Disaster Productions

by Brian Bakos

  Transportation is being furnished by Trace in her large, beat up sedan. Two trips will be required for our cast, crew, and equipment – not to mention Raspberry who hogs the entire back seat with Tamika somehow squeezed in with him. Fortunately, the park is only a few miles away.

  I want to avoid sitting next to Trace. She looks pretty fierce behind the wheel. Her spiky black hair is now bleach white with violent red accents. She wears skull-themed earrings; bloodless, pale makeup covers her face.

  “Hop in, Freshie,” she says.

  “Yeah, let’s go,” Tamika says from somewhere behind the mass of black dog. “It’s crowded back here.”

  I stand uncertainly in the drive thinking that maybe I should wait for the next trip, but then Duals walks up.

  “Get in, Matt,” He says, “I want to show you the storyboards before we get out there.”

  “Yeah, right, the storyboards,” I say.

  Actually, I have no idea what a storyboard is. But two females are present, and I don’t want them to know that I don’t know. So, I shove myself in next to Trace on the bench seat.

  “You like my hair?” she asks.

  “It’s very ... different,” I say.

  “I want to look impressive for my screen debut,” she says. “I’m playing the bad girl, you know.”

  “I thought Kaitlyn had the Skagg part,” I say.

  “There’s been a last-minute casting change,” Duals says.

  “Yeah,” Trace says. “Having the only car brings its advantages.”

  I don’t like the sound of this much. No wonder Kaitlyn looked so tight-lipped and upset back at the studio. I thought it was just stage fright.

  “Kaitlyn’s going to have a role in your movie, right Matt?” Duals says.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “It should be okay then,” Duals says.

  I don’t know about that. A sinking feeling tells me that we’ve not heard the last of this issue.

  At least you can’t say that Trace doesn’t make a convincing villain. If she’d looked like this at the college party, I’d have escaped down the alley, with or without the camera.

  “If you need wheels for your production, let’s talk,” Trace says.

  “Sure,” I say.

  Trace lowers her voice. “I can drive you places you’ve never been, Freshie.”

  “Look at this,” Duals says on my other side.

  He shoves a three-ring notebook into my hands. In it are several pages illustrating the scenes we plan to shoot today. I flip through the pictures – Tamika and Skagg confronting each other in the ‘haunted forest,’ the magical dog appearing out of the trees, Tamika running away from some unseen threat.

  “These are nice,” I say.

  “Thanks,” Duals says. “I’m starting to get the hang of the storyboard drawing software.”

  He takes back the notebook and studies it intently.

  “I hope we can get through the entire shot list today,” he says. “Then we can wrap things up tomorrow at the studio.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I say.

  I feel a hand stroking my left thigh.

  “Oh, sorry,” Trace says. “I was just looking for the stick shift.”

  “It’s an automatic,” I say.

  “Glad to hear that,” Trace says.

  ***

  We arrive at the metro park and unload in the nature study area lot. Raspberry galumphs out of the back seat and trots off with his head held high, like the emperor of all dogs.

  “Come back here, Raspberry!” Tamika yells, and the animal returns obediently, tail wagging.

  Tamika connects his leash. They make an interesting pair. Tamika all slim and elegant, the dog huge and solid like he’s made out of brick. A real beauty and the beast setup. Duals and I unload the camera equipment from the trunk. Then Trace leaves for the second pickup.

  “Today we’ll be shooting about half Steadicam and half handheld,” Duals says. “The chase scenes will be handheld so as to look panicked and jerky.”

  “Sounds good,” I say.

  “You’ll be my assistant for the Steadicam shots,” Duals says. “Hang onto me and guide me around the obstacles, especially when I have to back up.”

  “Check,” I say. “And you’ll do the same for me on the handheld shots?”

  Duals nods.

  “I want to shoot continuous takes,” he says. “I’ll move in for close ups or switch angles while the camera’s rolling. Sort of documentary style.”

  “Good,” I say, “we should get done fairly quick then.”

  “That’s the idea,” Duals says.

  He looks toward Tamika to make sure she isn’t listening in. She’s too busy with Raspberry to pay us any attention, though.

  “The sooner we’re finished with Tamika, the better,” he says.

  “My sentiments exactly.”

  The old sedan rumbles up with its final load. Cast and crew are all here now:

  Director – Stephen Chrono (a.k.a. ‘Duals’)

  Talent – Tamika, Trace, Raspberry

  Camera – Duals, me

  Sound – Lauren, Bill

  Asst. Director / Script Continuity – Kaitlyn

  Production Assistant / Dog Handler – Dylan

  The romantic fires between Tamika and Dylan seem to have cooled a great deal. She scarcely notices him as he walks up to her, she is far more concerned about her dog. I suppose that she’s lost interest now that we’ve cancelled the Disaster Dylan video.

  Let me guess – right after Dylan appears in his one scene, he’ll get the old ditch-aroo from Tamika.

  The tension between Kaitlyn and the talent is pretty obvious. While Tamika and Trace busy themselves checking their makeup, Kaitlyn stands off to the side staring daggers at them.

  “Production crew over here, please!” Duals calls.

  Kaitlyn reluctantly walks over toward us. Lauren and Bill are still unloading sound equipment.

  “Matt and I were just talking about his upcoming movie,” Duals says.

  I must look rather blank, because Duals gives me a nudge.

  “Uh, yeah,” I say.

  “Matt wants you to play the female lead,” Duals says. “Isn’t that right, Matt?”

  I nod.

  Kaitlyn softens a tiny bit. “Really?”

  “Actually, there aren’t specific lead roles,” I say. “There are four members of the Adventure Bike Club – two guys, two girls – and they’re all pretty equal.”

  “As long as she isn’t playing the other girl,” Kaitlyn jerks her head toward Trace.

  Duals looks desperately toward me. Lauren and Bill have joined us now.

  “Actually, I was thinking Lauren might be interested,” I say.

  “Interested in what?” Lauren asks.

  “A role in my movie,” I say.

  “Let’s get through this one first,” Lauren says, “then we’ll talk about it.”

  This seems to pacify Kaitlyn, at least for the time being. She goes back to the car to unload her stuff.

  Duals speaks softly in my ear. “Thanks, pal, I owe you one.”

  Everybody seems to be ready. The crew has all necessary equipment; the talent is eager to go. Tamika stands dramatically beside Raspberry, all set to advance into the world of stardom. Dylan and Trace bring up the rear.

  “Let’s head out!” Duals says.

  30: Things Get Dicey

  We set up the first shot by a big tree near the nature center. This is an easy one where Tamika encounters Skagg for the first time. Not much movement required, no running or jumping around.

  The scene begins with Tamika examining the tree bark for mysterious coded instructions. Then Skagg suddenly appears from behind the tree, startling her. The dialog gives the dramatic flavor:

  Tamika: Who are you?

  Skagg: Who do you want me to be?

  Tamika: I want you to be out of here!

  Skagg: Not til I’ve accomplished my mission – little girl!r />
  Etc. You could say that they get off on the wrong foot. Skagg’s “mission” is to find Raspberry, the magical dog, and get something from him. Exactly what that might be is not specified – perhaps she wants him to lead her to the nearest hamburger joint.

  Duals has them run through the action and dialog three times in rapid succession during which he moves about with the Steadicam shooting at different angles and distances. He gets into it very intensely, and I have to keep a firm hand on him so that he doesn’t trip on anything.

  Then:

  “Cut!” Duals yells, and the first scene is a wrap.

  On to the next one, which means walking to a different area of the woods near the pond.

  “That went pretty well,” Duals says.

  He reviews the footage in the monitor as we walk. I’m still holding on to him, guiding him along.

  “We can select whatever coverage we need in post production,” Duals adds. “I hope the sound went well.”

  “Of course it did,” Lauren says.

  She and Kaitlyn have caught up with us.

  “I still can’t believe you threw me out of the movie, Stephan,” Kaitlyn says.

  “Please, Kaitlyn, we’ve been through this before,” Duals says. “It was all Tamika’s idea. I’ll make it up to you.”

  “In Matt’s movie?”

  “Yeah, and in my own film, which were gonna shoot right afterwards,” Duals says. “I’ve got a prime role for you.”

  This is all news to me. Once again, Duals is handing me a done deal without the slightest discussion. We’ll have to see about that.

  I don’t object to him making his own movie, of course, but there has to be a procedure established for green lighting new projects – a procedure that involves me from the get go. I mentally place this issue on the agenda for our ‘partners only’ meeting tomorrow.

  ***

  The next scene is of Tamika running through the woods screaming, trying to get away from some horrible creature. We never find out what it is.

  This is like my Up North nightmare, I think as I run behind her with the camera.

  It’s the same location, same dramatic situation. The only things missing are the skulls hanging in the trees. Duals keeps pace with me, guiding me over the fallen branches and other obstacles.

  Next we film the approach of the mystery creature. Actually it’s Dylan crawling on all fours through the underbrush.

  “I know this looks pretty lame,” Duals says, “but we’ll speed it up on the computer, plus some eerie sound effects. It won’t be half bad.”

  The scenes are being shot out of sequence, and I soon lose track of where we are in the story. Let Duals worry about that, he’s the director. I am actually having some fun for the first time today.

  When he isn’t busy crawling through the underbrush, Dylan takes care of Raspberry. There are numerous mud puddles on the trail from yesterday’s rain which the dog insists on wallowing through.

  “Keep him out of those,” Tamika scolds.

  “Why does he keep doing that?” Dylan asks.

  “Because he’s bred to be a water rescue dog,” Tamika says. “He always wants to be in water.”

  “I wish you’d told me that before,” Dylan says.

  While this dispute is going on, Trace slips up behind me, wraps her arms around my waist, and starts nibbling my ear.

  “There’s lots of forest out here,” she says in a low, husky voice, “how about you and me taking off for our own little drama?”

  She’s frightening ... and irresistible. Like an hypnotic vampire. I feel myself drifting under her power.

  “Well ... I ... um,”

  Then I spy Lauren gaping at us.

  “Not today, thanks,” I blurt out.

  Trace laughs softly. “I get it, the little girl friend is upset, huh?”

  She moves away and her erotic spell breaks. I offer Lauren a weak little shrug which is meant to convey: “Don’t blame me, it was her idea.”

  Lauren doesn’t seem to respect this gesture very much. She turns back to her sound recorder with a real slow burn type look.

  The next scene has Tamika creeping terrified through the woods and finally encountering Raspberry.

  “Oh, Raspberry,” she gushes, “I’ve found you at last!”

  Or something to that effect. I’m not paying much attention to the dialog, that is Lauren’s concern. Every time I glance over at Lauren, she’s certain to be looking some other direction. The politics of this shoot are getting to be really bad.

  Things come to a head during the climactic scene when Tamika, Skagg, and Raspberry all meet. Powerful rising emotions lead to a battle between Tamika and Skagg.

  The actual battle will be filmed at Studio Duals tomorrow in front of the green screen.

  Problem is, Trace keeps blowing her lines. She’s supposed to say:

  Enough talk already, little girl! We’ll settle this mano a mano!

  That’s a Spanish phrase meaning ‘hand to hand,’ as in combat. It seems like an awkward thing to put in the script, but Tamika likes it. Maybe she thinks it gives her film some international flair. Anyway, Trace has trouble saying the line, then she breaks out laughing.

  “Cut!” Duals keeps saying. “Let’s try that again.”

  Kaitlyn is working the slate. “Take one ... take two ...”

  After the third take, she loses her temper.

  “Come on already!” she shouts at Trace. “That dog’s got more brains than you do!”

  “Yeah?” Trace shoots back. “And he’s got a better face than yours, too!”

  The shouting escalates. Tamika gets involved.

  “Shut up Kaitlyn!” she yells. “You are so out of my social circle now.”

  “Cram your social circle!” Kaitlyn yells back.

  The rest of us stand by in helpless confusion. Raspberry moves his bulk in front of Tamika, ready to defend her against any physical attack. He doesn’t growl or act threatening, though. Why can’t the humans be so restrained?

  Kaitlyn finally turns and stomps away toward the nature center.

  “Kaitlyn wait!” Duals yells.

  Duals trots after her.

  “Where does she get off!” Tamika says.

  “Good riddance,” Trace says.

  Duals catches up with Kaitlyn. They exchange heated remarks – or at least Kaitlyn throws out some heated remarks, then she walks away, cell phone at her ear.

  Duals starts walking back toward us. He has this sheepish, humiliated look on his face, as if he’d rather be somewhere else. Then the whole situation begins to unravel.

  A young married couple has picked this precise moment to come walking past on the nature trail with one of those little sausage dogs on a leash. Raspberry spots them and takes off at a gallop.

  “Stop him!” Tamika shouts.

  31: Pond Drama

  Dylan runs after Raspberry but can’t keep up over the uneven ground and fallen branches. The people see the massive animal charging toward them and snatch up their little sausage in a panic.

  “He won’t hurt you!” Dylan calls.

  Raspberry is standing by the terrified couple now, barking happily and wagging his tail – the very image of friendliness. Then he sees Dylan stumbling after him and takes off at a run.

  Tamika catches up with Dylan.

  “Get him, he’s heading for the water!” she cries.

  We all chase after Raspberry now. He makes a bee line for the pond and charges out to the end the dock. Then he takes a flying leap into the water. A tremendous splash.

  “Raspberry,” Tamika yells, “get back here!”

  We all pause at the water’s edge. A sign freezes us in place:

  Keep off! – Dock unsafe

  Not Dylan, though. He runs right out to the end of the dilapidated structure.

  “Raspberry, get in here!” he yells.

  The dog merely swims in circles, barking happily.

  “Bad boy!” Tamika
cries.

  Then the rotten wood gives way with a soggy crunch! and Dylan is in the pond, treading water.

  “Oh man,” Duals cries. “This is perfect!”

  He’s shooting away rapturously with the camera.

  “You all right, Dylan?” I shout.

  “Yeah!” Dylan shouts back.

  Raspberry ceases his playful circles and begins swimming rapidly toward Dylan. The dog has incredible speed.

  “Call him off, Tamika!” Dylan yells.

  “Grab hold of him,” Tamika yells. “He wants to rescue you!”

  “Uh ... sure thing.”

  Dylan holds on to the great Newfoundland’s flanks. Raspberry makes a beeline for the shore, swimming powerfully – not dog paddling, but doing something like a breast stroke with his forelegs. He drags Dylan onto the shore.

  Dylan stands up. You’d have to say he looks rather pathetic, all soaked and covered with shore mud. His long hair lies flat and pasted to his skull.

  “Thanks, Raspberry ... I think,” he says.

  “Cut!” Duals switches off the camera. “Good work Dylan!”

  “Yeah, right,” Dylan says.

  Duals turns towards me. He’s got this sort of mad glow in his eyes.

  “What did I tell you, Matt? Reality has intruded into our artistic effort. We’ve blurred the lines!”

  “Is that going in the movie?” Dylan asks.

  “Maybe,” Duals says. “If not this one, then some future one.”

  Tamika is checking Raspberry for any injuries.

  “You’ve been bad!” she scolds.

  The dog has such a pitiful look that Tamika soon changes her approach.

  “That was a great rescue, though,” she says.

  She pats his head, and the great animal barks happily. Duals catches the incident with the camera. Then Raspberry shakes himself off, sending a spray over us. Duals raises the camera out of harm’s way.

  A guy in a brown uniform walks up.

  “What’s going on here?” he demands.

  “Uh, nothing, sir,” Duals says.

  “There’s no swimming allowed,” the park officer says. “And we’ve had noise complaints about screams, shouting.”

  “That was us,” Duals says. “We’ve been making a movie.”

  “Do you have a permit to film here?” The park officer says.

  “Actually, we were just leaving,” I say. “Sorry about the upset.”

  The ranger crosses his arms and looks us all over sharply. Duals and I try to look humble and contrite. Tamika flashes a winning smile. Raspberry wags his tail and Dylan tries to look a bit less pathetic.

  “All right, get going,” the park ranger says.

  We gather up our stuff and beat a hasty retreat to the parking lot. A car is just arriving to pick up Kaitlyn.