We moved further into the handsome paved streets and finally came to a market. I also saw a sign over a doorway that looked like a tavern.
“Wait,” I called out. Everyone stopped. “We don’t all need to do the shopping and I want a drink. I’ll meet you back at the Echo.”
Galahad was instantly at my side but I stepped away from him, the desire to be alone overwhelming me.
“I don’t think –” he began.
“I do, please. The girls need your protection, I don’t. I’ll be fine. I just need some space,” I told him firmly.
Morgan placed a hand on his arm. “Let him go, brother. He’ll be fine.” She studied me carefully and whatever she saw made her take my side.
I watched her drag Galahad away and Nim was pulled away by Lance. I turned my back on my family and headed for the tavern. I thought I’d have more of an argument on my hands but I guess they were all used to our fathers escaping into drink and coming back calmer for the loss of control.
The tavern welcomed me with familiar smells and atmosphere. It was busy but the patrons were well-heeled, their clothing of fine quality and their bodies washed. I rubbed my beard and wondered if I’d be served. I shouldn’t have worried; I found a tankard of a light ale before me in moments.
“I’ll have another,” I said, before the first touched my lips. The barkeeper didn’t even blink, he just poured more for me while I tackled the first. It went down quickly and easily, the buzz taking the pain away for a moment. I drew in a deep breath and felt some of the tension drain out of my body.
After four tankards I felt better and realised food sat before me. I ate and took in a soft melodious voice coming from the other side of the room. Words described a story, conjuring images for the listeners. I turned toward the speaker, whose eyes were focused on me while he spoke to those around him.
The story ended and coin changed hands. The man moved toward the bar, drawn instantly to my side.
“Hello,” he said with fear etched into his face.
I blinked several times seeking words. I found one. “Torvec.”
He remained out of arm’s reach and I saw the uncertainty in his expression. His pupils were very wide, almost encompassing the dark blue of the irises, and he bit his lower lip.
“How?” I asked.
“I escaped her. I knew what she had planned. I’m here to warn you about the sea and...” His eyes filled with tears. A single drop spilled over his smooth cheek. “I’m too late.”
I turned away, back to the bar and my drink. I held the flagon up and waved it. “Another and a bottle of something that’ll render me unconscious,” I said in the Common tongue.
Torvec took a step closer. “Holt, I’m here to help. I’ve been waiting for you. I just – I don’t expect you to trust me but I can prove myself. I swear I tried to reach you before they found you at sea. I’ve been everywhere...” his voice faded.
“Go away,” I managed.
A soft hand touched mine. “I’m sorry. I’ve failed you. I’ve failed again.”
His tenderness, the gift of compassion in his true bard’s voice caught me and held me still. I couldn’t breathe around the terrible and slow building pain in my chest. I wanted to howl the place down but most of all I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to be held safe against that body that I knew loved me. Loved me in a way Galahad du Lac couldn’t.
I made some noise of distress. Torvec turned me and I didn’t resist, he drew me gently against his body, into his arms and I buried my face against his neck. We stayed like that for a long time. I managed not to sob but I trembled and so did he, we were both in need of comfort and whoever or whatever he was I knew he loved me. Gods, I needed to be loved in that moment.
When I drew back, after a long time, his lips brushed my cheek but I refused the silent request for a kiss.
“How did you know?” I whispered, without raising my eyes.
“I see things others miss. I’m a true bard.”
“It’s not just that though, is it?”
“No.”
“Tell me, before this goes any further.” I finally raised my eyes to his face. He nodded, grabbed the bottle on the bar that I’d ordered and took me by the hand to the stairs at the back of the taproom.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
We walked up and along the hall to a small box room at the back of the tavern. He’d made it his temporary home and I saw familiar items lying about and a new lute.
“You found a replacement,” I said.
“I stole it from the palace. I guess I’ll need to pay Galahad,” Torvec said. He lit a candle, the room’s small window letting in very little light.
“He’ll never notice it’s gone,” I said. “I think he can live without the money. We owe you.”
He sat on the threadbare rug covering the small space between the bed and the wall. I sat on the bed, feeling anything but relaxed.
“Talk,” I ordered.
“I had to leave. I tricked you. I couldn’t live with myself, I couldn’t lie to you any longer. I know you love Galahad.” He stopped and I glanced at him. The pain of my love for the Prince of Albion stood proud on Torvec’s face.
I felt myself soften toward him. “Just tell me what you want me to know, I’ll ask if I think I need more information.”
“Fair enough but I don’t know where to start.”
“What are you, Torvec, because you aren’t fey?” I asked.
He swallowed hard. “You won’t hurt me?”
“Hurt you? Why would I hurt you? Torvec, I’ve been bloody angry with you but so much has happened since we last laid eyes on each other it all feels a bit... insignificant,” I said. “Besides, I’ve never hit anyone for being honest with me.”
“I’m not fey. Not really.” He took a deep breath and muttered something under his breath. “I’ve never told anyone. Only The Lady knows what I am. I’m the last of my species as far as I’m aware. I’m a dragon. A small, shape shifter dragon.”
“Fuck, I was right,” I said. “I thought they were all on Lyonesse, that’s what Lancelot said. He said Balar killed them all.”
Torvec shrugged. “The Lady took me from there when I was so small I can’t remember being anywhere but Albion. She raised me but kept me separate. She trained me.” He picked the frayed ends of the carpet. “She kept me as a slave.”
“But you’re a dragon, you can kill anything,” I said.
He shook his head. “No. No, I can’t. She’s damaged me beyond healing. I can’t turn into the dragon. Not like the wolves can. You saw a glimpse of something but I can’t be that thing for real.”
“What did she do?” My own horrors were forgotten in the place of this revelation. The Lady had always occupied the place of nightmares in my head, ever since I was a child and witnessed the aftermath of her taking Galahad from Lancelot’s arms.
“She smashed my wings the first time I changed. She prevented me from healing them. I managed to change back into this form but I’ve never changed back again, I gave up trying a long time ago.”
“How long ago?”
He stared at me. “Long before Camelot came here, long before Merlin was born, or Aeddan. I am old, Holt. Old like the sun of Albion is old. But I have lived no life except the one she wants. I saw her train your uncle, he was so beautiful to watch from my tower room. I saw her train Galahad. I saw how he suffered for her, but he never knew about me. I was forced to heal him, the way I healed you, but he never saw me. I hated him for that. I hated him for being free but he wasn’t, not really. I hated him and I supposed I loved him, pitied him. I don’t know... It’s all so hard. So difficult.” He rubbed his head as if it pained him.
“There is one thing you have to know,” he said. “I never once lied to you about how I feel. I loved you from the moment I saw you. The Lady wanted me to seduce you but she didn’t think I could or would love you. I will never lie to you about that.”
“I’m not the same man,” I whispered.
; “I know. I can see what happened but you will always be the one I choose. I love you and nothing has changed. You have not changed. One act cannot break you, Holt. You are stronger than that. You won’t let this win.”
“I wish I could believe you,” I said.
He moved with a speed that shocked me and I reached for the knife at my belt. His hand closed over mine on the hilt, the other holding my face, and he knelt before me. “Believe me. This will not win. I have known suffering and you are far stronger than I will ever be, you just need to be loved and protected for a while. Galahad will know that.”
“Galahad doesn’t love me,” I said.
The confusion on Torvec’s face, so close to mine I felt his breath on my lips, made me chuckle. “So, that’s something you didn’t read in me.”
“But I felt it, I felt the two of you. I felt you be lovers. I thought...” he said, clearly mystified. He sat back on his heels, still close enough to hold my hand but far enough away not to scare me.
“I don’t know what you felt or how you felt it and we were lovers, briefly, but he’s not like me, like us,” I said. “How did you feel it? Only a bonding can give someone a sense of that kind of love and we aren’t bonded... Are we?” I asked. My human blood made these things difficult and confusing, my father had taught me that much at least.
Torvec had been staring over my head, working things out, but my question brought him back to me. “Um...”
“Um?” I asked. “That doesn’t sound good, Torvec. What does ‘um...’ mean?”
“You aren’t bonded to me, not in the way you think,” he said.
I felt something in me harden. “But?” I asked.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Torvec,” I snapped.
“I’m a dragon. I don’t know much about what I am but when I learned to read, eventually, I convinced The Lady to give me access to her library when she wasn’t at home. She didn’t like to look at me when she was there but while she was away I devoured everything. That’s where I learned about how to be a bard. I learned to play music.” He looked lovingly at the instrument in the corner of the small room. “But I also learned the little information she had on my kind.”
Torvec stared hard at the ground between us. I touched his face. “What have you done?”
He looked up at me, tears once more proud in his eyes. “I fell in love with you. I am a dragon. We choose one mate for our whole lives. It’s you. For me it’s you. But you love Galahad. I didn’t mean to do it. I really didn’t but that’s how I found you, how I can see what’s wrong, I fell in love with you.” His gaze dropped to the ground again. “I am now a slave to you. I will never be free,” he whispered.
My first response was to laugh; I managed to smother the desire. A flare of rage took hold for a moment but then I considered the small voice he used to talk to me and his pitiful words about how The Lady had hurt him. He’d spoken of some terrible events with such broad strokes I felt my own hurts pale beside his suffering.
“I do love Galahad.” He glanced up at my face, the hurt clear. “But,” I continued. “He does not love me. I cannot understand all you have told me, not in the light of recent events in my life, but...”
I wanted to throw myself into his arms and be held until the pain dissolved and the veil between me and the rest of the world was torn asunder by his commitment to me.
I took a deep breath to calm myself. I must act with my head, not my heart. “But you are here for a reason and we need you.”
He blinked in confusion.
“Torvec, you know The Lady better than anyone else, certainly better than the version she showed Galahad. You are going to be my secret weapon. If it’s true you have run from her.”
“It’s true, Holt. I promise you. I couldn’t leave her before but when I realised I’d fallen properly in love with you, that you are my mate, I found the power to break the spells she’s placed within me and I ran.”
“Your mate?” I asked. “I’m a man, you can’t breed with me.”
He grinned. “I know that. We can fall in love with anything, anyone. It doesn’t have to be another dragon. There is a story of one dragon falling in love with a calf.”
“I don’t think I want to know,” I said, pulling a face.
Torvec chuckled. “It doesn’t end well for the cow.”
We both laughed briefly but I sobered and held his hands tightly. “I need you to understand something. I love Galahad. I can’t tolerate very much contact with anyone right now and I hurt. These are not things which will make our relationship the same as before. Galahad is currently my protector. I have no wish to change that. You lied to me. Made me and my family vulnerable. I cannot forgive you easily but I will bring you into the family and you can prove to us all your worth.”
“I understand,” he whispered.
“Then pack your things. We’ll return to the Echo and I’ll try to smooth things over with Galahad. He won’t take it well,” I warned.
“He is a good man, he will know what to do for the best,” Torvec said.
I grunted, not convinced Galahad would see the positive side of having Torvec return to our lives, but I found the thought of leaving him here too painful to contemplate. Was it because of the strange spell he set on me?
He glanced up at me from where he’d been folding his few clothes. “Yes,” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“The pain you feel about leaving me here is because of the spell and the love I have for you. I’m sorry. It will fade with time if you and I don’t touch too much.”
“Dragons and Salamander are related, aren’t they?” I asked.
He nodded. “They are our fey and lesser form, that’s why I resemble them.”
“My Uncle Lancelot told me about how powerful Salamander can warp what you desire and it almost drove him mad,” I said.
“It won’t be like that. I can hold much of it back. Which I promise I will do.”
“Just pack and we’ll leave,” I said, my grumpiness returning quickly.
“I thought you’d be more angry with me,” he said quietly.
“Oh, I’m angry, Torvec. I’m angry about a fuck of a lot things but screaming at you isn’t going to help and beating you to death wouldn’t make me feel any better in the long run. Of course Galahad might not feel the same way so you might find yourself vulnerable to him. I just want the pain to stop and the best way of dealing with that is to find a way to use you and your knowledge to defeat The Lady,” I said quick and low, trying not to rage at him.
He swallowed hard and nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry.”
“So you keep saying,” I mumbled.
He finished packing in silence and we left his small room. I waited for him to speak to the innkeeper about his sudden departure and for him to collect his small amount of wages. Outside twilight held sway and the traders were packing their wares. I breathed in the cooling air gratefully, hoping it would clear my head of the ale, and we left the tavern behind us, walking back to the Echo.
I felt Torvec’s stride match mine perfectly, his long slim limbs forever graceful and strong. I wondered about his words, all of them and their implications. I walked with a dragon at my side who’d said he’d fallen in love with me and that meant forever. I wasn’t certain I understood or liked any of revelations but I did know one thing. If any man could make me happy after losing Galahad, it was Torvec. I also believed if we had one chance against The Lady of the Lake, it would be with his knowledge combined with the skills the rest of us possessed.
On that quiet walk to the waterfront I made my father’s memory a promise.
I would kill The Lady. I would return Galahad in one piece to The City and I would find a way to give Camelot the leader she deserved.
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The Pendragon Legacy: Sons Of Camelot Book One Page 22