by Patti Doss
I didn’t want to lead Jamal on or prevent him from moving on with his life.
The way I looked at it, if Jamal and I are meant to be together, then we would be no matter what. Jamal completely understood and even insisted that we remain friends. He even joked that once I’m better we could start back walking and running together, seeing that’s how we first met. Mike had moved back into the house. With me not working and him barely working, it just didn’t make sense to keep wasting money on a hotel, especially since we have a finished basement and a guest room.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts as I got dressed. “Come in.”
The nurse walks in with a bouquet of flower and a “Get well soon” and “I’m sorry balloon” along with a card.
“Thank you,” I told her as she put the items on the nightstand and left. I figured that it was from Mike, but after I started to open the card, I saw the name on the envelope. It was from Rachel.
In a huff, I threw the card and flowers in the trash and popped the balloon with a hair pin that I had in my head. Then I put that in the trash as well.
Again, I knew that I had to forgive Rachel, but it wasn’t going to be that day.
Mike arrived, and the nurse discharged me after giving me my therapy schedule. He seemed unusually happy for some reason, but I ignored that and I didn’t even bother to ask him why. I was ready to go home and relax. I’d been so ready to go home that I didn’t eat my breakfast, and now I was hungry. I asked Mike to stop somewhere to get something to eat, but he said he had cooked a big brunch at the house. Once we arrived home, Mike told me to close my eyes as he guided me through the side door that led into the kitchen.
I recognized the familiar smell of my house as I walked through. Even with my eyes closed, I was so happy to be home.
“Open your eyes, baby.”
I had such an eerie feeling. The last time Mike surprised me, I was surprised with him and Rachel’s betrayal the very next day.
“Surprise!!”
Instead of rose petals and wine, there were my closest friends, co-workers, and family members screaming surprise at me.
I looked around amazed and shocked. I hit him in his chest for not telling me what was going on so that I could at least have on some decent clothes and had my hair and makeup done. I spoke to a couple of guests and hugged a few before going upstairs to slip into something more decent. As I started up the stairs, the doorbell rang. Since the door was right by the steps, I screamed out to Michael, “I’ll get it!”
I opened the door and almost lost all control. Rachel had the audacity to be at my door with a gift in her hand and her little belly sticking out from under her shirt. I wanted so badly to hit her, to scream at her, to slam the door, but I didn’t do either. I just stood there and looked at her.
I didn’t hear Mike come up behind me until he said, “What are you doing here, Rachel? I told you not to come here!”
Before she could answer, I said, “Mike, I’ll handle this.” Reluctantly, he stood down as I turned my attention to her. “Rachel, why are you here? You are not welcome at my house. If you need to talk to Michael, then you and him need to work that out, outside of my home, but don’t ever come to my house again. I have no intention of talking to you or seeing you. We are no longer friends.” Then I sneered at her gift. “I don’t want your gift. I got the ones you sent to the hospital. The trash can ate those, so take that gift in your hands, exchange it and buy a gift for your baby. Don’t ever, as long as you live, step foot on my doorstep again! Now get the fuck away from me before I knock you the fuck out!”
Then I slammed the door and stomped up the stairs. I ignored the eyes of my guests, who had come towards the front door to see what the commotion was about. Michael followed me upstairs, asking, “Are you okay?”
I smiled at him and replied, “I’m fine.”
I was lying, but I wasn’t going to let Rachel fuck up my moment. She’d fucked up enough of my moments. Since it was apparent that I was trying to avoid the obvious, Mike left and allowed me to change in peace. He had been walking around on eggshells since he moved back in, and that was his best bet.
After changing clothes, I rejoined the party. The food looked great. There were Zaxby party platters of chicken tenders and different flavored wings, a Subway sandwich tray, Italian meatballs, rotel dip, fruit tray, and a beautiful two tier chocolate Turtles candy cake trimmed with purple icing and purple flowered decorations around the bottom tier and ‘Welcome Home’ on the top tier.
The celebration did not last long. It was a kind of celebratory lunch since it was a weekday. People had to get back to work.
Persia and Sharon stayed after the other guests left and Michael went back to work. This was the first time in weeks that we had been together.
Nobody spoke about the elephant in the room, although it was clear that it was on everybody’s mind. Since it had been so long since we were all together, minus Rachel, I decided to watch my favorite movie, Waiting to Exhale. I love that movie because of the unbreakable bond amongst the women in the movie. Watching that movie always made me think of us. Four women with completely different personalities, who are there for each other through the thick and the thin without judging each other.
Watching it may not have been a good idea since it was no longer a foursome. The Exquisite Divas, as we used to call ourselves in high school, had dissipated.
As we watched the movie, surprisingly, despite everything that goes on, we fell back into our normal selves. We started playing the ‘what if’ game we always played when we watched Waiting to Exhale together. Which character we are and why? What we would do differently? For a brief moment, we forgot our troubles and became lost in the movie.
Sharon was not thinking of her kids’ deadbeat dad. Persia was not thinking of her husband’s constant travel. I wasn’t thinking of Mike and Rachel.
For once in a long time, there was genuine laughter and smiles until we got to the part in the movie where they are celebrating Gloria’s birthday and Birdie snaps out, prank calls her husband’s mistress, breaks down and they have that great bonding moment.
That was us, Me, Persia, Rachel, & Tammie! That scene in the movie got to all of us, and we were all crying. Seeing how this night was about to go sour, I turned off the TV and turned on the stereo. I had a mixed CD inside, and The Wobble came on. Persia and Sharon got up and started wobbling around my living room.
My leg prevented me from joining them, but I still enjoyed just watching them. Just before the song ended, Mike and the kids came home and started joking Sharon and Persia about their dancing skills. We hadn’t done that in forever, and it felt so good.
Chapter 25
MIKE
I hadn’t been to an OB/GYN office in years. The last time I was in one was with Tammie for her six week, post-birth checkup after she had Mikayla. It’s funny how you remember the little things. I remembered when Tammie first told me that she was pregnant with Mackenzie, our oldest daughter. On her first doctor’s visit, I met the doctor, and he had this weird last name. He was a Russian doctor named Boris Holzmizzer. My facial expression must have given away my thoughts because he said, “You can just call me, Dr. H.” He even joked about his name, saying how it sounded like a pimp name or the name of a gun. Thinking about that memory made me laugh a little bit.
I heard someone ask, “What are you laughing at?”
Just like air being let out of a balloon, that smile disappeared as I realized that the woman beside me was not my wife!
I grimaced as I told Rachel, “Nothing.”
After waiting for over thirty more minutes, she was finally called back to see a doctor. I sat in one of the chairs in the hallway while she gave a urine sample. At this point, I didn’t need confirmation that Rachel really was pregnant. She was actually showing. They drew some blood from her and then we were placed in a room to wait on the doctor.
After waiting another ten to fifteen minutes, the doctor came in and intro
duced himself. “I’m Dr. Lawrence Johnson.”
He was tall and dark skinned. He looked like he could be a basketball player instead of a doctor.
“Rachel, we are going to do a pelvic exam and a sonogram so that we can give you an estimate of your due date. Your husband can stay in with you for the pelvic exam if you are more comfortable.”
Rachel and I looked at each other. Then I looked at my hand and realized I still had on my wedding ring.
I wanted to say, “She is not my wife,” but there was no point in going through all that. I just spoke up and said, “I’ll step out.”
After a while, the nurse came out and told me that the doctor was about to do the sonogram. Once back in the room, the doctor said, “Welcome back, Daddy! Now let’s check on your little bundle of joy.”
In my mind, I’m thinking, you mean bundles!
He poured the sonogram gel onto Rachel’s stomach, which seemed to have expanded in the last two weeks. Then he started moving the wand over her stomach. Before long, right before our eyes were two babies. Despite the situation, seeing those babies on the screen made my heart jump and made me smile.
“Congratulations, it’s twins!” said the doctor.
Part of me was happy, and the other part was angry at the mess I had gotten myself in. My mind started wondering what it would be like to have two more boys, especially since MJ had wanted a brother since forever, but Tammie got her tubes tied after Mikayla.
Tranquil thoughts wanted to fill my mind and my heart, but the realness of the situation was always at the forefront ready to shut down all thoughts of a happily blissful life. Rachel’s due date was in late April, around the time of my wedding anniversary.
The doctor finished up, printed copies of the sonogram and gave them to Rachel. I got several copies of the sonogram from Rachel to show Tammie. I didn’t want it to seem like I was rubbing Rachel’s pregnancy in her face, but I wanted to be the one to tell her it was twins, instead of her hearing from somebody else. Knowing my wife, she would want proof.
Driving home, I could barely focus. I didn’t want to tell Tammie. I didn’t know how to tell Tammie.
When I got home, Tammie was cleaning up. I was never good at hiding my emotions from Tammie. She always could read me like a book.
When she looked up at me, she knew something was bothering me. “What is it now, Michael?”
I hated when she called me Michael. It always seemed so cold and hateful.
I told her, “Have a seat, Tammie. We need to talk.”
Tammie sat down. By the look on her face, I knew that she was scared of what I was about to say. At that moment, everything I had rehearsed in my head went out the window. I was at a loss for words, so I just took out the sonograms and gave them to her.
I watched as she looked at picture after picture, her eyes filling with tears and her facial muscles tightening. She didn’t say a word. She just kept looking at the pictures over and over again, as if somehow they would change or her mind would finally register that they were real. She finally put the pictures down on the table carefully, as if they were made of glass and she was afraid she would break them. I wanted to say something but again, no words would come.
She looked at me with tears rolling down her face and asked me, “Why?! Why, Mike? Why?”
I couldn’t answer her. With every “why?” tears rolled faster and faster down her face. I tried to wipe her tears, but when I touched her face, she slapped me. Then she wiped her face, got up and went upstairs. I heard her go into our bedroom and lock the door.
I left her alone. I gathered up the sonograms and got my keys and left.
On my out, I called Persia and asked her to check on Tammie.
* * *
Since I had taken the day off, I didn’t have anything to do, so I decided to pick the kids up early from school and take them shopping. It had been a while since I spent some real one on one time with them.
I called Tammie to let her know that I had the kids, and we would be home by six.
Spending time with the kids seemed to clear my head for a while. My day was starting to look up until I walked into a shoe store and came face to face with Rachel. If I was just a little paranoid, I would have said that she was following me. I knew it was just fate and His sense of humor forcing me to face my demons head on. My kids saw her and immediately ran to hug Auntie Rachel.
She hugged them back and soon I heard her kids screaming, “Uncle Mike! Uncle Mike!
It was like a family reunion in Footlocker. Her kids hugged me. Then they started talking to my kids, and the hugging fest continued.
I wanted to grab up my kids and leave, but I realized that the kids had not played together or even seen each other outside of school since this situation happened. I didn’t want to hurt the kids, but I had to get away from Rachel. I told the kids we had to go, but Rachel and I would work something out so that they could play together on the weekend.
Rachel looked at me longingly, but I looked off. Everyone said their goodbyes and parted ways. I pushed all that to the side and focused back on my day with the kids. I wanted to get a gift for Tammie. I didn’t know what to get her, though. No gift could ever make up for what I’d done.
I don’t even think Kobe’s four million dollar, “I cheated” ring would be enough to express how sorry I was for what I did.
I ended up getting Tammie a Pandora bracelet with charms of some of her favorite things. I got her a chef’s hat charm because she loves to cook, high heel charm because she loves shoes, a lipstick charm because she loves makeup, a book because she loves to read, a feather pen because she loves to write, a March, June, and November birthstone for our kids, and a purple purse because she loves the color purple and she loves purses. I also got her three letter M’s for each of our kids’ names and a heart with her name inscribed on it. I didn’t put any charms on the bracelet to remind her of me. I also let the kids pick out gifts for their mom.
Mikayla got her mom a purse and her favorite candy, Turtles. Mackenzie got her mom her favorite perfume, Estee Lauder’s Intuition and a 122 eye color palette. MJ picked out his mom a very nice card and a Smokie Norful and Anthony Hamilton CD. It was amazing how they knew some of their mom’s favorite things. It was at that moment that I realized I stopped doing little things like that for my wife. Maybe that where’s it all started to go wrong.
Now I understand why R. Kelly was singing about turning back the hands of time. I wanted to break down, but my kids were with me and I was in a mall surrounded by too many people. So I sucked up the pain, fought off the tears, and headed home.
Chapter 26
RACHEL
After running into Mike at the mall, I left. It hurt me to hear his kids call me Auntie Rachel, knowing that I had betrayed their mother. It hurt even worse to hear my kids refer to him as Uncle Mike. Once back in the car, they begged me to let them go over to Uncle Mike’s house. That made me realize that in the midst of all of this, I never stopped to think about how my actions would affect my kids’ and Tammie’s kids’ relationships. Our children were close as sisters and brothers and best friends like first cousins. Ever since all this mess went down, they hadn’t been able to play together. I had not only betrayed Tammie, but I had betrayed my own children as well.
The kids were upset because they couldn’t go with Uncle Mike, so I stopped by the store to get them their favorite snacks. As the kids and I walked towards the ice cream section, the kids ran ahead of me as usual. I heard them talking to somebody, so I hurried up and turned into the ice cream aisle. We must have seen each other at the same time because our eyes met seemingly at the exact same moment. She looked at me and immediately looked down at the ball in my shirt.
I wanted to walk away, go into another aisle, but I couldn’t move or speak. I just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. I saw the rage and pain in her eyes. I felt Tammie killing me over and over again with her stares.
I wanted to run out of the store, but s
omething in me said, It’s time to stop running. You have to face her.
I was still afraid of the way she looked at me, but I know we had to be civil between each other for the kids’ sake, if not our own. The kids were hugging her and telling her how they saw Mike and the kids at the mall. I saw her curiosity peak through the roof. She forced herself to smile even though she wanted to curse.
I walked up and spoke. She spoke back, very dryly of course but that was to be expected. The kids started asking her when they could come over and play with the kids.
“I’ll think about it and let your mom know,” she told them with a fake, forced smile.
“Go ahead and pick out the ice cream you want,” I told the kids. “Let me talk to Auntie Tammie.”
I caught Tammie roll her eyes. She didn’t want to hear anything I had to say, but I think part of her wanted an explanation, wanted an apology, or like me, she was just tired of running from the situation. Despite how bad Tammie wanted to kill me, I knew she would never make a scene in public, especially in front of the kids, so I decided to use this opportunity to my advantage and attempt to clear the air.
“Tammie, please just give me a minute to say what I need to say and I promise I will never bother you again.” She relaxed, so I assumed that was my cue to talk. “First of all, we saw Mike at the mall. I wasn’t with him.” I could tell that that made her feel better. “I just want to say I’m sorry for everything. I should have never betrayed you the way I did. I never meant for any of this to happen. If I could, I would reverse time and make everything right again, but we can’t go back. All we can do is move forward and go on with our lives.”
Tammie shifted her weight from her left side to her right, like she was contemplating hitting me or walking away. Despite that, I continued. “It’s over between me and Mike. It’s been over. I was the one holding on to the fact that maybe he could love me as half as much as he loved you, but he only saw me like all the other men see me, as a side bitch. He loves you, Tammie. He has always loved you.” Then I admitted something I had a hard time opening up about all these years. “I guess I was jealous of that. I wanted someone to love me as much as he loved you. When I saw an opportunity to try to make him love me like that, I took it. I seduced him, Tammie, not the other way around. So please don’t hold that against him. I know you probably want to kill me right now, but I’m trying to be honest and clear the air. We have been so focused on ourselves that we haven’t stopped for a minute to think about how all this has affected our children. I know it is going to take a lot for you to forgive me. I know that you are not at that place right now, but I do hope that we can come to some type of agreement, so the kids can be friends again, because they miss each other.”