The Fat And The Thin Of It

by Julie Croft

going on, so when Jackie confides in me and tells me her woes, I can carry on lying convincingly.”

  There was another long pause, then a sigh. “Okay; where?”

  “The Cream Jug, nine o’clock.” Before he could moan at the early hour, she added, “Breakfast’s on me.” She hung up and stubbed out her cigarette, took a couple of sips of her tea and carried her toast and cup to the kitchen before going upstairs to get dressed.

  When Jill pulled up outside The Cream Jug, she saw Richard’s people-carrier parked right in front. She parked up beside it and slinked out of her car in a sideways fashion because of her tight pencil skirt so as not to flash her knickers. As she walked into the café, she resolved to go shopping next week and buy a selection of less formal clothes, as she couldn’t walk about the town centre like that any longer.

  Richard was sat at a table up the back of the café, away from the draught of the door. It was only a couple of degrees above zero and threatened snow, as the sky was heavily overcast with a blanket of thick, dark grey cloud which made the morning dim and dingy. She waved as she approached, ordering a pot of tea and pancakes for two at the bar before seating herself in front of him.

  “You didn’t get much of a sun-tan, did you?” he smirked as she sat.

  Jill ignored the silly remark and shrugged off her wool coat, then she placed her elbows on the table and leaned over. “Tell me exactly why Bob had to disappear the way he did.” She said, getting straight to the point.

  Richard rolled his eyes and sighed. He stared at Jill for a good long moment before saying, “Jill, he told me what I told you and Jackie; Lola was pregnant and threatened to tell Jackie. But that said, I suspect that he really wanted out of his marriage and had done for a long time.”

  “But, why the big ‘I’m in trouble’ act?” Jill probed further. “Why did he have to make it look like he was the star of a bloody spy film?

  “He’s a fantasist.” He answered flatly with a small shrug. “He’s been living two separate lives for almost twenty-five years, Jill. He’s had numerous girlfriends…”

  “Mistresses.” Jill corrected.

  “Okay, mistresses if you prefer. The trouble was, this particular one got herself pregnant…”

  “She did it all by herself, of course.” Jill interrupted again.

  Richard huffed impatiently. “Look, if you’re going to interrupt all the time, you might as well tell me the bloody story.”

  Jill raised her hands and motioned a closing zip across her mouth.

  “To be honest,” Richard began as he settled himself. “Bob has always been like this. As a boy he’d invent the most ridiculous stories, and as a man he’d weave a fantasy about himself for the girls. He told the girlfriend before Jackie that he was working at the estate agency as a cover while he investigated scams for the Inland Revenue. He didn’t even tell her that we were brothers! When he got fed up with her, he told her that her life would be put in danger if he carried on seeing her and to pretend they’d never even met if they came across each other in the future.” He shrugged with a look that said, ‘work that one out’.

  Jill leaned back in her chair to allow the waitress space to place the tea and food on the table. Once she’d left, she leaned back in again. “So what about the story Bob weaved for Jackie about Spain? Has he really been working as an estate agent?”

  Richard poured tea for them both. “Oh yeah, that part was absolutely true. The rest... well.” He pulled two pancakes off the large plate in the middle of the table and doused them in syrup.

  Jill sipped her tea but didn’t help herself to pancakes, as she hadn’t had time to work out before meeting Richard. “One thing Jackie never really explained was why he ended up in Spain in the first place. Why only him and not you?” she asked him.

  “Well, not long after Bob got married, this guy walks in the office, slaps a brochure on the table and asks us if we could help him sell these holiday flats in Marbella to English folk looking for a second home.” He sliced into a pancake and shoved a piece into his mouth. “Bob wanted to go over and take a look at them before we agreed, and when he came back, he was gushing about how great it all was and we should start our own estate agency over there.” He mumbled through the pancake.

  Jill waited for him to finish his mouthful, and then asked, “Did you think it was a good idea?”

  “Sure,” he answered before he sliced through another piece. “Bob said this guy was ‘in the know’, so to speak,” he touched the side of his nose with his fork, and then stuck it into his pancake. “And he had plans to build all over the Malaga area. He was well in with the mayor or somebody important, and Bob figured we could make a mint if we went in with him.” He shovelled in another mouthful. “So, Bob started up a branch of Walker & Cº in Marbella and I stayed here to run the English branch. It just worked out that way.”

  Jill pressed a little further. “Was this guy with the flats above board?” Richard frowned at her inquiringly. “You know, was he a legitimate business man or was he… dodgy?” she raised her hand palm downwards and waggled it.

  “As far as I could see, he was legit,” Richard chewed. “But I didn’t really know all the ins and outs of it. That was Bob’s department and we did rake in a lot of business, with me plugging the properties here and Bob showing the clients around and sorting out the mortgages and stuff over there.” He took a noisy sip of his tea. “Aren’t you going to eat anything?” he pointed his fork at Jill’s empty plate.

  She waved a finger and pressed on with her questions. “So Bob sets up a branch over in Spain and starts his double life,” she worked that much out for herself. “But what I want to know, Richard, is where did so much cash come from and exactly who was he scared of to run off like that?”

  Richard lay his knife and fork down and sighed like a teacher would with a slightly dense pupil in front of him. “You still don’t get it, do you? He wasn’t scared of anyone, Jill.” He stressed. “He invented the whole thing to get Jackie worked up in a state so she wouldn’t make a scene about him leaving.”

  He was right; Jill didn’t get it. How could he have done that to his wife of almost a quarter of a century? He’d left Jackie thinking his life was in danger, and Jill considered him a right bastard for it, too, even if it had been the truth. And, even though Jackie found out about Lola and the pregnancy, both she and Jackie still couldn’t believe that that was the only reason Bob had left. To know it was all a massive lie made her want to punch Bob’s face through to the other side of his head.

  “Why would he do that to her? Why would he say he was being threatened by someone?” she suddenly thumped the table in front of her. “And why the hell would you back up such a bloody insensitive scam like that? I don’t care if he’s your brother or the bloody Pope, dammit!”

  Richard flinched when Jill slammed the table and stopped chewing. He looked at her like a small boy who’d been found with a cheat-sheet in an exam. “I dunno, Jill… it’s a habit, I suppose. I’ve always had to get Bob off the hook when his stories backfire.”

  “But why couldn’t you have thought up something less stressful for Jackie, Richard? You made her think that she and the kids could be in danger as well!”

  Richard sighed and wriggled in his chair. “Bob came to me that evening and told me he was being pressured by Lola. He was in a right state, saying he’d lashed out at Mark and couldn’t face having to sleep with Jackie because he didn’t think he could… you know,” he made a fist. “He told me Lola was threatening to call Jackie and tell her all about them unless he went to live permanently in Spain with her. He was the one who concocted the story, not me.” He whined, trying to justify himself.

  “But why did Bob have to say that Lola was some kind of Mafia’s daughter, and her father was the one who was threatening Jackie and the kids?” she persisted.

  Richard frowned at her, quite puzzled. “I don’t remember saying that. Did Bob tell Jackie that?”

  “Yes!” she yelled, but then she
paused. “Actually, maybe not.” She said in a lower tone.

  Thinking about it, she couldn’t remember if it had been Jackie who’d said something along those lines, or… had she let her own imagination run away with her? She shook her head with wide eyes, not knowing what she’d heard, or had been told, or what she’d surmised all by herself, so she changed the question. “Alright; but what about all that cash? Why was it in so many different notes and small change?”

  Richard allowed a small smile. “Now that I can answer, and this is quite a story in itself.”

  “Go on.” Jill sipped her tea and leaned on the table, wishing she could enjoy a cigarette with the brew.

  “Well,” Richard settled more comfortably, looking as if he was going to enjoy telling her this. “After Bob came to the house and he got his story all planned out, he called this guy he was trying to do business with… I never can remember his name.” He shook his head. “Anyway, he went outside to talk to him so I didn’t have a clue what he’d said. Then Bob came back in and said we had to go and see him. Well, this guy lives all the way out in Wiltshire, doesn’t he? It’s like three hours there and another three back, but off we go because Bob said that we’ve got to drive down there right now!” he stabbed the table with his index finger as he relived the moment, then he leaned closer to