Forever and a Knight

by Bridget Essex

  Something flickers over her warm, amber eyes, but I keep going.

  “I know you're tremendously loyal. That the people you care about you care about forever. I know that, having spent just a few short days with you. You're extraordinary, Attis,” I tell her, and then I fall silent, blush flushing through my cheeks, my heart pounding a million miles a minute.

  Attis watches me as darkness falls around us. Even in the deep, velvet blue of twilight, the gold of her eyes shines as she gazes at me, her face softening. She reaches up and gently brushes her thumb across my cheek, wiping away my tears. Her hand remains, the warm leather of the palm of her glove caressing my skin.

  “I've cared for no one since Hera,” she says then gruffly, her voice low and shaky, but she continues. “And then you came, Josie. You came, and now...” She trails off, bends toward me, holding my gaze. “And now you're breaking my heart,” she whispers.

  You're breaking my heart.

  I stare up at her, a shiver moving through me as she bends low and brushes her mouth over mine. She kisses me softly, gently, as a single tear rolls down her face, hot and sweet and salty as it falls to our lips and I taste it as I taste her. As she tastes me.

  The ache unfurls inside of me, so absolute that I'm consumed by it.

  But, just then, there's a flash of light in the sky as Attis straightens, as she looks up. I can't help but gaze up, too, because there's another great flash, so bright you'd think there was a violent thunderstorm, that lightning is blossoming along the edges of the sky and that a deep roll of thunder is about to wash over us, too, but that's not what's happening at all.

  Up in the sky, there's light. Because there are falling stars, falling stars everywhere.

  I know that falling stars aren't actually stars, but what's really weird is that. as I tilt my head back and look up at the meteorites trailing light behind themselves as they fall toward earth...I really think they are stars. Which would, of course, be impossible. But they're so bright, so vivid, in the night sky, those pinpoints of light, growing larger as they descend toward us...

  “It's beginning,” Attis tells me sadly, her smile soft as she gazes up with me, her arms wrapped tightly around me. My ear is pressed to her chest now, and I can hear the steady, comforting thrum of her heartbeat.

  “What is?” I ask her, unable to tear my gaze away from the millions of falling points of light.

  Attis sighs and then wraps her arms tighter around me, turning me gently so that my back is pressed to her front. She lowers her head slowly and places her chin on my shoulder, and, together, we watch the falling light.

  “The Festival of Stars,” she whispers, her breath warm against my ear, causing me to shiver again as we watch the stars fall.

  They are stars. I watch these points of light fall, growing a little alarmed as I see how close they're coming to us...but none actually hit us. The glowing spheres of light fall to the ground and touch gently down, bouncing there almost like a rubber ball until they land still against the cobblestones. Attis and I walk down the stairs from Virago and Holly's balcony, and when we reach the ground, I crouch down to stare at the closest glowing orb.

  It's about six inches wide and perfectly spherical, this orb, glowing as brightly as if a light bulb were lit inside of it, but I know that's impossible.

  They're falling all around us now, sailing gently down to earth and bouncing lightly on the ground with little whoop sounds as they finally settle. More and more of them fall, raining down all around us. One brushes against my shoulder, but because it's so light, I can hardly even feel it until I see it bouncing away behind me and realize that's what that soft touch was.

  “What are they?” I ask Attis, glancing sidelong at her as she crouches down next to me, a small smile tugging up the corners of her lips.

  “Stars,” she replies maddeningly, one brow up as she reaches down and picks up one of the spheres, the orb settling into the palm of her hand. She reaches forward and holds it out to me. “Don't worry; it won't burn you,” she says, her head to the side. Tentatively, I reach out and take it.

  There's a very pleasant warmth in my hands as I hold it in front of me. “A star?” I repeat.

  “It's just like the story,” says Attis, rising smoothly and helping me up, her fingers wrapped gently around my elbow. “These are stars that fall, every Festival of Stars, so that we can have fire throughout the year. They're not really needed now. We know how to make fire,” she says, her smile soft, “but still, the stars fall. And you can use them as fire starters, so people take them into their houses and do exactly like...like their mothers did before them, and their mothers before them...”

  “This sets fires to things?” I ask her, alarmed, but Attis shakes her head, reaching out and scooping the orb up from my hands.

  “Only if you activate them,” she tells me, turning the orb in her hand. She flicks her gaze up to me, her eyes soft. “They're a sign that the goddess still watches out for us, still takes care of us.”

  I keep my mouth shut. I don't claim to know how the universe was created or if there's a higher power or not, but I've never exactly believed in one myself. I'm not going to tell Attis that she's incorrect for believing anything she wants to believe.

  And, hell, I don't exactly have an alternative explanation for stars falling from the sky.

  “On my world, this isn't what we consider a star,” is what I tell her then, taking the orb back from her and staring down at it, turning it this way and that in my hands. “Those are stars,” I tell her, pointing up at the stars that are now coming out in the darkening sky, far above us.

  Attis stares at me curiously. “This doesn't happen on your world?”

  “Yeah, no,” I tell her, brows up as I let the star fall from my fingers, bouncing gently on the ground until it rolls to a stop against the stairs that lead up to Virago and Holly's balcony. “You guys are very lucky,” I tell her quietly, gazing around at all of the people coming down out of their houses and shops, gathering the stars that landed at their feet. Some women just pile them in their arms; others place them in the fronts of their skirts that they hold out before them. Two women close by us are laughing together, picking up stars and depositing them into baskets as they hold hands. I take a deep breath, gaze down at the stars littering the ground. “You're lucky,” I repeat quietly. “This is... This is magical.”

  Attis smiles at me, but it's a tired smile. “Shall we go?” she asks, gesturing toward the livery stables. “We should be able to make it out of the city much easier than getting into it. There are fewer travelers on the road right now, and we should set up camp before we lose all the light.”

  I nod, feeling my heart flutter inside of my chest as she turns away from me. For a moment, her profile was etched against the starry sky, and it hurt to look at her, because I want her so fiercely.

  I reach down, scoop up one of the stars, and holding its warmth against me, I follow after Attis.

  I am hyper aware that this is the last: the last time that we journey together, even though it's so close, the encampment. This is the last time that we spend a night together.

  I'm highly aware that this will be the last night for everything.

  Unless I stay.

  Chapter 13: The Parting

  We reach the city gate just as they're about to lower it for the evening.

  “Sorry we're late, Rexie,” says Attis, waving to the knight who's gripping tightly the wooden base the gate's chain is attached to. “Thanks for holding the gate for us,” Attis tells Rexie, who grimaces a little, but smiles after she releases the wooden bar, slowly walking it around and around the winch, letting the chain release as we pass beneath it. The iron gate clicks down behind us.

  “You're just fashionably late, Attis, my dear,” says Rexie. “Why aren't you staying for the big party at the barracks? You know you're always welcome.” Rexie leaves the winch to come stand on the other side of the gate, threading her arms through the iron bars to lean comfortab
ly against it. “There's a side door I could let you in. You're...very welcome, you know,” she tells Attis, waggling her brows high and putting her head to the side suggestively.

  And, yeah, the look that this lady knight is giving Attis is a little more than friendly.

  “Thank you kindly, but I'm busy tonight,” says Attis, looping an arm around my shoulders and drawing me close to her. She presses her warm mouth against my forehead, and Rexie raises her brows, backing away from the gate with a shrug.

  “Well, then, suit yourself,” she tells us, turning to stride back into the city, the city that's breaking out into music and dance on the streets as the stars are gathered up by countless celebratory women.

  Walking down the main road outside of the city, the encampment opening up on either side of the cobblestone street, I see that people out here are scooping up the stars, too. But, honestly, it seems like a more wild party is breaking out beyond the walls. The music out here has more of a distinct drumbeat to it, the kind of beat that gets into your blood, that makes you want to dance. It's primal, and it's starting to thrum through me, mirroring my heartbeat as it quickens.

  “Let's find a place to set up the tent,” Attis tells me quietly, hooking her arm around my waist and pulling me closer, Zilla walking along companionably behind us. “And then...” Attis tells me, trailing off as she trains her bright, golden eyes on my face. “Do you want to dance?”

  I look up at her, at her face, silhouetted by the night sky, illuminated by the hundreds, perhaps thousands of fallen stars littering the ground, glowing sweetly and brightening the night. Attis is quiet as she asks me that question, but there's so much behind her words, so much that she's not saying. Her face is unreadable as she gazes down at me, but...

  But...

  This is the last night.

  I think we both know that.

  Unless I stay.

  “I'd love to dance,” I tell her quietly, reaching across the divide between us and taking her hand in mine, threading my fingers through hers like we fit together, she and I. Attis squeezes my hand gently, and then, leading Zilla along behind us, we turn and continue down the road together.

  We find a clear spot close to the road for setting up our camp, and Attis ground ties Zilla, removing her packs off the saddle and then unsaddling her enormous horse. I set Wonder down onto the ground and tell her to stick close, but—of course—she's my cat, and she darts away the moment my back is turned. Again, I remind myself that she came across worlds to find me, so she'll find me again, but it's nerve-wracking having her run all around this enormous encampment. I help Attis pitch the tent (I'm almost becoming a pro at this point), and then Attis is starting our fire, and I'm inside the tent, unrolling my bedroll, setting up our meager living quarters...

  But that's when I feel Attis enter the tent behind me. I can feel her presence as she moves soundlessly through the tent flap, and then she ties the flap closed behind her, kneeling in the entrance and breathing steadily.

  I know why she's here. I know why she's come, and we have to talk; we have to talk now. Because I need to tell her that I don't know what to do. I need to tell her that I don't know if I should stay or if I should go. That I know I'm not meant for this world...

  But that I know I'm meant for her.

  Why were we born on separate worlds if we fit so perfectly together? It's maddening to me that this is how it should have happened, that I fell for a knight from another world...

  But what if we're supposed to be together? What if we're supposed to be, in that enormous, cosmic, woo-woo way that I would have rolled my eyes at a mere week ago...but am now finding that I'm starting to believe?

  You're breaking my heart, Attis whispered to me. And I feel that ache, because my heart is breaking too, damn it.

  I don't want to make this decision, but I have to. It would have been so clear seven days ago. But no. I had to go and fall in love.

  Attis shifts behind me—I can hear her moving softly over the ground, and then I feel her hands curling around my waist, pulling me back against her, turning me as her mouth finds me.

  No matter what, I don't regret falling in love. I don't regret it for a heartbeat.

  We should talk about what's happening. About what will happen tomorrow. We should talk about what's happened between us, how we've changed together. We should talk about the fact that I'm in love with her, and I'm pretty sure she's in love with me. We should talk about that love.

  But it would all be wasted words, words that would hurt and make our hearts ache.

  And we don't have enough time for that.

  So when her mouth finds mine, I welcome her, a single tear leaking out of my right eye, tracing hotly down my cheek as she pushes me down gently on my blanket roll, rising over me like a falling star. When her armor presses against me, I fumble with my fingers at the buckles at her sides and waist, over her arms. I need her more than I need oxygen, more than I've ever needed anything in my entire life.

  This is the last time.

  Unless I stop this.

  I fumble with the leather straps, making a growl of frustration in the back of my throat. The last buckle gives way, and her armor falls to the ground, and then she's there, over me, her pale skin hot and sweet and everything I need as my clothes fall away, too, beneath her careful hands, her careful hands she runs over my skin, knowing every last place that makes me shiver, that makes me gasp with need.

  We are together, length to length, curve to curve, heart to heart as she covers me, covers me and tastes me and merges with me utterly.

  There's never been a more perfect moment, I know, as my heart aches, as my center aches, and she finds me wet and wanting, smiling against me in her knowing way as she traces a smooth pattern of kisses down my neck, capturing my breasts in a hot and perfect mouth. Everything is moving too fast, and I desperately want to slow it down. I want to slow down the relentless march of time. I want this moment to last forever.

  I grip her tightly, wrap my legs around her waist, my arms around her shoulders, lift my chest to her mouth, arching beneath her, offering everything that I am and more, and then turning, turning, twisting beneath her as I climb on top of her, tasting, drinking her in.

  And that's when time seems to stop. When I'm straddling her, when I'm rising over her, in her, my fingers wet with her need for me, my beautiful knight utterly open beneath me, open and wanting and holding my gaze with her sparking amber eyes because she can't look away, because holding my gaze makes this more vulnerable and intense...

  Because holding my gaze, in this moment, means that she sees to the very core of me.

  I stop. I stop, panting, over her, stop everything, and the drumbeat of the night rises around us, the whooping and hollering and exultation of the people in the encampment around us as they celebrate life and a world that would give them fire and stars to fall at their feet.

  “I can't do this,” I whisper to her. Attis stares up at me, her fingers gripping my arms tightly, her warm palms washing my skin in surety. I take a deep breath as she holds my gaze. “I want to stay,” I tell her.

  Attis' eyes grow wider in the dark. “You know what that means,” she whispers to me, her low voice full of emotion. I watch her face in the darkness of the tent, follow the curves of her cheeks, of her nose, of her chin and jaw and neck. Every last swell and curve of her is perfect to my eyes; every last word she utters is one I want to hear. Her laughter and her intensity and her calm, quiet surety are anchors in my heart.

  “I know,” I tell her, breathing out.

  And then I lick my lips, and I say the truest thing I know: “I want you,” I murmur quietly. “I need to stay.”

  Attis rises up onto her elbows, her mouth an inch from my own as she sighs, her breath ragged. “Say it again,” she whispers, her eyes flashing in the dark.

  “I want you,” I tell her, my blood roaring through me as the truth of those three words becomes so clear. So perfectly clear, like a bright star falling in t
he night. I don't know why I didn't see it before. I want her. I love her. I need to stay. There is no decision.

  I need to stay.

  “Josie,” she whispers, and her voice cracks on that single word. I love it when she says my name; she speaks those two syllables like my name is the most important and precious word she's ever heard. Like it's a prayer. And when she speaks my name now, her full lips and tongue tasting the word like it's precious to her, I know I made the right decision. I know that I'm meant to do this; I know, I know...

  My eyes full of tears, my heart welling with emotion that I've not let spill in so very long, I take a deep breath. The world is spinning beneath me, but it stops for the span of a heartbeat. It stops when I whisper, “I love—”

  There's a scream.

  It's a breathless, piercing scream, like someone was caught unawares, in surprise, but not like anything terrible is happening. I honestly wouldn't have stopped speaking if the scream hadn't happened so close. But then the scream comes again, almost immediately after that first one, and it no longer sounds surprised. It's high-pitched, that scream, urgent. And, honestly, blood-curdling.

  And then there are more screams, one after the other, in a chorus of terror.

  And, outside of our tent, I hear a vicious snarl.

  Beneath me, Attis stiffens immediately, her body tensing as her skin turns white as a sheet, and she's immediately pulling away from me, sliding out from under me in a seamless motion, sitting up. I ease back in shock as she throws her leather shirt on over her head, threading her arms through the sleeves and her neck through the neck hole, pulling on her pants in one vicious jerk and grabbing up her sword in a single instant. And then she's at the tent flap, undoing the ties and out before I can even blink.

  Fumbling, with shaking hands, I try to find my clothes as there are more screams, terrified screams, the kinds of screams I've never heard before in my life, all accompanied by the sounds of animal snarling, the snarls so vicious and otherworldly that every hair on the back of my neck is standing on end.