by Sam Crescent
Annie’s cheeks went a deeper shade of red. “When something like this happens, people struggle to deal with the consequences.”
“Spider’s guilty?”
“He’s feeling guilty, and that’s what is eating away at him.”
“How do you know that?” Paris asked.
“From what you’ve told me, he’s suffering.”
“Tell me—”
The buzzer went off signaling their time had come to an end, which only pissed her off. The one time she was willing to talk, and the session hadn’t lasted long enough for her. Whatever! She didn’t need a therapist. She was handling everything on her own anyway.
“I’ll see you in two weeks, Paris.”
Grabbing her gloves, Paris left the room, not looking back. Sinner was in the waiting room, playing on his cell phone as she approached.
“How did it go?”
“I don’t know. Do you have any reason to think why my therapist would know that Spider is feeling guilty and he’s hurting?” Paris asked.
Sinner cursed and pocketed his cell phone. Together they walked toward the car, and she linked her arm through his. “Are you going to tell me?”
She got into the car, snuggling into her jumper, and fighting against the chill.
“Spider has been going to see Annie.”
“What?” Paris asked.
“You heard me. She’s been helping him to deal with his own problems.”
“Spider’s in therapy? He’s having therapy? Why?”
Sinner stared straight ahead outside of the windscreen. “The guilt, it’s eating away at him, and he’s even tried to come and see you several times, but he can’t do it.”
“He’s tried to see me?” Her heart started to race. She’d thought Spider had lost all attraction for her.
“He has, and I’ve seen him standing there, staring at your house.”
“When?”
“I’ve been drawing the curtains, and there he has been sitting, straddling his bike, guarding you. He’ll be gone in the morning, but he’s struggling, Paris.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
“Because you’re already hurting, and there’s not a lot you can do to help him.” Sinner reached over, and patted her knee. “He’ll be okay.”
“I had no idea that he was seeing a therapist.”
“It’s something he needed to do. It has helped him to deal with some of the effects of what has happened.”
“Has anyone else?” she asked. “I know Lola talks to one.”
“No one else. We all handle things in our own way.”
“I get that. It still sucks.”
“There’s nothing you can do about it. Can I ask you for a favor?” Sinner asked.
“Sure. Ask away.”
“Don’t give up on Spider. He’s getting there, and this hit him harder than any of us could have ever anticipated.”
Licking her dry lips, she nodded. “Sure, I don’t mind waiting.” There wasn’t anyone else she wanted to spend time with.
“Thank you. So we don’t need to pick Celia up until around four. I was thinking we could get some groceries, what do you think?”
“I’d like that.”
“Also, we’re planning a Thanksgiving visit with The Skulls. Would you like to come?”
Paris nodded. “Hell yeah. Angel, Sandy, and Tate used to visit me in the hospital, and we talk on the phone. How have they been? I haven’t heard from them in a couple of days.”
“They’re doing good. Babies are all growing up, and Prue is pregnant with her and Zero’s first baby.”
“Oh, my God, how awesome is that? Do they know the sex yet?”
“Not yet. Also, Kelsey gave birth to another boy. They’ve called him David.”
“I can’t wait to see them. I’m invited, right?”
“Paris, you and Celia are invited to all of the Chaos Bleeds events. It was you that didn’t come to the barbeques that were organized, or the picnics. We worry about you.”
“I only worked for you. There’s nothing important about me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’ve been really important to all of us, and we all know how Spider feels about you.”
“I do enjoy your company. Butler’s funny as well. Reese is nice, too. I’m not too sure on Slash. I think I saw him sniffing my knife set, which was just weird.”
“Slash likes his knives, and he’s a good expert on them.”
“I bet.” She ran fingers through her hair, and sat back. “Do you think the only way to get over what happened is to talk about it?”
Sinner groaned. “Don’t ask me that.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not a therapist, or a doctor. I don’t know what makes people tick, or their heads. Some people handle things differently.”
“Would you want to talk about it?”
“Me, no. I’m more of a hands-on kind of guy. I wouldn’t talk, I’d just carry on.”
“I thought so.”
“The thing is … I’m not you, Paris. I haven’t gone through what you had to go through, and what you had to go through was some really serious shit.”
Paris took a deep breath, hearing the concern in his voice. “Annie wants to talk about it. That’s what therapists do, they talk.”
“Why don’t you set the pace for when you’re ready? This happened to you, no one else. Only you can decide what you do or not. No one else.”
Sitting back, Paris thought about what Sinner said. He made a valid point. This was her life, and her body. There were times in the middle of the night where she’d wake up from a nightmare. She’d get out of bed, and go check on her sister. One of the Chaos Bleeds’ boys stayed with her at night. They took turns, and it was nice to have the change of company. She’d watch her sister sleep, and then go down stairs to have a drink of water, and stare outside. In those moments she’d think about Spider, and how nice it would be to have him standing with her, his arms wrapped around her body, helping her to deal with the dreams.
She hoped that Spider got to deal with whatever had been plaguing him. She missed him, and wished this void between them could be closed. A couple of times she had seen him, but Spider had found all kinds of excuses to leave.
Watching him leave, to her were the hardest moments of her life.
Maybe one day, he’d stop running away, and talk to her.
****
Millie stared out of the shop window into the street. People were going about their daily business as if it was a regular day, which it was, to most. It was the same day to her as well. She watched people come and go, wondering what was going on in their lives, and as she did, she couldn’t stop thinking about Baker.
He hadn’t tried to see her, and she didn’t know if she should be sad about that or not. Ever since lockdown had been lifted, and she’d been able to go home, nothing was the same with her. She went through the motions of her life, going to work, going home, cooking, eating, reading, and nothing happened.
Stepping away from the window, she rounded the desk, and stared at the day’s worth of deliveries that she had prepped.
The same old boring routine.
Why did he have to ask her out?
Why did he have to forcibly take her to the clubhouse?
The person who had changed her life was the same person she wanted to keep at arm’s length. Baker. He was dangerous, and she hadn’t been lying to him either. Millie didn’t want to be second best, not to his first wife, and she just knew he’d make comparisons.
The doorbell rang, and she glanced over to see Eva entering the shop. “How come your signs aren’t out?”
“I didn’t feel like putting them out today. Most of the time people ignore them.” She opened a magazine that advertised toys, hoping it would inspire her.
The bubble that had been around her had been popped, and she didn’t know how to get it back.
“What’s going on?” Eva asked.
“N
othing.”
“I don’t know. Something is going on with you, Millie. What’s the matter? You’re usually in your fantasy world.”
Millie sighed. Most of the old ladies at The Skulls visited her, and tried to get her to go out with Baker. He was an amazing guy, sweet, charming, wonderful … and taken. His wife might be dead, but in his heart, he’d always be with his wife, and she didn’t want that, not for herself.
“I’m not always in a fantasy world. I’m sometimes just happy.”
“Sometimes happy but not right now?” Eva asked.
Millie bit her lip, staring up at the woman. Lacey had dyed her hair, and it looked a deep blue, almost black, color. “I like your hair.”
“Answer me, Millie.”
“I don’t know what to say. No, I’m not always happy.”
“What did Baker do?”
“He didn’t do anything. I did everything. He wanted to go on a date, and I don’t want to date a man who’s hung up on his ex-wife.”
“One day he’ll get over her.”
“Really? Do you think people really get over that? If ever given the choice, he’d have her. I’ve talked about this.” She held her hands out, took a deep breath, and forced a smile. “Eva, what would you like today?”
“I’d like for you to come out with me and the girls. Just us girls?”
“Some fun?”
“Fun, wine, food, what do you think?”
“I like that.”
“Good.” Eva smiled at her. “It’ll get better, Millie, I promise it will get better.”
****
“Do you ever think of talking to her?” Annie asked.
Spider stared at his therapist, and wondered why she was asking him that. He spoke all the time about how he felt when it came to Paris. The only reason he was here was because of Devil and Lexie. He’d gone to them to ask for advice.
Devil had told him to get his head out of his ass, to which Lexie slapped him around the back of the head. She’d then turned to Spider, and suggested therapy. This was the same therapist that Paris was seeing. He wondered if she was getting a better result from Paris.
All of his life he’d accomplished shit by doing, not by sitting around, talking about his feelings.
“I try.”
“Tell me what happens.”
“Do you even listen to me?”
Annie held her pen poised over her notes. “I listen to what you tell me. Now I’m asking you as a question.”
“You want me to tell you how I talk to Paris?”
“Yes, it might help if I hear your process, step by step.”
He rolled his eyes, and rubbed his hands together, sitting forward. “I get on my bike determined to talk to her. There’s a lot of stuff that needs to be said, and I know she thinks bad of me. She thinks I don’t want her. I do. I fucking crave her, and being apart from her, it kills me. Knowing my brothers are taking care of her, sickens me. She’s mine, and I should be there for her.” He stopped to take a deep breath. “Then I get to her house, and I see the front door. Only in my head I step back to visiting her once before.”
“The night she was taken?”
“Yeah, the night she was taken, and I freeze up. I look at her house, and I see that I failed her. She was lying on that hospital bed with broken bones, bleeding, infected, and I was scared that I was going to lose her.”
“You love her very much?” Annie asked.
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you call her?”
“What?”
“You’ve got a lot to say. You can’t say it to her face, so why don’t you try calling her?” Annie asked. “It could be a step in the right direction for you?”
“A phone call wouldn’t work,” he said.
“Why not? It’s a start.”
“What I’ve got to say has to be said in person. As far as I’m concerned nothing else will work.”
“Nothing?”
He shook his head.
“The more time that passes, the longer it’s going to take you to build that trust again,” she said.
“Then I’ll wait to build that trust. Annie, I love Paris.”
“If you love her, why are you doing this?” Annie asked.
“Because I need to be the man she deserves more than anything else.”
The rest of the appointment went by in a little haze, and when Spider came out of the building, he grabbed a cigarette, and lit it.
“You’ve started smoking again?” Devil asked.
“No, I’m lap dancing.”
“You’re not doing a lot of that either. Heard you weren’t around Naked Fantasies, and you’d taken yourself off the roster for managing it.”
“Vincent does a better job of it.” They had purchased two of the five buildings that Laura had shown them around. The first one was a rundown, derelict apartment building, and the plan was to build it from the ground up for some luxury apartments. That was the first plan for that building. The second building they had found outside of town was similar to an old warehouse, something like what The Skulls owned. Instead of using it as a training facility or a gym, they were going to use it for storage. Lexie had been looking at a vacant shop within the town. Of course the guys had instantly wanted a sex shop, but Lexie was thinking fashion, or maybe food.
Either one worked for Spider. The clothing stores were at the local mall, which was over thirty minutes away. Piston County needed a clothing store, not just for women but for men as well. He believed it could be a good investment.
Lexie had put the word out, and they even had a local by the name of Natalie Pritchard who had offered up some modern designs. Natalie had graduated from college with a fashion degree. However, demands on her parents’ ranch meant she had to come home and help rather than go and explore her dreams in the big city. Spider had looked over her designs, and they were awesome.
Several of the guys hadn’t wanted to invest in fashion. So, the old ladies banded together and said it would be theirs.
Spider was happy enough with his masculine side that he didn’t need to worry about what it would do owning a fashion shop. He wondered if Paris would like to get involved, and of course, he’d never been able to ask her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“How was therapy?”
“I don’t think it’s working.”
“Why not?”
“I’m no closer to being with Paris than I when I started. When she was gone, I thought of everything I wanted to do with her when I finally got her back. Now, I spend more time worried in case she’s going to appear where I am, and that’s not me.”
“We’re all having to make changes here,” Devil said.
“What changes are you making?”
“For one, have you noticed that Sasha keeps pranking me? She rested a bucket of water on top of a stick yesterday, and when I opened it, all of it came tumbling down on me. Pussy even got it on his phone so that he could remember it. I tell you, Pussy was bad enough on his own, but now that he has an accomplice, it has gotten a whole lot worse.” Devil shook his head as he rested his hands on his lips.
“You were the one that called her a liability. She’s just getting her own back.”
“She called me old man the other day. The sass of it. Old man.”
Spider laughed. “You’re loving it.”
“I’m loving that I’m getting to see a different side to Sasha. She was always a worry of mine. The club’s protection including that of the old ladies falls to me, and it will always fall to me.”
He was aware that Devil took his job seriously.
“So why are you waiting outside for me?” Spider asked.
“I wanted to talk to you about heading up the rebuilding of the apartment buildings. You were in construction. You know what needs to be done.”
“We’re heading into winter. Not a lot can be done unless they get the main walls, and the roof on. This project is going to be a lengthy one, and I did warn
you about that.”
“I get it. What else are you doing, Spider?”
“What do you mean?”
“To some, therapy is the answer, and I get it, I do. To some, they just need to focus on something else to clear their head. You’re the best one for this job.”
Spider took a moment to think about it. The money was the club’s, and if someone did it wrong, it would fall to them to fix it. The guys all had their many talents, but building wasn’t one of them.
“I’ll do it.”
“Good.”
Spider went to leave, but Devil called him back. “We’re having a big dinner on Sunday. Everyone is going to be there. Are you coming?”
“A big dinner? You know me, I wouldn’t miss something like that.”
“Good.”
Devil drove away, and Spider went to the parking lot behind the therapist’s building, and unhooked his bike.
Four months without Andrew, and life had gotten back to normal. The Skulls were growing, and from what he heard Sally had even been fitted with a prosthetic leg. She was in physio, but her life was back on track. She didn’t go to school yet. Whizz and Lacey had her studying from home.
Straddling his bike, Spider rode out of the therapist’s parking lot, and made his way toward Paris’s home. He saw Sinner’s car was parked out front, and Spider parked several feet away. Paris came out of the house, laughing at something Sinner said, as she grabbed a bag from the back of the car. Sinner leaned over, talking to her, and Paris burst out laughing, hitting his shoulder as she did.
The club adored her. He heard several of the brothers talking about her spirit, her fire, and he wished more than anything that it could be him making her smile.
Lexie loved her as well. The old ladies all did, and so did some of the club whores.
Paris made her way back inside, but Sinner had spotted him.
Spider watched as he locked up his car, and made his way toward him.
“What’s up, man?”
“Nothing. I’m just watching, you know?”
“She would love for you to come inside. We’ve got thirty minutes until we go for Celia.”
The temptation was strong, and as he looked at the door, he saw that night where the door was open. “I can’t.”
“Spider, she’s waiting for you.”