I had pulled the belt around her neck as tight as I had. It didn’t help that we had no idea that she’d been doing lines in the bathroom all night.

  She just passed out; there wasn’t any warning. One minute she was moaning, and the next she was out. Head slack, body limp. I almost co
uldn’t revive her, but I did. Thank fuck, I did. She admitted to us a few days later that she had been doing blow. The belt, combined with the drugs and alcohol… it was too much, and she couldn’t take it. She’d lied and almost brought us down with her. I’d cared about Clara, but after all that shit went down, my trust was gone. Trust was all we banked on in a relationship like that and she took it and destroyed it, destroyed us.

  Bennett still wanted to put her on a pedestal, make it about my need for physical control, when in reality; Clara had lied and almost killed herself. I’d forgiven myself for my discretions, but letting myself go, giving another woman a part of me, that trust…I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to again.

  Bennett had no idea Clara had signed herself into rehab the day I left for L.A. It was her wish that he would never find out. Even though she had broken my confidence, I took the higher road and shouldered the blame.

  The past haunted me every second. It was why I chose the path I was on now; yet, here I was, sitting outside this woman’s building. She was long gone now. My mental digression absorbed my thoughts, and I’d missed the moment she finally went inside. Bennett only collected the best. Seeing him tonight, the lion on the prowl, it was like old times and I missed my friend. I missed this city, and I missed my home. I wanted to infuse hope into this talented brunette. I wanted her to save him, save him from himself, but mostly save him from me.

  “Excuse me, waiter, we’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes.” A man with a thick, country accent grabbed my arm as I walked by his table. I almost snorted at the term… Waiter.

  Felix was incredibly busy; the weather was unseasonably warm tonight and all the doors were open. The cool breeze was welcome in the large and overly stuffed restaurant. I’d started here about three months ago. It was total euro-trash, but the money was good.