The Fat And The Thin Of It

by Julie Croft

me?”

  “Nothing,” I answered as casually as possible, and avoided her glare by retrieving my mug from the coffee table. “I’m just curious, that’s all.”

  God, the woman didn’t give up. “You’ve never been curious before, love.”

  I stood and took a long sip of my tea, trying to look relaxed.

  Finally, Jill gave a long sighing huff and said, “Okay! Whatever Jackie wants, Jackie gets.” She flicked the lid of the laptop up and turned it on. “What bank are you with?”

  “Barclay’s.”

  She clicked the keys, pressed the mouse a few times and waited. “Right, what’s your card number and password?”

  “Sorry?”

  “Your card number and password, love. I can’t get into your account without it.”

  “Ah.”

  “Ah?” she mimicked.

  I felt such a fool. “I haven’t a clue.”

  She held out her hand. “Well, give me your card and pin number. I might be able to do something with that.”

  Oh, thank goodness. “Right, one card coming up.” I scooted off to fetch my handbag.

  Jill clicked away at the keys a few times and frowned. “Nope, the pin number’s no good. You’ll have to call Bob and ask him for the password.” She looked at me from hooded, suspicious eyes. “That’s if you can, of course.”

  Oh, bugger.

  I’d tried to skiff past Jackie’s quizzing, but in the end I told her what had happened. She sat and listened patiently as I explained about Bob leaving with all the details. I told her about the money Richard had brought round and what I’d done with it and what I had planned to do with it.

  “That’s why I need to know how much it costs to run the house.” I finished. “Then I can work out other things as well, like food and stuff.”

  I thought she’d feel very proud about how organised I was, but her reaction wasn’t what I’d have expected in a month of Sundays.

  “Jackie, sweetheart,” she said softly. “Let’s think about this for a minute.”

  “Okay.” I agreed, hoping she’d give me a few financial tips. I sat on a chair next to her and waited.

  She sighed heavily and leaned towards me, then she took my hands. “Bob’s in difficulties, so you say.”

  “Yes, but as soon as it’s all quietened down he’ll…”

  “Lovely, hang on a minute.” She interrupted. “He seems to be in the middle of a scam gone wrong, right?” I nodded. “But he’s been doing this for quite a while, right?”

  I shrugged. “That’s what Richard insinuated. I think so, too, because of all the dosh in the boxes.”

  She looked at me intently. “Do you think, during all these years, he only swindled just over six hundred thousand pounds, or do you think he’s kept some for himself?”

  I considered that for a moment. “Well, I suppose he’s had to take some with him, wherever it is he’s gone. How would he get by, otherwise?”

  “Jackie, I don’t want to seem doubtful of Bob’s integrity here, but I reckon he’s got more than just some.” She said with a concerned look in her eyes, but her mouth looked angry.

  Jill was holding my hands quite tightly and she didn’t take her eyes off me while I sat and thought about that.

  It was only logical that he’d have taken money, but with Jill talking about Bob’s integrity and all that…

  Actually, the way he looked and the way he had to leave so quickly…

  And Richard; he’d looked as worried as Bob, but he’d also seemed fuming at Bob… why was that, I wondered?

  Crikey, he must have scammed a hell of a lot if things were so dire that he’d had to rush off in the middle of the night…

  My eyes widened as I looked at Jill. “Do you think he’ll ever come back?” I asked. The thought of never seeing him again was devastating as well as frightening, and it provoked a sickly lump to rise up in my throat. How would I get by for the rest of my life without Bob?

  “No, darling; I honestly don’t.”

  “But….” She was still staring at me with concern in her eyes and anger about her mouth. “You think he’s done a runner?” I could hardly utter the words, the thought was so silly, yet it was appearing the most likely explanation. “D-do you think he’s… dumped me?”

  “Yes, Jackie. I also think he’s left you with hardly anything compared to what he could have taken for himself.” She began to stroke the back of my hands and sighed and looked as if she loathed saying what she was saying. “My impression is that it could run into an awful lot more, perhaps more than you or I could imagine.”

  My first reaction was to deny that: Bob wouldn’t, couldn’t have run off with a fortune and left me, Mark and Chloe! He loved me, loved all of us! I shook Jill’s hands off mine and got up.

  “How can you even think of such a thing Jill?” I waved my hands in her face. “How could you fucking think that?” I wanted to lash out at something, and it took a lot of restraint not to lash out at her.

  I paced the conservatory and something else occurred to me. “Do you think Richard thinks the same as you?”

  She closed her eyes before answering. “Yes. I reckon he knows a lot more than you think.”

  “Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking giddy aunt! Oh, that rotten little bastard! Oh…”

  I ranted and swore as I got more and more angry. I was so angry! How dare Jill tell me this! How dare she blot my opinion of Bob! How dare that man do this to us! To me, his wife! After all I’d put up with, after all I’d done all these years!

  Oh, if I’d had that stinking cock-sucker in front of me at that moment I would have smashed his shitting brains in!

  O-O-Ohhh, I had completely flipped! The past four days of worry, the eating and the pacing, the tears and anxiety and the fucking eating!

  All these years of watching what came out of my mouth instead of what went in it, and it felt so fucking cocking good to let shitting loose and fuck and swear and curse and hopefully I’d stop the fucking eating!

  “Okay, okay…” I muttered, seething. “I’m going to see Richard right now!” I grabbed my handbag and stormed off. “Are you coming or what?”

  Jill trotted after me and she said she’d drive. Just as well, as I was in no fit state to run heavy machinery, unless it was a fucking steam-roller running over Bob’s shitty little head.

  I seethed all the way to the office, and when I got there, Richard had no problem about giving me a little more information than he had before, but that was probably because I was sitting on his chest.

  “Jackie…” he wheezed “I can’t speak unless you get off me!”

  “First, tell me where the bastard really is, then I’ll get up and let you finish.” I promised with a smile, although it might have looked like a wicked grin.

  He coughed and struggled, but I bore down. “Where is he, Richard?”

  “Ibiza.” He whispered. “Ibiza! Now please get off me!”

  My jaw dropped. “What in fucking hell is he doing in Ibiza?”

  Richard was turning a very strong red colour, but I wanted to know what the fuck he was doing in fucking Ibiza! I felt Jill throw herself at me, and although she couldn’t weigh more than a Russian gymnast, she managed to push me off. “You’re killing the man, Jackie, for Christ’s sake!”

  I deftly rolled and pushed Richard back onto the floor before he could get up, and pinned him down by his shoulders. “I said; what in fucking hell is he doing in pissing Ibiza!”

  “Jackie, please!” he whined.

  “Tell me!” I yelled into his face. “Tell me or I’ll fucking kill your dog!”

  He was all out of wriggle power, and he lay limp under my hands. He looked near to tears when he said, “He’s with Lola.”

  Who the fuck was Lola?

  “Who the fuck is Lola?”

  Richard squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to stop the tears or to not have to look at me. “Oh, Jackie; wake up, will you?” he panted. “She’s his mistress, okay!”

  Oh, bo
y: that knocked me off balance harder than Jill’s tackle had.

  “What do you mean?”

  I’d released his shoulders and he struggled to a sitting position, coughing and panting. “Jackie,” he wheezed. “If you give me a chance... *cough*... I’ll explain what I can to you.” He slowly and painfully clambered to his feet and offered a hand to me. “Come on, get up.”

  I’d gone limp and found it hard to lift my hand and take his. The adrenaline rush had worn off and I was feeling very tired all of a sudden.

  Richard had said mistress… he’d mentioned a Lola… and Ibiza…. with his mistress Lola in Ibiza… the little shit-face.

  I noticed two pairs of hands under my armpits and I was eventually dragged to my feet and settled into a chair. I looked up and saw Richard and Jill in front of me; Richard had regained his natural colour and Jill looked worried.

  “Okay, tell me.” I whispered.

  “Well,” Richard sighed and looked thoughtful for a moment, as if trying to phrase his words. “Bob came to me that evening, remember?” I nodded. “He told me that Lola had threatened to come over to England and tell you all about their relationship.”

  “Who is she?” I asked.

  “She’s been his secretary for about four years.”

  I nodded. “Was he screwing her before she started working with him, or did it start afterwards?” the words just fell out of my mouth. I was in a strange, masochistic mood and wanted to know the sordid details.

  “That I don’t know, but…” he took in some air. “They’ve been living together for about two years.”

  That I couldn’t believe. I’d seen his apartment and there’d been so signs of a woman there and I said so to Richard.

  “They live in Puerto