Seeing Black

by Sidney Halston

  “Like me,” she said.

  “Yes, Jill, like you. You were born a psychic. It was from your father’s side of the family, obviously, and, as you may have noticed, their abilities are gone.”

  “Yes. He told me it’s like a sixth sense that starts deteriorating with age.”

  “Yes. So when the U.S. sanctioned research ended, Rocco and Josef decided to experiment on children on their own. I think they believed they could sell their discovery or perhaps use whomever they created for their own personal reasons. Whatever the case, they experimented with kids, orphans specifically. Jill, I was one of the orphans.”

  Jill gasped and involuntarily placed her hand on his chest. He continued, “And so was my sister, except that she’s not really my sister, but because of all the drugs and surgery, she doesn’t remember anything before we escaped.”

  “And you?” She reached up and ran her hands through his hair, feeling for scars. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

  With that information, Jill’s demeanor completely changed, and her anger changed to concern. Paul must have noticed because he walked to her and placed his hands around the sides of her neck and leaned in to look into her eyes, his thumbs caressing right below her ears. “It’s okay sweetheart. I’m okay.” He let go and continued his story. “They experimented on me. I was one of the lucky ones who got away unharmed, but Brian wasn’t so lucky. He got away, but not unharmed. They fucked him up. He was majorly screwed up by some experiments, and to top it off he’s so hell-bent on killing Rocco and Josef that he doesn’t care who he hurts along the way. He’s unpredictable. He approached me years ago to help him go after Rocco and Josef. I was all for it since no one wants to see those two dead as much as I do. I had to keep my cover, so to speak, when I found out he discovered your existence. I couldn’t let him get close to you, because he wouldn’t hesitate to kill you in order to halt Rocco and Josef’s master plan or use you as bait to get to them. I wasn’t willing to risk either of those options, so he couldn’t know I knew about you all along or that I would protect you at all costs. Brian thought you were in on it somehow. I needed to keep him close. I needed to know what he knew. Jill, I’ve been looking after you for a long time now. You may have met me when you started law school, but I’ve been looking after you since you were rescued from the island.” He quickly grabbed her and set her on the bed. “I wish I had the time to go through all the details, but I just don’t. Just trust me, Jill. I will explain everything next time. Just know I never intended to hurt you, and I didn’t lie when I told you I loved you. I did omit that I knew you much better than you thought I did. For the last ten years, I’ve been keeping my eye on you.”

  “Excuse me?” Jill leaned towards him.

  “Yes, Jill, I owed it to your mother. She was the one who rescued me from Rocco and Josef. I knew about you, and I looked after you to make sure Rocco and Josef never found out about you. When they finally discovered your existence, I manipulated our meeting in law school. I know it was wrong, but I had to keep you safe. I had to keep you close. I swear I would never have hurt you ever, and I truly am sorry that Heather got caught in the middle of all this.” He seemed so sincere, but it was all so much to process.

  “Ten years?”

  “Over ten years.”

  “Wow. I don’t really know what to say about this.”

  “I meant it when I told you I loved you. Keeping an eye on you from afar was one thing, but the day I helped carry your books that first day of class . . . God, Jillian, I tried to keep the illusion of just being your professor. I tried. That’s why I was so ornery. I was fighting all these feelings inside. I had to keep you safe, as I had been doing, but you seemed as impacted by my presence as I was with yours. I admit I was completely jealous of the Jacobs boy. I couldn’t help it, but I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe that the text I sent was to keep Brian thinking I didn’t know you. Had he found out about you and I lost his trust . . . Your safety was not something I was willing to gamble.”

  “I . . . Okay, so come on. You want to help? Take me home.”

  “Oh, Jill,” he said, his face somber. “You can’t leave. Haven’t you tried to leave? You can’t. It’s not that simple. I’ve been hiding out and watching you for the last two weeks. I couldn’t get inside because I didn’t know which room was yours and I had to figure a way around the security system. I’ve seen you have breakdowns outside. God, Jillian, I wanted to go to you and help, but I couldn’t. I have to play this smart if I’m going to get you out of here. Sweetheart, I can’t just take you with me. You won’t make it out.” Jill continued to deliberate all the information. Paul looked defeated. He seemed as if he wanted to say something but that saying it would hurt her too much. “Honey, you can’t leave, Jill. I’ve seen you try. You never make it past the driveway. You get distracted. You seem to forget you want to go home. Everything and anything distracts you.”

  “What? No. I’m . . .”

  “Honey, you’ve been here for six months or so, and you can’t remember yesterday.”

  “What do you mean? I remember having a conversation with Rocco yesterday, and he said I’ve been here two days. Now you tell me six months? I don’t know who to believe, but I do know I want to go home.”

  Paul reached under the mattress. “I brought you this notebook the first time I came to see you. We’ve had this conversation before. I want you to write what just happened right now on here, and then I want you to hide it under your mattress. Today, you must make all the necessary efforts to leave.”

  “Okay.”

  “Try to walk out the front door. There are no guards or anything. I don’t think anyone will stop you, but I think you’ll see that you can’t. You’re stuck here in Wonderland. He’s clouding your mind, somehow.” Paul moved forward and cupped Jill’s face. “Humor me, though. Write this incident down. Write down that I came by. Write down the date. Make some notes that may help you remember. Just do that for me.

  “Why should I do anything for you? I don’t trust you. Even if I don’t trust Rocco, I don’t trust you either. I think you’re really overreacting. He’s not an X-Man or anything. He’s just a man who used to be second-sighted, like me, and now he’s not. End of story.”

  Paul sighed. “You have reasons not to trust me. I get it. I didn’t handle things correctly. I never expected that you’d fall in love with Alexander the way you did. I thought . . . I don’t know what I thought. I’ve loved you for so many years. There are just so many things you don’t know, and it’s a story that goes back twenty-plus years. There’s no time. Please, listen to me. Look at me. See me. I am not lying. I am not here to hurt you. I will take you back to Alexander, but I can’t do it today. I can’t do it without a little faith in your part. So, please, just write. Here,” He pushed the leather notebook at her. “Write down everything I just told you, and pick something that will help center you and trigger your memory. Something that will bring you back to reality because, Jill, tomorrow when I’m back, you will not remember anything that I just told you.”

  “Wait, but I still don’t—”

  “I know you don’t understand, and I haven’t told you anything that would make you understand I mean you no harm. But for today, that’s all I have time for. You have to be downstairs for breakfast in the next five minutes. You missed it yesterday, and if you don’t go today, they’ll come up for you.”

  “He leaned forward and ran the back of his knuckles over her cheek. Jill’s eyes widened. She was still trying to process all the information she had learned. Then he gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. “No more pills from them, okay?”

  There was a knock on the door. Jill was nervous; she didn’t know who to trust. Paul put a finger to his lips to quiet her then signaled towards the door.

  “Um, I overslept. I’ll be down in a minute.”

  “Everything okay, Ms. Stone?”

  “Yes, Mr. Robins.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you downstairs.”
>
  “Do you even know who Mr. Robins is?”

  “Of course, he’s the—” She didn’t know! Why would she know his name and not know who he is?

  “Exactly. It is as if you’re in a daze. I need you to stop taking any medicine they give you—vitamins, pills, anything—and write that down in the journal. Remember not to take anything from anyone. I have to figure out how to get you out of here. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, starting to make his way out the window.

  Jill looked around, and it all seemed to crash down on her at once. She had tried to leave a few times but, for whatever reason, never made it out the front door. Rocco was helping her with her meditation, and he did tell her she could leave anytime. Why couldn’t she just leave? What about Alexander? Oliver? Heather? School? Her life in general?

  “Wait!” She ran towards the window and grabbed his shirt. “Paul. I don’t . . . I just . . . I’m scared,” she hesitantly admitted. At one point, he may not have been her favorite person or trustworthy, for that matter, but he was the only person she knew at the moment.

  Paul turned, walked back into the room, and pulled her into his arms. She felt safe for the first time in God only knows how long. She wasn’t sure exactly what was happening or why she was in Rocco’s home, but the tightness in her chest was a sign that something wasn’t right, and Paul’s embrace loosened the vise grip in her chest, even if only for a moment.

  “I know, baby.” He cradled her head and ran his fingers through her hair. “I’ll get you out of here. I promise.”

  “I love my father. He’s a good person,” Jillian said, almost as if reading from a script.

  “Jillian, you’re wrong, so very wrong. He is a very evil man. You have to be strong. He’s making you believe that you love him. It’s only an illusion.”

  “You made me fall in love with you, and it was a lie, all of it. I’m confused about a lot of things, but that I remember. I also remember that Rocco has been helping me. He isn’t evil. There must be some explanation. He’s just a father trying to connect with a daughter he lost to an island. That’s all.” But even as the words came out of her mouth, she knew it wasn’t right.

  “No. There’s more to it than that.” There was another knock on the door. “Tomorrow, I promise.” He made his way out the window, and before leaving, he whispered, “Be brave. I’ll be back.” Then he was gone.

  Jill ran to the window towards Paul. “No. I’ll see you outside the gate after breakfast. You’re wrong. You’ll see. I can leave whenever I want,” she whispered, unsure if he heard but fairly sure that even if had, she wouldn’t be meeting him. Not today and possibly not ever.

  ***

  Immediately upon awaking, even before she’d had a chance to look around the room, a bout of nausea enveloped her. She was about to make a mad dash to the bathroom to throw up when a warm sensation that began at her toes started rising upwards to her chest, arms, and face.

  Her heart began to pulse faster and faster. She barely made it to the bathroom. She gripped the edge of the sink.

  Chiseled abs.

  Bare thighs.

  Blue eyes.

  Naked.

  Alexander.

  A familiar woman, hands on his bare shoulders.

  Miriam.

  A cold sweat erupted against her neck. Her clammy hands clenched her chest. It hurt. Her heart was breaking in tiny little pieces. Jill woke from her trance as she never had before. It could have very well been the fastest spell she’d ever had, but it was also the most painful. She shuffled to the bathroom, the exhaustion overwhelming. Immediately, she began to throw up and cry. Her overheated body couldn’t take it. Her eyes stung and her ears rang. Frantically, she discarded her clothes and jumped into the shower, leaving it on the coldest possible temperature. The cold water cooled her sizzling skin and helped clear her mind. Once she was back to normal, or at least Jillian-normal, the intensity of vision began to take hold. Her knees were jelly, and she didn’t know how she’d make it from the shower back to bed. Her heart still pounded, but her limbs were not on the same page as her mind. She wanted to reach for a towel, but couldn’t find the strength. Now that her body was back to normal temperature, the cold water was making her shiver. She struggled to move her legs. One heavy leg moved forward then another. Repeat. Iron weights held her feet down. The fatigue was too much. She just needed to reach the towel then open the door and make it to the bed. Such a small task seemed to be as colossal as climbing Mt. Everest. Her lips quivered. She managed to wrap the towel around her body, but her legs gave way, and she fell on the cold marble floor of the bathroom. Her lids were heavy, her eyes barely slits. Had it not been for the coldness of the marble floor making her shiver, she would have fallen asleep right there, but she managed to crawl slowly out of her en-suite bathroom into her room. One elbow and one knee forward then another, her torso was getting closer and closer to the carpet that lined the floor to her bedroom. She could see the bed from her peripheral vision. The goal. One elbow and one knee forward then another, but even her elbows gave way. The exhaustion was too great. Suddenly, the bottom fell and she was floating.

  When she opened her eyes slowly, because it was the only way she could currently do anything, a familiar intoxicating smell woke her senses. Eyes as black as a moonless night, eyelashes that could make women weep with envy, and concern that made her heart shatter, stared back at her. She let out a small gasp. “Paul?” she managed to whisper.

  “It’s okay. Just sleep, baby.” Permission or not, she was asleep in his arms before he had laid her on the bed.

  ***

  Had she just dreamed that Alexander was carrying on an affair with Miriam? He’d forgotten all about her. Then Paul had carried her to bed? That had been by far the most intense and heartbreaking vision of her life. In an effort to get her bearings, Jill sat up slowly. Her blinds were slightly open, and the only light coming through was the glow of the moon. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness in the room. She moved her back closer to the headboard, and the bedcovers fell down a little, causing her to shiver. She looked down and noticed she was naked and that the cold air from the room gave her goose bumps. Odd. She never slept in the nude. She lifted the covers up to her neck and recollected the events of a few hours prior. Or days. Or minutes. At this moment, who the hell knew? She was living in a complete state of confusion. The vision. Paul carrying her.

  “Paul?” she whispered to herself.

  “Are you okay?” A deep husky voice said from a corner of the room. She shuffled higher on the bed and pulled the sheets up to her neck. She had called for him, but hadn’t expected him to be there. All that was visible from the light shining through the slits between the curtains was a tall figure. The man pushed himself up from the wing-backed chair at the far corner of the room. He moved towards her like a predator, slow and calculating. She tightened the covers around her neck and inched back even further. Once he was close enough, she was able to see him clearly. The perfectly intense face was still intense but far from perfect. The dark circles under his eyes made his dark pupils obsidian. The slicked black hair she was accustomed to seeing was a disheveled mess. His usual up-tight wardrobe of designer suits or slacks and crisp shirt had been replaced by black jeans and a black t-shirt, which, had it not been by the worry-lines marring his beautifully ominous face, would have made him look younger than ever. He normally carried himself with an air of confidence and mystery that made him look much older than his thirty-three years. If she’d ever thought him creepy, today he was just disturbing.

  He reached forward to touch her arm, as if he were approaching a scared and dangerous animal. The gesture was clearly his effort to set her at ease. She scooted back even further. He winced at her rejection, ran a hand over his face, and took a seat the edge of the bed.

  Disturbing, indeed.

  “Paul?” It was the second time she’d whispered his name.

  “Jillian? Sweetheart? Are you okay? When I came in,
you were on the floor. Your lips were blue and trembling. I was so scared. I thought I was too late.”

  “Too late?”

  “Are you okay?” he whispered again.

  “Um, yes, I think so.” She really wasn’t sure of anything at the moment. “What are you doing here?” She looked around. “Wait. Where am I?” She clenched the sheets even tighter around her naked body and jumped out of bed, moving back, towards the far wall. A scared animal, indeed. Paul walked towards her slowly, as if she would attack at any sudden movement.

  “Jill, I’m not going to hurt you. We need to talk. Keep your voice down, please.” He took another step forward, and she took one back until her back was against the wall and there was no place else to go. He carefully touched her shoulder. When she didn’t scream or run away, he slid his hand down her arm until he held the tip of two of her fingers. “Let me explain.”

  “No. No.” She wanted to yell. She was confused and overwhelmed. And naked. Why the hell was she naked?

  “Okay,” he said looking as if he was considering what to do next. “How about this. You can explain it to yourself?” He put both hands up in a sign of surrender and slowly moved towards her bed. He lifted her mattress and pulled out her journal and held it out for her.

  “What’s that?” she asked, her eyebrow arched.

  “Your journal.”

  “My journal?” she looked around, still confused. “Why do I have a journal here in . . .” She looked around some more. “Wait. Where the hell am I?”

  “Think, Jillian.” He took a cautious step towards her, still holding out the journal. “Close your eyes and focus. Tell me. Where are you?”

  Hesitantly, Jillian closed her eyes. Yesterday, after class she was picked up and brought to Rocco’s home for dinner. She must have dozed off and stayed over, since she couldn’t remember anything that happened after dinner. Eyes still closed, she brought one hand against her temple, as a headache began to form. “I’m at Rocco’s house?” she asked, although already knowing the answer.