One True Love

by Barbara Freethy

  "Where are you going?" he asked, suddenly realizing she was once again making the decision to leave without bothering to consult him.

  "We should go back to Maggie's." Lisa zipped up her jeans and refastened her bra.

  He could hear the distance in her voice, and he didn't like it. "What's your rush? Maggie isn't there. My parents are probably still asleep."

  "Exactly. I'd rather not see them until I've had a chance to change and shower." She carefully avoided his gaze. "Where's my shirt?"

  "You're that eager to wash me off? Last night you couldn't get enough of me. More, more, more, you begged."

  She did look at him then, fire bursting out of her blue eyes. "Last night was a mistake."

  Nick jumped out of bed, uncaring of the fact that he was buck naked. He grabbed her with both hands. "Don't you dare call last night a mistake!"

  "It was just sex, Nick."

  "We made love, Lisa. You can't deny that no matter how much you want to."

  "I'm engaged," she cried, the anger in her eyes turning into hopelessness. "Don't you understand? I feel like a cheater. I am a cheater. How can I go to Raymond now?"

  "You don't have to go to Raymond. You can stay here with me."

  "And do what? My business, my home, my life is in L.A. I had everything planned out. And it was working so well. I never should have come here."

  "But you did." He couldn't help but give her a little shake, if only to make her stop lying to herself. "Things changed, Lisa. The past few days proved that we are just as good together as we always were."

  "In bed maybe."

  "And everywhere else. At the hospital, with the kids, at the beach -- you're a fool if you can't see that. We were meant to be together. I was supposed to be your destiny -- not Raymond."

  Lisa took a deep breath. "I'd like to go back to Maggie's house now. Will you take me? Otherwise, I'll call myself a cab."

  "You don't have any money."

  "I'll borrow some from your parents when I get there." She slipped out of his grasp and tossed him his pants, then reached for her shirt.

  Nick slipped on his jeans. "Then what? You pack your bags and head back to L.A. -- to Raymond? What about Maggie? What about the kids?" What about me?

  Lisa pulled her hair up in a ponytail and fastened it with a rubber band she found on the desk. He'd seen her do the simple movement a thousand times, but now it seemed sad, bittersweet. He'd thought he'd found her again last night. But once again, she was leaving, choosing a life without him in it.

  Lisa finally turned and looked at him, and for a brief second he felt a glimmer of hope. She was fighting herself, he realized, as much as she was fighting him.

  "I'm not running away this time, Nick. I'll do whatever it takes to find Maggie and bring her home. But I can't..." her voice faltered. "I can't be with you."

  "Why not? Just answer the damn question honestly for a change, and don't give me this bullshit about loving Raymond, because you and I both know it isn't true."

  Lisa didn't say anything for a long moment. Finally, she spoke. "I love you, Nick."

  His heart pounded against his chest so loudly that he wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. "You what?"

  She sighed. "You're going to make me say it again? Fine. I love you. I admit it." She took a breath and let it out. "I probably never stopped loving you."

  "Then why leave?"

  "Because you scare me. You ask so much of me. You want to take over my life -- a life that took me a long time to build after I left you. I can't go back to where we were. I can't be the woman I was."

  "I don't want that woman."

  "Yes, you do."

  "No, I don't," he said more strongly, realizing the truth for the first time. "That woman was young and insecure and needed constant reassurance. She didn't know what she wanted and had no clue how to go about finding her dream. Worst of all, she ran away when things got tough."

  Lisa looked down at the floor, not bothering to deny anything he said.

  "And I know you don't want that man, either, the one who drank all the time, the one who dreamed big dreams but never did anything to achieve them, the one who failed you when you needed him the most."

  Her gaze flew to his. "Nick --"

  "We're not those people anymore, Lisa. We grew up. We matured, thank God." He looked her in the eye. "I don't want to go back, either. I want to go forward. But you're right. I do want everything with you, a marriage -- and children."

  Her quick intake of breath was followed by an immediate shake of her head. "No, never. I couldn't."

  "It would be the ultimate gamble for both of us," he said fiercely, trying to make her understand. "But at least we'd be living. Aren't you tired of pretending to be happy? Because I know I am. I want another baby, Lisa. I want to feel that small head tucked under my chin, the fine baby hair tickling my lips. I want to smell that baby smell. I want to feel those little arms around my neck. I want to hear the little burp and the giggle. I want to--"

  "Stop! You're breaking my heart." She wiped the back of her hand against the corner of her eye. "Don't you think I've thought about all that? It always ends up the same way, with us alone, with our arms empty." She held out her hands to demonstrate the point.

  He sucked in a gasp of air, because his chest suddenly felt so tight he could hardly breathe. Watching Lisa hold nothing in her arms but air and painful memories was almost too much to bear.

  "Sometimes I find myself doing this," she whispered as a tear streaked down her cheek. "And I can almost see Robin, her bright blue eyes, the little dimple in her chin, her mouth just starting to pout." Lisa looked down at her arms. "I can almost see her now. But she's not there, Nick. She'll never be there. And now you want me to have another child?"

  "Yes," he said firmly. "I want to put another child in your arms. And then another and another, until our lives and our hearts are full."

  "And we forget..."

  "No, we could never forget Robin." He took her hands and put them on his waist. "Hold me, Lisa. Let's start there. We've been given another chance. We have to take it."

  "You ask too much, Nick. Maybe if it was just you -- but a baby. If my choice is all or nothing, I have to pick nothing."

  He let out a frustrated breath. "Damn, you're stubborn."

  "So are you. It has to be your way or no way."

  "No, I think that's your line." He pushed her away. "Fine." He grabbed his shirt and finished dressing while she did the same. He knew she wanted to leave without any further conversation, but he had one last thing to say before she left him.

  "Lisa?"

  "What?" she asked wearily, pausing at the bottom of the steps. "Haven't you said everything there is to say?"

  "No, I haven't." He looked her straight in the eye. "You're still a coward. We could have it all, but you're so damn afraid of losing that you won't even get into the game."

  "We lost before, Nick. What makes you so sure we'd win this time?"

  "Because this time, I wouldn't quit, and you wouldn't either. You've made a success of your life. I've made a success of mine. We'd be equal partners this time around, and we wouldn't let life play us like a couple of suckers. We'd fight back, and we'd win."

  "I wish I had your confidence, your courage."

  "I wish you did, too." He picked up his keys. "I'll drive you back to Maggie's so you can start forgetting last night ever happened."

  * * *

  They drove home in deafening silence. When they arrived at the house, they found deafening chaos.

  Bill, Kathy, Silvia and Carmela were standing in the living room, all four talking at once. In fact, they seemed to be arguing.

  "What's going on?" Lisa asked.

  The four stopped talking, looking from one to the other. Lisa glanced at Nick. Suddenly they were back on the same side. He stepped up next to her.

  "Okay, you look guilty as hell," he said. "Somebody talk. Mother?"

  "I spoke to Maggie," Kathy said.

&nb
sp; "That's great," Lisa said. "Where is she?"

  "She's on her way to Santa Barbara," Silvia interjected. "To find Keith, she says."

  "Keith is dead," Nick said forcefully, as if he could make it true simply by sheer will.

  "There is a man. He looks like Keith," Carmela offered in her dark tones. "And another man, a stranger. You must go to her, Lisa. She will need you."

  Lisa hated to believe anything Carmela said, but how could she doubt the possibility that something was terribly wrong? Maggie had obviously gone off the deep end. and she needed help regardless of whether or not Keith was alive.

  "You have to find her," Kathy said to Nick. "Both of you. I'm worried. She didn't sound like herself, and when I asked her to come home, she said no." Her eyes crinkled with worry.

  "There, there now, honey," Bill said, slipping an arm around his wife's shoulders. "Maggie is a grown woman."

  "She's confused and scared,"

  "Did she sound scared?" Lisa asked.

  Kathy hesitated. "Well, maybe not scared. Actually, she sounded determined, angry. She practically bit my head off when I asked her a question. I didn't even get a chance to tell her about Mary Bea before she hung up on me." Kathy turned to Bill. "My own daughter hung up on me."

  He gave her a quick hug. "She wasn't herself, Kathy. You know that."

  "I can drive up to Santa Barbara," Nick said slowly. "Do you know where she is specifically?"

  "The Miramar Beach Inn," Kathy replied. "She didn't want to tell me, but I told her I simply had to have a number for her."

  "I'm on my way," Nick said.

  Lisa wasn't surprised at his quick response. Nick was the hero, the dragon slayer. He'd risk anything for his family.

  "Lisa, you will go with Nick," Silvia said firmly.

  "What about the children?"

  "Bill and I will stay with the children," Kathy said.

  Lisa looked at Nick. "Do you want me to go with you?" After this morning's scene, she wasn't sure he wanted to spend another minute with her, much less a four-hour drive in the car.

  "It's up to you," he said tersely.

  "Then I'll come. If Maggie is in trouble, I want to help."

  "By the way, where have you two been all night?" Kathy asked with a gleam in her eyes. "And why did you sneak out without telling us where you were going?"

  "Mom, I'm a grown man, I don't have to tell you where I spend my nights anymore," Nick replied.

  "And I'm a grown woman," Lisa said, cutting off her mother before Silvia could say a word. "So don't even think of asking me the same question."

  Silvia smiled. "I don't have to ask. I know exactly where you were -- where you were meant to be."

  * * *

  Maggie stretched out her legs in the cramped front seat of their compact rental car. After an incredible night of passion, they'd rented a car and headed south to Santa Barbara. The adventure continued.

  Jeremy glanced at her and smiled, a warm, knowing smile, the kind a man gives a woman he's made love to. They'd done things that made her blush now. Things she'd never known were possible. Jeremy was an inventive lover. But then he was a fantasy. In a few hours, he'd be history.

  Unless, of course, their wild-goose chase went in another direction and they were forced to hop a plane for Barbados or something crazy like that. Not that she could do that. She'd left her children for far too long. And as her mother had reminded her a few hours earlier, she was not a kid. She couldn't just run away from her life.

  Her little escape was almost over. And she did miss her kids. She loved them more than anything; they were her life. But when this adventure was over, she would miss Jeremy. She couldn't imagine never seeing him again, never touching him or tasting his lips. It was more than just physical attraction; she felt a strong connection to him both mentally and emotionally. In other words, she'd gone and fallen head over heels in love with a man she'd probably never see again after today.

  "What's wrong?" Jeremy asked.

  He read her mind so easily. "Nothing."

  "Thinking about saying good-bye, aren't you?"

  "You have to get back to work. I have to get back to reality."

  He didn't say anything for a long minute. "What if I asked you to stay in Los Angeles? What would you say?"

  She gave him a sad smile. "No."

  "That's it?"

  "Yes. I mean, no. I mean that's it," she said, rambling on nervously. "I have other commitments."

  "I see." His clipped answer left them sitting in awkward silence.

  Tell him, a little voice inside ordered her. Tell him about the kids and the dog and the carpools and the baseball games and the hormone-driven teenagers hanging around your house. No, she couldn't. Not yet. Maybe never. She wanted to leave with the fantasy intact. She didn't want to see the desire in his eyes replaced by disappointment, by rejection.

  Jeremy pulled off the freeway as they entered the city of Santa Barbara. He seemed to know the streets and headed toward the beach without asking for directions or checking the map the rental car agency had given them.

  "Have you been here before?" she asked.

  "Many times."

  Silence fell between them again.

  "It's him," Jeremy said finally. "You still want him."

  "Keith?"

  "Of course, Keith, the man we've been chasing all over hell and back."

  Did she want Keith back?

  For some reason the question didn't seem to have an easy answer any more. Keith had been her husband. He was the father of her children. But Keith had gone to such elaborate lengths to disappear; she doubted he had any intention of returning to their life. And even if she could convince him to do that, would she want to? If he didn't love her the way she loved him... if he could lie and cheat, then he wasn't the man she'd loved. She deserved more, she thought, and for the first time she actually believed it. But then there were the children...

  "You haven't answered my question, Maggie," Jeremy reminded her.

  "It's complicated," she said.

  "You either want him back or you don't."

  "All I want right now are answers," Maggie replied.

  Jeremy turned a corner and pulled to an abrupt stop in front of the Miramar Beach Inn. "Then let's get some."

  Maggie took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Jeremy came around to her side, and they entered the lobby together. Jeremy walked directly to the courtesy phone in the lobby and dialed Serena's room. Maggie held her breath, hoping the story they'd plotted on the way down the coast would work.

  "Serena, it's Jeremy." His eyes lit up with excitement as he looked at Maggie and mouthed the words it's her. "I brought your things because Wanda had something to do. What room are you in?" He listened for a moment, then nodded. "406. I'll see you in a few minutes." He hung up the phone and turned to Maggie. "Got it."

  "Oh, my God. It's finally going to happen isn't it? I'm going to see my husband. I don't know if I can do it."

  "Yes, you can. Whatever happens, I'll be right behind you."

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Nick pulled up in front of the Miramar Beach Inn and turned off the ignition. Lisa let out a sigh of relief that the long, tense, silent drive was over. She'd tried to sleep but couldn't. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Nick and remembered every excruciatingly wonderful detail of their lovemaking the night before. The first time had been passionate and stormy and rushed, years of pent-up desire driving them on in a fast fury. The second time had been tender and loving, between two longtime friends who'd found each other again, and the third time had been an adventure, a discovery, a way of making love they'd never shared before.

  Three times. She'd made love with him three times. If the night had been any longer, it probably would have been four. How could she go back to L.A. and marry Raymond? How could she stay in San Diego with Nick? Two impossible choices.

  "Are you getting out?" Nick demanded impatiently, his door already open. "We're here, in case you hadn't
noticed."

  "I'm waiting for my stomach to catch up with us," Lisa said sharply. "It's back on that last curve you took at a hundred miles an hour."

  Nick shrugged off her sarcasm. "You never used to be such a wimp in the car."

  "You never used to drive like you were on the last lap at the Indy 500."

  "I just want to find Maggie. Are you coming or not?"

  "I'm coming." Lisa stepped out of the car and took a moment to stretch. Across the street was a long expanse of beach, the waves breaking just a few hundred yards away. It was a beautiful spring day, blue sky, blue ocean, children laughing, birds singing. Birds! She looked around somewhat warily, but there was no sign of a robin.

  "Lisa, let's go," Nick said impatiently.

  She followed him across the parking lot and through the double doors that led into the lobby of the hotel. Of Spanish-style design, the floors were tiled, the walls covered with stucco. There were plants everywhere in the atrium-like lobby, and a fountain in the middle of the building sent up a spume of mist with its bubbling stream of water.

  Nick walked over to the registration desk and had a brief conversation with the clerk. When he returned, his face was grim. "She's not registered," he said in disgust, planting his hands on his hips.

  "She has to be here. She left hours ago. What about that woman she's chasing, Serena something?"

  "They're not going to give me a room number even if I have a name. Dammit."

  She was still trying to think of what to do next when a bird flew into the open-air lobby and lit on the edge of the fountain, chirping impatiently. "That is not a--" she breathed.

  "Looks like a robin to me."

  She exchanged a long look with Nick. "It doesn't mean anything."

  "Just because you don't believe in magic doesn't mean it doesn't exist." He straightened, a new energy coming into his eyes. "I'm going to find my sister."

  "How?" she asked, as he took off toward the elevators.

  "I have no idea, but I'm not leaving until I've knocked on every door."

  * * *

  "You're stalling," Jeremy said, watching Maggie with his dark, piercing eyes as they stood in the hallway. "Serena is on the other side of this door. All you have to do is knock."