Trainwreck

by Heather C. Myers

  "Ready?" Sadie asked when she stood in front of her friend.

  Natasha nodded. "Sorry I ditched you for a few moments," she said and cocked her lips into a grin. "But I see that you weren't too lonely with the company..." She let her voice trail off, her eyes catching something in the distance, and her eyes narrowing slightly at it.

  "What?" Sadie asked, still smiling but sounding unsure. She turned in hopes to catch what it was that her friend was seeing. "What is it?"

  Upon finding just what it was her friend was looking at caused her entire heart to stop. Behind them, leaning on the wall adjacent to the door, was Asher, but his lips were attached to the girl's underneath him and the two seemed to be going at it. Sadie's mouth dropped. How could - What was - Why was this happening? Were all the signs she had read were wrong? Her eyes filled with tears that she stubbornly refused to let fall, and for a moment, she stood there, staring, in shock.

  "Let's go, Sadie," Natasha said gently, but Asher seemed to have heard her because he stopped and turned, looking directly into her eyes.

  For a short second, Sadie could have sworn there was regret laced within his chocolate colored orbs, but he blinked and it went away. Surely he could see how she was affected by his heartless actions. Well, Sadie got what she wanted to know. And that was why she came here, wasn't it? Sure, she didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did, but then again, maybe she should have. Maybe she should have prepared herself for something like this, even though she had tried moments ago.

  Finally, Sadie turned and started to follow Natasha out the door, completely unaware that Asher was following and prepared to confront her right outside.

  Chapter 22

  Asher wasn't sure why he was following her out the door, if he was being honest. He had just seen the desolate look on her face and - No, he didn't want to think about that right now. Asher was all about confrontation in these sorts of situations. He knew that what he did wasn't wrong; they weren't dating which meant he was free to make out with whoever he wanted. The motives behind what he had done were his and his alone. It was no one's business, and... Well, again, he didn't want to think about it.

  "Hey," he called after her before reaching out and grabbing Sadie's wrist. He didn't pull on it too hard, but enough so that she would stop and turn around so she would regard him. Sadie was glaring at him, and for a moment, Asher just stood there, unsure of what to do or say, fingers coiled around her wrist. She didn't pull away from him, which was probably a good sign, but as he stood staring at her, Asher wondered for a moment what he was doing.

  "What do you want?" Sadie asked through gritted teeth, her green eyes flashing dangerously as they narrowed into his. She was too caught up to realize he was still holding onto her, and her emotions sent her heart in a tizzy, causing it to beat erratically. She needed to get out of there, to have time to get over Asher because it was quite obvious now that he had no interest in her.

  Immediately, Asher felt himself get defensive at Sadie's question, and his own eyes began to narrow. "What do I want?" Asher asked sharply. "You're the one who showed up at the party."

  "Yeah, the party that I told you about in the first place," Sadie snapped. She could see Natasha standing behind her slightly, unsure of what to do. Sadie was just glad Natasha was there; she could feel herself get stronger just by her friend's presence. "And all of a sudden you're asking Kristen to go with you. Right in front of me."

  "You're the one who agreed to go with the new guy!" Asher exclaimed. "Or that's what you told me at least."

  "I said I would consider it," Sadie snapped. "I said I might consider it. But you know what? In all honesty, I told him I didn't want to go. I told him my mother probably wouldn't let me out of the house after getting another detention. I wasn't planning on going at all until I saw you ask Kristen to this party in front of me." Sadie glanced up at the sky, a look of disbelief on her face. "I mean, some random chick is sitting on your lap and you're not even going to do anything about it? I thought..." She let her voice trail off before clenching her jaw together and looking at the grass beneath her feet. Remarkably, her tears had yet to fall.

  What Sadie had told him caught Asher off guard, and for a moment, he opened his mouth as though to respond before shutting it and swallowing. "Yeah?" he asked, his voice softer now, but just as scathing. He had finally dropped her wrist, but he took a step towards her so the curious kids decorating the outside lawn could not overhear. "Well, you thought wrong Sadie. I can ask anyone out. It's like you said. We're not boyfriend- girlfriend. I can do whatever I want."

  Sadie looked as though she was about to argue, but she stopped herself knowing that she couldn't. He was right. She had said all of those things before, when Asher wanted to know what had happened between her and Tyler. But now it would seem that the roles were reversed, and he was using everything she had said to him against her.

  "And you know what?" Asher asked, arching a brow as he took yet another step towards her. "It's completely ridiculous for you just to assume that we would ever be together. There is no way we would work out. You're a good girl, princess. It's not likely you would stick around with me for very long. And me? I'm a tramp. I'm not going to stay focused on a girl like you. Whatever notions you have of us being together, get it out of your head because it's not going to happen. And for you to even think that it will? Well, that's just a waste of your time. So stop bothering me and stop pretending that all of a sudden, you care because I know you don't. I sure as hell don't care about who you do or don't screw."

  Asher inwardly winced at the words that had fallen out of his mouth, knowing that they were the wrong choice of vocabulary with what he wanted to try and convey. He clenched his jaw, glancing at his combat boots, refusing to say anything else because he knew that if he did, it too would come out wrong. He hadn't meant to sound so callous, especially when... when what he was saying wasn't true. He wanted nothing more - No, he wouldn't – couldn't – think about that.

  What Asher had said caused the color to drain from Sadie's face. A tear slipped down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away. "Fine," she said. At first, Asher didn't think she had actually spoken due to the softness of her voice. "Fine." She picked her head up and forced herself to lock eyes with the boy standing in front of her before nodding once. She refused to say anything else, but it was obvious that the message he wanted to convey had gotten through to her and she wouldn't be bothering him again.

  With that, she turned and headed over to Natasha. Sadie didn't have to say anything to Natasha for Natasha to understand that not everything had gone well. In the silence, Natasha wrapped her arm around Sadie's shoulder and the two began heading to the car that had been parked a couple of blocks away.

  Asher watched the two retreating figure with an enigmatic expression written on his face. He reached up and began to finger the now-familiar ring hanging from a chain around his neck as he continued to stare after them, despite the fact that they had disappeared into the darkness.

  Everything he had told Sadie was a lie, but it was what he had to say in order for him to hurt her to the point where she didn't want to be with him anymore. The prospect itself sounded cruel, and it was. But he knew that they wouldn't work out. Not because she was biased on her end, but because he knew that he would never be good enough for her, but instead of actually admitting that, he told her some bogus lie. He knew that if she got to know him, that if he allowed her into his world, she would find more flaws than perfections and would end up breaking up with him. He couldn't introduce her to his family; they were completely screwed up, and they were one of the reasons Sadie would definitely not want to be with him.

  It was like he had said; he was a tramp. He was used to being alone, and he didn't mind being alone. Asher liked the fact that he had different opportunities to be with different girls, but the game was always the same. They would fool around but nothing would ever be permanent. That was how he wanted it.

  But then Sadie came into his life
and everything he had felt suddenly changed or it disappeared completely. When he had first laid eyes upon her during their first Saturday school together, he knew that she was different, but there was no way he could ever have imagined that he would feel this strongly about anybody, let alone her.

  There was definitely a part of him that wanted nothing more than to shrug his problems off of his shoulders and try to have a normal relationship with her. But what was normal? Asher had never actually been a boyfriend before, and he knew that with his track record, he would screw that up. No. He wasn't going to take a chance on a relationship between him and Sadie no matter how badly he wanted to. It was better that he break her heart than she break his. Maybe this way she would learn a lesson and end up being like him; unsure about relationships in general.

  But hat wasn't his intention at all.

  Just admit it, Asher, an unfamiliar voice whispered through his thoughts. You said all of those nasty things to Sadie because you're afraid that she won't like you once she figures out who you really are.

  Asher didn't respond to the voice because he didn't have to. It was true. No matter how much he wanted Sadie in his life, he was too scared to take a chance because it probably wouldn't last anyway.

  With that, he shoved his hands in his pockets and started to head back to his home, leaving Kristen at the party, completely unaware of his departure.

  Chapter 23

  Mid-October

  Sadie was sitting in Marine Biology, trying desperately to pay attention to Mr. Wilbourne's explanation of conversions, but her mind kept going back to Asher, her eyes kept going to the door. Her head was resting in the palm of her hand and her elbow was propped against the cool surface of the table. She and Tyler had been talking on and off the past couple of weeks, and he had asked her out a couple of times, but she kept making excuses. To be completely honest, Sadie still wasn't over Asher, despite her utter determination to be. But there was something inside of her that wouldn't let go of him. Call her stubborn, call her whatever, but no matter how hard she begged herself, no matter how hard she tried to rationalize it, she was stuck. She felt there was some sort of reasoning behind it, but...

  God, don't even start thinking about it, Sadie, she thought to herself as Mr. Wilbourne continued to scribble equations on the whiteboard. You'll get a headache... Why are there so many equations in Marine Biology?... Where the hell is Asher anyways? He hasn't been here for the past two weeks. Not that I've noticed or anything...

  But it was true. Asher Boyd had yet to show up to Marine Biology for the past nine days. Sadie, at first, thought he was just ditching this particular class because it started at seven thirty in the morning, and it was common for any kid at the school to ditch their first-period class in order to sleep in a few more minutes on any given day. But then Sadie noticed that Asher wasn't around the campus, hanging with his friends or whoever he was quote unquote dating that week. She hadn't seen him anywhere. And there was an unsettling feeling slowly growing in the pit of her stomach that maybe... maybe something was wrong.

  As she tried to copy the notes while simultaneously thinking about what to do, she came to the conclusion that she should go over to his house just to make sure he was okay. Yes, and she could say that she wanted to give him the notes over the past couple of weeks that he had missed so he wouldn't fall behind. Sadie began to smile as her ideas fell into place and it was only at the end of her thoughts did she realize something was wrong.

  Shit, she thought, and her mind was so focused she wasn't sure if she had merely thought the swearword or if she muttered it under her breath. Oh well; like it mattered. There were more pressing issues. I'm one of those girls.

  By one of those girls, Sadie meant the type of girl she despised, the girl that couldn't take a hint. Maybe Asher really didn't like her. Maybe everything that had happened between them at that Saturday school, the conversation, the kiss, the ring she gave him... Maybe that didn't matter. Maybe she really couldn't take a hint. Maybe Asher really didn't like her... The thought caused Sadie's heart to constrict painfully, and as the bell rang, she tried to ignore it, tried to push the feeling aside.

  Okay, okay, Sadie tried to rationalize as she headed down the slope and to the Village to her next class. How about this? You know how his family is. Maybe something really had happened to prevent him from coming to school. Check on him today after school. If he really is okay and he was ditching school, you have to make a conscious effort to get over him. No more being stubborn. Hell, go on a date with Tyler. But some sort of effort at rehabilitation needs to be made.

  "Deal," Sadie murmured under her breath so the passing students wouldn't think she was weird for talking to herself. And she meant it.

  After dropping off Natasha, Sadie headed to Asher's neighborhood in the Narrows. She had been there only once though she had never gone in. Tony needed to get something from Asher, and she had driven to his house with him. It had only been once, but Sadie had remembered how to get there.

  Now, as she walked to the front door, she felt butterflies ram into the sides of her stomach. Maybe she shouldn't be here. God, what if he thought she was a freak. But all of her concerns didn't matter when she kept reminding herself that Asher could be hurt. Yes, she knew she wasn't a superhero or anything like that, but she could help in some way.

  Sadie quickly knocked on the door before taking a step back, holding the binder she had brought (filled with actual notes regarding Marine Biology) to her chest and sucking in her breath. A man answered the door, and though he was wearing a stained white muscle shirt, pajama pants, and was thirty pounds overweight, Sadie knew immediately that this was Asher's father. He had the same brown hair, but this man's was greying, and though they shared the same colored eyes, Asher's had a warmth that this man's did not. He smelled heavily of a potent foul odor that seemed to belong to just him and the rich scent of alcohol. He had a hooked nose protruding from his face, and there were whiskers covering the lower half of his face.

  "Yeah?" he asked her in a gruff voice, eyeing her with a suspicion mixed in with slight interest. "What do you want?"

  "Uh, I'm here to see Asher if I can," Sadie said, praying she wouldn't stutter. "I have notes he missed for Marine Bio." She indicated the binder, hoping this would prove that she wasn't lying.

  He stared at her for a long moment, as though he was experiencing some kind of surprise, before he muttered, "My God. Asher Boyd knows girl who don't look like a slut? That's a miracle if I've ever seen one." He was scratching his head as he said this and Sadie realized how uncomfortable she was feeling at that moment.

  Before anything else could be exchanged between the two, Asher arrived and yanked her outside while simultaneously shutting the door so Asher's father wouldn't be able to overhear their conversation. As Sadie looked at the boy in front of her, she realized he seemed upset. His chocolate brown eyes were flaring and his was clenching his jaw, causing it to pop.

  "What are you doing here?" he asked through gritted teeth, once Asher felt they were far away enough from the house. Still, he leaned forward and his voice came off soft but firm, his hair falling in his face.

  "I," she began, before pausing. She wasn't sure what to say so she decided to just tell him the truth. "I – you haven't been at school for the past couple of weeks and I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

  Asher rolled his eyes, scoffing at the mere notion of the idea. "Really?" he asked dryly, his voice quiet as he regarded her almost skeptically.

  "Does Kristen even know where you are?" Sadie asked, almost defensively. She grabbed her wrist from Asher's grasp and crossed it over her chest, feeling herself get defensive. She should have expected something like this to happen. She should have realized he wasn't going to appreciate what she had done for him. It was over. It had to be over.

  Asher furrowed his brow. "Who?" he asked, genuinely confused at who Sadie was talking about.

  Now it was Sadie's turn to scoff. Of course, he wouldn't remem
ber who she was. Sure, Sadie didn't particularly like the girl, but even she didn't deserve to be disrespected by Asher. "God, you're such an ass," she muttered, pushing her hair back with her long fingers. It didn't matter, though; the long strands fell back in her face. At least it gave her something to do. "You know what? Just forget that I even stopped by, okay?"

  "Already done," Asher retorted in agreement.

  Sadie said nothing more. Instead, she and the binder she was holding made their way back to the car. This time, Sadie didn't look back.

  ---

  Asher watched her leave with an enigmatic expression on his face. He wasn't exactly sure what had happened or why it happened, but for whatever reason, it did happen, and he wasn't exactly sure how he felt about that.

  God, he couldn't believe she actually came to his house. She actually came to his house, even knowing how screwed up his family was, just to make sure he was okay? He couldn't exactly understand it, but at that moment, he really didn't try. Sadie was a completely different girl compared to all the other girls he had ever met, and somewhere deep down inside of himself, he realized that he should consider himself lucky to even know her. He wasn't sure what they were – if they were friends, acquaintances, maybe even something more – but if anything, Asher considered her to be his, and in some way, considered himself hers.

  He didn't wear just anybody's jewelry.

  Chapter 24

  When Sadie returned home, she parked the car in its usual place in the driveway before letting herself in through the garage door. The tears had refused to hold in until she reached her house, and though her heart was once again experiencing a good portion of pain, she refused to stop until she got home, and even then, she didn't want to see anybody. Without saying a word, she walked into her room, shut the door quietly, and threw herself on her bed. In order to mask her crying, she gripped her pillow, placing her face against the cool surface. Sadie hated crying. It caused her face to turn red and blotchy, her eyes hurt from all the tears, her nose became stuffy, and her head throbbed. Crying, however, was her body's only line of defense against the pain, and so she would simply have to deal with the repercussions from engaging in such an act.