Evan

by Diana Palmer

  Her breasts rose and fell in a slow, heavy sigh. She let her cheek rest against him. She stared past him out the window. It was misting rain and cloudy. Like her life, she thought.

  “Why do you want to marry me, Evan?” she asked finally.

  He lifted his head, scowling. “What?”

  “Why do you want to marry me?” she repeated. “Is it pity, or guilt, or desire, or a little of all three?”

  “My God, you still don’t trust me, do you?” he asked. He sounded almost defeated. “I can’t blame you, but if you have so little faith in my motives, why are you willing to go through with it?”

  She looked up at him. “Because I love you,” she said simply.

  He touched her loosened, disheveled hair. “You aren’t sure of me,” he replied. “If you loved me, wouldn’t you be?”

  Her eyes grew sad. “Not really. It’s hard to be sure of someone when you don’t know how they feel.”

  He let his eyes fall to her mouth. “How do you think I feel?” he hedged.

  “I don’t know. You’ve been very different since the accident,” she replied. “Before, you made it clear how you felt about me, that you wanted me out of your life. Then I got hurt and all at once, you were willing to marry me.”

  “You make me sound fickle, Anna,” he said, but he couldn’t deny the truth of what she was insinuating.

  “Not fickle. Just uncertain. You can’t blame me for feeling the same way. You’ve never really told me what you felt.”

  And he couldn’t. Not just yet. He still had too many misgivings, too many fears.

  He touched her mouth lightly with his forefinger. “Will words convince you?” he asked quietly. “Somehow, I don’t think so. You’ve got it fixed in your mind that I’m only sorry for you. Nothing I say is going to change that. You’re just going to have to wait and see.”

  Fear flickered under her eyelashes. “You’d be tied to me, don’t you see?” she asked gently. “You’d hate it!”

  His mouth covered hers. He lifted her into a warmer, closer embrace, his lips driving every worry out of her mind. His hand slid inside her blouse, under the bra, with blatant mastery. She felt his fingers against her soft, bare flesh. She stiffened and gasped at the surge of pleasure it gave her.

  His teeth caught at her lower lip, gently teasing it. “We’re going to have the most unusual wedding night in history,” he said with black humor. “It will probably be the first time that the groom has jitters.”

  She drew back a little. “Are you afraid to make love to me?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” he asked darkly. “My God, I’ve fought this. And in the end, I couldn’t give you up, not even for your own good.”

  “Evan, it’s not going to be that bad,” she said, trying to reassure him. He looked…she couldn’t quite decide how he looked. “I can see the doctor before we’re married. If he thinks there’s going to be any, well, any difficulty, he can take care of it for me.”

  His jaw tautened. “Your virginity isn’t what concerns me.”

  “Then what?”

  He drew in a rough breath and looked down at the bulge of his hand under her blouse. Absently his fingers caressed her, loving the softness of her skin. “Anna, I could hurt you so badly,” he said huskily. “It might bring back terrible memories of the night you were attacked. And quite frankly, past a certain point, a man can’t stop.”

  She reached up and nibbled at his mouth. “Then you’ll have to make me crazy first, won’t you?” she whispered. “Like you did…yesterday when you opened your shirt and held me against you…Evan!”

  His mouth bit into hers. She arched closer, her fingers pressing his intruding hand to her breast. For a few seconds, he actually seemed blind and deaf, his mouth devouring and sweet.

  He groaned and pulled her across his lap, turning her so that her belly pressed against his hardness. He ground her into him, feeling her tremble.

  “Yes,” she whispered into his mouth. She moved deliberately, loving the feel of him, the raging arousal that she seemed to kindle in him so effortlessly.

  His hand tangled painfully in her hair as his tongue drove into the softness of her mouth. His free hand, at the base of her spine, rocked her rhythmically against him, sending ripples of pure ecstasy through his rigid body.

  He felt her soft trembling with wonder, felt her submission. His fingers went to her blouse and began to unfasten it. Thank God the yard was deserted and Polly’s car was gone. They were totally alone.

  He lifted his head long enough to get the blouse out of his way and unclasp her bra.

  “Yes,” she murmured. She sat up, impatiently helping him rid her of the unwanted fabric. But then her hands went to his own shirt and unfastened the pearly snaps.

  “Anna…” he began, fighting for control.

  “I want to feel you against me,” she whispered hungrily. She linked her arms around his neck and brushed the tips of her breasts against his hair-roughened chest.

  “Anna!” he groaned harshly.

  She saw his face contort and recognized the rigid mask of pleasure.

  “Is this how to do it?” she whispered, moving her torso even harder against his. “Teach me, Evan. Show me how to make love.”

  “My…God, you don’t…need lessons!” he managed.

  “Here,” she said, tugging at his head as she arched back against his arm, her eyes half-closed. “Do…what you did to me yesterday. Do it hard!”

  He was out of his mind. He barely realized it as his mouth settled helplessly on one dusky hard-tipped breast. He suckled at it, feeling her body ripple with pleasure as he fed on her softness. His fingers cupped her, caressed her while he discovered the hard tip with his tongue, his lips. And she lay there and let him, vibrating with pleasure, her soft sighs lost in the rough groans that burst from his mouth.

  “Evan, it feels so good,” she moaned feverishly. Her hands tangled in his thick hair, holding him to her hungry body. “It feels so good, so good!”

  “You taste of rose petals.” He lifted his head and looked at her, at the soft flesh with its deep flush that his mouth had caused. He took a slow breath and let his hand slowly caress her. “I want you.”

  “I want you, too.” Her back arched gently, her eyes glazed with desire. “Can’t we…go somewhere and be alone?”

  His jaw tautened. “Risky,” he managed.

  “I don’t care. I want you to look at me,” she said dizzily. “I want to look at you!”

  He wanted to scream. He had to think. He had to protect her. She arched her back again and rubbed her breasts slowly against him.

  “All right,” he said shakily.

  He made her sit up, helping her into the blouse again. He started the car without a word. He didn’t dare look at her or he’d wreck it.

  He drove quietly, and quickly, to the Tremayne lake. It was deserted during the week, and no one ever went there. He stopped the car, turned off the ignition, and got out.

  Anna lifted her arms as he bent to carry her down to the grassy bank of the lake.

  “This is insane,” he whispered as he laid her down in the grass and went down beside her. “We’ll go too far.”

  “It’s all right,” she said softly. She pulled off her blouse and let him look at her, totally without inhibitions. He was going to marry her. She loved him. Now she had to convince him that she wasn’t frightened of him.

  Evan could hardly breathe for the pounding of his heart as he stared at her soft, swollen breasts.

  “You’re a virgin,” he groaned.

  “Would you rather I let Randall see me like this?” she whispered.

  His eyes flashed. “No. I would not.” He stripped off his shirt and his belt before he laid her back on the grass and spread his broad, dark chest over her breasts. He held her eyes as he began to move his torso sensually over hers, letting his hair-roughened muscles drag arousingly over the hard tips of her breasts.

  Her nails dug into his power
ful upper arms as the motion kindled a sudden, shocking desire. She gasped jerkily.

  “And this is only the beginning, Anna,” he said roughly. “It gets worse. Much worse.”

  He bent to her mouth. He’d never kissed her like this, in such a deliberately arousing way. He teased and tormented her soft mouth until she was openly begging for his, driven half mad by the sensual movements of his body against her bare breasts.

  She was almost in tears by the time he finally relented, and his tongue penetrated her mouth in one deep, smooth motion. She was so aroused that she actually cried out and went rigid, pulsating with feverish need as the kiss she thought would satisfy her only aroused a deeper hunger.

  Her legs moved against Evan’s helplessly. He felt her anguished need and his big body levered over hers. He eased her legs apart and slid slowly between them.

  He lifted his dark head. His eyes were black with arousal, his swollen lips parted on jerky breaths. He rested his weight on his forearms and held her dazed, hungry eyes while he deliberately pushed down.

  She felt him in an intimacy that she’d never shared with anyone before. Her eyes dilated and her lips parted on a gasp as she felt the full force of his desire.

  He watched her, certain that it was going to be just as it had been with Louisa. She was going to run…

  Even as he thought it, her long legs began to tangle shyly with his. Her hips lifted, very gently. He stiffened and shuddered, even though his eyes never left hers.

  She did it again, her face radiant as she watched his helpless reaction.

  “This is very, very dangerous,” he bit off. “If you arouse me enough, I won’t be able to stop.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  His big hand caught her thigh and stilled her under him. “You don’t understand. I could make you pregnant.”

  She smiled gently. “You don’t understand,” she replied. “I want a baby with you.”

  He actually shuddered. For one mad instant, he looked into her eyes and gave in to her. His hand moved from her thigh to the base of her spine and he pushed her legs farther apart as he settled completely between them in a blatant urgency that made her moan sharply.

  “This is what you’re inviting,” he said roughly, and pushed, hard. “It will hurt like hell if I’m this aroused when it happens!”

  That was when she first began to make sense of all the warnings, all the misgivings. She relaxed under his weight and her eyes held his fierce black ones.

  “Oh,” she whispered.

  He was trembling. “Seen the light, have you?” he choked. “I hope to God you haven’t seen it too late. Lie still!” he bit off, anchoring her with a merciless hand. He looked at her, shivering with reaction as he fought to control himself.

  She watched him, shaken by his vulnerability, by her own ability to affect him. Sex had been a vaguely frightening mystery, but now it was a wonderous surprise. She had a pretty good idea of what it entailed and exactly why Evan was so afraid of his uncontrolled strength.

  He was breathing unsteadily, his eyes closed, his forehead resting against hers.

  She smoothed the dark hair at his nape gently and relaxed completely, absorbing his formidable weight. He was calming. The rigidity of his muscular body was slowly giving way.

  “So that’s what it’s like,” she murmured, awed.

  Her tone dragged a strained laugh from his throat. “Didn’t you know?”

  “Not really,” she confessed. Her eyes closed. “Puzzles,” she said.

  He caught his breath at the word picture she evoked. “Yes,” he managed. “Except that this particular one can be difficult to fit together, unless it’s put into place with exquisite tenderness.”

  Her arms linked around his neck. His chest was damp and cool against hers as the heat began to die out of them.

  “Am I too heavy?” he asked.

  “Oh, no. I like the way it feels.”

  He nuzzled his face against hers. “How about a swim, while we’re here?”

  “I don’t have a bathing suit,” she said absently.

  He lifted his head. “Neither do I. We’re being married in two days, Anna. I want you to know it all before I put my ring on your finger.”

  The thought of seeing him without his clothes disturbed her, but she sensed that for him this was an obstacle that frightened him. As he said, they were going to be married. Many engaged couples did much more together than just swim without their clothes.

  “All right,” she said softly.

  Evan caught his breath. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” She touched his mouth with her fingertips. “I love you.”

  So she said. But he wanted proof. If she could look at him without fear, one hurdle would be out of the way. Louisa’s face still haunted him.

  “So be it,” he said quietly.

  He got to his feet and helped her up, noticing her shy reluctance to undress in front of him. He smiled gently. “I’ll walk down the path a bit. Yell when you’re in the water.”

  She sighed. “Thank you, Evan.”

  “You’ll get used to it,” he replied. He brushed a kiss across her mouth and moved away.

  She was in the water when he came back, and she kept her eyes averted while he took off his own clothes. Seconds later there was a splash as he landed close beside her.

  “Not so difficult, was it?” he asked with a grin as she trod water beside him.

  “I guess the first time is the hardest,” she mused.

  “And the most necessary. Come on, chicken. I’ll race you.”

  She laughed, catching up with him. They played lazily. The feel of the water against her skin was exquisite. She closed her eyes and floated, glorying in the sense of freedom she felt.

  Evan watched her with hungry eyes, his heart pounding as he got fascinating glimpses of her creamy body under the water. When she arched her back and began to float, her taut nipples breaking the surface of the lake, he was totally lost.

  “Oh, God,” he groaned softly.

  He reached for her, pulling her body totally against his as he bent to her lips.

  She let him kiss her, feeling for the first time the touch of his body with no fabric to conceal its power and strength. She hesitated, and he lifted his head.

  “Afraid of me like this?” he whispered.

  “Not afraid, really,” she confessed. Her blue eyes searched his dark ones. “I’ve never been without my clothes in front of anyone since I grew up—not even my mother.”

  He held her waist in his big hands and searched her eyes. “I won’t hurt you. Try to remember that.”

  As he spoke, he lifted and turned her, carrying her toward the bank. She gasped and buried her embarrassed face in his cool throat.

  His mouth slid across her cheek to her lips and he began to kiss her with exquisite tenderness. After a minute, she forgot her nudity and gave in to the delicious pleasure of skin against skin.

  She felt the jolt of his body as he walked, then the cool air on her body and the softness of the grass on her back as he laid her down.

  He knelt over her, waiting for her eyes to open.

  She looked at him, flushed and looked away.

  He stiffened. “Don’t you want to scream and run?” he asked tersely. “She did.”

  The bitterness in his voice knocked the shyness right out of her. She forced her embarrassed eyes back to his powerful body, reminding herself that in two more days he was going to be her husband. She had to grow up, very fast.

  Her lips parted as she looked at him, and her heart began to race. She’d never seen a centerfold, but she was certain that he would have made a perfect one.

  Her rapt stare drained some of the apprehension from him. Her eyes were shy and frankly fascinated, but not afraid.

  He was doing some looking of his own. A woman’s body was no mystery to him, but Anna’s was enough to make a hardened womanizer crazy. Her soft curves were perfect, all of her, from the thrust of her breasts to the swe
eping curve of her hips and her long, elegant legs.

  The sight of her aroused him, and he didn’t turn away or try to hide the effect she had on him. She had to face that as well.

  Her breath came unsteadily through her lips. “Oh, my,” she whispered.

  He lifted an eyebrow, waiting to see if she was bluffing.

  After a minute, her gaze lifted from his body to his eyes. “You thought I’d be afraid if I saw you like this,” she said suddenly.

  “Yes.”

  She smiled shyly. “I’m sorry to disappoint you,” she said, watching the way his eyes followed hungrily the sensuous lines of her body. “Why don’t you come down here and kiss me?”

  He could barely breathe, much less speak. “Because if I do, I won’t be able to stop.”

  “We’re going to be married day after tomorrow.”

  “Yes,” he agreed. “And we’re going to have a wedding night. A conventional one, with all the trimmings.”

  He managed to drag himself to his feet. He fished a couple of towels out of the trunk of his car and tossed one to a subdued Anna.

  “Spoilsport,” she managed with a shy laugh.

  With a muttered curse of pure frustrated anguish, he pulled on his clothes and lit a cigarette while she was still fumbling with hooks and snaps.

  She watched him quietly when she had finished. He was remembering the past, she knew. She’d always thought of him as a gentle giant. The idea of Evan hurting anything or anyone deliberately had never occurred to her.

  “You can’t be afraid of people you love,” she said gently.

  He grimaced, glancing at her. “Can’t you? She was.”

  She went close to him. “There’s something you don’t know yet, Evan.”

  “What?” he asked huskily, remembering the incredible beauty of her body as he looked down at her.

  “If Louisa had loved you—really loved you—she couldn’t have been afraid of you in bed.”

  He flushed. “She loved me,” he said doggedly.

  “Did she?” She turned and picked up the towels, folding them neatly. He was preoccupied all the way back to the car.

  He put her in the front seat and got in beside her. There was a terrible truth in what she’d said. He hated the implications of it, that he’d wasted years of his life, years of happiness he might have had with Anna, brooding over a love affair that must have been nothing more than a brief infatuation for Louisa. His great love affair had ended in tragedy, only because he couldn’t recognize what Anna seemed to know instinctively—that Louisa had never loved him in the first place. It was a hard pill to swallow.