Arousing Love, a teen novel (complete)

by M. H. Strom

  “Okay.” I shrugged. I turned my back to her and listened as she undressed, but I couldn’t resist taking a look over my shoulder.

  “Hey, no peeking!” She laughed, and I laughed too. “Okay, you can turn around now.”

  I turned to look. Her slinky nightgown glistened in the lantern light and I moved closer to see her better. It wasn’t transparent but it was definitely very sexy. I reached out and touched the filmy fabric, my hands gliding easily over her silky curves and down her smooth stomach to the hollow between her legs. We kissed as the light of the lantern threw our entwined shadow against the canvas walls.

  “Zach . . . we can’t keep doing this. It should be all or nothing.”

  “I know, but what can we do? We’re stuck between all and nothing.”

  “I want our first time to be perfect. I want us to both want it and not feel guilty about it afterwards. I want it to be the beginning of our lives together, and to mean the same thing to both of us, that it’s us becoming married and it’s a true commitment before God.”

  “That’s what I want too—”

  Just then the arcing beams of a car’s headlights lit the walls of the tent.

  She gasped, “That’s my parents!”

  The car engine shut off leaving no doubt it was her parents.

  I quickly unzipped the tent and stepped out, zipping it closed behind me to hide a frantic Joanna grabbing up her clothes.

  I heard the car door open and someone coming towards me in the dark. I hoped they hadn’t seen my hasty exit from her tent.

  “Zach? What were you doing in there?” Her father asked. “Joanna, come out here please, right now.”

  “I just got here. She was gonna show me something.”

  “And she had to show it to you in her tent?” Joanna’s father looked at me with a grim expression, at least it seemed grim in this light.

  “Here it is, Zach.” Joanna stepped out of the tent holding the lantern. She’d changed into a t-shirt and shorts. “This is for you,” she said breathlessly, and deposited something in my hand. I looked down at the small jewelry box.

  “What is it?” No need for acting now.

  “Open it.”

  I opened the lid to find two silver rings glinting in the lantern light. “Wedding rings?”

  She laughed and glanced nervously at her parents. “They’re promise rings. One for me and one for you.”

  “Oh.” I looked at her. In the light of the lantern she was noticeably flushed.

  “Here.” She took the box from me and took out one of the rings. “I think this one’s yours.” She handed it to me and put the other ring on her finger. I tried to slide the ring onto my finger.

  “It’s supposed to go on your ring finger.”

  “Which one?”

  She laughed and took the ring from me. “This one.” She held my hand and slid the ring on the right finger. It fitted a little loosely.

  “This is getting so serious.” Joanna’s mother sighed.

  “What’s wrong, Mom? You weren’t worried about it before.”

  “I’m not worried, I’d just like to see things moving a little slower, that’s all.”

  I was feeling so uncomfortable around her parents. I tried to think of a polite way to escape.

  “How was the theater?” Joanna asked

  “It was good. . .”

  While Joanna’s mother was still talking I turned to her father and said quietly, “I think I’ll get going now.”

  He looked at me with surprise. “I thought you just got here, Zach?”

  Joanna’s mother stopped talking and everyone looked at me.

  “Yeah . . . but I wanted to try and finish my painting tonight. It’s bothering me the way I left it.”

  “Can I go with Zach and help him with his painting?” Joanna pleaded. I was amazed at her boldness. I held my breath.

  He looked at his wife. “What do you think?”

  I was shocked he would even consider it.

  “Does Zach even want her there?”

  “Yeah, she could be my muse.” I smiled, but my heart was racing at the thought of it. Talk about inevitable. God, I’m not strong enough to resist this anymore. If they let her come back with me I know we’ll end up going all the way. If you don’t mind us doing it then I’ll take this as a sign. . .

  “Please Mom. . .”

  “I don’t think so, Joanna. It’s not that we don’t trust you, I just don’t trust human nature. We need to be wise and avoid temptation.”

  I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. Joanna looked so sad. I gave her a smile to try and cheer her up, but it didn’t work. Then I had an idea. I turned to her parents.

  “Do you think I could take Joanna out on another date tomorrow night?”

  Her mom readily agreed as if pleased to make up for saying no before. We were all happy as I made my farewells.

  I walked home in the dark thinking about what her mom had said about avoiding temptation. Is sex too strong a temptation even for Christians? I remembered what I’d said to Joanna, that looking at a pretty girl was just an instinct and I couldn’t help it. I remembered Joanna’s father saying sexual desires were just an instinct of our bodies wanting to procreate. We seem to be controlled by our instincts and desires. We try not to give in to them but we can’t be trusted not to, our instincts are too strong. Is sin just our natural instincts working against our morals? I thought after you became a Christian you wouldn’t sin as much anymore, but nothing has changed, the only difference is I have to try a lot harder not to sin, and I have to be careful to stay away from temptation.

  I sighed as I pushed open the door. My self-portrait was still there on its easel but I couldn’t bear to even look at it. I wasn’t in the mood to paint anymore anyway. I fell onto my bed. Christianity is too hard. I can’t keep all the rules and try to be good all the time. I’m already failing. What’s the point in trying anymore? I can’t do it. “I can’t do this God!”

  I saw the Bible sitting beside my bed and picked it up. I’d been reading it a lot lately I was so hungry for the truth. I opened it up and started reading, looking for something that would speak to me, and some words seemed to jump off the page—

  ‘Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.’

  I knew God was speaking to me. But how do I live according to the Spirit? I want to be controlled by the Spirit and not my sinful nature.

  I thought about all the sexual stuff we’d been doing. We’d disobeyed her parents and abused their trust. Her dad even told her off for wearing that nightgown in front of me and I’d made her disobey him by wearing it for me again. Real love would seek the best for the other person and I know the best for her is to wait until she’s old enough.

  I’m sorry I did that with Joanna, God, I love her so much and I wanna do the right thing. I don’t want her to disobey her parents, I don’t want to hurt her. Please God, help me not to give in to my selfish desires. Let me do everything out of love, by your Spirit.

  I felt better, like I’d been released from something I wasn’t even aware of. I looked over at the easel and wondered if it had been guilt holding me back. It’s hard to paint something you don’t like.

  I got up and took another look at my painting. It kind of resembled me but it had no life to it. I studied myself in the mirror and I knew what it needed.

  I got my brushes and set to work painting it again with bolder contrasts, and the painting came to life. I added a background of clouds with a streak of sunlight breaking through. I imagined it being the lig
ht of God’s truth shining down upon me. Behind the figure I painted the ocean, and in the foreground a sandy beach beneath my feet with words written in the sand— ‘Joanna and Zach 4ever’ within a love heart. She’ll love that.

  The waves still needed some work but I could fix them later. I needed to get some sleep.

  Seven

  I awoke early and lay there thinking about our date tonight. I could take her to a performance—I think there’s a string quartet playing somewhere, she’d probably like that. Or we could do something fun like mini golf.

  My alarm went off and I pulled myself out of bed. Another day of work lay ahead of me and I was already tired.

  At around 11am Joanna came into the store. I was busy with another customer and didn’t notice her until she came to the counter with a soda and candy bar.

  “Hi! What are you doing here?” She instantly elevated me from boredom to delight, I was so happy to see her beautiful, smiling face.

  “I was in the neighborhood.” She beamed. “How’s work?”

  “Boring. How’s your day going?”

  “Same. I miss you.”

  Another customer was waiting to be served and Joanna moved out of his way. After he’d left she glanced around. There was no one else in the store.

  “I wanted to tell you about the promise rings. I didn’t wanna give it to you in front of my parents like that. I wanted it to be special.”

  “Yeah, I kinda guessed that. It was a good cover story though.”

  “I wanted us to exchange rings and make promises to each other, like a little ceremony.”

  I could tell this meant a lot to her. “We can still do that if you want. We’ll take them off and give them to each other again.”

  “Okay.” She smiled.

  “We can do it on our date tonight.”

  Her smile faded. “I’m not sure if we’re still going on our date.”

  “Why?”

  “Well . . . after you left last night I had a talk with my mom and I said some dumb things.”

  “Like what?”

  “I asked her what would be so wrong about two people having sex if they were totally committed to each other and totally loved each other and knew having sex made them married in God’s eyes. She kinda freaked about it ‘cause she knew I meant you and me.”

  “What did she say?”

  She mimicked her mom’s voice—“You have to be mature enough to make that kind of commitment and be able to keep it. Bla bla bla. She told me I’m not mature enough to really know myself, and I don’t know you well enough either. Stuff like that.”

  “Hmm.”

  “But I still don’t see why it’s so wrong if you know for sure you’re meant for each other and you both love God and know you’re becoming married in his eyes. She thinks we’re too young but it’s not like older people are any better, they get divorced all the time. They have all these reasons young people should wait as if waiting makes so much difference.”

  “Did you say that to her?”

  “Kind of.”

  “No wonder she freaked out.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “I kind of agree with your mom. You’re still fifteen and that’s pretty young to decide something like that.” I could tell what I was saying wasn’t going over too well with Joanna, she was kind of glaring at me. “I’m not saying you’re not mature enough to make that kind of commitment, I know you’d mean it, and I believe in your love. But we have to make everyone happy, not just us. I don’t want you to disobey your parents. I felt bad about it last night.”

  Her eyes dropped. “I know.” She looked up again. “But you don’t need to be mature to make the right decision if God shows you you’re meant for each other.”

  “You have to be mature enough to cope with marriage though. It’s hard, just look how many people get divorced.”

  “That won’t happen to us. We love each other too much and our commitment is stronger because we believe in God and know we can’t separate what God has joined together. I think it’s better to get married when you’re young and your love is strong instead of waiting ‘til your passion dies and you’re more controlled and sensible and mature and dull and boring and old.”

  I grinned. She tried not to smile but she couldn’t help it and a big grin broke across her face too. My dad came into the store and saw us standing there grinning at each other. He shook his head and started walking away.

  “Hey Dad, can I take my break now?”

  “Ahh guess so.” My dad half smiled. “Go on then.”

  My dad was being nice lately. He must be getting soft in his old age.

  I smiled at Joanna. “Come on, let’s get outta here.”

  We went outside and I took a breath of fresh air. “I can show you my self portrait if you want. I worked on it last night but it’s not finished yet.”

  “Okay.”

  We went to the shack and I showed her the painting still on its easel.

  “What do you think?”

  She studied the painting. “It’s really good.” She looked at me then looked at the painting again. “It’s definitely you.” She tilted her head sideways looking at the heart with our names written in the sand. “Ohhh I love it. Thank you.” She beamed.

  “I need to fix up the waves still.”

  “It doesn’t need it, it looks perfect like this.”

  I looked at it again. “I guess—”

  “So it’s finished?”

  The background looked a little vague but I guess it was impressionistic. “Okay, I’ll sign it and you can have it when it’s dry.”

  “How long does that take?”

  “It should be touch dry by tomorrow.”

  “Well sign it now then, and don’t do anything more to it or it won’t be dry in time before I leave.”

  I hated the reminder that she was leaving so soon. We only had two days left. She was right, I shouldn’t touch it anymore, sometimes I’m too much of a perfectionist. I grabbed a fine tipped brush, dipped it in some paint I had left over on my palette, and signed my name on the bottom right corner.

  “What does the ‘A’ stand for?”

  “That’s my middle initial.”

  “Yeah, what is it?”

  “Something that starts with A.”

  “You’re not gonna tell me?”

  I grinned at her. “Well, what’s your middle name? Actually I already know it.”

  “What is it then?”

  “Joanna Banana of course.”

  She laughed. “I’ll tell you mine for real if you tell me yours.”

  “Alright, what is it?”

  “Rebecca.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “What’s yours?”

  “I can’t tell you, it’s embarrassing.”

  “Tell me or I’ll go ask your dad.”

  “Ha. . .”

  She started heading for the door.

  “Okay, okay, it’s Albert.”

  Joanna tried not to laugh. “Are you joking?”

  “Nope.” I laughed. “Named after Albert Einstein. My parents had high expectations.”

  She laughed. “It’s so cute. I’m gonna call you Zach Albert from now on.”

  “That’s so funny.” I grabbed her around the middle and starting tickling her. She squealed, falling back on the bed, and I pinned her down. “You gonna call me Albert?”

  “Yes.” She giggled.

  I tickled her some more, enjoying her laughter and her squirming body beneath me.

  “Okay.” She gasped. “I won’t call you Albert.”

  I eased off her and she grinned up at me. I bent down and kissed her lips and she immediately returned my kiss. I knew where this was heading. I was already aching for her. I pulled myself away and got up.

  She remained there on the bed looking at me with those big, innocent eyes. She was too beautiful.

  “Hey, is that my portrait? You never showed it to me after you finished it.”

  He
r nude portrait was leaning against the wall.

  “Oh yeah.” I smiled, glad for the distraction. I got it for her and she read aloud—“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. That’s really deep. What does it mean?”

  “It’s from the Bible. I guess it means don’t do anything to make it happen before the right time.” The meaning came as a sudden realization.

  She frowned. “Is that what I’ve been doing with you?”

  “I think we both have.” It was still dawning on me—God must’ve spoken it to me that day.

  She looked down. “I’m sorry, Zach. I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything.”

  “I know that. I love you Joanna, I want the same things you do. We just have to be patient and trust God. Everything will work out, there’ll be a right time for us.”

  She nodded. “I should go. I’ll see you tonight?”

  “Yeah. Hey, you forgot your candy bar.”

  “It’s for you.” She smiled.

  The rest of the day went by slowly. I thought about what Joanna had said to her mom—she’s basically told her she wants to have sex with me. That’s gonna make things awkward. Maybe they won’t let us be alone together anymore—but maybe that’s a good thing, it’s been too intense lately.

  I finished up at 5 o’clock and got ready for our possible date. I borrowed my mom’s car again, drove to the campground and parked behind their car. Joanna and her parents were sitting there talking, and Joanna didn’t look like she was ready for a date. I got out of the car.

  “Zach, come and join us.” Joanna’s mother called.

  Joanna gave me a strange look that warned me something was up. I sat down in the empty chair next to her, and they all just looked at me.

  Joanna’s mother spoke first. “We’ve become increasingly concerned with how serious this relationship has become in such a short amount of time. We’re worried that your strong feelings for each other are leading you to contemplate a physical union.”

  “Huh?”

  “We’re worried you might be thinking of getting married physically.” Joanna’s father restated it for me. He kept his eyes on me waiting for an answer. Everything seemed so serious and formal, like a court case.