Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  “No, not really.” My appetite was still in New York on the sidewalk in front of Best Pizza. I was exhausted; this day had been the longest of my life. The confirmation that Selene would be standing in front of me again, though, it was the best I felt all day. Even if she was his now, I had to tell her how I felt and tell her I was sorry for everything.

  “Yeah, me neither.” He placed his half empty beer on the counter and opened the fridge. He pulled out another beer, opened it, and handed it to me.

  I stared at it for several long seconds. The silence between us was comfortable, but my head was raging with noise. The day’s events flipping through my brain.

  “It’s going to be okay.” His face was somber as if the words were at odds with what he was feeling.

  “No, Gage, it won’t. But, I’ll survive. And time… time will make it better, right?” It had to.

  “I’m gonna fucking miss you. I know we went five years without speaking, but I knew at any moment I could come see you, call you, but—”

  “Now you can’t.” My jaw pulsed, and his gaze fell to the countertop.

  “It will be okay.” He spoke to himself at first, and then brought the full power of his attention to me. “All that I want to know is you’re safe, alive and well, and this deal, it guarantees it. So even if I miss you, even if I never see you again, it’s a relief… it only matters that you get the hell away from Frank and this damn cartel in one piece.” He moved from behind the counter and palmed my shoulder.

  “Frank called. He was pissed I wasn’t at the warehouse.”

  “Did he sound suspicious?” Gage’s brow creased.

  “A little, but I think he’s always paranoid. He told me I had to be back in the city by tomorrow.” I laughed and Gage shook his head.

  “He’ll be sitting in a cell tomorrow.” Gage smiled. “He deserves everything coming to him.”

  A loud knock on the door made us both jump. Shit.

  “Selene?” I asked, and Gage narrowed his eyes.

  He moved hastily toward the front door and looked through the peephole. “What the fuck?” he muttered and quickly opened the door.

  His partner about knocked him over as he moved past Gage with force.

  “Grab your shit Monterosso, we gotta move locations.” Biggs was out of breath. “Fuck, Calibri, answer your goddamn phone.”

  Gage looked at the back of his couch where his phone was resting and exhaled sharply. “Shit. I didn’t hear it vibrate. What the hell’s going on?”

  “Our men in New York just got intel off a tap in Monterosso’s warehouse. Frank isn’t going to wait. He thinks Bennett’s running. He called in a hit, one of Sanchez’s men out here in fucking L.A. He gave them your fucking address Gage, we gotta move.”

  Gage moved to the kitchen, opening a cabinet exposing a large metal safe. He punched in a code and it opened.

  “Bennett, go grab your bags. I’ve been ordered to take you to the safe house now.” Biggs barked the command and I complied.

  I was halfway down the hall when the thought of her traced across my mind. “Fuck, Gage! Selene. She’s on her way here.”

  “His bitch?” Biggs looked confused.

  “Don’t call her that,” Gage growled and made the crease between Biggs’s eyes deeper. “I’ll get a hold of her, Bennie. We need to get the hell out of here.”

  “I’ll get the car. Be down there in less than five.” Biggs headed to the front door and I ran to the bedroom.

  I didn’t give a shit about anything really. I just grabbed whatever was on the bed and headed back to the living room.

  My heartbeat was wild inside my ribcage, and as I looked up, my muscles froze. Gage was standing with his gun drawn.

  “Put the gun down.” The voice was eerily calm with a slight Hispanic accent.

  “I’ll drop my weapon when you drop yours.” Gage’s voice was just as calm, deep, and the most menacing I had ever heard it.

  The man looked over at me. His eyes were beady and almost black. “He’s the one I want, man, but I’ll take two. Frank will just owe me more money. I don’t do two for one.” He chuckled and gave me a sinister grin.

  I took a moment to scan the room and I didn’t see Biggs. He must’ve just missed this asshole on the way down to the car. The taste of pennies coated my tongue. “I’ll come with you, just leave him out of this.”

  “You must be pretty fucking stupid. I don’t leave witnesses, my friend.” The man smiled at me again. He looked like the angel of death in a suit. He was here for me, and if I wasn’t careful, he’d take Gage and Selene as well.

  He moved deeper into the apartment with slow, deliberate steps. “You should really lock your door, man. L.A., it’s a dangerous place.”

  “This is the last chance I’m giving you, drop your weapon. Bennett, head back to the bedroom, I got this. We’ll handle it.”

  “We? Who the fuck is we?” The man cocked his weapon.

  “Go, Bennie, now!” Gage raised his voice, but I wouldn’t move; I couldn’t leave him.

  There were times when life was perfect, and everything you wanted, everything you thought you deserved was handed to you on a silver fucking platter. Everything was bliss and sex and lust and love… until it wasn’t. It was lies and flame and blood. Gage’s front door smashed open. The sound of it almost masked the first gunshot. Gore sprayed from Gage’s right shoulder. Another pop… pop and Gage’s left leg gave out.

  Biggs tackled the guy to the floor and before I had a chance, before I even got a second to see if Gage was alive, another thunderous shot went off, and then another echoed through the apartment.

  The pain of it didn’t hit me until I fell. Until I could no longer feel my legs. I tried to move, I tried to make my way to Gage, but I was pushed back, brought down by a cold, searing pain along my spine.

  The elevator ride up to Gage’s apartment felt like a century of time. Nervous didn’t cover how I felt. I was one hundred percent sure of my feelings for Gage. He was the one I wanted to be with, to possibly have a future with, if I was that lucky. Seeing Bennett was going to be difficult. I had cared about him so much, and I wanted to stop being angry. I wanted a real apology, not excuses. I shouldn’t even care. It shouldn’t even matter, but it did. It was still bitter, and in order to really move on, I needed that closure.

  I stepped from the elevator and rubbed my hands on my jeans to ease my nerves. As I began to walk down the hall, I thought maybe I should warn them, give Gage a heads up I was here. I was digging through my purse, looking for my cell, not paying attention, so when I brought my gaze back up I stumbled.

  The front door to Gage’s apartment was half off the hinges and the loud thud that emanated from the apartment startled me to a dead stop. I hesitated just outside the door, my heart in my throat. I shouldn’t go in. A sick feeling twisted around my spine and slowed my steps. Panic flooded through my system. I took a few more steps, just past the threshold of the door and I felt it… something horrible had happened.

  I closed my eyes and tried to pretend the fear that was making my hands shake wasn’t real. I forced myself to open my eyes again, forced my gaze forward. The light was dim and the soft quiet sound of music sifted through the room. The familiar smell of cedar wood and sage made the fiction easier to swallow, made everything seem just as it should be as I moved through the apartment.

  The muggy copper scent of horror hit me just as I walked past the kitchen.

  “Selene.”

  His tone was flat… stark… no man should ever look so broken.

  My tear filled eyes on the gun; I reached into the empty space between us. “Don’t.”

  “I’m not going to hurt you.” The man held up his gun in one hand and made a show of putting it in a holster on his belt. It was then the shiny badge caught my attention.

  “You’re a cop?” His presence did nothing to quell the terror that was pulsing behind my temples. “Where’s—”

  He moved toward me and the shift of his b
ody brought the living room into view. The scream that ripped from my lips sounded foreign, watered downed. Everything was faint and I was in a tunnel.

  Blood.

  It was everywhere.

  “Listen, ma’am. Selene, right?”

  I ignored him and moved rapidly on air filled legs, avoiding his grip. I tripped on something, my hands hitting the floor first, breaking my fall. Something under my knee gave me pause and when I looked I cried out. “Oh my god.” I crawled forward and my knee slipped in blood. My chest tightened as I turned to see whose dead body I had tripped over. A small gasp of relief spilled from my lips when I didn’t recognize the man in the dark suit.

  The cop moved toward me and the sound of far-off sirens made my stomach churn. “Ma’am?” He moved slowly as if he was scared I’d run off again. “Help, it’s on the way. I need you to—”

  A rough cough and a groan drew my attention to the right side of the room. “Gage!” Tears spilled from my eyes as I stood and ran to where he was lying. “Gage, oh my god, he needs help! He’s bleeding! Please! Go get help!” The cop didn’t move. “Don’t just fucking stand there!”

  “Gio. I’m fine.”

  A loud sob gutted through me. “You’re bleeding, you’ve been shot. He’s been shot!”

  “Biggs, where’s Bennett?” Gage’s voice was weak and he tried to sit up but fell back, his face pinched in a wince. “Fuck that hurts.”

  “Shit, Gage, I think he’s down. I was about to check, but then she walked in.”

  “He can’t be down, Nate, he can’t fucking be down!” Gage’s voice fractured.

  Nate scanned the room and his eyes widened. “Shit.” He ran toward the hallway and the beat of my heart stuttered.

  Gage’s jaw compressed and his nostrils flared. “Fuck Gio, everything went to shit. Fuuuck!” he roared and my shoulders shook with sobs. “I failed Gio, I fucking failed.”

  “No, no, you didn’t. Please… please calm down.” The sirens were getting louder and with each high pitched wave of sound my hope grew.

  “We’re gonna fucking lose him. Get that second unit here, now!” Nate ran through the apartment, his phone at his ear, and out of the front door.

  “Bennett! Why is he leaving him?” I stood and started to move to the hallway and then stopped.

  “Go, I’m fine. Please, Gio, go to him. He shouldn’t be alone. We’ll all be fine. The ambulance is almost here. Biggs just ran to meet them.” Gage’s voice was filled with a fabricated calm. His wide eyes filled with truth.

  “Selene.” The sound of Bennett’s voice made me tremble. The syllables a whispered gurgled.

  Gage’s eyes closed tight. The tears leaked from the corners. “Go, Gio.”

  It wasn’t a choice. I moved swiftly. One foot in front of the other, each step more hurried than the last. He was just outside of the bedroom, laid out onto his back. The floor around his body covered in a thick reddish brown fluid. My chest moved in rapid breaths as I fell to his side. The fabric of my jeans now weighted with his blood. “Bennett,” I cried, and the confined feeling in my throat made it almost impossible to speak. There was so much blood. I had no idea where he had been shot. My hands were shaky against his cheeks; he was so cold.

  “I’m sorry.” He could barely speak, his lips moved with effort.

  “Shh. Help is coming.” I smoothed my fingers over his forehead. Cool beads of sweat coated his skin. “Y-you just hang on.” I couldn’t stop the tears. Each word a stuttered mess. I wanted to give him hope with my strength, but he was fading and my heart was too heavy.

  He groaned as he lifted his arm and pulled me down to his side. He cradled me, my cheek resting on his chest. My body lying next to his as his life soaked into the cotton of my shirt. “I should have told you everything.” He coughed and pulled me tighter. “I should have given you everything. I should have—”

  “Please. Bennett, stop, just rest.” I couldn’t stop the dam from breaking and my sobs poured freely from my chest.

  He tried to tighten his hold, but he was too weak. “I prayed for this bullet, Selene. I prayed for it and now I’m worthy of it.”

  I sat up abruptly, my vision almost blurred by tears. My fingertips swiped at my eyes and it was then I saw him clearly. His eyes… they were still so full of life and full of hope.

  “I love you. I want you to know that.” His words were whispered as he cringed with pain, and I tried to move. “Don’t move.” He linked his hand with mine. “Stay with me.”

  “You’re going to be fine.” The lie sounded hollow.

  “I’m not.”

  I could hear the men in the hall and I had begun to gamble on hope.

  “I love you, too.” I brought my forehead to his, and I felt his hand on the back of my head.

  “You would’ve been my only regret. You were the only pure thing I’d ever had, and I let it go. But I see you now, I see you Gio.”

  I gasped and my eyes filled. I felt the tears spill down my face, and my throat ached as I tried to swallow in the air that was urgently leaving my lungs with each sob.

  “Over here,” Biggs shouted, and I knew my time was up.

  “Bennett, you hang on. You live. Keep breathing.” One of the paramedics knelt down on his other side and started cutting at his shirt.

  “I need you to move.” He spoke in a firm tone.

  I tried to stand, but Bennett pulled me down, his hand still on the back of my head and brought his lips to my ear. “I have my atonement, and you have your future. Take care of him.” He let go and I pulled away.

  His eyes had paled and when another paramedic lifted me under my arms and our bodies separated, his eyes fluttered shut. “No! No, no, no, no!” The panic fell over me and I tried to fight my way free from the strong arms that were now wrapped around my waist dragging me away.

  “Let her go!” Gage’s powerful voice was the only thing that kept me from sinking as the man released me from his hold.

  Gage was on a gurney holding his own oxygen mask, his eyes just as pale as Bennett’s. “Wait.” I yelled and the man pushing the gurney came to a halt.

  “I’m not going anywhere without you.” Gage gave me a small smile, and the pain ebbed for just a spilt-second before he looked over my shoulder and his smile faded.

  It was chaos. The sound of the two-way radios, orders being shouted, and as the medical personnel filed in behind me, it became clear that Bennett may never leave this apartment alive. “We gotta move, miss.” I took the last few steps toward Gage.

  “He’s not going to make it.” My voice tremored, and the pain in my throat split down my chest and my sternum felt as if it would crack. The thought of losing Bennett was breaking me.

  Gage dropped his eyes from mine. His voice was just a shell of what it normally was. “All we can do is pray.”

  The snow coated the black coffin and as the red roses were placed upon it, as people walked by, it almost made the scene in front of me look like a photograph. The pain in my right shoulder stung and my left leg was throbbing, but nothing, nothing hurt as bad as the pain in my fucking chest. It had been a little over one week since Bennett died in my apartment. I never got to say goodbye, my own injuries keeping me in the dark. Sometimes it didn’t seem real. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, sweat covering my body, and that whole day ran through my head. I failed him.

  Gio wrapped her arm through mine and her soft cry drew my gaze down to her. The wet white flakes of snow landed in her dark hair and melted, dampening the strands. She stood on my left side, my right arm in a sling. The crowd thinned, but my mother and father lingered by our side. The sympathetic frowns, the smiles, the heartfelt “we are so sorry for your loss” statements… each one reopened the guilt I felt. I deserved none of their compassion.

  “Son, the snow’s getting heavy, and your mother’s freezing. I’ll get the car.” My father’s deep voice, normally a comfort, only grated on my nerves. It was dismissive. How could I leave? How could I walk away? It
was fucking cold. It was fucking freezing, but how could I leave him? How could I just let them lower my best friend into the frozen earth? I wasn’t irrational. It was just his body, it wasn’t Bennett, but that wasn’t the point. While I stood breathing, sucking in fire with each iced breath, his lips were still, and his eyes were shut forever.

  My jaw clenched and I pulled Gio closer to my side. I wasn’t ready to go. I’d never be ready, but she was probably cold too. “Do you want to go?” I asked.

  She sniffled and met my eyes. Her face was pale, her cheeks stained with tears. Her lips shook, but not from the cold. “Do you?” she asked in a shaky tone.

  I didn’t want to leave. I’d die out here if I could, but she was shivering. “Yeah, it’s cold.”

  I walked to the casket with Gio, and we both placed our flowers onto the smooth surface of reflective black. She gasped out a strangled sob, and rested her hand on the lid. Her fingers trembled and I covered them with mine. I heard her whisper, “I love you.”

  The ache in my chest strangled me. I loved him, too. People wouldn’t understand the relationship we all had, but it was something to behold. Three hearts, three times the love, three times the pain. It was swallowing me whole. I wanted to soak in all the blame, let the blood permeate my skin and never wash away — never forget the short lifetime of friendship that slipped through my fingers.

  “I’m sorry.” My words were a tight whisper.

  Gio laced her fingers through mine, and we both walked back to the car in silence. The doctors almost didn’t release me in time, but there was no way in hell I’d sit in a hospital bed while they laid my friend to rest. I was shot once in the shoulder, some tendon damage but nothing physical therapy couldn’t fix. My leg wound was a clean and straight forward shot. Missed everything important, just hurt like a son of bitch. So in my eyes, there was no goddamn reason I couldn’t be here. Gio needed me and I needed her. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through today, but having her by my side helped. A mutual and symbiotic desperation… it was a sick way to think about it, but fuck, we were both broken. A piece of us was about to be buried into the ground.