by Alicia Rae
“You’re stalling.”
“Maybe,” I proclaimed, still trying to find my courage. It has to be in there somewhere.
He outstretched his hand to me. “Come on. I won’t let you go.”
The reassurance in his voice had me reaching forward to take his offer. I held my breath, accepting there was a good chance I was going beneath the water.
I lifted one leg, crouched over the side, and let myself fall into the water as gracefully as possible. It was a tad colder than a swimming pool but still tolerable. I kicked my legs back and forth, hard, to keep my head above the surface. It was then that I felt Blake’s hands on my waist. My hands and legs automatically banded around his waist.
“Audrey, I can’t swim with you wrapped around me like a tree.” Blake chortled, loosening my grip as he managed to keep us afloat. “It’s okay. I got you.” He kept his eyes on mine. “You gotta listen close and trust me, okay?”
“Yes,” I rasped. I kicked my legs beneath me, moving them as quickly as possible, while holding on to his arms tightly.
“You need to let me go. You have a vest on, so you’ll stay afloat, and I’m right here. Bring your arms to the center of your body and then move them outward away from you, like I was doing earlier in front of the boat. At the same time, keep your feet peddling as if you’re riding a bicycle.”
I did as he’d said, focusing on his instructions and repeating them over and over again in my mind. My body felt so much lighter. I kicked my legs harder and faster.
“There you go.” He grabbed the center strap of my vest and turned us to face the shore. “All right, now, we are going to head closer to shore, so I can start teaching you how to swim.”
When we could touch the pebbles and sand beneath our toes, we stopped.
“The first thing to remember is to make sure your back stays straight by tightening all your core muscles. This will prevent you from injuries.” He came behind me and raised my arm with his own. His skin glided across mine. “Bend your fingers slightly and make a cup, like this.” He showed me what he meant with our hands. “Then, you reach forward, scoop the water, and push it back while kicking with the opposite leg. Your arms bend with the movement, but your legs stay straight as you alternate sides,” he finished, ending with his hands on my hips.
“You make it sound so easy,” I replied, trying to remember everything he’d said.
He spun me around until we were eye-to-eye. “It is once you get the hang of it.”
“All right,” I breathed. “Here we go.”
I leaped forward into the water, positioning my body as he’d instructed, and I treaded through the water. My vest made the challenge easier, so I worked on keeping my form. After a good ten to fifteen feet, I set my feet back on the ground and looked over my shoulder.
Blake was smiling proudly at me. “See? That wasn’t so hard! That was great!” He waved his hand at me. “Now, swim back!”
I swam back over to him, trying to keep my legs straighter this time. It felt odd not to bend my knees, but I felt like I was getting the hang of it.
When I reached Blake, I stood and then jumped into his arms. “I did it!”
“Yeah, you did.” He beamed and then hugged me tightly. His arms swung me around in the water.
I held him with all my might while saying, “Thank you,” over and over again.
It was such a simple task to learn. However, no one had ever taken the time to teach me, except for this beautiful, kind man in front of me. For that, I would forever be grateful to him.
After swimming around until my arms and legs felt like Jell-O, Blake and I brought the boat to the shore, so we could climb back in. The blanket was the only item that we could use to dry off before dressing, but it did just the trick. Then, we each sat down in our seats to catch our breaths. It was only then I learned swimming was actually a very tiring sport.
Within minutes, Blake’s stomach rumbled loudly, making the two of us laugh. “Please tell me you have food in that basket of yours,” he said, rubbing his stomach.
“Of course.” I grinned, maneuvering myself to grab the handles and open the lid. “I made some beef sandwiches for us. I also have chips and water, too.”
“Now we’re talking,” Blake responded with hilarity.
I handed him his food and then opened my own. We began to eat in silence while listening to our surroundings. Birds chirped from the trees, and I could hear the boats out in the distance.
“So, may I ask what made you pick boating today?” he asked in between taking bites of his sandwich.
I finished chewing my chip and swallowed, deciding what to tell him. This was a part of myself I had never shared with anyone. To others, it might sound insignificant, but to me, it was more than that.
“When I was a little girl, my father was gone most of the time, so my mother cared for me alone day after day.” Memories flooded my thoughts, knowing Blake was listening to my every word intently. “He wasn’t around when I learned how to ride a bike or learned how to ice skate. He never even went to any of my chorus concerts all through school, no matter how much I would beg and plead for him to come when he was home.” I frowned deeply, unable to keep my feelings at bay. “His answer would be, ‘I’m busy,’ or ‘Maybe next time.’ When I entered seventh grade, I just gave up.” Tears filled my eyes, and I hastily blinked them back. “When midterms came out, I was flunking all my classes. I wanted my father to notice me, to care about me.”
“That’s something every child wants and needs,” Blake chimed in softly.
I nodded in complete agreement. I realized if I didn’t get my story out now, then I probably never would. “Any young teen in my position would have expected to get grounded, big time. But my father took me out on a boat”—I gestured to the tiny rowboat we were sitting on—“like this. He rowed us out on the lake to this very spot and stopped. Then, after chastising me about my grades, he told me, life is what you make of it. You either strive for your dreams, or you settle for less.”
“Was your relationship with him better after that?” Blake questioned as if trying to understand.
“No,” I answered truthfully, recalling the rest of our conversation all those years ago. “My father later went on to say that he had settled for less, and he didn’t want me to make the same mistake.” I let out a deep sigh, acknowledging this explanation was not going the way I had originally envisioned. “It was the first time in my life when I spent a few hours alone with my father, kind of like father-daughter time. Anyway, when we got home, things in our family went back to the way they had been for years.”
Blake frowned at me. “Where is the happy ending to that story?” His tone resembled confusion.
That’s just it. There really isn’t one. The only thing I learned was never to fall in love. It doesn’t exist. Knowing I couldn’t say that to him, I said, “There kind of isn’t one.” I shrugged, ignoring the pain left behind in my heart. After having such a wonderful afternoon with Blake, I tried to find some light to shed on my story. “Except I did get one day with my father.”
I suddenly felt profoundly embarrassed. Now that I had finally spoken my memory out loud, it wasn’t all that spectacular. No wonder I’d kept my life private. I had a very good reason to.
Blake’s rocking of the boat redirected my attention to him. He was coming toward me. Then, he knelt down in front of me. His eyes were full of…sympathy or a revering gentleness.
No, that wasn’t it.
They appeared to be full of love.
I held my breath as his hand settled on my thigh, rubbing in a soothing gesture.
“Audrey,” he breathed, lifting his other hand to caress my cheek, as he leaned into me. His hair was still wet from swimming, and his touch felt so familiar. “I can’t rewrite your past, but I damn well will make sure your future is written with memories filled with laughter and joy and the happiness you deserve.”
All my air expelled on a whoosh, and I could swear that I was trembling slightl
y, too. We had gone from laughing and swimming to emotions coursing high.
“That’s just it,” I whispered. Then, it dawned on me I was in too deep. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Today, as well as our entire time together, had been perfect, but it went against what I’d believed to be true my entire life. “I don’t want to fall in love…ever.”
Blake tenderly wiped away my tears with his thumb. All the while, his eyes burned into mine as if he were tearing down my armor one layer at a time.
“It’s too late for that, Audrey.” Blake smiled a slow, shy smile, the kind that took my breath away. Only he had the power to do it again in less than twenty seconds. “Because I already love you.”
My heart sped up faster and faster until I was sure I would have a heart attack. I shook my head rapidly back and forth, denying his words. “You can’t,” I nearly cried. “It will ruin everything.”
Blake pulled me down into his arms, holding me against him. I wanted to surrender to what he made me feel so badly, yet another part of me wanted to fight against it, knowing love only ended in heartbreak.
He leaned back enough to cup my chin and caress his thumb against my skin. “I understand why you don’t want to fall in love, Audrey. Your parents haven’t exactly painted the perfect picture for you, but you need to know that’s not how love works.” His hand continued over my cheeks, trying to soothe me. “It’s too late for us to go back. You’ve already changed me. You give me hope for the future. You make me want things I’ve never envisioned for myself, and with you, I believe they can be real, not just a dream away in the distance.”
Tears filled my eyes, knowing if I were honest with myself, I already loved him, too. Fear held me down though and sealed itself around my heart, keeping me from speaking what I felt inside. Uncertainty took its place.
“You don’t have to have all the answers now, Audrey,” Blake said, brushing my damp locks of hair off my forehead. “All I ask is that you give us a chance. Give me time to show you that love is worth the risk.”
All he was asking for was time, not for me to say the words back…even though I already knew they were true in my heart.
I could give him time because he had given me so much more.
“Okay, time,” I agreed, nuzzling into him to calm my erratic pulse, as I breathed him in. “I’ll give us time.”
~Blake~
“Hello?” I murmured into my cell, coming out of a dead sleep.
“Wake up, bro!” Jason yelled into the line, making me sit up straight in my bed.
“What?” I exclaimed with concern. “Is everything okay? What happened?”
“It’s Lily,” Jason clarified. “Her water broke. She’s going to have the baby today!”
I smiled and rubbed my face. Then, it dawned on me that her due date wasn’t for a few weeks. “Wait! Isn’t it too early for the baby to come?” I jumped out of bed and threw on the first pair of clothes I could get my hands on.
“I thought so, too, until I called Mom. She said thirty-seven weeks was considered full-term. We are all on the way up to the hospital now.”
I grabbed my truck keys off my dresser and headed for the door. Audrey had been staying at home this week because her mom was undergoing a new treatment plan. “I’m going to swing by and pick up Audrey, and we’ll be right on our way.”
“See you soon,” Jason responded as I locked up my place. “Drive safe.”
“Will do. We’ll be there in twenty.”
I hung up the phone and called Audrey on the way to the garage. Luckily, she answered on the second ring.
“Blake?” she asked in a perplexed, sleepy voice. “Everything all right?”
“Lily’s water broke this morning. We are on the way to the hospital.”
I could hear shuffling through the phone. “I just need to slip on some clothes, and I’ll be ready to go. Give me two minutes.”
I smiled, loving that I hadn’t even needed to ask her to go. She was already a part of my family whether she was ready to accept it yet or not.
“I’ll be there in one,” I said, my smile widening so big that my cheeks hurt.
I had a whole new appreciation for women and childbirth. Lily had been in labor for sixteen hours and counting.
Jason, Abbey, and Pearl were sitting in the first row of chairs in the waiting room. Pearl was so adorable to listen to. She had a whole whirlwind of questions about babies and childbirth. And bless Abbey’s heart, she answered all of them so well.
Kyle and Abbey’s parents, Grace and Gavin, were here, patiently awaiting the arrival of their second grandchild. I had been introduced to their eldest son, Ryan, his wife, Katie, and their little one, Annabel when we first arrived at the hospital.
My parents, Lucie and Dan, had arrived last night. They were sitting across from Damon and Gail. Gail was holding Damon’s hand while catching my mom up on all the latest upcoming wedding details.
The whole gang was here, except for…
An overwhelmingly painful ache pierced my heart, knowing Lily’s parents and her sister, Annie, weren’t here today. Lily would never get to share this part of her life with them. She had suffered so much more in her lifetime than any of us.
Audrey’s hand enclosed over mine, causing me to swallow deeply. I gave her a reassuring smile. Today was a day for joy, not sorrow. My aunt, uncle, and Annie were all watching from above and smiling down on us.
It was then I realized Kyle was still in the room with Lily. In fact, he hadn’t left her side once since we got here. I was reassured in that moment that I couldn’t have dreamed up a better man for my cousin.
Over the hours, we all rotated between visiting Lily and giving her time to rest. Mom and Grace were the last to go into the room.
We all jumped to our feet at seeing the glee that was practically bouncing off the two of them as they walked toward us.
“It’s time!” Mom cried. “Lily is dilated to ten and fully effaced. She is going to start pushing!”
I was glad I wasn’t the only guy in the room with a horrified expression on my face. “What in the hell does that mean?” I murmured in a stupefied voice, making my pops laugh at me.
“Mom!” Damon yelled.
“Mom!” Jason threw his hands over his face. “I don’t need to hear all the details!”
Mom threw her hand over her lips, stifling her laughter. “I’m sorry, boys. I didn’t mean to explain all of that.” This time, she did chuckle. “It seems you all will be learning those terms soon on your own.” She waved her hands at the three sets of eyes still flashing with terror.
Shit, having a baby is frightening, and I’m not even in the room! Poor Kyle…I have mad respect for that guy now.
“Anyway, it means the baby will be here soon!” Mom added.
We all breathed a sigh of relief that Lily was going to be okay, and we began waiting all over again. The next hour was the longest of my fucking life.
This time, Kyle came out to get us. The smile on his face was not any ordinary smile. It was full of so much love that it nearly brought this Marine to his knees.
“Everyone,” he said, stopping a few feet away, “Lily and I would like to introduce you to our daughter. Follow me.”
He turned on his heels, and we all nearly ran after him. Once in the room, Kyle came to stand at his wife’s side. All of us gathered around the bed. Lily was cuddling her daughter against her chest and kissing her forehead. When Lily glanced up, her eyes glistened with tears, mirroring Kyle’s.
“Thank you all so much for coming, for being a part of our family. We love you.” Lily sniffled quietly. Then, she peered up at her husband, smiled, and glanced back at us. “We would like you to meet Natalie Ann Madison.”
My eyes blurred so damn bad. Tears streamed down my cheeks at hearing Lily’s voice. She didn’t need to explain her reasoning of the name. We all knew whom she was honoring—her mother and sister.
“Someday, we’ll have a little Henry to chase around, t
oo,” she said to my aunt, her voice wavered.
My mom stepped forward and came to Lily’s side. She gently took Lily’s hand. “I think that’s so beautiful, Lily. You know they are all here, smiling over your new family, right?”
Fuck. I thought we were all crying now. I squeezed Audrey’s hand tighter to soothe the ache burning in my chest.
“Yes.” Lily nodded, her eyes beaming brightly. “They’ll always be with me and my family, in our hearts and watching over us from above.”
“Yes, sweet girl.” Mom rubbed Lily’s forehead. “I love you so much.” My mom smiled. Then, her eyes shifted to Natalie Ann. “Now, give me that sweet baby, so Auntie Lucie and all of us can show her some love.”
And so it began. Natalie Ann was gently passed around the room as her eager family members waited to greet her with the purest love and affection.
When it was my turn, I sat in the chair next to Lily’s bedside with Audrey at my side. Kyle set Natalie Ann in my arms and returned to his wife.
I gazed down at the little one in my arms, amazed at how tiny she was. It was the first time I had ever held a baby in my life. I put my index finger up to her hands, reveling in the difference of size. Then, I covered her back up with the white hospital blanket while mesmerized by her beauty.
I smiled up at Lily, who was watching me with tender eyes. “She’s so beautiful.”
“She is.” Lily nodded with a loving smile. “She’s perfect in every way.”
“You’re going to be a wonderful mom, Lily.”
“Thank you.”
I shifted my attention to Kyle. “And you’re going to be a great dad.”
“Thank you,” Kyle said to me.
I redirected my eyes to Audrey, and I saw such affection and love glowing in them. “Would you like to hold her?” I asked, carefully rising to my feet.
“I’ve never held a newborn before,” Audrey admitted shyly, glancing between the two of us.
“Me either until today.”
Audrey shyly beamed up at me. “Okay.”
She sat down in the chair and held her arms open. I passed the baby to her and knelt down in front of her, not ready to tear my eyes away from Natalie Ann just yet.