Arousing Love, a teen novel (complete)

by M. H. Strom

  “That girlfriend of yours, I’ve gotta say, she’s pretty hot for a sixteen year old.”

  “We just broke up.” My voice sounded so expressionless.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “To immature, right? These young girls look hot but they’re not ready for anything—”

  “No, it’s not like that. I had to give her up. . .”

  “You’re not gettin’ all religious on me now, are ya?”

  I smiled. “I guess you could say I found God.”

  “Yeah? Where’s he been hiding?”

  “Come on man, I just had a major religious experience. God is real to me now, not just a distant idea, he’s real and he’s with me.”

  “You’re too young for this, Zacho. Life’s too good for this, man. There’s so much you’ll miss out on.”

  “No, it’s the other way around. You’re just wasting your life doing stuff for yourself instead of what you could be doing for God. What good is your life if it’s lived for your own enjoyment, just passing moments of pleasure quickly forgotten? It’s all meaningless.”

  “I wanna enjoy my life, what’s wrong with that?”

  “In the end, everything you’ve ever done will be wiped away like it never happened. But if you live for God everything you do will count for something.”

  Josh shook his head. “You can keep your religion, man.” He got up and headed for the door. He looked back at me. “Let me know when you’re over all this, and we’ll go surfing some time.”

  After he’d gone I felt really depressed. I wish I could make him understand. He’s so blind to the shallowness of his life. I prayed for him and for Joanna too, my heart ached for her.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  The next day I went to work as usual, then spent the rest of the day shut in my room. I didn’t want to admit it but I was miserable. I missed Joanna so much, my life felt empty without her. I tried to keep myself from thinking about her by reading the Bible.

  There was a knock at the door and I opened it to Joanna’s father. I was so surprised to see him I just stood there.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Uh, sure.” I let him in and he glanced around then turned to face me.

  “Joanna told me what happened.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s . . . well, she’s still upset, but she wants whatever God’s will is for your life.”

  “I never wanted to hurt her.”

  “I know.” He sat down on my computer chair. “Look, Zach, I understand what you’re going through, I’ve been there myself. You’re full of zeal. You want to serve God and give up everything for him.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Zeal is a good thing, but we can be zealous for God and not know exactly what he wants of us. We can end up with misguided zeal, and that can be a dangerous thing. We have to know for sure what God wants of us, and only then act with zeal.”

  “Did Joanna tell you about the vision I had?”

  “Yes she did.”

  “It’s pretty clear what God wants me to do. He showed me that all the stuff in my life was going to keep me going ‘round in circles, but if I get rid of everything in my life I can be used by God.”

  “I think you’re misunderstanding what God wants of you, Zach. God knows there are things in this world that we need, and things that make us happy. He made them for us. Jesus said don’t run after those things like the world does, but to seek God first, and all those things will be given to us as well. This is about our attitude and our mindset. We seek first God’s will for our lives and we put all that other stuff last. We don’t exist just to satisfy our needs and wants like the rest of the world does. His will for our lives becomes our biggest need and want.”

  “What do you think the vision means then? What does God want me to do?”

  “I’m sure he doesn’t want you to get rid of everything in your life. That’s an impossible way to live. It’s all about your focus and your attitude. Don’t be focused on the things of this world and what you want for your life. Focus on what God wants for you. God doesn’t want your sacrifice, he wants your heart. He doesn’t want you to throw away everything he’s given you, and everything that makes you who you are. He wants you to love him and put him first above all else. Most Christians don’t live like that, their faith might be important to them but it’s just a little piece of their lives. They have worldly goals that they want to achieve, and they put them first in their lives—a career, possessions, family. Their faith might be important to them but it isn’t the over-riding thing. But God is calling you to have a different attitude, to have a goal in life of serving him and doing his will. Instead of your faith being one little part of your life, like a train track going around in circles, he wants your faith to be the thing that drives you and sets the goals in your life. That’s the train track going in a straight line.”

  “So I shouldn’t give up anything then?”

  “We can ask God to show us if there’s anything in our lives that doesn’t please him, or hinders us from doing his will. Those are the things we need to remove from our lives. He calls us to love him with all our heart and mind and soul and strength. If we do that, we hold onto everything else very lightly. We see the world as it really is—something temporary, and we seek the eternal things of God.

  “Okay, so I just have to give up these things in my heart. It’s about putting God first above those things.”

  “Exactly.” Joanna’s father smiled.

  I knew he was right. “I feel stupid now.”

  He laughed. “I was just like you. I thought I had to sacrifice everything in my life for God when all he wanted of me was to love him more than anything else on earth, and not let anything get in the way of obedience to him.”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling all emotional. “Thank you for coming to talk to me about all this.”

  “My pleasure, Zach” he smiled.

  “I’m still scared I’m going to let him down somehow. I’m scared I’ll miss out on what he wants to do through me.”

  “God is much bigger than that, Zach. He doesn’t rely on us in our weakness, He knows we’re only human. He wants us to trust in him, not in ourselves, and he’ll give us the strength. He can use our faith, but not our misguided zeal. Just love him and be willing to obey him completely. He’ll do the rest.

  “Man you’re wise. I have so much to learn.”

  “You’ll get there, Zach, he’ll see to that.” He stood up. “You should come and see Joanna when you get the chance. She’d really like to see you again.”

  “Yeah, I know.” The thought of seeing Joanna filled me with so many emotions.

  “Okay.” Joanna’s father slapped my shoulder. “We’ll see you later, then.” He gave a little wave as he went out, closing the door behind him.

  I fell on my bed and buried my face in the pillow. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. “God, I’m sorry I hurt Joanna, I’m sorry I gave her up when you never wanted me to.” God felt so near to me, I could feel his love. “You’re so good to me. Thank you for sending Joanna’s father.”

  I brought all the garbage bags back inside. The posters were ruined but everything else looked okay, including Joanna’s portrait. I was relieved to have it back. It was like having Joanna back again.

  Still feeling all emotional, I headed over to their campsite. Joanna must have been watching for me. She came running down the path and flew into my arms. My heart just broke open. I held her tight, tears welling up in me, I couldn’t even speak. We just held each other.

  “I’m sorry.” I finally managed to say. “I’m so sorry, Joanna. I love you, I never wanna lose you.”

  She smiled up at me through her tears. “I love you too.”

  I felt so happy. It was like the whole world was floating up with me into the bright, blue sky.

  We walked slowly back to her campsite still holding on to each other.

  “I had to swit
ch my heart off when I gave you up. It was like I became stone, but it broke my heart. I really do love you. I will always love you. I realize now how much I need you in my life.”

  “I’m glad you’re willing to give up everything for God, Zach. It shows the kind of man you are. I’m just happy you realized you don’t have to give me up.”

  We reached her campsite and her parents greeted us with big smiles. Her mom seemed especially happy to see me again. We sat with them and they got me to recount my dream and my spiritual experiences. I told them everything and they were amazed.

  “That’s a profound dream you had, Zach.” Joanna’s father sat back in his chair looking thoughtful. “The church today often emphasizes God’s love and minimizes God’s holiness, but as you said in your dream, God hates sin as much as he loves us. God is love, and God is holy. We have to understand his holiness to fully understand his grace, which is why the Old Testament revealed his holiness through the law and his judgments before the New Testament revealed his love and grace through Christ.”

  It felt so good to be in their company again, talking of God and feeling the warmth of their friendship. I’d never felt it like this before.

  “Zach, you know we’re going back home on Saturday, don’t you?” Joanna’s mother asked gently.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “How are you and Joanna planning to continue your relationship after that?”

  “I applied to some colleges in Colorado. Hopefully I’ll get in, but I guess we’ll have to have a long distance relationship until then.”

  Her parents looked surprised. “What will you do at college?”

  “A fine arts degree.”

  “Oh yes, Joanna told me you’re a good artist.”

  “Not just good, he’s amazing,” Joanna said, and I laughed.

  Joanna’s father leaned forward in his chair. “You know, Zach, artistic ability is a gift from God. You can do great art for him.”

  “Yeah, I hadn’t thought of that.”

  “When will you come to Colorado if you do get into college?” Her mom asked.

  “Um, I guess sometime in the fall. When I’m there will I have your permission to date Joanna?”

  Her parents looked at each other.

  Her father nodded. “If you come to Colorado you’ll have our permission to date.”

  “Thank you Daddy!” Joanna hugged her father.

  “Normally I’d be worried about you dating anyone at this age,” Joanna’s mother added, “but we can’t help thinking there’s something special about this relationship. I just hope you don’t ruin it by moving too quickly.”

  “We won’t,” Joanna said, and I agreed.

  After dinner, her mom suggested Joanna and I go for a walk to have some time alone together. We happily took her up on that and headed down to the beach.

  “Your mom is being really nice.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m amazed how well she’s coping with me having a boyfriend.”

  “Your dad is cool about it too.”

  Joanna smiled. “That’s ‘cause he sees himself in you when he was your age.”

  “He said that?”

  “Yeah.”

  We walked along the beach arm in arm. The sun was just beginning to set and the beach was nearly deserted.

  We followed the water line, letting the waves wash over our bare feet. Joanna lifted the bottom of her dress to keep it from getting wet.

  I picked up a stick and wrote our names in the sand with a heart around them. Joanna laughed. She took the stick from me and wrote ‘4ever’ under our names. She stood with the sun setting behind her making a sexy silhouette through her dress.

  I picked up another stick and wrote ‘I love Joanna,’ and she wrote in reply ‘I love Zach,’ the waves erasing our words. We stood in the warm glow of sunset looking into each other’s eyes, and we kissed.

  I took my stick and wrote in the sand ‘Joanna will you marry me?’ She laughed and wrote ‘Yes’ before another wave washed our words away.

  We climbed a sand dune and sat and watched the sun set into the sea. The waves glowed transparent green and we could see fish shaped silhouettes darting along them. I looked at Joanna, her eyes sparkling. She smiled at me and her smile filled my heart. We kissed as the sun melded into the horizon and a cool breeze began to blow.

  “Were you serious when you asked me to marry you?” She searched my eyes.

  “Yes, I meant it, I’d love to marry you as soon as you’re old enough.” The thought of being married to her seemed too good to be true. I couldn’t even imagine anything that good ever happening to me. “I know it seems crazy, we’ve only known each other a short time, but I love you so much, and when I thought I had to give you up it made me realize how much I needed you. I never wanna lose you again. Did you mean it when you said yes?”

  “Yes.” She laughed. “I’ve always known it. I had my doubts sometimes, like when you said you’d never become a Christian, but part of me always knew you were the one for me. You remember I told you that once when you were painting my portrait? I never felt guilty about anything we did because it was like I was doing it with my future husband.”

  “Yeah, I remember. When did you start feeling that way about me?”

  “God must’ve whispered it in my heart when I first met you, and the more we fell in love the more I let myself believe it. Now I know without a doubt. I know you’re the one for me and I’m going to marry you.”

  I smiled. I didn’t know what to make of that—if it was true God had shown her that, or if it was just the fanciful imagination of a young girl in love.

  I stood and offered my hand to help her up as the wind pressed her dress tight against her slender figure. I pulled her to me and we kissed, the wind whipping her hair across her face.

  I combed her hair back with my fingers. “If I married you I’d be the luckiest man. . .”

  She looked at me with such soft eyes. “I love you, Zach. Let’s go to your shack.”

  “Why?”

  “So we can be alone. We’ll do whatever you want.” She looked at me with large eyes. I didn’t know what to say. “My mom did say we could have some time alone together.”

  “I don’t think she meant my bedroom. Besides, it’s a bit of a mess right now.”

  “It wasn’t a mess before?” She laughed.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea, especially after what we’ve been talking about. We could end up making it happen.”

  “Would it be that bad if we did?”

  I looked at her and she was serious.

  “It wouldn’t be bad, but we have to wait.”

  “I know.” She smiled wistfully and looked away. “I don’t know why I said that.” She looked at me again. “How long do we have to wait, though, Zach? It feels like forever.”

  “It won’t be forever. We just have to wait until you’re old enough. Maybe after I move to Colorado—”

  “I’ll be sixteen then. Will that be old enough?”

  “Your mom said we could ruin it if we rush it. It’s worth waiting for.”

  “I know, but we already know we’re meant for each other.” She sighed. “Come on, let’s go get your guitar, I have a new song I want to play for you.”

  We held hands as we walked in the gathering twilight.

  “What’s your new song about?”

  “It’s about you, and about God’s gift of love.”

  “Wouldn’t it be great if we could make music together? We could form a band.”

  “Yeah, I’d love that!”

  “I need to learn the guitar first.”

  “I wanna make majestic music for God. Something powerful and beautiful that speaks of God’s glory.”

  “Wow, that would be awesome.”

  Joanna smiled. “Our life is gonna be so exciting, Zach. I can’t wait.”

  We got to the shack and I went in to get the guitar. Joanna peered through the door.

  “What did you do to your room?”
She pushed the door wide and came in. “Where are all your posters?”

  “I got rid of them when I gave up everything.”

  “Oh.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “What about your art?”

  “I’ve still got that. I managed to salvage it.”

  “That’s good.”

  I felt ashamed of my foolishness. “Come on, let’s go back to your campsite and you can play that song for me.”

  “I don’t wanna sing it in front of my parents, it’s kinda personal. I’ll sing it for you here.” She sat down on my bed with the guitar. “It’s not a real song yet, it’s just in my head, so I don’t know how it’s gonna sound.” She started playing, and after experimenting with a few chords, she started singing in her beautiful voice. It was a love song about me and it made me feel all warm and tingly.

  She stopped playing. “That’s all I got so far. What do you think?”

  “It’s amazing. Thank you.” Man she makes me feel so good.

  Joanna smiled up at me, and I bent down to kiss her. She put the guitar aside and put her arms around me, and I felt the desire rising between us as she lay back, drawing me down with her.

  I broke away from her. “We can’t do this, we’re just torturing ourselves.”

  “I know.” She said with such sadness in her voice.

  “Come on, let’s go.”

  We were both quiet as we walked back to her campsite. Her parents had lit a fire and we joined them around it. Joanna played some worship songs on the guitar, and her parents joined in singing with her. I didn’t know the words so I just listened, but my heart was stirred with praise to God. I started picking up some of the words and joined in where I could. It felt so good to express my love to God for all he’d done and all that he is, worshipping him together under the stars.

  Joanna yawned. “I’m so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

  “You must be exhausted, Sweetie. It’s been such an emotional time for you lately.” Her mom patted her head.

  Joanna said her goodnights giving us each a kiss on the cheek. My eyes followed her to the tent and lingered there after she’d zipped it closed behind her. I couldn’t help thinking about her getting undressed behind those thin canvas walls. The zip suddenly opened again and she came out in a skimpy nightgown that looked almost see-through.