by Lisa Hobman
‘Just promise me one thing,’ he whispered.
She kissed his chin. ‘Anything.’
He took a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘If you have second thoughts about us, or if I’m taking things at the wrong speed, even if I’m going too slowly, please talk to me. Don’t shut me out. I couldn’t cope with that, Mallory. I’m afraid I’m in love with you… deeply in love with you. I’m not sure how you feel about me right now and I’m not asking you to tell me. I just hope that we have a chance at a future.’
Mallory looked up at this gorgeous, rugged man and her heart melted. But she felt a tinge of sadness. Could she say she was in love with him? Maybe not right now. She knew she cared deeply for him but she wasn’t prepared to say more just yet.
‘I… Can you give me some time? I have so many feelings whizzing around my head right now that I just can’t make sense of them. But please know that I do have feelings for you.’
‘That will tide me over.’ He smiled and bent to kiss her again.
They spent the rest of the evening cuddling, chatting, kissing and listening to music. Mallory joked that his ‘old-school’ music tastes needed bringing into the twenty-first century. She played him some Hozier and Ed Sheeran which he enjoyed. And he joked that she needed educating by the musical masters he loved, like Pearl Jam, Whitesnake and Tool. They agreed to give each other’s music a chance and enjoyed a fun, relaxed and sensual evening.
Greg glanced at the clock on the mantle and cringed. Mallory realised only then that it was almost midnight.
Greg put his empty wine glass on the floor. ‘I really should go,’ he exhaled.
She cupped his cheek in her palm. ‘You could stay.’
He smiled sheepishly. ‘Believe me, I’d love to, but we agreed to take things slow. And… well… I’m not sure I could keep my hands off you if I stayed.’
‘We could just hold each other,’ she suggested, desperate for him to stay.
He thought for a few moments and then sighed. ‘I’ll stay, but why don’t I sleep in the spare room?’ It was clear that he was determined to give her the time she needed even if she was pushing things right now.
Feeling a little desperate, she grasped his hands. ‘Look, I don’t want to be alone. Today… in fact this last month has been a whirlwind. I don’t want you to go. Why don’t we just sleep in the same bed and stay clothed?’ she insisted.
He eventually gave in.
Mallory took his hand as they went up the stairs to her room. She wanted to undress in front of him seductively and have him do the same. She wanted to kiss and explore his body. But she was still unsure as to the nature of her feelings and his honesty had meant she ran the risk of hurting him. So, instead, she retreated to the en-suite where she changed into a pair of white cotton pyjamas. She brushed her teeth and returned to the bedroom. Greg stood there, waiting, in just his jeans. His chest looked magnificent as she dragged her eyes over his body and her heart rate increased. She had the urge again to touch him there, right where the tattoo scarred him.
She pulled the duvet back, not taking her eyes from Greg, and he climbed in bedside her. He held out his arm so that she could snuggle into him and they rolled to face each other. He stroked her cheek with his free hand; his gaze so loving; so tender.
‘I love you,’ he whispered, closing his eyes.
Hearing those words fall so unabashedly from the lips of a man other than Sam seemed alien. But at the same time she welcomed the feeling of being loved again. She just needed to get her head around the fact that this was all happening so fast and so soon. She was quite dwarfed by his size in her bed. He was no taller than Sam, but he was wider and something about him made her feel tiny and vulnerable, but safe at the same time.
She traced the tattoo on his chest with her fingertips and then kissed it. She had been longing to do that ever since she had first seen it. Close up the smell of him was intoxicating to her. Desire rose in her again. But she fought it. She had to be certain that this wasn’t just lust. She found him incredibly attractive; he had an irresistible magnetism that exuded sex and resisting was hard.
These feelings had only just become clear to her. She hadn’t been allowing herself to access them until now. She needed to be sure for his sake and for her own that there was more to it. Once they made love she knew that, for him, there would be no turning back. She knew, therefore, that she must fight her urges to clamber on top of him and make him take her.
‘Can I kiss you one last time before you go to sleep?’ he asked her.
The question made her smile. She didn’t answer; she just pulled him towards her and took his mouth with her own. One thing was certain. She could kiss him forever.
There was something very contradictory in his kisses. He wanted to go slow for her sake yet his kisses were raw and sexual. She broke away when she felt herself getting carried away and her breathing was shallow. She nuzzled into him and after a while they fell asleep.
When Mallory awoke the next morning, she stretched out to find him, but Greg had gone. Feeling a little panicked at his absence, she tiptoed downstairs to find him seated at the kitchen table, clutching a coffee cup. He sat there in his T-shirt and jeans, his feet were bare, but she couldn’t help thinking he was ready to leave.
She tentatively took steps towards him as if approaching a horse about to bolt.
‘Hey you.’ She smiled as she entered the room.
He looked up at her with sad eyes. ‘Hey yourself, sleep well?’
She slid her arms around his neck. ‘Wonderfully well, you?’
He smiled. ‘I did too.’
Kissing his cheek, she asked, ‘Greg, what’s wrong? You seem down this morning.’
He huffed out all the air from his lungs and looked to the floor as he spoke, ‘I’ve been thinking… I… I’m not sure that this is a good idea… you and me.’
His words cut her to the quick. She dropped her arms from his body. She couldn’t help thinking he was trying to convince himself of his words.
She pulled out a chair and sat down suddenly feeling light-headed. ‘What? Why? What’s happened? Did I say something wrong?’
He looked up at her and smiled that smile filled with sadness again. ‘You were… you are perfect.’
‘Then what’s the problem? Is it… is it because I didn’t sleep with you?’ She regretted her words immediately.
Greg understandably took offence at the question and stood, knocking over his chair. ‘How could you even think that? Let alone say it out loud?’
‘Okay, okay, it was uncalled for, I’m sorry. You’ve been the perfect gentleman. I didn’t mean it. But please tell me what’s made you change your mind?’
‘There are things you don’t know about me; things about my past.’
Panic set in. ‘Greg, we have time to get to know about each other’s pasts.’
He shook his head.
‘Why now? Why go through all that shit yesterday and then do this now?’ she shouted at him, her voice breaking.
‘I had a call this morning. While you were sleeping.’
Dread washed over her, was it Mairi? Was she alive? Although she had been declared dead there had never been a body to prove this was the case. Perhaps she had been alive all this time? She didn’t dare ask.
‘And this call made you not want me anymore?’ She felt nauseated and stood ready to run if he confirmed her fear.
‘No, it’s not that at all, please don’t think that, Mallory.’ He shook his head. ‘My feelings for you haven’t changed. They will never change.’
She inhaled deeply and thought her words out carefully before she spoke. ‘You said to me yesterday that if I had second thoughts I was to tell you. Why does that not apply to you?’ She was shaking, how could it all be going so wrong after last night had been so perfect?
He sat. ‘Okay, okay, fair point. But I’m warning you. When I tell you it’ll be the end of any future we had. Are you ready to lose that bef
ore it even begins?’ His eyes were pained.
‘Well you’re ending this anyway so just TELL ME!’ she shouted.
He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed them over his face.
He gestured for Mallory to sit down again. ‘The call I received was from someone I would rather forget. But unfortunately, she won’t let me.’
Mallory opened her mouth, but had no idea what to say. She closed it again and pulled her face into a frown. She stared at him, willing him to explain.
‘I suppose I should start at the beginning… I met Alice at college when we were both students. We hung around together. She was pretty and popular but she made it clear she wanted me.’ He glanced at Mallory who was still staring at him as he spoke. ‘I was very jealous back then and she made it her job to fire me up at every given opportunity. She flirted with other men in front of me and I hated it. If I did the same though, she got physical with me. I had several black eyes through her temper. She was bad for me and I knew it, but for some reason I thought I loved her. My parents didn’t approve at all. They said she was too possessive of me. It caused no end of trouble with them.’
He inhaled deeply again, this was clearly not an easy subject for him. ‘We’d been together for two years and she told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine. I was shocked and terrified, but I wanted to do the right thing by her. So, we got married quickly. I was young. But I was determined that if there was to be a child I would make a go of it.
‘Anyway, it turns out she’d lied to me. There was never a pregnancy. I think they call it trapping. She well and truly trapped my arse. I was hurt and angry but she said she only did it because she loved me and wanted to be with me. After about six months of arguments and tears we decided to give things a proper go. No more lies.
‘By this point I actually did love her. Don’t ask me why… I just did. I was so desperate to make it work and so maybe I forced myself to love her, but I was sure the feelings were real. We rented a house over by Oban. We stayed there for two years and everything felt great. Then one day I came home from work and found her in bed with my best mate. I beat him up. And I told her I’d never forgive her. I walked out and never looked back.’
Mallory threw her hands up. ‘So, what’s the problem? You got divorced and met Mairi and the rest is history, right?’ Mallory desperately wanted to be right.
‘Mallory… I never got divorced.’
‘What?’ Mallory rose to her feet.
‘We just never got divorced. I didn’t want to speak to her let alone spend time discussing the finer points of our relationship in front of lawyers. I left her with the house and all our belongings. I thought that would be the last I would ever see of her. Until…’
‘Until she called you this morning?’ Mallory’s voice was shaky as she pieced the jigsaw together.
‘Yes.’ He looked up at her. His eyes filled with sorrow and regret. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Did Mairi know about Alice and your marriage?”
‘Aye… she did. She wasn’t bothered by it but she was such a free spirit… I know you’re not like that.’
What the hell did he mean by that? And why was it okay to tell Mairi and not her? ‘We were supposed to be friends and it never crossed your mind to tell me?’
‘I was scared you wouldn’t be with me if I told you.’
‘Well, you’re right. I won’t have an affair with a married man, Greg. I think you had better go now.’ Mallory’s fists clenched as she spoke.
Greg slipped his boots on. He didn’t fight. He didn’t protest. He just looked longingly at her. ‘See, I told you I wasn’t good enough for you.’ His eyes glazed over. ‘I never told you because I don’t think of her as my wife.’
‘No, but she is your wife, regardless. It’s a pretty huge thing to keep from someone you’re supposedly in love with, don’t you think? What else haven’t you told me? How many more lies will I uncover? I nearly slept with you! How can I trust you now?’
His lip trembled. ‘I don’t love her, Mallory, I love you. I don’t feel anything for her. Not even hate anymore. I’m apathetic when it comes to Alice. If I could go back in time and tell you everything, I would. She’s no doubt wanting to cause trouble and I don’t want any of it.’ A sob broke free from his throat, obviously, his heart was breaking too. ‘The sad thing is that yesterday I had a glimpse of you and me together; the whole nine yards; a proper future. And I loved it.’ His expression was pained as he sighed. ‘I hope that maybe someday you’ll forgive me for keeping the truth from you. Please don’t move away. Not because of me.’ And with that, he left.
Chapter Thirteen
Mallory spent the few days after Greg’s revelations decorating the house. The thoughts whizzing around her mind were so mixed up she found it hard to focus. She began to wonder why she had stayed in the first place. With Sam gone, and the mixed feelings around her relationship with Greg, it felt like she had outstayed her welcome. The house was thoroughly beautiful and it should have been a happy place.
She freshened up the paintwork and put a splash of colour in some rooms. It looked nice, homey and a lot different than when she and Sam had fallen in love with it.
This will make someone a wonderful home, her subconscious taunted her. A sadness washed over her that there was a possibility it wouldn’t be hers for much longer. After everything that had happened, she had instructed an estate agent to come and give her a valuation and discuss house selling packages. After briefly explaining her situation to the estate agent he had left her with a pile of documents to peruse. He said he understood and that the decision she made would be the right one.
Mallory called Josie to fill her in with what had happened with Greg.
‘Oh, Mally, babe. Are you sure coming back here is what you want though? Does it really matter that he has a piece of paper that connects him to another woman? If you think there’s a future with him you shouldn’t give up. What if you regret it?’
‘He lied by omission, Josie, but it’s still a lie. Whose side are you bloody on?’ Mallory snapped.
Josie sighed. ‘Yours obviously, that’s why I don’t want you to make any rash decisions. He clearly adores you not her.’
Josie just didn’t get it. He had kept something huge from her. It should have been the first thing he told her. He had opportunities before they were even drawn together. He didn’t take them. It was over.
She hadn’t seen much of Greg; only at shift changeover at the pub. She had swapped shifts in order to avoid awkward meetings with him. She couldn’t bare the hassle of seeing him. Their relationship had been tumultuous to say the least. But she had enough pain and anguish to last her a lifetime.
Greg had been taking Angus into the pub on his shifts. The furry canine always came over to say hello and she always greeted him with a big cuddle – funny how dogs didn’t show any loyalties when it came to break-ups.
After a great deal of soul-searching, Mallory had taken the decision to instruct the estate agent to market Sealladh-mara Cottage. She had been informed that the market was slow and there were more houses available for sale than there were interested buyers. Secretly she hoped that it would be on the market a long time. She wasn’t quite ready to let go, but felt like she had to take some form of action in a positive direction.
*
September 2015
August turned into September. The temperature had become noticeably cooler. Her relationship with Greg had become a series of ‘hello’s or nods out in the village. He had kept his distance and she had been glad of the fact.
She had awoken early one Saturday with no plans for the day apart from preparing for a couple who were coming to view the cottage. Everything was presented superbly. She had even followed the advice of the clichéd TV shows and made fresh coffee so that the tantalising aroma would permeate every room. Fresh seasonal flowers filled every available vase and all her personal photos had been replaced by those of Scottish scenery. She was selling the lifesty
le after all.
When she realised she had no milk left she decided to wander over to see Colin and Christine. They had been heartbroken when the For Sale board had been knocked into the ground outside her house but she had promised she’d keep in touch.
She grabbed her fleece to ward off the autumn chill and walked up the lane in the direction of the shop. As she got to the main road she took a slight detour and ended up at the midpoint of the bridge.
‘Oh, Sam, how wrong it all went,’ she sighed. ‘If you had been here things would have been so different.’ She stood for a few minutes looking at the view they had both loved.
She heard voices coming from behind her and turned out of sheer curiosity. Her heart skipped a beat. Walking towards her was Greg. He was with a stunning blonde woman. How fickle he must be, she thought as jealousy and anger knotted her insides. The couple was chatting and the woman kept touching his arm. When he saw Mallory, he stopped in his tracks. The woman looked over in the direction of his gaze and her face dropped.
Slowly, he approached Mallory. ‘Hi, Mallory.’ He smiled. His voice was just above a whisper.
‘Greg.’ She forced a smile in response.
‘Mallory… erm… this is Alice, Alice this is Mallory.’
Oh, good grief it’s her! He’s introducing me to HER! her subconscious screamed.
After looking her up and down, Alice held out her hand, but didn’t crack a smile. ‘Hi Mallory, I’ve heard a lot about you.’
‘I’m sure you have,’ Mallory replied sardonically and shook her hand.
Greg jumped in as if afraid of where the conversation might lead. ‘We were just taking a walk, you know, clearing the cobwebs.’ His gaze shifted nervously between the two women. He was still terrible at small talk so at least some things never changed.
Mallory began to step away. ‘Lovely. Well, enjoy yourselves. I need to get going,’ she said tersely and walked past them in the direction of the shop. She realised the fact that he was being so cordial with Alice probably meant they had ironed out their issues and were giving their marriage another go. So much for all his protestations of love for me. Unwelcome tears welled in her eyes but she bit the inside of her lip to fend them off and didn’t look back.