Hard to Come By

by Laura Kaye

  But wouldn’t losing him be better than letting him hurt someone else or himself?

  Thing was, if what she knew about Manny she knew about one of her patients, she wouldn’t hesitate for a minute.

  Emilie sighed. She couldn’t do this before talking to her mother. She at least owed the woman the respect of letting her know what was going on before taking this step, even though she had no illusions that her mom would agree. Closing her laptop, she heaved a deep breath and wished for the millionth time she wasn’t going home to an empty house.

  On her way through the center, she said a few good-nights to the other staff. The place cleared out pretty quickly after five o’clock, particularly with the semester winding down. She stepped out onto the front porch and froze.

  The man from lunch—Derek—stood leaning against the column by the steps. The way his arms crossed his chest made his biceps and shoulders appear huge, which made her notice that he’d changed clothes since lunch. The minute his playful gaze landed on her, he pushed off the column.

  “Hi,” he said, looking sheepish and way sexier than any man had a right to look. From the way his blue jeans hung on his lean hips to the way his navy button-down hugged the muscles of his shoulders and chest to how tall he was, this guy was sex on legs.

  But what the hell was he doing here? And had he been waiting for her?

  “Uh, hi,” Emilie said, coming to a stop and brushing a strand of wavy hair out of her face.

  He took a step closer, making her notice once more that he had a slight limp. “So, I know this might be a little forward,” he said, dragging a hand over his hair like he might be nervous—and that actually made Emilie feel a little better. “But, uh, I’ve been kicking myself all afternoon.”

  “Kicking yourself about what?” she managed.

  Derek smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets. “About not getting your phone number or asking you out.”

  Emilie blinked. Did he just say . . . “Really,” she said, hearing the skepticism in her own voice. It wasn’t that she didn’t recognize the chemistry when they’d chatted, but the whole thing with her ex had given her a new sense of skepticism about men. She hated that, and didn’t want it.

  He nodded and shrugged. “Really.”

  She drank in his handsome face. Square jaw covered in a thin layer of brown scruff as if he hadn’t shaved in a day or two. Full mouth that always looked seconds from breaking into a smile, just as it did now. Intense brown eyes with corners that crinkled when he smiled or laughed. Add all that to how helpful and friendly he’d been at lunch—not to mention what a good listener—and any woman would be lucky to have him show up on her doorstep.

  “Well, uh, okay,” she finally said, her head whirling from the surprise and the headiness of having a man like Derek show such interest.

  “Okay?” he asked, stepping closer. “As in, you’ll go out with me?”

  Emilie laughed. The guy was kinda adorable in a totally masculine way.

  When she didn’t answer fast enough, he said, “I told you some things were harder to resist than others. Turns out you’re one of them. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, and about how much I wanted to keep talking to you.”

  Her heart raced and her stomach flipped. When was the last time a man had talked to her like this? One of the signs of Jack’s infidelity that she’d missed or explained away had been the disappearance of the flirtatiousness they’d had earlier in their relationship. Damn, it feels good to experience that again.

  And, truth be told, she’d been a little sad to see Derek leave the coffee shop.

  Grasping the strap of her computer case with both hands, she tilted her head and looked at him. “I enjoyed talking to you, too,” she said, her stomach giving a little flutter.

  He grinned. “Well, then, we’re agreed. We are damn fine conversationalists.”

  Emilie burst out laughing and nodded. “That we are.”

  Derek held out his hands. “So have dinner with me. Tonight. It’s a beautiful Tuesday evening. Save me from wandering the streets of Annapolis all alone.” His eyes sparkled with mischief, and his humor was infectious.

  “Oh, well, I wouldn’t want that,” she said. Was she seriously considering this? The attention was totally flattering, but the whole thing with Jack had left her heart feeling more than a little beaten up. But Jack was the past. Was she going to let him rule her future, too?

  “So, is that a yes?” he asked, stepping closer again, close enough that she could reach out and press her hand against the hard plane of his chest if she wanted. And truthfully, she wouldn’t have minded touching Derek. Or him touching her. God, but she missed the warm, strong hold of a man’s arms.

  “Come on. We can walk downtown. I’ll take you to your favorite place. Wherever you want. And then I’ll walk you back to your car.”

  Butterflies whipped through her belly, but what did she have to lose? Except for a disastrous blind date one of her cousins had arranged, she really hadn’t dated since she’d gotten divorced. What better opportunity would she have than with a man who was as gorgeous and fun as Derek? “You know what? I’d love to have dinner with you.”

  He clasped a big hand over his heart. “You’ve made me a happy man.”

  Smiling, she nodded. “Just let me throw some things in my car first?”

  “Of course,” he said. “May I?” Before she realized what he was doing, he gently removed the bags from her shoulder.

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that,” she said as he was already putting the straps over his own shoulder.

  “No,” he said, looking down at her. “But I want to.”

  Emilie swallowed, sure she must be imagining the way his gaze seemed to flicker to her lips and away again. “Well, thanks.”

  “After you,” he said. His fingertips lightly touched the small of her back as he guided her across the porch and down the steps.

  I can’t believe this is happening! I can’t believe this is happening!

  And, God, did he smell good. Clean and soapy and a little spicy. As they crossed to the parking lot, she took a deep breath and tried to hold it together. But on the inside, she was almost giddy.

  “Mine’s the white one,” she said. At the car, she stowed her laptop in the trunk and double-checked that everything was locked up. “Ready.”

  “Great,” he said. “Where would you like to go? What’s your favorite place? Or a place you’ve been dying to try?”

  “Well, you’re the guest here. I feel like we should go somewhere you’d—”

  “Nope. This is all about you.”

  Emilie hugged herself, loving what he’d said but also feeling a little bit like she wanted to squirm. She wasn’t used to putting herself first. “But . . . why?”

  “Because when you said yes, you gave me what I wanted. So I’ll be happy anywhere.” He shrugged as if it were just fact.

  Heat crawled up her face, and she wasn’t usually a blusher. She’d never met a man who just put what he was feeling out there as directly as Derek. It was freaking refreshing. “Well, uh, okay,” she said, unable to resist him. He’d been right—resistance was futile. At least where Derek was concerned. “There’s a great seafood restaurant right across the water. A water taxi runs from City Dock to the restaurant every couple of minutes. How does that sound?”

  “The girl, a great dinner, and a boat ride all in one night? Sounds fantastic.” He winked and offered his arm.

  Emilie laughed, realizing she did that a lot around him. It was almost like she couldn’t be in his presence and not feel good. He just had a great energy about him. She looped her arm around his, bringing them closer and making it even more clear that he had a good six inches on her. Nothing like a big man to make a woman feel feminine.

  “Lead the way,” he said.

  They walked across campus and into town, and all the while Emilie couldn’t wrap her head around how her evening had gone from lonely dinner for one to fairy tale in ten minute
s flat. Well, as close as she was getting to a fairy tale, anyway.

  “Have you lived in Annapolis all your life?” Derek asked. “Seems like a cool place to live.”

  “Oh, it definitely is. I couldn’t have been more excited when I got the job here. But I grew up in Northern Virginia, over in Fairfax. Still have family over there,” she said. “How ’bout you?”

  “Oh,” he said, looking down the street. She would’ve sworn something uncomfortable flashed across his face, but then it was gone again and she wasn’t sure. “I grew up in Ohio, but I haven’t been back in years.”

  “No family left there?” she said, looking up at him.

  He shook his head. “Never had a family.”

  Emilie’s sandal snagged on an uneven brick and she stumbled, but Derek caught her against his chest.

  She peered up at him, her heart quickening. “Thanks,” she said.

  “You okay?”

  She nodded. “No family?”

  Still holding her against him, Derek shook his head again. “Nope. Mother abandoned me when I was five. We’d been living with one of her friends and one night she didn’t come home. Left a note saying she couldn’t deal. Sure my mother would change her mind, her friend kept me around for a few weeks, but when my mother never returned, she turned me over to the cops who dumped me into the system. Mostly group homes after that.”

  “Oh,” she said, the word so insignificant compared to what she felt and what he’d been through. The man was a stranger, but her heart still broke for him. Who did that to a child? And what must it have been like to grow up without . . . anyone? Emilie’s mother was one of six siblings, so between her brother and all her aunts and uncles and cousins, her family was huge and loud and in each other’s business all the freaking time. But she wouldn’t want it any other way. Because the alternative—what Derek had experienced—must’ve been lonely and quiet and so, so solitary.

  His dark eyes searched hers and scanned her face. “Yeah, so, it’s just me,” he said, his gaze landing on her lips.

  Emilie swallowed and suddenly became aware of just how close they were. Her breast pressed against his chest. Her hand gripped his arm. Her hips were tight against his. Suddenly, the warmth of the early May evening flashed red hot.

  God, she wanted . . . she wasn’t even sure. Something. From him. With him. For him.

  A car tore down the narrow street, throwing Emilie out of the moment. She pulled back and righted herself, but she didn’t look away from his gaze. “Well, not tonight. Tonight it’s the two of us,” she said. “Remember? I’m saving you from wandering the streets of Annapolis all alone.”

  His lips slowly quirked up into a playful smile. “You sure are. Come on,” he said, offering his arm again.

  Silently now, they made their way to State Circle, where the big colonial statehouse towered over everything. On the far side of the circle, she led him down a hill toward Main Street, which was bustling with diners and window shoppers. This was the touristy part of Annapolis, and the streets, shops, and restaurants were always busy.

  “The water taxi’s just down at City Dock,” she said, pointing toward the water.

  Fifteen minutes later, they were on the squat red-and-white boat cruising across the harbor. The warm breeze tousled Emilie’s hair until she turned her face into the wind, which forced her to look at her handsome and somewhat mysterious seatmate. Where in the world had Derek come from? It was like he’d dropped into her life out of the sky or something.

  Maybe she was overthinking it.

  He turned and smiled at her. “It’s beautiful.”

  Her gaze scanned over the harbor, from the bustle of City Dock, to the stately buildings of the Naval Academy, to the three soaring radio towers that stood as sentinels over the open Chesapeake Bay. “Yes,” she said. “It is.” When she turned back to him, he was still staring at her.

  “Yeah.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

  Before she even realized it, they were docking on the restaurant’s pier.

  “Chart House stop,” the captain said.

  “This is us,” she said.

  Derek held her hand while she stepped to the pier. Inside, they got a table with a wonderful view of the marina and harbor. Almost as if on cue, the lights in the room dimmed, highlighting the flickering of the votive candle on the table. Emilie looked across the table and smiled, still finding it a little hard to believe this was actually happening.

  Nothing’s really happening, Em. It’s just dinner.

  Right.

  They ordered and the waitress brought their drinks and a big basket of fresh, warm rolls.

  “You have to try these,” Emilie said as she broke one apart, steam rising from within.

  Derek took one and followed suit, slathering it with butter. “So tell me about this big family of yours. What’s that like?”

  Emilie debated where to begin. “Well, I have five pairs of aunts and uncles, one living pair of grandparents, and fifteen cousins, plus my brother and mom. Family get-togethers are big, loud, and involve lots and lots of food. And some occasional arguing. But it’s mostly pretty awesome.”

  “Do you see them often?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Pretty often. Growing up, our whole social life was our family, so we still get together for holidays and major birthdays or anniversaries. In fact, this Saturday I’m hosting about thirty of them at my place for an early Mother’s Day celebration.” Emilie chuckled. “Some of the cousins can’t make it, so that number is smaller than usual.” Smaller, but still big enough to mean she had quite a bit of prep work yet to do this week.

  “Smaller?” he said, eyes going wide. “Damn. That’s something.”

  “Yeah. And that’s just my mom’s side. We don’t see my Dad’s side much since my parents split when we were kids.” Mostly because Dad was out of the picture. One day he’d been there, the next day he wasn’t. No good-byes, no nothing. Her mom’s family had stepped in and made sure they were taken care of, though. Just another reason Emilie cherished them so much.

  Derek nodded. “How the heck do you do Christmas with all those people?” he asked, taking a drink of his water.

  “Secret Santa. For as long as I can remember, we picked names. No one in my family had enough money to buy something for everyone.” Except for Manny, apparently. She thought of the hundred-dollar bills still lying on her coffee table. She’d felt too weird about them this morning to put them in her wallet.

  “Damn, your family is huge,” he said. “Is it hard to manage all those people at get-togethers?”

  “Oh, my God, sometimes it is. Aunt Sofia isn’t getting along with Aunt Lucia, so they can’t be seated together. Cousin Danna felt slighted because the last get-together wasn’t at her house, but there aren’t enough seats, so everyone needs to bring folding chairs with them. Or you need two platters of enchiladas when the Espinoza cousins are coming because those boys can eat.”

  “Wow,” he said, smiling. “I can’t imagine all that. But it sounds cool.”

  “It really is, in a totally neurotic kinda way.” She laughed, thinking about all the crazy stories she had about her family. Like the picnic when the boys had all held a disgusting hotdog-eating contest and Manny had lost to Robbie Espinoza. A twelve-year-old Manny had accused Robbie of have an unfair advantage because the older boy could fit half a hot dog in his mouth at one time. The story was on the tip of her tongue to share, but the thought of sharing information about Manny brought his words slamming back into her mind. Keep an eye out. And your mouth shut.

  Okay, see?

  Now Manny’s paranoia was wearing off on her. She sighed.

  “Hey, you okay?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she said, forcing the BS with her brother out of her head. Just for tonight. “I’m great. Thanks again for inviting me to dinner.”

  “My pleasure, Emilie,” he said as the waiter brought their food.

  They ate and talked and laughed, and it was one of
the nicest nights Emilie had had in a long, long time. She didn’t feel like a divorcee or a woman who’d been cheated on or a woman who’d somehow deluded herself into thinking she had a happy marriage.

  For once, she just felt like Emilie. Like a woman. Carefree and happy and enjoying the company of a man.

  Looking across the table, she smiled at a story Derek was telling about a three-legged puppy his friends had. And his obvious affection for the pup made her fall just that much more in like with the man.

  And that made Emilie wonder. What did she want with this man? What was she even ready for?

  She didn’t know the answers to those questions. She only knew she didn’t want this to be their only night.

  Chapter 6

  Marz felt great.

  And he also felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

  Great because he was having a fantastic time with Emilie. She was funny, warm, and genuine, the kind of woman you could talk to for hours about everything and anything and never once notice the passing time.

  An asshole because the date was a pretense to keep her out of her house so the guys could clear out the stash Beckett had found.

  Thing was, Marz had been psyched for the opportunity to spend more time with her. And he’d meant what he’d said—that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her, and that her agreeing to go out with him made him happy. Not because it made his job easier, but because he was a man wanting to spend more time with a beautiful woman.

  And, to be fair, he was a man wanting to know whether he’d really misjudged this woman. His brain knew Emilie had a pile of semiautomatics and heroin in her basement, but that so did not jive with how his gut read her. Elite operatives were trained to hone and trust their instincts. And right now, it was a freaking burr in his britches that he couldn’t square what he knew with what he felt.