Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  “I can’t do this,” he said, and his voice sounded thin.

  My hand held the door open, my words escaping me. I couldn’t believe he was here. I couldn’t do it anymore, either. Being without him, being alone… it was too much. “Then don’t.”

  “But you asked me to leave.” His eyes appeared weary and confused.

  “You left the day Bennett died.”

  My heart beat wildly in my chest. I wasn’t sure where the anger had come from, but it was the most alive I’d felt in months. I expected him to argue. I expected him to be angry, too, but he wasn’t.

  “I didn’t think loving you was right. Every time I touched you, I felt like I was disrespecting him, his memory.” He stepped toward me, his shoulders filling the doorway. “But, fuck, loving you, it was the only way I knew how to breathe, and I’m choking, I’m fucking choking, Gio.”

  He brought his hands to my face and his dark eyes asked me for permission, and I let go.

  “I should have never asked you to leave. I thought it was what you wanted. I thought I was doing the right thing.” I spoke, and I almost didn’t recognize my own voice. It was filled with too much hope. Him being here, it was igniting an old flame, and the fear of it, the memory of it, threatened to devour me.

  His brows creased. “Then ask me to stay.”

  “I need you here, with me.”

  His thumbs wiped at the tears under my eyes before he brought his mouth to mine with a slow elegance. The moment his eyes locked with mine, the moment his taste enveloped me and his scent surrounded me, was the moment I’d found my home again.

  Gio was deep in her own thoughts. She had a lot on her plate. She planned a wedding in under four months and in a few hours we’d be on a plane to New York. Renee had helped with a lot of the planning from Manhattan, but Gio had done most of the work.

  “You okay, sweetheart?”

  “Hmm?” Her eyes focused on mine again.

  I shook my head with a laugh. “Now what are you thinking about?”

  She pulled away and laced her hand with mine. “The day you came back.”

  My smile fell. The three months I had been apart from Gio had been the darkest three months of my life. I’d forgotten who the hell I was. Each day was just another twenty-four hours, and each day, the man I had once been drifted away. I buried the memories, buried the need, and tried to just keep breathing. But I couldn’t… not without her. So I lost myself in work. I put everything I had into the winery. I had to use a lot of my own money to get everything back up and running. Bennett’s funds had been seized by the state, and the Monterosso name almost completely ruined by the media. After a while, the business finally started to pick up again with word of new management. The stock became public and the company took the fuck off. Bennett would have been proud. But his memory wasn’t enough to sustain me. I needed her, and every second away from her was a second too long.

  “Yeah? What about it?” I pulled her body against me again, the distance too much for the memories she was conjuring.

  “I’m wondering how the hell we ever survived it.” She laughed and it made the dark feeling filling my chest dissolve.

  “By the skin of our fucking teeth.” My lips fell to hers with a rough kiss. My lips sucked on her bottom lip and she sighed. I pulled away with a prideful grin. I loved how easily I got to her, how easily she gave herself over to me.

  “Don’t look so smug.” She smacked me on the chest and walked into the kitchen.

  My laugh shook my shoulders. “Hey, you know I wouldn’t think twice about fucking you, right here, on this brand new couch, and you know you wouldn’t stop me. Besides, it’s too new anyways, it needs to be broken in.” I gave her a sideways smile and she just shook her head.

  We’d bought a place in Lake Forest a month ago after I’d opened the Anaheim store. I was able to leave the DEA — the job, the risk wasn’t worth it, not anymore — and I wanted to run Monterosso Winery permanently. Gio was still able to work at Par Amour like she always wanted, and watching her in our kitchen, in our home, it was exactly how it should be. When I came back and she took me in, I promised I’d never let her down ever again.

  Bennett would have wanted us to live, and it took me awhile to realize I was just rolling over to die.

  “You think I’m lying?” I asked as I moved into the kitchen.

  She was grabbing a glass from the cabinet and I snaked my hands under the thin fabric of her tank top. She placed the glass onto the counter and pressed her ass against me. The tips of my fingers traced along her curves, inching the fabric up and over her breasts. The morning sun reflected off the white cabinets, making the light in the room almost too bright.

  “Let’s go back to bed.” The request was almost lost in the curve of her neck as I nipped at the flesh.

  She let a soft moan slip as my thumb rolled across her nipple. “Okay.”

  We only had a few hours before we had to leave, and I planned on using every last minute fucking her. Gio turned and smiled at me, that sexy as fuck smile that told me she was game for whatever I was thinking.

  We headed toward the stairs up to our bedroom when we heard a knock on the door. Gio flicked her gaze at me and I shrugged my shoulders. I tried not to be paranoid, but the agent in me wished my gun wasn’t in the safe upstairs. The sound of a diesel truck pulling away eased my nerves, and as I neared the front room, I watched through the window as the familiar brown van pulled away. Just a delivery.

  I opened the door, the heat of the sun on my bare chest felt good. There was a package sitting just in front of the door and I picked it up.

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know, there’s no return address.” I moved the box around looking for some sort of clue of where it came from. Gio shut the front door and followed behind me as I brought the box into the kitchen and placed it on the counter.

  She appraised the box with a smile. “It must be an early wedding gift, it’s addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Calibri.”

  “Should we wait to open it?” It was marked fragile, probably some dishes or some shit.

  “Um, hell no. Open it!” She nearly squealed and I laughed.

  I grabbed a knife and slid it down the center and then the sides. Gio was practically jumping out of her skin. I glanced at her as I pulled the tan packing paper from the box and grinned at her eager expression. When my eyes fell onto the contents of the package time stopped. I could hear my heart beating in my ears and the faint, vague sound of Gio’s voice calling my name.

  Two bottles of wine and an envelope.

  One bottle with a tag on that read: For Selene and another with a tag that read: For Gage.

  The handwriting was unmistakable.

  The gasp from Gio’s lips was the only thing that brought me to the present. I brought my gaze to hers and she shook her head; her lips were trembling and the tears spilled over. I opened the letter and I swallowed down the overwhelming fucking lump in my throat. It couldn’t be… I read the words aloud.

  To Selene and Gage,

  Best wishes and love.

  Selene, may you always find happiness and safety in your new life.

  She picked up the bottle of Merlot with unsteady hands and hugged it to her chest. “Keep reading.” She took a deep breath, and I tried to continue. The familiar bottle of wine was enough of a message, but his words… his words were like fucking precious pieces of oxygen.

  Gage, she is your greatest accomplishment. It’s time to finally crack open your bottle, but instead of sharing with a stranger, share it with your wife.

  I hadn’t set eyes on that fucking vintage since we had gone to Italy together. “Bennie,” I whispered.

  “He signed it?” Gio grabbed the letter from my hand. Her eyes consuming each word. “He didn’t sign it.” The frustration was evident in her tone.

  There wasn’t a return address, there was no indication that he had actually sent it. There was no With love, Bennett. Nothing. It was him, though. I felt i
t all the way to the marrow. Merlot… it was her safe word. And the shitty wine from our graduation trip… only Bennie would have known where to get it.

  “How?” Gio looked at me with a lightness, a wonder, and I smiled. I took the bottle from her hands, set it on the counter and aligned our bodies.

  “If the government wants you dead, Gio… you die.” Her cheeks were wet as I framed her face.

  “Do you think he’s happy?” she asked.

  My lips tasted the corner of her mouth and my smile grew. “He’s more than happy, G… he’s alive.”

  The shiny white scars still amazed me every time I looked at them in the mirror. The steam was thick in the air, and just before the glass fogged, I caught a glimpse of myself. I died that night. It was only for about a minute, they told me. Two bullets. One nicked my liver and the other just barely missed my spine. Eight hours of surgery, three liters of blood, and then another two liters two days later. I was lucky to be alive. My heart had stopped about halfway through the surgery. I didn’t remember it, there was no white light, no coming to Jesus, but still, it was a huge slap of reality.

  Reality.

  My life was no longer mine, but at least I was alive, at least my heart was still beating.

  Agent Manning was waiting for me in the recovery room with about six armed officers early that next morning. I recognized Biggs. The plan was still in place. I was still to give them my testimony, give them all the records I had on Bartolie and the shipments, and I’d be protected for life. When I asked about Gage and Selene, I was told they were safe. It wasn’t until a few days had passed that I realized they were never coming to see me at the hospital.

  Biggs came to gather my testimony and he told me the situation. Gage and Selene, for their own protection, were told I was dead. Gage’s parents planned my funeral, thinking my body had been shipped back to Manhattan. No one had a clue. As each day passed and my recovery neared its end, the panic set in.

  I had said my peace, said my goodbyes to Selene… to Gio, but not to Gage. I had nothing. My future was uncertain, but, my suffering was minimal compared to what Gage must’ve been feeling at the time. He’d done everything to save me, but in the end, I died. In the end, he must’ve thought he’d failed me.

  Living a new life, getting a fresh start while everyone mourned my passing, it was a bitter pill to swallow. I had created this mess, and I was the only one getting to start over. It hadn’t felt right. It didn’t seem fair.

  But regardless, Bennett Monterosso died, and Alexander Everett was born.

  I pulled up my boxer briefs and walked into the closet. I lifted my customary gray suit from the rack, along with a white button-up and a dark blue tie, and laid them out on my bed. The expensive suit made me grin. The government had dropped me in the middle of nowhere-fucking-America. In a town called Elkader, Iowa, with a new ID, social security number, a small stipend of money, and a shit house to live in. The first six months were hard. But, after all, I was used to a standard of living. I worked some construction jobs for a bit, built up my savings, and lived off the government pay check until I had enough money to use as a down payment on a loan. The local antique market was right up my alley, and I jumped at the opportunity to buy a foreclosed shop right in the middle of downtown.

  I was a fucking businessman. I made shit happen, and I didn’t let my past rule my life. Gage gave me a chance at a future, and I have no doubt now, I really would’ve been lying in a Manhattan cemetery if it wasn’t for him. It took a while, but Bennett started to breathe again, even if I answered to Alex, it was still Bennett brewing in these veins. I made money, I invested, and I owned this new life, just like I promised Gage I would.

  I shifted my tie, making sure it was straight, and I grabbed my car keys. I had a big buyer coming in today from Des Moines, so I didn’t want to be late opening the shop. I’d branched out from just antiquities and started dealing in historical properties and art. I was making a quiet killing, making enough to live like I was accustomed, but not so much as to make any waves. Manning had gotten the okay, and I’d sold the original place I was in and bought this house. It was no Manhattan apartment, but fuck, I lived in Iowa now.

  The ride to work didn’t take as long as I thought, so I decided to stop at the small coffee joint a few blocks from my store. I’d only been here one other time a few months ago when I met up with Biggs. He told me Gage and Selene were getting married. It didn’t hurt to hear, I’d expected it. My love for Selene, it changed the night I died. I had lost so much blood, but I still remembered her face. I still remembered everything she said. She had loved us both equally but in different ways. I was too blind to really see her back then, to see her for everything she was, but as I took what I thought was my final gasp at life, I finally saw her. I truly saw her and it had been too late. Gage always saw everything with eyes wide open. He deserved her love, he deserved that happiness.

  I had arranged for Biggs to purchase two bottles of wine and gave him a letter with strict instructions that it should be delivered the day before the wedding. I wanted them to go into their marriage without a stitch of guilt. It was dangerous, but I’d made sure there would be no tie to me, no risk for them. If only I could’ve seen their faces. My eyes closed, and I let myself remember, just for a second. It was all I allowed myself; otherwise I’d start to move backward.

  I shook my head, cleared my throat, and opened my eyes. Fuck. I turned off the engine and headed inside. I’d thought about them too much today. The rattling of the large copper bell startled me as I opened the front door to the coffee shop. The place was pretty busy, and I recognized the older gentleman who was sitting in the corner reading the newspaper. I thought his name was John or maybe it was Richard. I was shit with names these days. I hadn’t made too many attachments since I’d been here. I’d gone home from the local bar with a few women, but nobody of consequence. My life was solitary, just as I preferred it.

  My eyes were down, as usual, as I toyed with my keys waiting to order.

  “Did you want that small, medium, or large?” The soft feminine voice and the slight southern drawl grabbed my attention.

  I stepped just out of line to get a better look as she spoke to the man in front of me. She had the clearest blue eyes I’d ever seen. They were so pale they were almost gray. Her hair was long and fell just below her breasts in honey-colored waves. She was just a little thing, but those fucking full lips and that slight twang; they pulled at me and drew me in. She wasn’t from here. She was a transplant, just like me.

  The man in front of me moved and I took a measured step forward. I hadn’t had a real reaction to a woman since… in a very long time. According to the plastic tag pinned to her apron, her name was Sloane.

  Sloane.

  “Can I help you?” She gazed up at me under full lashes. She wore very little make up, and the way she pulled at her pink bottom lip with her teeth made me hard. Her eyes shifted down, a small smirk playing at the edges of her mouth. She chanced a glance at me again, and her timid smile stirred something in me I’d thought was long gone.

  “Yes, I think you can.”

  Our eyes met and her cheeks filled with color, and I knew I had her.

  It didn’t matter what name was on my license or where I laid my head at night… some things… they just never changed.

  Sail by Vitamin String Quartet

  Higher Love by James Vincent Mc Morrow

  What Kind of Man by Florence + The Machine

  Change by Deftones

  Nothing Else Matters by Apocalyptica

  Run by Snow Patrol and Eklipse

  I Know You Care by Ellie Goulding

  Say You Love Me by Jesse Ware

  Revolution by Diplo, Faustix, Kai and ImanoS

  Lights by Wanderhouse

  From Eden by Hozier

  A Quiet Darkness by Houses

  Colorblind by Natalie Walker

  Green Mile by SZA

  All You Wanted by Alison Sudol


  New York by The Boxer Rebellion

  Won’t You Come Again by Susie Suh

  Hearts A Mess by Gotye

  I’m on Fire by Low

  All Shook Up by Avila

  I Don’t Wanna Be In Love by Dark Waves

  Words Are Weapons by Birdy

  Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra

  The After You by Miakoda

  With Or Without You by Boyce Ave

  Love Is a Battlefield by Whitechilde

  Begging For Thread by Banks

  Love Like This by Kodaline

  Song for Zula by Phosphorescent

  Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow by Sweet Talk Radio

  Meant by Elizaveta

  Molecules by Atlas Genius

  Pale Lung by Robyn Sherwell

  Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy

  Bad Things by Meiko

  Secret by Angel Snow

  Sunrise by Lonesome Animals

  Four Walls by Broods

  Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Lorde

  Don’t Want To Lose You by Aaron Krause

  One Way or Another by Until The Ribbon Breaks

  Are You The One by The Presets

  Couldn’t Stop Caring by The Spiritual Machines

  Save My Soul by Rivvrs

  Available on Spotify – click here

  First to the reader, I am so thankful that you have taken this journey with me. I can’t say enough how lucky I am to have such an amazing group of readers.

  To my beta girls and best friends, you are life!! Amanda, Laurie (Horsch), Anna (Monterosso), Lucy, Christy, Sasha, Cornelia, Sarah, Marissa, Tracey- Lee, Simmy and Giovanna (Lil Gio) thank you for holding out and helping me make this book better, for listening to me vent like a crazy person and reading shit over and over again. All your beautiful edits and teasers make my heart happy. You guys are more than just beta readers you are my best friends and I fucking mean that shit!!