Once and Future Wife

by David Burnett

  “Alexis, we’ve talked about this. Your father and I haven’t exactly had a friendly relationship. Emma bridged the gap between us, but we’re not friends, more like enemies who declared a truce…Why would he ask me to care for her?”

  “Maybe…maybe Dad wants more than a truce.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Maybe he wants a treaty of peace.”

  “But he’s never said…”

  “Look, Jennie, Dad’s never going to walk up to you and say ‘let’s be friends’. You are unhappy about the past. He is too. I’d guess he’s thinking that Louisa can sort of give the two of you something in common until you feel comfortable enough to talk.”

  “I suppose you might be right.”

  “You know he could really use a girlfriend.”

  “A what? A girlfriend?” Jennie almost dropped the phone. Surely Alexis wasn’t suggesting…

  “No, no not a girlfriend.” Alexis chuckled. “A girl friend, meaning a friend who is a girl—a woman. Someone to talk with. Not all guys need one, but I think Dad does.” She sighed. “He hasn’t had anyone since Emma died, and they were friends for a long time before they even went on a date. He needs that.”

  Neither spoke for a moment.

  “It’s just one day, Jennie, and Dad will be in class. It’s just one dinner. I’ll keep Louisa when you go to dinner. If things don’t go well, he’ll not call again. If they do, then, well, the baby won’t interfere with…whatever the two of you decide to do.”

  Jennie could imagine Alexis’s smirk. “Not funny, daughter, not funny at all.”

  ***

  Jennie talked with Kara on Monday morning before school. She smiled as Jennie described Thomas’s call.

  “You said no? Are you crazy? You’ve been waiting for an invitation like this.”

  “I certainly have not…”

  Kara placed one hand on her hip and used the other to wag her finger at Jennie. “Now, Jennie, you might be able to fool yourself, but you can’t fool me. Have you forgotten that you were once married to the man? If you met him today for the first time, bumped into him on the Square, would you want to get to know him better?”

  “Yes, of course, but…”

  “Then what is your problem?” She drew the words out for emphasis. “It’s a single day, and you’re not even spending it with him. You’re with the baby. It’s one dinner. When I was single I’d go out to dinner, once, with almost any man old enough to shave. Dinner is not a commitment.”

  Jennie nodded. “That’s what Alexis said…I’ll think about it.”

  Kara rolled her eyes. “What’s there to think about? Grab the opportunity before it disappears. I mean, if you can’t help him out, maybe the spider lady will.”

  “Cecelia Cross?” Jennie made a face. “If he would stoop that low, maybe I don’t want him.” She laughed. “Fine…We’ll see.”

  ***

  That afternoon, Jennie repeated her story to Dr. Wilson, her therapist.

  “I know you won’t tell me what to do, but do you have any thoughts?”

  Dr. Wilson studied her for a moment. “What are you afraid of?”

  “Afraid? I’m not afraid. I’m…I’m just…undecided.”

  “Right. Years ago, when you went to court, I asked if you wanted to have a relationship with your daughters or with your family. Your protests then that you had no interest in Thomas rang false. They still do.”

  Jennie looked down at her hands, clasped tightly together in her lap. She nodded.

  “You’re right. I am afraid,” she said in a quiet voice. “Thomas and I were in love before, and I tripped out. I’m afraid I’ll do the same thing again. Think about it. I couldn’t stay with Thomas. I ran away from Jeff. I’ve not had a boyfriend in almost fifteen years because…”

  “Because you were afraid you would do the same thing with any other man?”

  Jennie nodded. “I think I’m damaged, and I don’t know if I’m good enough to be with him.”

  “Isn’t this the same fear of failure you’ve had each time you took another step back toward a normal life? You were afraid to leave Jeff. You were afraid when you entered therapy. You feared going back to school, finding a job, moving into your own home, seeking visitation with your daughters…”

  “I never received visitation…”

  “You never received a court order. You’ve visited with them on numerous occasions over the last four years, you talk with them frequently.”

  “But this is different. I’ve been…unsuccessful with men.”

  “Jennie, you are stronger than you think. Your problems with Thomas stemmed from your illness. It’s under control. I’d class your decision to leave Jeff as a positive one. Your lack of boyfriends, fear and lack of effort.”

  “I’m also afraid I’m misreading the situation. I mean, what if he really does just want a babysitter? What if I build myself up to…to get to know him again and he’s not interested?”

  “And this is different from the beginning of any other relationship?”

  Jennie raised her head. “I suppose not.”

  “I suspect your daughter may be correct and his request may be an offer of peace. I also suspect, from what you’ve told me about him, that Thomas won’t offer a second time.”

  ***

  Five times over the next two days Jennie pulled up Thomas’s number. Each time she lay her cellphone down without making the call, always finding an excuse.

  It’s too late…

  He is probably in class…

  I don’t want to wake the baby…

  I’m in the car. I’ll wait until I’m at home…

  His favorite program is on television…

  On Thursday night, she sat at the bay window, phone in hand, gazing at the garden. The setting sun cast a warm glow over the flowers. The red-orange rose almost sparkled. Dropping her phone on the table, she hurried outside, cut two of the blooms, and carried them into the house, arranging them in a crystal vase on the table.

  To remind me, she thought. For courage.

  She retrieved her cellphone and punched Thomas’s number.

  She knew her name would display on his screen and when she heard the phone ring five times, a pit opened in her stomach. He’s not going to answer.

  Voice mail picked up, and she felt tears stinging her eyes. Hanging up without a message, she stared at the flowers on the table. That was it. She blew her chance.

  About to wallow in self-recriminating despair, Jennie jumped as her ringtone announced a call.

  “Hello,” she almost whispered.

  “It’s Thomas. You called.” His voice was cold and she imagined his eyes were small and dark as they used to be whenever he felt angry.

  “Yes, I…I did.” She gulped. “You asked me to sit with Louisa while you were in your seminar and I thought more about it and…”

  He did not wait for her to finish.

  “I’ve made arrangements. The seminar director has a nursing student who will take care of her.”

  “Oh. Well…good. A nursing student. She should know what to do.”

  She waited for Thomas to speak, but he did not respond.

  “I…Thomas, I was afraid to say yes the other day, afraid that, well, that you really wanted to see me and sitting with Louisa was just a…an excuse, and…”

  She heard a beep.

  “Jennie, I have a call, can you hold a second?”

  “Surely…”

  The phone clicked, then clicked again, bringing Thomas back just a moment later.

  “Sorry, it was an Atlanta number. The seminar director was calling. Turns out the nursing student will need to leave a couple of hours before we’re finished. She said she would try to find someone else, but, well, since you called…do you still want to help me out? Just for a couple of hours? I’ll be finished at four o’clock. You’d have time to see Louisa and we could enjoy an early dinner together, my way of thanking you. I know it’s a long drive for you, but if
you’d like…”

  A smile spread across Jennie’s face.

  “I’d love to keep Louisa and have dinner with you, Thomas. I’ll be there.”

  Dinner

  Jennie pulled through the university’s front gate, found a parking space near the central quadrangle, and hurried past the old administration building. Stopping as she entered the quad, she scanned the steps of the four classroom buildings, looking for a young woman with a stroller, finally spotting her on a bench at the far side, in front of the old library.

  She had been told the sitter would be expecting her, and she waved as she approached.

  “Hi, I’m Jennie Bateman,” she called out when the woman looked up. “I’m a friend of Dr. Lindsay’s. He said he would tell you to expect me.”

  “Hi, Ms. Bateman. I’m Marisa.” The woman stood, holding the baby, and she walked forward to greet Jennie. “This is Louisa. I understand you’ve never met before.”

  Jennie looked at the baby, noticing her auburn hair and deep blue eyes—just like her mother—then she reached into her purse. “Did you want me to show you some ID?”

  Marisa shook her head. “That’s okay. I recognize you from a photo that Thomas had Alexis send me.” She held Louisa out. “Would you like to hold her?”

  “Let me put my things down.” Jennie deposited her pocketbook and tote bag on the bench and took the baby with her left arm. Louisa looked up at her, reached out one hand, and smiled. Jennie felt tears in her eyes. “She’s simply beautiful.”

  “She is, isn’t she? And she’s so easy to take care of. No crying, no fussing, no problems at all.”

  Louisa whimpered.

  “Did I do something wrong? What did I do?”

  Marisa laughed. “You’re fine. She woke up about ten minutes ago, and I am told she has a bottle just after her nap. Let me get it.” She rummaged through a diaper bag. “You want to feed her?”

  It had been a long time since Jennie had fed a baby, but how hard could it be? She sat on the bench and held the bottle. As soon as it was near enough to Louisa’s open mouth she latched on and began to drink. The little coos and slurping sounds she was making caused Jennie to smile.

  Marisa sat beside her and the two women made small talk as Louisa drank contentedly. When she finished, Marisa took the bottle and placed it back in the diaper bag.

  Jennie hesitated, not sure what to do next.

  Marisa recognized Jennie’s uncertainty and smiled. “You need to burp her now. Put her on your shoulder and rub her back. We’ll check her diaper in a minute.”

  Jennie followed the instructions. “I suppose you never completely forget how to do this.”

  “You have children?”

  “Two, but they’re both your age.” Marisa was a stranger, and Jennie thought it unnecessary to explain her relationship to Thomas.

  “Actually, you arrived at a good time. I understand she’ll be awake for about an hour, now. I was planning to spread a blanket out on the grass and play with her for a while.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Marisa reached under the stroller for the blanket, shook it, and flipped it out, bringing it down to rest on the ground. She pulled toys from a tote bag, and Jennie placed Louisa on her back next to the toys.

  Jennie tried to get comfortable on the blanket too, but while Marisa wore a t-shirt and jeans, Jennie was dressed for dinner.

  One part of her had insisted that she and Thomas were having a friendly, get reacquainted dinner, much like the one she’d had the previous summer with two friends from college. The two of them might talk a little about old times, but, primarily, she thought they would talk about the girls.

  The other part had maintained that she and Thomas were having a date, perhaps the first of many if she had accurately interpreted the tone of his voice when they had spoken on the telephone. He had called her twice since he invited her to dinner. Each time she had been afraid he was calling to cancel, but both times, he had simply wanted to talk.

  The second voice had won, and Jennie wanted to make an impression. In the morning she’d had a haircut and a manicure—an uncommon splurge. She wore her best blue skirt and a white silk blouse, and she’d used makeup as well as the perfume she had worn when she was in college, things she seldom did.

  A simple gold necklace encircled her neck. It had been a gift from Thomas when Christa was born. She had been wearing it the morning she had walked out, and it was the only piece of jewelry she had taken with her. Even her rings had been left behind. She’d slipped them from her finger and dropped them on the floor of the bedroom as she had flung her duffle bag across her shoulder. She had often wondered what happened to her jewelry, and she had almost cried for joy the day she recognized one of her necklaces around Alexis’s neck.

  She had stopped by her mother’s house today, before she had set out for Atlanta, and her mother had told her how nice she looked and had asked what the occasion was. Jennie had given her a vague response, not prepared to tell her family she was seeing Thomas for dinner. She wasn’t sure why she did not want to her mother to know, except that her mother had always been fond of Thomas, and Jennie supposed she might jump to conclusions, even with only a single dinner invitation as the basis.

  Jennie and Marisa took turns playing with Louisa. They lay Louisa on her back and Jennie played an elaborate game of peek-a-boo. She took the stuffed bunny she had sent and waved it in front of her face to attract her attention. While Louisa watched, Jennie would move the rabbit around and then suddenly put it behind her back, or she would place it on the blanket and flip the end across it, hiding it from view. When Louisa lost interest, she would quickly pull the rabbit out, and Louisa would howl with laughter.

  When Louisa tired of that game, Jennie placed her hands around her and scooted her across the blanket, pretending she was a train, while Marisa made the toot of a locomotive’s whistle and the clatter of its wheels as they bumped across the track. Louisa was laughing as Jennie scooped her up in her arms following an especially long ride when she heard someone behind her. Turning, she found Thomas and Alexis shaking their heads.

  “Adults, they claim to be,” Thomas said.

  “Right.” Alexis laughed.

  “What are you two doing here?” Jennie handed the baby to Marisa and struggled to her feet. “Ow, my leg has gone to sleep.” She limped across the blanket. “Did you finish early?”

  “It’s four thirty, Jennie. We’re a little late.” Alexis shook her head.

  “No, it can’t be so late. I arrived about three o’clock and we could not have been playing more than twenty minutes.”

  “I think she likes Louisa,” Alexis told Thomas. “Of course, how could she help it?”

  Thomas agreed. He thanked Marisa for sitting with Louisa and handed her an envelope with her check.

  “Wasn’t Marisa supposed to leave early?” Jennie asked as she walked away.

  Thomas shrugged. “I suppose her plans changed.” He bent over to help pick up the toys.

  “Tasha has a date tonight, but I promised Alexis coffee at the student center. She has been begging to keep Louisa for the night, and I finally agreed, although it will quash any plan she might have for providing grandchildren any time in the next decade.”

  “Taking care of Louisa?” Jennie was still holding the baby. “You’d better rethink that, Thomas. Just the opposite effect I’m afraid.”

  “So you approve of my fifth daughter?”

  “Of course,” she exclaimed. “I had forgotten how much fun babies could be.”

  “Jennie wants a baby,” Alexis sang, earning a dirty look from Jennie and a laugh from Thomas.

  As they walked across the campus toward the student center, Louisa fell asleep.

  “She’s very adaptable,” Thomas said. “A good thing too. I’ve never been very good at keeping her on a schedule.”

  “You were horrible with Alexis and Christa as I recall.” Jennie shook her head. “I tried my best to keep a schedule, it was w
hat we were told to do back then, but I never knew when you would get home and you would insist on seeing them and playing with them. It’s a miracle they turned out normal.”

  “That’s one vote for normal, Alexis. You ought to thank her.”

  Alexis stuck out her tongue and they all laughed.

  As they sat in the student center drinking coffee, several students stopped to look at Louisa.

  “Is she your sister, Alexis? She’s so cute,” one girl exclaimed “Can I hold her? Please?”

  Soon an entire group was clustered around, passing the baby from one to the other while she cooed and smiled at them. When the girls finally left, Thomas turned to Alexis.

  “You’re sure you want to keep her tonight? Babies do cry, you know. They can make a lot of noise. I can’t guarantee a peaceful night for you or for anyone on your hall.”

  “We’ll be fine. Louisa will be perfect.”

  “Well, if you have trouble, call me…I’ll give you my sympathy.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” Alexis rolled her eyes. “We’ll be fine. I’ve taken care of babies before.”

  “I know. If you have trouble, though, you will call, won’t you?”

  “Promise.”

  “Sure you’ll be all right?”

  “Dad, relax. We’ll be fine. Really. The girls on the hall can’t wait to see her.”

  Thomas looked doubtful.

  “Two nurses live next door. If there is a problem, I’ll have lots of help.”

  “If there is a problem…”

  “I’ll call. I’ll call.” She held up her hands for him to stop. “Now go. You two have fun.”

  Thomas and Jennie walked Alexis back to her dormitory, leaving her with the baby, food, diapers, and clothes.”

  “See you tomorrow about eight. Have a good time. If you have trouble…”

  “I’ll call you.” Alexis rolled her eyes and began walking away.

  They watched as Alexis and Louisa disappeared into the dormitory, then Thomas turned to Jennie.

  “Why don’t you follow me to my hotel and leave your car there. If you need to freshen up, you can come up to my suite.”