Arousing Love, a teen novel (complete)

by M. H. Strom

  “Yeah, it’s the opposite of what Jesus did, he loved the sinners and hung out with them.”

  “That’s right, Zach. Love is the source of true righteousness. It’s a heart transformed by the love of God.”

  “But why is homosexuality a sin if it’s something they’re born with?”

  “All of nature has been corrupted since sin came into the world, Zach, we’re all corrupted in different ways. It’s natural for us to sin just as it’s natural for us to die. We’re born selfish and self centered and proud, but Jesus came to save us from every kind of sin. God let the world go its own way and gave mankind over to their sins, but now that Christ has come he requires all men everywhere to repent and be saved from their sin. Some people judge others for certain sins that disgust them, but every sin grieves God and yet he loves us all and desires everyone to be saved. The sins Jesus was most disgusted by were actually the Pharisee’s with their self righteousness and judgmentalism and hypocrisy. We’re not supposed to judge the world’s sins, we’re supposed to love them by giving them the gospel that set us free.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly with everything he was saying.

  “But why do so many Christians not understand what marriage is? They think it’s just legal marriage, not something spiritual God gave us?” Joanna asked.

  Her father nodded. “A lot of man-made traditions have grown up in the church over the centuries, including the religious wedding ceremony with vows and priests. People started believing the ceremony made you married before God and they lost the understanding of the sexual union and the part it plays in making us one flesh. When it was no longer celebrated as the thing that makes us married it became something shameful and unmentionable in the culture, feared for its passion and power to cause sin. But it is a covenant of flesh made before God, which is why its purity is so important to God. Now, of course, our culture has gone to the other extreme—they’ve separated it from marriage, and procreation, and even from love. Now it’s celebrated in our culture as just a fleshly pleasure. But God made it pleasurable for us as a way of expressing love and enjoying each other physically and intimately as one. God created everything by his love, and in a small reflection of that, this expression of love between a man and woman creates the life of another human being. Love creates. It’s one of the most powerful things we humans do.”

  He paused and looked at Joanna. “I want you to enjoy this beautiful gift in the way he meant for us to enjoy it. You’re growing up so quickly, but instead of being afraid of that I want to help you remain sexually pure and make wise decisions. God has given me the responsibility of looking after you and protecting you, and I’m taking that responsibility seriously.”

  Joanna nodded.

  “These days, most parents entrust their children to the world to go out and find a mate for themselves and be responsible for their own sexual purity, and look what that’s done for us—vulnerable girls putting themselves out there like sexual bait to find love, and boys behaving like sexual predators seeking sex without love or commitment. We live in one of the most sexually impure societies in the world. Our whole culture encourages sexual immorality. I can’t change the culture we live in but I can do what I can for my own daughter.”

  He smiled at Joanna before continuing. “God gave fathers this responsibility but somewhere along the way they gave it up. Now daughters give themselves away, and often cheaply. They don’t honor their fathers, they don’t need their father’s permission to marry, they have permission from the state. There’s still a symbolic nod to the father in the wedding ceremony but he isn’t actually giving his daughter away.”

  He glanced at his wife then looked again at Joanna. “At least if I did let you get married before you’re eighteen I’d still be legally responsible for you and I really would be giving you away, not just pretending to.”

  We were all silent for a moment as we took in what he’d said.

  “I won’t give myself away. I want to honor you,” Joanna said, and her father smiled.

  Joanna’s mother sighed and got up. “I should make us some dinner. Are you staying for dinner, Zach?”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  She started busying herself around the camp stove. “This is the last time I’ll have to cook with this little stove. It’ll be good to get back home again.”

  “I wish we didn’t have to go home.” Joanna said sadly.

  Joanna’s mother smiled sympathetically. “I know, sweetie. Maybe after dinner you and Zach could have a little time alone together.”

  “Really?” Joanna brightened. “Thanks Mom!”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Joanna’s father objected.

  “We could let them go for a little walk couldn’t we?”

  “Please Daddy! We won’t do anything. We’ve learned our lesson, I promise.”

  Joanna’s father pressed his lips together then sighed. “Alright, but just a short walk.”

  After dinner, we excused ourselves and set off for the beach. We wrapped our arms around each other and walked slowly.

  “Joanna, last night I asked God for a sign to show me if I’m supposed to come to Colorado or not. I need God to give me certainty about it, like he’s given you.”

  “What sign?”

  “If I get into college or not. I think it’s likely I’ll get accepted to at least one of them, so God will have to stop it from happening if he doesn’t want me to go.”

  “Okay.”

  I was surprised she was taking it so well. She was being very calm about it.

  “It’s okay, I understand why you need to know for sure. We just have to pray God’s will is done.”

  I smiled, relieved she wasn’t upset.

  We got to the beach and instinctively headed for our little cove around the point. No one else was there. We sat together on the warm sand and watched the big waves coming in. She leaned against me and I put my arm around her. A lone albatrosses floated on the air currents above the point.

  She sighed. “I’m gonna miss this place, and the ocean, and just being here with you like this.”

  “I’ll miss this too.”

  She lifted her head from my shoulder. “I feel like I’ve grown up so much this summer. I was like a child before, but now I’m in love with you and it’s made me look to the future. I’m ready to make decisions for the rest of my life, and I’m not afraid of it.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. I was just drifting before I met you, not sure what I wanted to do with my life, then you came along and changed everything. Now I have hope for us and our future, and hope for what I’ll do for God. It’s exciting. I’m actually excited about the future now.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, it is exciting. My faith was important to me before but it’s like it was always in the background of my life. Now I have something real to believe in—I’m believing in God for you. Ever since I got up on stage to sing my song I feel like that’s what I’m meant to be doing for God. I want to live for him, and serve God together. You’ve given me so much to believe in and so much confidence. Your love gives me courage. . .” She choked up and couldn’t speak for a moment. “It’s going to be so hard when we’re separated, but we have to stay strong for each other. It’s going to be so hard.” Her voice was rough with emotion. “I love you so much.” Tears filled her eyes. “It’s such deep love, it fills all of me.” Her tears overflowed down her cheeks, and I held her against me.

  “I love you, Joanna, with all my heart.” My voice was rough too, my throat tight with the strain from all these intense emotions. I remembered what her father had said about looming separation bringing out such strong emotions.

  “I can’t bear to leave you. I know I won’t be strong enough.” She sobbed into my chest.

  “It’s just for a little while. Come on, let’s not do this. Let’s cry after we’re separated.”

  She lifted her head and wiped at her eyes trying to stop the tears.

  I kissed
her wet cheeks, and her lips. “Don’t cry, everything will work out. We just have to trust in God. He knew we’d meet and fall in love. There’s a purpose for all this, it’s too powerful to be for nothing.”

  “I know.” She smiled through her tears.

  “Come on.” I stood up and helped her up. “Let’s carve our initials on the rocks over there.”

  I led her by the hand to the sandstone cliffs. There were some initials already carved into its face.

  “Look at this.” Joanna ran her fingers over the worn letters within a heart shape. “This must have been their special place too.” She smiled wistfully.

  “Let’s add ours to the stories of the cove.” I picked up a stone and started scraping a ‘Z’ into a smooth part of the rock. She picked up a stone too and started carving a ‘J’ next to mine. We went over them, making them deep enough so they’d last, then I surrounded our initials with a love heart. It was a monument to our love and to this time we’d had here together. It made me feel nostalgic—we were marking it to remember it by and soon the best time of my life would be just a memory.

  The sun was setting filling the cove with a gorgeous yellow glow. Joanna smiled up at me and she looked so radiant, my beautiful golden girl.

  “You’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  She looked up at me with such love in her eyes. “I used to take my beauty for granted but now I know who I’m beautiful for.”

  She leaned up against me and I wrapped my arms around her as we watched the sun set in all its glory. The waves turned translucent as the sun sank behind them. Our last sunset together.

  “Beautiful,” I whispered, trying not to break the serenity of the moment. She turned her face up to mine and I kissed her, gently at first then with growing passion.

  She broke from my lips. “Are we getting too passionate?”

  “No.” I kissed her again. She returned my kiss for a moment then pulled away again.

  “But we can’t do anything sexual. Is this sexual?”

  “Not yet but it’s leading to it. We’ll stop when we get too passionate.”

  “So kissing you like this,” she kissed me gently on my lips, “is okay, but kissing you like this,” she kissed me again, her lips sensually caressing mine for a long time before she broke off, “isn’t allowed?” She stayed there looking into my eyes.

  “Yeah,” I breathed, “that was good . . . I mean . . . yeah.”

  She laughed.

  I grinned. “I think we can still kiss like that as long as we don’t do it too long.”

  She raised her eyebrows and gave me a doubtful look.

  “It would be too sad if we couldn’t kiss like that anymore.”

  She grinned at me, and I leaned in and kissed her lips with lots of tiny kisses.

  She sighed. “Those little kisses get me passionate.”

  I laughed. “Everything we do makes us passionate!”

  She pouted. “Let’s try not to make each other too passionate anymore, there’s no point starting what we can’t finish. It’s only one year then we can do everything.”

  “Yeah, but we’re not betrothed yet.” I pulled her to me and we kissed like it was the last time we’d ever kiss like that again. Finally we broke apart, both of us breathing hard.

  “Maybe we should go back to the campsite before we get ourselves in trouble.”

  “It’s okay, that was our last passionate kiss.”

  “No, this is.” She kissed me again and I could feel the passion rising in me.

  “We’ve gotta stop.” I gently pushed her away.

  “I know.” She smiled wistfully. “The next time we kiss like that will be our wedding night.”

  I smiled at the thought of it.

  “I can’t wait ‘til we’re married, Zach.”

  “We’ll make love all the time.”

  She giggled. “We’ll end up having lots of babies.”

  I laughed. “You’ll be on birth control I hope.”

  “I know, silly, I was just joking.”

  “I wanna enjoy life together for a while before we have any children, and we’ll both have college to get through first.”

  “I’d love to be a mom. I can just imagine a little Zach junior, he’d be so cute.”

  “If we have a girl who looks anything like her mommy she’d be the cutest little girl in the whole world.”

  She smiled. “We should go back. It’s starting to get dark.”

  “I wish we could just stay here all night.”

  “I know.” She sighed. “But we really should go, my parents will be worried about us. This was meant to be a short walk remember.”

  “Yeah.” I sighed. “We don’t wanna lose their last little bit of trust in us.”

  Reluctantly we got to our feet and I casually brushed some sand off her bottom.

  “Zach!” She giggled, and I grinned.

  She took my hand and we slowly walked back.

  Her parents looked visibly relieved to see us, but they didn’t say anything or ask what we’d been up to. I guess they wanted to show they still had some faith in us.

  We sat around the campfire talking late into the night. I didn’t want to leave and they seemed reluctant for me to go, but eventually we all had to get some sleep. I said my goodnights for the last time. When I got home it was already past 1am. I fell into bed, glad I was too tired to think about tomorrow.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  I woke up and looked at the clock. It was already 9am. I jumped out of bed. What if they’ve already left? Would they wait for me?

  I got changed, grabbed the self portrait, and headed over to their campsite. I didn’t need to hurry though, their tents were still there and there was no sign they’d even started packing up yet.

  “Good morning, Zach.” Joanna’s mother was stirring something on the stove. “Have you had breakfast?”

  “No.”

  “Well sit down then, I’m making some oatmeal. Joanna’s taking a shower and her father has gone to see what’s taking her so long.” She smiled at me. “What’s that you’ve got there?”

  “It’s a painting for Joanna.”

  “Can I see?”

  I held it up for her.

  “That’s very good.” She seemed surprised.

  “Thanks.” I smiled.

  I caught sight of Joanna coming back from her shower. She was wearing a light yellow summer dress, and her long hair shone like gold. She saw me and a beautiful smile broke across her face. She danced into the campsite and spun around in front of me making the bottom of her dress float up.

  “Good morning my love.” She gave me a little kiss on the lips. I couldn’t help smiling.

  “What took you so long?” Her mom asked.

  “I was making myself pretty for Zach.” She smiled at me.

  “Where’s your father?” Her mom asked with consternation in her voice.

  “Still in the bathroom,” Joanna said without taking her eyes off me.

  “Well breakfast is ready. You can sit over here, Zach.” I couldn’t take my eyes off Joanna. We were just staring at each other. “Zach?” Joanna’s mother was looking at me with raised eyebrows. “You can sit here,” she repeated.

  “Okay.”

  We took our seats and her mom served us breakfast. Joanna noticed the painting.

  “I have something to give you, too.”

  Her father arrived and sat down at the table with us. “Good morning.” He smiled. “We haven’t got the early start I was hoping for, but I think we’ll still be on our way before midday.”

  “I’ll help you pack up,” I offered.

  “Thanks, Zach. You can help Joanna with her tent.”

  After breakfast, Joanna and I went to her tent. I looked through the doorway expecting the same mess I’d seen last time, but she’d packed most of her things already.

  It felt weird being in her tent again, like it was a forbidden place. I found the air release on her mattress and we
both lay on it to squeeze the air out. We stared at each other as we sank into the deflating mattress, and she kissed me softly on the lips before she got up again. We folded and squashed the mattress until it was completely flat, then I helped her move her bags and stuff out of the tent.

  We worked together to take the tent down, folding it up and stuffing it into the tent bag. When we’d finished, we just stood there looking at each other, not saying anything. Everything felt so weird.

  Her parents’ tent was already down, and her father was busy trying to fit everything into the trunk of their car. Her mom was packing all their cookware. It didn’t look like we had much time.

  Joanna looked into my eyes so intensely. “Promise you won’t forget me?”

  “I won’t forget you.”

  “You’ll write to me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I have this for you.” She handed me an envelope. “It has my address and phone number.”

  “I should give you mine too.”

  “You can write it in my diary.” She dug into her bag and handed me her diary and a pen. I opened it to the last page and wrote down my phone number, address and email, and I also wrote ‘I’ll see you soon. I love you.’

  She read it as I wrote. “I love you too, Zach.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Be strong for both of us, okay? Don’t lose hope. I’ll be praying for you.”

  “I’ll be praying for you too.” The muscles in my jaw ached with all the emotions I was trying to hold in.

  She threw her arms around me and we held each other tight, and then we kissed. It was a long kiss. We didn’t care about the rules, or her parents watching us. I didn’t want to stop kissing her, but finally she let go. “You better not break my heart.” She kissed me again lightly on my lips. I looked around to see her parents standing there, her mom had tears in her eyes and even her father looked a little emotional. He came over and gave me a hug, slapping me on the back.

  “We’re gonna miss you, Zach. We’ll be keeping you in our prayers and hope we’ll see you again soon.”

  I didn’t say anything, just nodded.

  Her mother came and gave me a hug too. “You’re a good boy, Zach. I’m sorry for the things I said before.”