Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05

by Away Laughing on a Fast Camel

  Pantalitzer • A terrifying Czech-made doll that sadistic parents (my vati) buy for their children, presumably to teach them early on about the horror of life.

  I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but I am not reassured that Eastern Europeans really know how to have a laugh.

  parky • Another jaunty word for nippy noodles.

  pash • Passion. As in “I had a real pash on him until I saw his collection of vole droppings.” Or, in Masimo’s case: “He is my one and only super-duper pash.” That is official.

  pensioner • In England we give very old people some money so that they can buy thick spectacles and snug incontinent pants and biscuits. This is called their pension money.

  pingy pongoes • A very bad smell. Usually to do with farting.

  polo neck • Polo neck is the same as a turtleneck. Having a turtleneck has never been a big selling point for me…but have it your own way if you LUUURVE turtles so much.

  rate • To fancy someone.

  R.E. • Religious education.

  Robin Reliant • Oh, please please don’t ask me about this. Oh very well. You know how English people keep inventing things? For no reason? Well, we do. There’s always some complete twit from a village called Little Beddingham or Middle Wallop—anyway, somewhere where there are no shops or television (or a decent lunatic asylum), and the complete twit is called Nigel or Terence and he invents things like a tiny shower for sparrows, or an ostrich eggcup. A nose picker, etc. You get the idea. Anyway, one of these types called Robin invented a car that only had three wheels. A three-wheeled car. Er—that’s it. That was his brilliant invention. No reason for it. It’s a bit like that bloke who invented the monocycle. All they do is encourage clowns. They should be stopped really, but I am vair vair tired.

  schiessenhausen • Quite literally (if you happen to be a Lederhosen type person) a house that you poo in. (Schiesse is poo and hausen house). Poo house. Lavatory. Or restroom as you Hamburger-a-gogo types say. No one knows why. Oh no, hang on, I think I do know. When you all lived in the Wild West in wooden shacks, one room was both your bedroom and your lavatory. Cowboys don’t mind that sort of thing. In fact they love it. But I don’t.

  Sellotape • Sellotape is a clear sticky tape. Usually used for sticking bits of paper to other bits of paper but can be used for sticking hair down to make it flat. (Once I used it for sticking Jas’s mouth shut when she had hiccups. I thought it might cure them. It didn’t, but it was quite funny, anyway.)

  Sherpa Tensing • When English people were stopped from conquering places by spoilsports who said “Clear off, this is our land,” we had to have plan B. Plan B was to conquer other things like mountains. English blokes began hurling themselves up Everest like knobbly-kneed lemmings. The Everest folk got sick of them falling off or wandering around saying, “Where am I?” and blundering into their villages day and night in unnecessary anoraks. So they (the local folk called sherpas) decided to lead them up Everest just to get rid of them. And the head sherpa type bloke was called Sherpa Tensing.

  smalls • An ironic term for underpants. Well, ironic in my vati’s case. If his underpants were called massives, that would make more sense.

  tig • Apparently you call this tag. I won’t ask why because I am full of exhausterosity and also want to go to the piddly diddly department.

  Water Board • A bunch of blokes who look after the nation’s reservoirs and water supply.

  wet • A drippy, useless, nerdy idiot. Lindsay.

  whelk boy • A whelk is a horrible shellfish thing that only the truly mad eat. Slimy and mucuslike. Whelk boy is a boy who kisses like a whelk, i.e., a slimy mucus kisser. Erlack a pongoes.

  work experience • Essentially this means that teenagers who are happily filling in time at school, you know, painting their nails, chatting and snoozing, etc., are forced to go to a shop or hospital ward or office or science lab and spend a day there, so that they know what it is like to work. As I have said many times to my mutti, I am far, far too busy to work. And anyway I know what work is like; it is crap.

  About the Author

  LOUISE RENNISON is the internationally best-selling author of the angst-filled confessions of Georgia Nicolson, which include ANGUS, THONGS AND FULL-FRONTAL SNOGGING, a Michael L. Printz Honor Book; and New York Times best sellers ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I’M NOW THE GIRLFRIEND OF A SEX GOD; KNOCKED OUT BY MY NUNGA-NUNGAS and DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS. Louise lives in Brighton, the San Francisco of England (apart from the sun, Americans, the Golden Gate Bridge, and earthquakes).

  Visit Georgia at www.georgianicolson.com

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

  confessions of GEORGIA NICOLSON

  ANGUS, THONGS AND

  FULL-FRONTAL SNOGGING

  ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I’M NOW

  THE GIRLFRIEND OF A SEX GOD

  KNOCKED OUT BY MY NUNGA-NUNGAS

  DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS

  AWAY LAUGHING ON A FAST CAMEL

  THEN HE ATE MY BOY ENTRANCERS

  STARTLED BY HIS FURRY SHORTS

  Credits

  Painting detail © 2004 by Kam Mak

  Cover © 2005 by HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

  Copyright

  AWAY LAUGHING ON A FAST CAMEL. Copyright © 2004 by Louise Rennison. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  EPub © Edition MAY 2008 ISBN: 9780061975332

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