One True Love

by Barbara Freethy

"Are we back to your father?"

  "No, let's just forget the whole thing."

  Silvia shook her head. "You brought it up. Why don't we finish it once and for all?"

  Lisa crossed her arms and leaned against the counter "Okay."

  Silvia set down her spoon. "I fell passionately in love with your father on our first date. He was different from the boys I'd grown up with. He wasn't serious or macho or passionate. He was like a summer breeze, warm, teasing, fun, full of blarney," She smiled at Lisa. "He was a boy, though, not a man, and when I told him I was pregnant, he became terrified. Being a husband and a father was not in his plans. And his parents..." Her face tightened. "His parents wanted so much more for him than me."

  "So he left."

  "No, he married me to give you a name."

  "Which you didn't allow me to take."

  "Because I didn't want him for that," Silvia said proudly.

  "Then he left."

  "The day after you were born," Silvia admitted.

  "He hated me."

  "He loved you."

  "Oh, right. And you think I'm in denial? You're the one who can't see the truth."

  "He couldn't be a father, Lisa, but he wasn't a bad person."

  "You always want to see the best in people. Why can't you see the best in Raymond? The man has a successful business, owns a lovely home, and is mature, caring and kind. Why do you think our marriage is a mistake?"

  "Because he's so much older than you, and because you don't love him."

  "The age difference doesn't matter," Lisa said, grabbing on to the one point she could confidently argue.

  "It wouldn't, of course, if you did love him, and if you were honest with him. I don't believe Raymond knows you at all. When you're with him, you're not Lisa, you're Elisabeth, this woman you've created who is nothing," Silvia said, waving her hand in the air. "You've become a shadow of yourself, no opinions, no joy, no tears. You've turned your back on everything that you were and everything that you could become to be this man's wife."

  "This isn't getting us anywhere," Lisa said, hating the fact that her mother's words had a ring of truth to them.

  "You're so afraid of living, you've simply stopped. You might as well be dead."

  Lisa stared at her mother in shock. "How can you say that?"

  "I say it because I love you, because I've spent almost eight years waiting for you to wake up. I can't wait anymore. Someone has to shake you out of this stupor you've placed yourself in. I want you to be happy, the way you were with Nick."

  "You want me to be with Nick," Lisa argued. "But that isn't possible, and it doesn't have anything to do with me. Nick has a girlfriend. He's involved with someone else."

  Silvia looked taken aback. "He never said anything."

  "He probably didn't feel he needed your permission. We're divorced. We're finished." Lisa grabbed the bag of trash sitting by the door in a desperate move to end the conversation. "I'm taking this outside."

  She opened the kitchen door and walked out onto the back deck. As she turned to go down the stairs to the walkway where Maggie kept the trashcans, she heard a rustle and saw a clash of color. She stopped abruptly, dropping the bag on the ground. "Who's there?"

  Lisa stepped forward and took a better look. She saw what looked to be two people embracing, and her jaw dropped open. "Roxy, is that you?"

  Roxy and the boy jumped apart. "Aunt Lisa. Hi." Roxy straightened her shirt. "What -- what are you doing out here?"

  "Obviously not what you're doing out here."

  "Uh. Well." Roxy looked at the boy, then at Lisa. "I -- we were trying that French kissing thing that you and Uncle Nick were doing. I just wondered what it felt like."

  "Roxy, get in the house."

  "But Aunt Lisa--"

  "Go, now, please." Lisa turned to tell the boy to leave, but he was already hopping over the side fence.

  "I thought you were cool," Roxy protested as they reached the back door. "You're acting just like Mom."

  "Good heavens. How much makeup did you put on?" Lisa asked, getting her first glimpse of Roxy's face in the light.

  "Just a little lipstick and blush."

  "You used more blush than I'd use to paint my house."

  "I look prettier this way and older."

  "Which is exactly why you're going to wash your face," Lisa said pointedly. "You're too young to be wearing that much makeup. In fact, I don't even wear that much makeup. And you should definitely not be sneaking out of the house to kiss boys."

  "I'm thirteen," Roxy said defiantly. "Girls my age can get pregnant."

  "Exactly, and kissing the way you were kissing is not a game, Roxy. It should only be done between two people who care about each other, who are committed to a relationship, and who are a lot older."

  "But you kissed Nick that way this morning, and you're marrying someone else."

  Lisa was shocked into silence as she tried to figure out how to answer that statement. The screen door opened, and Silvia stepped out on the porch.

  "You kissed Nick?" Silvia asked, obviously eavesdropping.

  "She did," Roxy said, eager to turn the attention on Lisa. "And it was a long one."

  "It was not," Lisa protested, feeling as if she were suddenly the guilty party.

  "They had their mouths open," Roxy added.

  Lisa sent her niece a dark look. "That's enough."

  "I thought you were finished with each other," Silvia commented. "Done, over, divorced. Isn't that what you said?"

  "This isn't about me. It's about Roxy. You are not to go out of this house again until your mother comes home, or unless I'm with you," Lisa said firmly. "Understood?"

  "Fine. But when is Mom coming home? I thought she was supposed to be back by now."

  "Your mother called," Silvia said. "She said she'd probably see you tomorrow or the next day."

  "The next day?" Lisa asked, jumping on her mother's vague comment. "I have to go back to work. Did she say where she was? Did she leave a number?"

  "No, she seemed in a hurry." Silvia turned to Roxy. "Why don't you go inside and wash your hands? We're about ready to eat."

  "Okay." Roxy hesitated at the door, her face losing its bravado for one vulnerable moment. "Do you think Mom's all right, Aunt Lisa?"

  "Of course. She's fine. She just needs a break. When she comes back, she'll be rested and full of energy and more than capable of keeping you out of trouble."

  Roxy smiled and entered the house, leaving Lisa alone with Silvia.

  "Don't even start with me about kissing Nick," she warned her mother.

  Silvia smiled knowingly. "I wouldn't dream of asking you about such a personal matter. Listen, when Maggie called she was at the airport. I don't think she's coming home any time soon."

  "The airport? I can't believe this." Lisa shook her head in bewilderment. "Has the whole world gone mad?"

  "Sometimes it seems that way, doesn't it? Maggie also said to tell you that her cell phone battery is dying and she doesn't have her charger, so she'll have to call you back."

  "Great."

  "Oh, and Raymond called. He wants you to phone him as soon as possible."

  Lisa sighed, feeling exhausted. "I can't do this. Mom. I just can't do it all."

  Silvia put her arms around Lisa and pulled her close, the way she'd done when Lisa was a child. Lisa returned the hug. She loved her mother, even though they rarely agreed on anything else.

  "I'm sorry," Lisa murmured. "I know you're trying to help, that you want what's best for me."

  "I do," Silvia said as they broke apart. "You're my baby. I know you've always felt a little lost without a father. Sometimes I thought about marrying someone else just so you could have a dad. But I couldn't do it. I believed that marriage was sacred, and I still do."

  "Your marriage didn't last a year. Mother. And you were left with a baby. I hardly think anyone would have minded if you'd found someone else."

  "I would have minded. I took a vow. I kept it
."

  "The man didn't love you. Why should you deny yourself the chance to be happy with someone else?"

  "I loved him, and regardless of his feelings for me, my love was true. It was sacred. I believe in one man, one woman, Lisa. That's why I believe in you and Nick."

  "Mom." Lisa shook her head, feeling Silvia's powerful words stir her emotions, knowing she was nowhere near as strong as her mother. "Even if I don't marry Raymond, I can't be with Nick. He would want children. He would believe that somehow we could re-create what we had lost, that we could end up happily ever after. How could I go through that again? I couldn't survive a second time."

  "Who's to say you wouldn't end up happily ever after? That you couldn't have another child?"

  "Me, I guess."

  Silvia stared at her for a long moment, her eyes kind but sad. "Do you still love him, Lisa?"

  "Does she still love who?" Nick asked, as he walked out of the house.

  Chapter Fourteen

  "Raymond," Lisa said swiftly. "She wants to know if I love the man I'm going to marry, and of course the answer is yes. By the way, your girlfriend is lovely. How long have you been together?"

  Nick's smile didn't reach his eyes. "Long enough. She is pretty, isn't she?" He looked her straight in the eye. "And loyal, too."

  Lisa swallowed hard. "She sounds perfect. What does she do for a living, save the world?"

  "Not quite. Suzanne owns a retail store that specializes in clothing for infants and toddlers. It's very successful."

  Lisa's body tightened with sudden, unreasonable tension. "Babies! That's just great. Is she part of your 'face your fear' strategy? Maybe you should just have another baby and attack it head-on. Maybe two or three, to fill up all those cribs in your storeroom."

  "Maybe I should," he said through tight lips. "I haven't ruled it out, I'm not afraid of trying again."

  "No, you're just--" Good grief, she couldn't even think of what he was. She just knew she hated the idea of Nick and another baby -- and another woman. It seemed unthinkable.

  "I'm just what, Lisa? Living in the real world? Some of us do that, you know."

  "So, are you serious about her?"

  "I might be." Nick crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What's it to you?"

  Lisa glanced over at her mother, suddenly aware that Silvia had heard their entire conversation.

  "What is it to you, Lisa?" Silvia asked pointedly.

  "It's nothing to me. I was just making conversation."

  The screen door opened, and Roxy stuck her head out. "Grandma Silvia, the oven timer went off, and Aunt Carmela is chanting something weird over a candle."

  "Oh, dear. I'll be right there." Silvia moved toward the door, then looked at Nick. "Carmela is very worried about the anniversary of Robin's death. Perhaps you can convince Lisa to stay, Nick. It would be nice to have both of you this year."

  Lisa's jaw dropped open once again as Silvia left to tend to dinner. "You've done the celebration before?"

  "Someone had to," he said with a shrug.

  "You don't believe in those customs."

  "Your mother and your great-aunt do, and they both loved Robin. I figured it couldn't hurt. Maggie came last year, and Roxy. We thought Dylan and Mary Bea were a little young to hear your great-aunt's stories, but I've taken them by the cemetery a few times, and we've put flowers on Robin's grave. She is their cousin, after all." Nick leaned against the side of the house. "Have you ever gone to the cemetery, Lisa?"

  She hesitated for a long moment. "Yes."

  Something flashed in his eyes. "The violets. You left her the violets." He nodded as he smiled to himself. "I found them by the headstone, the day after Mary Bea was born. Did you talk to her, Lisa? Did you say her name out loud?"

  His words came softly on the breeze, accompanied by the sound of the wind chimes hanging over the deck. Here in the shadowy darkness, it seemed easier to answer Nick's questions.

  "I don't think she's interested in anything I have to say. I'm the one who let her down."

  "I thought that was me."

  "Maybe it was both of us."

  "Or maybe she just died through no fault of ours. Somehow you just can't accept that. You have to blame someone."

  "This is pointless. I'm going inside to help my mother with dinner." Lisa tried to walk past him into the house, but he grabbed her arm.

  "Not so fast. We have some unfinished business."

  She looked at him in surprise. "I can't imagine what that is."

  "This." Nick leaned over and covered her mouth with his, kissing her this time with a passion she found just as compelling as the tenderness he had exhibited earlier. In a way, it was easier to handle, because this kiss was more like a fight, and she knew how to fight with Nick. It was the love without the hate that she couldn't come to terms with.

  Nick finally set her free, but the expression on his face still held her captive. "How can you kiss me like that -- and marry someone else?"

  How could she? Lisa felt an immediate wave of shame and guilt. "I never should have come here."

  "That's not an answer."

  Lisa threw her hands in the air. "I had everything figured out, Nick. I knew what I wanted. I had what I wanted. Now it's all messed up."

  "My fault, I'm sure."

  "Partly, yes." She hesitated. "I saw the way Suzanne looked at you. She wants you. And Raymond wants me. We're both moving on. That's the way it should be."

  "What if I can't stop thinking about you? What if I call your name when I'm making love to Suzanne?"

  Her stomach clenched as she remembered all the times Nick had cried her name, with passion, with joy, with lust, with tenderness. "Don't do this, Nick."

  "Here's an idea. You and me -- one night together, just to see if there's anything left."

  "You can't be serious."

  "Are you afraid?"

  "Of course not." But she couldn't stop a shiver at the thought. Nor could she bring herself to look into his eyes.

  Nick cupped her face with his hands, making her look at him. "One night, Lisa. Remember how you used to scream my name and tangle your hands in my hair when I kissed your breasts?"

  She shook her head in denial.

  "Remember that night when I started with your toes and worked my way up every gorgeous inch of your body?" Desire gleamed in his eyes. "You were so hot by the time we were through, I thought you'd set the bed on fire."

  She shook her head again, not wanting to remember, even though she felt that same fire now, burning its way through her body.

  "You were so willing to make love anywhere, on the kitchen table, the porch swing in front of our house at two o'clock in the morning, the living room couch."

  "Now, that is not true," Lisa interrupted. "I only went along, because you persuaded me."

  He laughed. "And you liked the persuasion. Admit it."

  She knew she was in danger of losing herself in his eyes, in his voice, in his arms. It had always been that way with him. From their first date she'd been swept off her feet. She hadn't come back to earth until the day of the funeral.

  She pushed him away from her. "I am not interested in one night of anything with you, Nick. I'm engaged to be married to a great guy, and I certainly don't intend to cheat on him with my ex-husband."

  Nick shrugged. "Whether you sleep with me now or not makes little difference. I still will have had you first."

  "My God, you're arrogant."

  "Thank you."

  "That wasn't a compliment. And don't forget I had you first, too. At least, I was the first important one," she said defiantly. "That's what you always said."

  "And I told the truth," he said, meeting her gaze. "I haven't forgotten anything, Lisa. Unlike you, I remember every detail of our life, but then I don't live in denial." He paused. "Are you and Raymond going to have children?"

  She hesitated, knowing she was about to give him more ammunition, but she refused to lie. "No."

  "Why not?"

/>   "I don't want more children."

  "Because you're afraid."

  "I'm a mature, sensible woman who does not need to risk losing her mind again over a baby. I've been there, and I've done that. If you're so hot on kids, why don't you marry Suzanne and have your own brood?''

  "Maybe I will," he said flatly.

  "I hope you do," knowing that this time she was telling a lie.

  "Just tell me one thing, Lisa. If this Raymond is the perfect guy for you, why haven't you sent out your wedding invitations?"

  "I haven't had a chance, but I will."

  "Are you sure about that?"

  "Absolutely."

  * * *

  Later that night, Lisa checked on the kids. Roxy was sitting in bed, reading a teen magazine, which she quickly tossed on the floor when Lisa entered the room.

  "I was just getting ready to turn off the light," Roxy said.

  Lisa smiled. With Roxy's face cleanly washed, she looked like a girl again instead of a hooker. Lisa sat down on the bed. "It's pretty tough growing up, isn't it?"

  Roxy pushed her hair behind her ear, somewhat self-consciously. "I wish I was prettier, like you."

  "Me?" Lisa laughed as she sat down on the bed. "Good heavens, Roxy. When I was your age, I thought I was the ugliest thing alive."

  "No way."

  "Yes way. I had no confidence. I thought my family was nuts."

  Roxy grinned. "Mine is, too."

  "Your mother doesn't hold séances on the weekend."

  "That's so cool, though."

  "It wasn't to me. I was afraid my friends would find out, that they would think I was strange. I never brought anyone home from school. I never told anyone about my family. Sometimes, I'd even lie and say my father was a traveling salesman or in the marines, just so I wouldn't have to admit that he was gone."

  Roxy's expression darkened as she plucked at the bedspread with her fingers. "I miss my dad." She looked up at Lisa. "Why did he have to die? Why did it have to happen to me? Other kids have two parents. It's not fair."

  "It sure isn't. My dad left when I was just a baby. I never even knew him."

  "Why did he leave?"

  Lisa thought about all the explanations she'd heard, including the most recent one provided by her mother. Deep down she knew there was really only one answer. "I guess he didn't love us enough to stay. But my father had a choice, Roxy. Your dad didn't. It was just his time. He's looking down on you from heaven right now. In fact, ever since I found you with that boy, I've heard your father's voice whispering in my ear to protect his beautiful daughter from all those eager boys."