Invidious Betrayal

by Shea Swain

  Again, she felt light-hearted, as if that horrible night at the party had been years ago. Aria relaxed a little. She didn’t know the details, but it seemed her parents were recovering per their simple way of communicating. Ian acted as if they were a real couple and his mother’s family accepted her and the baby. That made her happy beyond belief. She lifted a fork full of eggs to her mouth with a happy sigh.

  Aria chewed as she looked around the table. Everyone ate while they engaged in light conversation. Ian talked to Michael about town. Alexis and Roxanne were clearly excited about another baby in the family, so they discussed baby stuff; and Mama Morel was quelling Mandy’s sudden fear about being replaced as the baby of the family. Tanner was engrossed in his cell phone, so Poppa Morel reached over and took it from the boy’s clutching grasp.

  “So you think Aria is hot, huh?” Poppa Morel read the cell phone screen.

  “Gramps,” Tanner whined, as he glanced at Aria. His cheeks reddened before he looked down at his plate.

  “I’m hot too, Tanner”—Mandy frowned—“but Mommy won’t let me take off my socks because she said my feet will smell.”

  Tanner’s face literally caught fire as he sunk lower in his chair. Everyone burst out laughing while Mandy and Selene looked at one another, confused. Tanner grumbled something under his breath as his face burned even redder.

  Michael, who laughed the hardest, wiped a tear from his eye. After he composed himself, he said to Ian, “Dr. Cartwright is so amazing you might decide to get pregnant twice.”

  Ian must have swallowed his juice down the wrong pipe because he actually began to choke. Michael started laughing again as Roxanne tapped Ian on the back until he caught his breath.

  “All right, everyone.” Mama Morel chuckled. “Let’s not waste all this food. Eat up.”

  For the rest of the morning meal, the women of the house made Aria feel not only welcomed, but more normal than she’d felt in weeks. They didn’t seem to care that she was young, pregnant, or unmarried. All they seemed to care about was family, and she and Ian were included.

  The trip to town was pure serenity for Ian. He sat alone in the backseat of Roxanne’s car while she drove and spoke with Aria. He closed off all sound around him, enveloping himself in silence. Ian had nowhere for his mind to retreat other than back to last night. He shifted in his seat as thoughts of the way Aria felt in his arms, the way she tasted, the way she opened herself up to him, and yes…the way she fell limp when she passed out from exhaustion. Any man would take pride in the way a woman as beautiful and as sweet as Aria had melted in his hands.

  The knowledge of it all and the way her skin shimmered, the way her hair fell from her braid to caress her neck, made him rock-hard. How on earth do men walk around all wired up like this? He’d never been attracted to or wanted a woman like this before. Never had he had to nurse a hard-on every time he looked at one. Ian had a healthy appetite for women, but he never chased or pursued them. It was always the other way around. He’d merely give a girl a little attention and a smile, and they became putty in his hands.

  Usually, Ian’s interest in bedding a woman a second time was rare but that didn’t mean he was done with them. He usually maintained a friendly relationship with most. When some of the more possessive ones wanted more and he didn’t offer, they tended to get a little catty. He made sure they knew going in that he didn’t want more, but still the small number who wanted to get closer couldn’t fathom that they were unable to fix whatever it was that they assumed was broken in him.

  For a long time, Ian considered that maybe he was broken. No, he wasn’t raised with hugs and kisses but he’d always craved them. Only, he’d never found anyone he wanted to give them to. With Aria, things were somehow different. Surprisingly, he had tried to fight what he was feeling for her, but it was a battle he wouldn’t win. Ian was lost the moment he first saw Aria.

  While Roxanne pulled the vehicle into a parking lot behind a five-story building, Ian focused his efforts on getting his desires in check. When the fire inside him was extinguished, he got out of the car with the women. He followed Roxanne and Aria into a back entrance of the medical center.

  Roxanne led them to an elevator and pressed the button for the third floor. He focused to shut out random sounds in the area with surprising ease, but allowed a normal level of sound to filter through as the elevator climbed. As the doors to the elevator opened, he followed them to Dr. Cartwright’s office, he began to sweat.

  The realization that Aria was actually having his child was finally setting in. Ian was nervous. What if he was right about the baby suffering from whatever it was he suffered from; or even worse, what if it was physically deformed? So much could be wrong with this baby.

  Ian sat beside a smiling Aria in the waiting room while Roxanne went into the back area after speaking to the receptionist. He looked around the typical office with its colorful chairs, outdated magazines, and wall television that was tuned to a news station. He tried to remember the last time he was in a doctor’s office. It suddenly dawned on him that he had never been to a traditional doctor’s office. All his care was handled by doctors who worked for his uncle. There were ample opportunities to use him as a test dummy and log his progress. All in the guise of treating some rare allergy he’d been told he had, that was being managed by the drug treatment and frequent monitoring.

  Those damn injections.

  “You don’t look so well,” Aria said. Her hand cupped the side of his face.

  He turned to her. “I think we should really think about what we’re about to do Aria,” he said in a hushed tone. “This baby may not be what you think. I’m sure I didn’t get the way I am through evolution. You saw what I can do. I’m an experiment, and if you go through with this pregnancy”—he touched her belly—“this baby will be the product of that experiment.”

  The smile that she’d been wearing all morning disappeared, just like that. Ian saw no sign of reflection or thought in her face. She wasn’t thinking over what he’d just said. If she had gotten angry, he would have been able to deal, but what he saw on her face was the look of hurt and betrayal. She didn’t say anything. Aria just looked down at his hand which was gently pressed against her stomach and she not so gently pushed it away.

  A few quiet minutes ticked by and just when Ian was about to say something, Roxanne and who he assumed was Dr. Cartwright stepped in the waiting room. He and Aria both stood.

  “Hello Ian, Aria. I’m Dr. Cartwright. You can call me Jennifer or Dr. Cartwright, whichever you feel more comfortable with. Roxy tells me you’re expecting to add to the Morel clan.”

  Ian watched as Aria transformed back into the happy woman he’d seen throughout the morning as she shook Dr. Cartwright’s hand.

  “Yes”—Aria smiled—“are you taking on new patients?”

  “I would love to be your obstetrician. If you’ll both follow me, I can do an exam and let you know what to expect in the next few months,” Doctor Cartwright said.

  “Excuse me, Dr. Cartwright,” the secretary called from her station.

  “If you both will give me a few minutes, please,” Dr. Cartwright said, turning away.

  Ian tried to touch Aria’s hand, but she pulled away just as Roxanne walked up to them. “Well, guys”—she gave them each a questioning look then shrugged—“I have an appointment in an hour. My office is on the fourth floor.” She pointed up, then gave both of them a quick embrace. “Michael is going to swing by to get me after work”—she dangled her car keys in front of Ian—“so you can have use of my car today.” When he tried to say no, she grabbed his hand and placed the keys in his palm. “How do you expect to get her home?”

  “Thanks, Roxanne.” Ian gave her smile. “I appreciate every—”

  She waved his thanks away. “Family,” she said, in a sing song tone. The look she gave him said that she shouldn’t even have had to mention that simple fact. Then she was out the door with a wave.

  Ian looked to Aria
who had stepped away from him. She looked as if she was waiting patiently for the doctor to finish speaking to someone on the receptionist’s phone but somehow Ian knew she brimmed with anger. When he moved toward her, she held up her hand. He stopped. “Aria—”

  “No, Ian.” She narrowed her eyes, looking as if she wanted to slap him. “I don’t know… I thought maybe we”—she paused—“I thought that we’d come to an understanding, but I guess we haven’t. I’m going to go in that exam room and I’m going to learn how I can help my baby come into this world as healthy as possible. You can wait here or go where ever you want, but you’re not going in that room with me.”

  Ian wanted to object but Dr. Cartwright took that moment to show up.

  “Are you both ready?” Dr. Cartwright walked up to them.

  Aria’s face transformed again, sweet and sugary. “I’m ready, but my friend here has to be somewhere.” The doctor nodded at Ian before leading Aria away. Aria didn’t even look at him when she followed the doctor down the hall.

  Ian watched Aria walk away, speechless and also furious. How did she not understand why he was so apprehensive? He was worried about her for fuck’s sake. Only, his anger fizzled away when he conjured the look on her face a few minutes ago. She’d looked defeated, as if he’d broken her.

  Being raped hadn’t even done that to her.

  Will I always hurt her? It seemed the case since their very first meeting. He hated the idea of being away from Aria, but maybe his distance was the only solution.

  TEARS BURNED BEHIND HER EYES, but Aria kept them at bay. She didn’t want to cry anymore. So she sat on the exam table and did her best to put a smile on her face and to not think about Ian ‘Ass-hat’ Howl.

  If only I didn’t love him. Oh God, but I do.

  If she was being honest, she’d been infatuated with him from the very beginning. If only she didn’t need him to protect her. If only she didn’t love the way his body felt entangled with hers.

  Aria sighed. Yup, I’m hopeless.

  “Are there any more questions I can answer for you?” Dr. Cartwright asked.

  “Uh…no,” she answered, distracted by her thoughts.

  Dr. Cartwright handed her a business card, a few pamphlets, and a book on expecting a baby. “Give this one to Heather”—Dr. Cartwright handed her two slips of paper—“and she’ll schedule your next appointment. And remember, some babies measure a little big so no worries. The other is a prescription you can fill at Pollard’s Drug store next to the diner on Main Street. Symptoms at six weeks are mild for most. Just remember to take your vitamins.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Cartwright.” Aria walked down the hall in a haze. There was so much information that was vital to having a baby. What did people do before all this modern stuff? She looked at all the papers in her hands. She had a lot to read over. The problem was, she’d be reading it alone. She was infused with a clear sense of what she had to do. She knew she could do this; and from the very moment she’d found out she was pregnant; she knew it would be without Ian.

  So why did it matter that he kept confirming that he wanted nothing to do with the baby? He’d let her know that he wasn’t all right with the pregnancy from the start.

  When Aria turned the corner and saw Ian sitting in the lobby, she couldn’t help wanting him to be a willing participant.

  Ian sat up when he saw her, but Aria turned to the receptionist and gave her the papers, happy she could avoid him for a while longer. When the receptionist asked her to choose a return date, Aria looked around only to find Ian standing behind her. She hadn’t even heard him move.

  Stupid ninja tricks.

  “Pick any day you’re comfortable with,” he told her, confirming that they would be here in ‘Mayberry’ for a while. That made her both happy and sad. She liked it here but missed her parents, her mother especially.

  Aria picked a date and time out of what was offered for her next visit while Ian paid for this one, not even hinting to having insurance. He hovered over her as the receptionist gave her a few websites that would be helpful. Aria ignored him as he escorted her out of the building to the car. It was hard to not look at him because he was so damned gorgeous, but she managed until he blocked her from getting in the car.

  “Do you want me to walk back?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

  Ian took hold of her shoulders. “I want you to be reasonable. I just—”

  She let her arms fall and then placed them on his chest. “Look, Ian, you’ve made it clear that you don’t want to be involved. I get it, really I do, and it’s okay. I mean, I didn’t think we were going to get married and raise the baby together or anything. All I want is for you not to mention what you would like me to do to my child again. Feel the way you want, but please keep it to yourself.”

  “Aria, listen,” Ian started, “I just want—”

  She shook her head and he closed his mouth. “Please, Ian. I don’t want to keep talking about this. It’s over. Now I have to find a way to get these vitamins.”

  Ian stared down at her. The heat coming from him was tangible, but his face was so calm she would have never guessed his mood except she’d been around him long enough to know. His gray eyes darkened when he was upset and they were bordering on black in the shadow of the building. She doubted he would ever show his mood, though.

  She was surprised when he silently opened the passenger door, then moved out of her way. The truth was she was expecting more of an argument.

  Aria slid into the seat, then placed her papers and book in the back. When Ian sat down in the driver’s seat, he placed an envelope in her lap, then started the car. He was pulling out of the parking lot when she looked inside the envelope.

  Aria almost dropped it when she realized what was inside. She glanced at him, then back down at the envelope again, this time she brushed her finger across the small stack of hundred dollar bills. There were at least twenty-five hundred dollar bills in it. Aria looked over at him again as he pulled into a parking space in front of the drug store.

  “I can’t accept this.”

  Ian turned the engine off, but didn’t look at her. “Why not,” he breathed, “just think of it as my first child support payment.”

  That succeeded in breaking her resolve. The first tear fell as she blinked at him. Soon she was all-out crying.

  Ian gripped the steering wheel and lowered his head. “I don’t understand you. I’m trying to help here. Everything that I’ve done in the past few weeks has been an attempt to help. I just wanted to make things right between us.” He turned to her. “I want you safe from all threats, and I want this”—he motioned to her, then to him—“but how can I keep you safe if you won’t listen to reason. I Don’t Know How To Stop Hurting You.”

  Aria allowed her tears to flow. Her throat was suddenly dry and her head ached. This, everything, was so screwed up. Her heart was pulling her one way and her mind was tugging her in the opposite direction. She loved Ian, wanted him so badly, but she also wanted her baby. Ian was convinced that the baby was his and Aria thought so too. But she didn’t want to choose between the two.

  He didn’t necessarily tell her she had to choose, but he’d made it clear what he thought she should do. Being with her would mean being a father, and there was no way she could be with a man that didn’t love their child.

  Her mother had pushed her to volunteer at a shelter in the city last winter, and she’d seen and heard some of the horror stories of how people abused the very children they should love. Aria didn’t think Ian would physically abuse anyone, but as a man who endured a family that didn’t celebrate his birth or clearly show him any affection, he may not be able to love anyone, even his own child.

  She opened the car door and got out. Looking over her shoulder she said, “I don’t know either.” She heard Ian cursed as she shut the car door and walked away.

  Every morning for over a month Aria watched in silence as Ian woke, neatly folded the sheets he’d covered the
sitting room sofa with, and then stretched. It was the start of his morning ritual. And it was hard watching him raise his corded arms above his head as far as they could reach while his muscles strained beneath his sun kissed skin. His rippled stomach sunk inward and his shorts hung well below his hips, exposing the thin line of dark hair that led to his hidden patch. Aria wasn’t sure what the area where a man hips and thighs joined was called, but that was her new favorite part of the male body.

  Under thin sheets and with hooded eyes she watched him walk to the bathroom, loving the way he moved. She’d been captivated with the Animal Planet channel lately, particularly the big cats, and she couldn’t help comparing the way they moved to the way Ian moved. Beautiful, sleek, and deadly was what came to mind.

  She sighed when he shut the bathroom door. They had decided to just be friends. Well, she’d decided, giving him no choice at all. He had accepted the way things were a little too easily for her liking. It hurt, especially when she watched him interact with his younger cousins. Ian was patient, kind, and attentive to them. If only he could love her like she loved him. Then maybe he would love… She looked down, noticing her hand was absently stroking her stomach. Maybe she should give him another chance. Tell him how she felt.

  “Jeeez.” She pulled the sheet over her head. “I’m one of those girls.” The kind she hated. The kind of girl that put her foot down only to weaken and lift it before the guy she was angry with even made an effort to earn her forgiveness or at least placate her a bit.

  A sound in the room made her still under the sheets. It was followed by the sound of the bathroom door opening.

  Aria let out the breath she was unconsciously holding. She lay as still as possible while quiet rustling came from the closet. After a few minutes, the bedroom door opened, then closed.

  It was the weekend, but Ian never slept in. He was up at seven a.m. every morning. During the week he worked with Michael, who was a lawyer. Michael spent his free time working cases where he felt the defendant was innocent, but didn’t get proper representation. Ian did research for him. When he wasn’t researching for Michael, he was helping out whoever needed it.