by Claire Adams
“I realized when I was signing financial paperwork and the lawyer wanted me to have you sign a prenup that I didn’t even want to consider us not working out. I knew that once we were married, the idea of a divorce would be the furthest thing from my mind and it would absolutely devastate me if it ever happened.
“That was when I knew I didn’t want you to help me stay in the country. I wanted you to help me build my future, wherever that might be.”
“I felt like a fool, Logan. I felt like you saw me and thought, she looks stupid enough to fall for this. And sure enough, I did. Hook, line, and sinker.
“I fell in love with you so fast and it all overwhelmed me so much that I didn’t even want to consider that you had some other motive for marrying me. Even when my dad kept telling me it was too fast. Even when Josiah told me to be careful. Even when Lily kept reminding me of your reputation.
“I didn’t want to see or hear any of it. I just simply wanted you, and I was thrilled to think that you wanted me, too.”
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as I said, “Chloe, I was wrong and no matter how many times I say that, or that I’m sorry, I can’t take back what I did. But if you will give me a chance to make this up to you-”
“No, Logan, that’s not what this conversation is about. This is about closure.
“I can’t go back. I don’t think that I could ever trust you again. I’d always be afraid that you were playing me for a fool. I look at what you’re doing for me and I look at how you are with your family and how you treat your employees and I know without a doubt that you are a good man.
“But, you’re a man that’s used to getting what he wants at any cost and I can’t afford to lose any more of my self-esteem.”
I was on the verge of doing something I’d never done and would never dream of doing: begging her for another chance. But something in her eyes told me that to do that now would only be to push her further away. She was offering me a sort of olive branch at the moment and I had to appreciate that. I had to remind myself that greed and self-indulgence was what had gotten us to this point to begin with.
Instead of opening my big mouth, I nodded and then I said, “We should get back. I don’t want you to over-do it.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHLOE
Logan’s family got home that afternoon and came to visit. It was good, mostly because it took some of the awkwardness out of the time I spent with Logan alone. I didn’t know what to talk to him about. I didn’t want to keep re-hashing the past, but unlike when we were together before, we had no future to discuss.
Charlotte brought us a casserole for dinner and kissed me with tears in her eyes before she left and said,
“Are you okay here with Logan?”
I knew that had to be hard for her. She loved her son, imperfections and all, but I was sure that if I said no, she’d pack me up and take me with her. It was one of the reasons I loved this family so much. They all seemed to have such a huge capacity for love.
Poor little Kimber was one of the last ones to come by. She was practically frantic as she handed me a bouquet of flowers that she and her brother had picked and asked if I was okay.
“I’m doing great, and these are beautiful, thank you.”
“I’m sorry, Chloe. I’m so sorry you got hurt because of me.” We were in the kitchen. I looked up at Logan and he said,
“I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
“Thank you. Kimber, you want to have some hot chocolate with me?”
“Yeah.”
I fixed our hot cocoa, and we sat down at the table with them. While she swirled her tongue around the mountain of whipped cream I had put on hers I said,
“Honey, my accident was not your fault. It was just an accident – nobody’s fault.”
She stopped what she was doing and looked up at me. She had a catch in her throat as she said, “I was acting like a brat and I yelled at you and I went and climbed that stupid tree. Then, I was mean to you and said I wouldn’t talk to you unless you climbed it, too. It is my fault you got hurt, and I’m so sorry, Chloe. I didn’t mean anything I said, and I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”
“It’s okay to tell someone how you feel, Kimber, and it’s okay to defend someone that you love. That’s all you were doing. I know you love your uncle, and I wouldn’t expect any less than you being on his side. That’s what family does for one another.”
“I do love him, but I love you, too. I want you to love him. I want him to be with you.”
I smiled at her and reached over and tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear. I started to tell her honestly that was probably never going to happen, but I realized that I couldn’t even bring myself to say that. No matter how angry I was with him, I was still holding onto hope.
It made me feel like a fool and once again it was eating away at my self-esteem. I knew she’s only ten years old, but I suddenly wanted to know why she wanted us together so badly that she was still holding out hope, too.
“Why, Kimber? Can you tell me why you want us together so badly?”
She looked like she was struggling for the right words. She took a long sip of her chocolate and when she sat it down, she said, “He was happy with you.”
“You don’t think he was happy before he was with me?”
“No, I know he wasn’t. He pretended like he was, but when we did family stuff, he would either not show up or he would come by himself. He never brought a girl home before you, Chloe. I knew when he brought you here that you must be special to him.
“Before that, I heard my mom and grandma talking about how he seemed so lonely when we were all together, like he wished that he had someone, too. Then, he found you, and he smiled more and he spent more time with us and he didn’t seem lonely, at all.”
I had a huge lump in my throat, but I still felt like it was important to get her to understand that Logan and I would probably never be together. I almost smiled when I realized I was thinking “probably.” I cleared my throat and went back into adult mode.
“Sometimes grown-ups just can’t get along together well enough to make a marriage work. That’s why I called ours off. I thought it was better now than if we broke up later.”
She shrugged. “I guess. But in the ten years that I’ve been alive, you are the only girl I’ve ever seen my uncle look at with that crazy look in his eyes.” I laughed. I was sure she was talking about lust, but she thought it was love. “I just thought that meant you were supposed to be together. But I should have stayed out of it and then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I’m sorry again, Chloe.” I hugged her.
“It’s okay. I know that you would never hurt me on purpose.”
She pulled out of the hug, drained her cocoa cup, and slid down off the stool. “Neither would Uncle Logan,” she said and then she grinned at me and left the room.
I smiled. She had to get points for her efforts. I got up and started to leave the kitchen. When I pushed the door open slightly, I saw them together. He was walking her out and she was clutching onto his hand. When they got to the door, he bent down and she wrapped her little arms around his neck and I heard her tell him that she loved him to the moon. Logan smiled and said,
“I love you more.”
He stood at the door and watched her go and once again I thought about that a man who loved his family the way that Logan did just couldn’t possibly be a bad person. I thought about what he told me earlier, that he had been coming to tell me the truth.
I wasn’t sure whether to believe that, but I had to wonder what I would have done if I’d learned that information from him, instead of his ex-wife. It would have been slightly less devastating to hear it that way and I was sure if he’d told me what he planned on doing but that he’d changed his mind, I would have forgiven him quickly. I was not one to hold a grudge for long.
But I’d never been hurt this badly before, either. I sighed and picked up my phone off the counter. I already tal
ked to my mother earlier, but I needed to hear her voice again.
“Hi, honey. Are you okay?”
“I’m doing good, Mom. I took a walk this afternoon to get some fresh air and Logan’s family all came to visit. It was a good day, and Logan’s being really helpful…albeit a little bit annoying.”
She laughed. “Even at their best, I think they’re all a little annoying.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Hey, Mom, can I ask you a question?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Has Daddy ever done anything to make you question your trust in him? I mean really question if you could ever trust him again?” I expected her to say no. Instead she said,
“Baby girl, we have been married for over thirty years. He’s done a lot to make me stop trusting him, and sometimes it was a battle to get that trust back. It’s hard to let go of the things that hurt you, no matter how badly you want to.”
“But you did? You trust him now?”
“Yes, with my life.”
“So how do you get there, Mom? How do you trust him again?”
“Well, he admitted that he’d done wrong and told me he was going to work on changing himself. I could see with my own eyes that he was working on changing whatever had come between us at the time. I love him, so it was easy not to give up on him.
“Plus, I’m not perfect, Chloe. There have been a few times he had to struggle with getting his faith back in me, too.”
“That’s hard to imagine,” I said with a smile. Mom chuckled and I said, “Do you ever regret forgiving him?”
“Never. Carrying around anger only hurts the person carrying it. I held it as long as I needed it, because sometimes we do need it. It’s almost like a cleanse for the soul…yelling and letting go of that anger was cathartic for me. The bottom line is that through all of it I still loved him and that’s what I held onto. Is this about Logan?”
“I don’t want to love him, Mom.” I just blurted that out. I hadn’t realized up until now that was the biggest problem. I felt like after learning what he did, I shouldn’t still be so deeply in love with him. I should be able to let go a lot easier.
“Is that what’s holding you back? Are you afraid that you’re not supposed to love him or that people will think poorly of you for giving him a second chance?”
“Maybe… Does it make me a fool?”
“Oh, honey, of course not. You and Logan are the only two people on earth that can make the decision whether you should be together and other people’s opinions cannot be what you base your decision on. Honey, women and men forgive each other all the time. It’s human nature to make mistakes. It’s part of being in love to forgive. Answer me this: do you think he really loves you?”
“Do you?”
She laughed. “I just told you that nobody else can make that decision for you.”
“I feel it, Mom, or at least, I think I do. I thought I felt it before, so I might be wrong. But he didn’t have to be in Niagara Falls in the first place. Kimber told him I was going and he drove for eight hours to see me and to apologize to me because I haven’t been taking his calls. He never left my bedside when I was in the hospital, even when I was mad at him. He’s waiting on me hand and foot here at the cottage. He seems genuinely worried about me.
“All of that feels like love to me. I could be wrong, and that’s what I’m afraid of… But he doesn’t need me for his citizenship any longer, yet he still says he wants to be with me. He seems genuinely sorry for what he did. Kimber said he cried the night we were supposed to get married. I can’t imagine Logan is the kind of man that cries easily.”
“I agree with that. I will tell you my opinion, but keep in mind that’s all it is. I can’t tell you who to love or who to let love you, even if I sometimes want to. And do me a favor, keep this quiet so your father doesn’t file for divorce.”
I laughed and she went on, “I was really angry with Logan for what he did, or tried to do. But everyone makes mistakes. I think that he made a terrible one, but I don’t think that makes him a terrible person. I think he genuinely cares for you.
“With that being said, it’s also okay to take your time and find all of that out. You don’t have to go all or nothing here either. You don’t have to walk away completely and you don’t have to marry him right away.
“If you asked for my advice, it would be that if you want to be with him, be with him, but take your time and make sure before you commit to a lifetime.”
“Thank you, Mom. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Dad.”
She laughed. “He’s struggling with things around here right now. He’s worried about you, but at least here he has other things to occupy his mind and his time and he’s not dwelling on it. Hopefully, he will get over it soon. He just holds a grudge longer than me, especially where his family is concerned.”
“I know and I love him more for it. Thank you, Mom.”
“Anytime. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The doorbell rang just as I ended the call with my mom. I went out into the living room and was surprised to see a delivery man at the door. It was after seven already and kind of late for a delivery. Logan signed the man’s clipboard and then I watched as he and two other men brought in box after box. They all had the same company logo on them but I didn’t recognize it.
When they finished, the living room of the cottage looked like an obstacle course. Logan tipped the guy and after he closed the door behind him I said, “What in the world is all of this?”
Logan grinned and said, “I got bored while you were taking your nap earlier. I was online, and I realized what this place needed was a touch of Christmas.”
I laughed. “A touch?” I asked, looking at the seventeen boxes surrounding us.
“I got carried away,” he said with another grin. “You want to see what I ordered, or do you want to eat dinner first?”
“Oh, I want to see,” I told him. He took out a pocket knife and we started opening them. Box after box of decorations, wreaths, holly, and even mistletoe. As we were sorting through the tree decorations, there was another knock on the front door. I watched curiously as Logan opened it and signed another clipboard. “More?”
He shrugged and winked at me just before two, big men carried in a huge spruce Christmas tree. At that moment, I forgot everything. I squealed like a little girl.
Once the tree was set up and the men gone, Logan put on Christmas music and we began decorating. Neither of us wanted to stop for dinner. We worked and snacked on the popcorn and cookie tins he’d ordered, as well.
By the time we finished putting everything up and decorating the tree, the little cottage was completely transformed into a winter wonderland. I was grinning from ear to ear as I took it all in.
“What’s in that box?” I asked him when I saw a tiny one we hadn’t opened sitting on the coffee table.
Logan reached down and picked it up. He used his knife again to open it and when he pulled open the lid and reached inside, he came back with a perfect, little sprig of mistletoe. He showed it to me and smiled. It just so happened that at that moment I wanted to kiss him worse than I wanted anything else in life.
I took the mistletoe out of his hand and held it up over my head. “Kiss me, Logan.”
For just a second, he looked like he was going to question it, but he didn’t. He took me in his arms and kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was a long, hot, deep kiss and it set me on fire from head to toe.
I pressed my body against him, trying to mold it into his. He pulled me in as tightly as he could and the kiss went on forever. When he finally broke it, it wasn’t for oxygen, but because he was worried about me.
“Chloe,” he said in a breathless voice. “I’m sorry. Is your head okay? I shouldn’t have-”
I shut him up by covering his mouth with mine again. I tossed the mistletoe aside and wound my hands around his neck. I didn’t want to stop kissing him, but that wasn’t all I wanted. I wanted so
much more. With our lips still pressed together I said,
“Make love to me, Logan.”
“Oh, baby… God, I want to…”
I smiled, still pressed into him. “I know; I can feel how much you want to.”
He took me by the shoulders and moved me back so that he could look at my face. “Are you sure? The doctor said no strenuous exercise.”
I giggled. “Then you do all the work.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m positive. Make love to me, Logan, please.”
That was enough for him. I felt myself being lifted off my feet and carried down the hallway toward the bedroom. When he deposited me gently down on the bed, he kneeled in front of me and said, “I need you to know this isn’t just about sex. I love you, Chloe. I want you in so many ways.”
“I’m working on believing that Logan. I want to believe it because I love you, too. I think I will always love you.” He put one hand on the back of my head and pulled my face into his so our foreheads were pressed together.
“I’m going to do whatever it takes to convince you,” he said.
“Start by taking your clothes off,” I told him with a giggle. Suddenly, being naked with him was the most important thing in the world. We had plenty of time to figure out the rest.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
LOGAN
I lay down on my back next to her and pulled her into me. She grabbed at my shirt and pulled it up. I used one hand and pulled it the rest of the way off. She used both of her hands and fingers to trace the lines of my chest.
God, I missed her. It felt so damned good for her to touch me.
I watched her massage my chest with her palms and then let her hands run down across my abdomen. She scooted down and pressed her hot lips into my stomach and while she kissed me, she unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. She sat up and took hold of the waist band and grinned at me. She’s so fucking gorgeous.