Seeing White

by Charlotte E Hart

  Eventually, Pascal holds up his hand, inclines his head a little and speaks.

  “Alexander, I concede. You have made your point, dear boy, and I see your mind will not be altered on the matter. However, I will say that I think you will have many tussles on your hands regarding this one,” he says as he leans forward and knocks his glass on Alex’s. I watch Alex’s whole demeanour change as a genuine beaming smile erupts from his mouth and I almost faint at the sight of it. Glorious just isn’t enough of a word for it. I’ve only seen that one a few times. I swear it’s probably his authentic one and to be honest, absolutely my favourite. Why he’s giving it to Pascal is a mystery, but I can’t help my spat of jealousy about it.

  “Well if I can top the master, Pascal, I shouldn’t have too many problems with the rest, should I? And will you please stop calling me boy now? I haven’t been your boy for some time,” he replies with a chuckle, reaching across for my hand.

  Warmth surrounds me the moment he does it, as if the other night has been removed from my memory and he’s showing me some feeling again. Whatever he was planning on, or still is, thankfully he’s at least going to show some form of emotion again as he does it. I look between them, not really understanding why the hell they have bothered with their little internal battle about me but enjoying the show nonetheless. I grip onto his hand to try and show him how much he means to me, and that he’s got no reason to worry, but the sound of the timer ringing through the air disturbs the now peaceful atmosphere.

  I clear my throat and stand, reluctantly letting go of his hand, and make my way to the cooker.

  “Pascal, will you be staying for dinner?” I ask, turning to look at his face. He instantly raises an eyebrow at Alex, obviously asking for an invitation.

  “Of course he will, as long as he can behave himself, anyway. You don’t mind do you?” Alex responds for him as I turn back to the cooker.

  “No, of course not. Why would I mind being surrounded by stimulating male company? I’d love to hear more about your lives,” I say sweetly as I feel his arms wrap around me and sigh at the feel of them. I was so not expecting this show of emotion. “Why don’t you two go into the dining room and I’ll bring it through in a while,” I say, emptying the rice into the saucepan. Frankly, I need a few moments to get myself together because the temperature in this room is getting way too hot for comfort.

  “Thank you,” he whispers in my ear as he kisses my neck, lets go of me and wanders into the hall. Pascal gets up and follows him out of the kitchen, winking at me as he leaves. I narrow my eyes and point the spoon at him, shaking my head. He licks his lips. It isn’t good. The man is dangerous as hell.

  Taking a few steadying breaths as I watch probably the two most attractive men I’ve ever met leave the room, I find myself leaning on the countertop to compose myself. How the hell am I going to deal with the two of them for an entire evening? Eden was one thing but to sit around with the both of them while they talk of old times and what they got up to in it is probably going to get me extremely hot and bothered. And I can’t stop my thoughts drifting towards the bedroom, two pairs of hands grasping at me as yet more visions I’ve never even dreamed of enter my brain. Shit, this could be very wrong. I need to calm the hell down and pull myself back together. Then another vision hits me with full force, and my inner slut leaps about excitedly again.

  I clearly have no control whatsoever.

  I don’t know how long I stand there but suddenly I notice the rice boiling madly and I snap back to reality. Have I really just been having thoughts of the two of them together, with me? Really quite inappropriate thoughts? I can’t control myself around Alex, let alone Pascal as well. Mentally kicking my own backside and reminding myself of my own inexperience in these matters, I pull in a long breath and drain the rice. Besides, I’m sure Alex would kill any man that tried to touch me other than Conner if Eden was anything to go by, wouldn’t he? Maybe he wouldn’t. Is that why Pascal’s here? Has he organised this? I was expecting dominant Alex this evening so maybe this was his idea all along. No, it can’t be. He wouldn’t, would he? I’m not doing it if he has. I couldn’t, could I? Maybe I could. No, I couldn’t, regardless of those intoxicating green eyes. Anyway, I haven’t seen a sign of a different side of Alex yet, well apart from that peculiar little pissing contest which is apparently the norm between them anyway. No, he seems perfectly normal so far. Perhaps he’s forgotten about his new version of a relationship. I shake my head at myself. Alex wouldn’t forget such a thing. I’m utterly stupid.

  Loading the two serving dishes with the meal, I walk down the hall to the dining room. Smiling as I hear the laughter drifting through the space, I turn the corner to see them playing cards or rather throwing them at each other with animated hand gestures. The table is big enough for twenty and the room is enormous. Luxurious curtains drape elegantly at the two massive windows and the two elaborate chandeliers accentuate the height in the room to perfection. To see the two of them sitting at the end of the room giggling like schoolboys makes me chuckle. These two are no doubt acting like children as they hussle and laugh idiotically at each other. I can’t help but feel a warmth sweep through the room at the obvious affection they have for each other. My only question is how far that affection actually goes.

  “Wonderful, our English rose has joined us. Alexander was just reminding me of his pitiable attempts at blackjack, and it is still, how would you say, ah yes... fucking awful. It is not a wonder he does not gamble for amusement.” Pascal grins as they both move to take the food from me and lay it on the table.

  “I don’t gamble because I hate to lose anything I own, Pascal. You know how much the thought of losing something costly irritates me,” Alex barks, smirking back at him.

  “You, my dear boy, have never owned anything worth fighting for before now,” he replies as he winks at me and pulls out the chair at the head of the table. I look toward Alex, wondering what his response will be. Given the current arrangement, I’m not entirely sure how he feels about me anymore. He’s standing behind his own chair with his hands resting on the top, looking at me with an almost glazed expression, giving away nothing at all. He leans towards me and kisses me briefly.

  “You may be right, Pascal,” he replies, still with no expression as he sits and starts to serve the food out to both of us. I don’t know what to think of that response but at least it wasn’t negative. I glance up at him again and notice a small smile play across his lips as if something has amused him. It’s probably me.

  ~

  By nine thirty we are all sitting in the lounge. I’m curled up on the sofa, watching as the two of them sit across from each other at the chess table. Apparently this game has been going on for two years so far and neither of them is any closer to winning, even though to me, the board looks quite close to check if they play properly. I grinned like a fool when they took their positions. The thought of Pascal being Alex’s “worthy adversary” had me giggling instantly. He definitely is. In fact, he’s the only man I’ve ever met to rival Alex in the slightest.

  At first I assumed it was Conner but now it’s more than obvious. Having spent a relaxed evening with Pascal, he’s shown he’s a tactician through and through. His whole thought process is premeditated. Conner’s actually far more of a “grab it and run” or “fly by the seat of his pants” type of guy.

  Sipping my cognac and watching Alex, I find myself trying to determine his moves. He’s absolutely aggressive in his play. His objective is to win the game by pushing his opponent and rattling him. Pascal’s more thoughtful in his moves, precise, deliberate. He’s not allowing Alex to rattle or manoeuvre him in anyway. He just continues to counter smoothly with a wicked glint of acceptance or something. I chuckle while thinking what a formidable force they would probably be if they ever tackled something together. It’s actually a very scary thought and I have no idea why I’m giggling about it given my earlier thoughts regarding the both of them.

  “Something amu
sing, Elizabeth?” Alex asks, not removing his eyes from the board.

  “Yes. I was just imagining the two of you working together to achieve a common goal. I dare say you would both be a force to be reckoned with,” I reply, smiling towards him.

  “Oh, you have no idea, my dear,” Pascal says, twiddling his long fingers around his bishop. Alex smirks and chuckles to himself, countering the move almost immediately.

  “Where did you learn to play, Elizabeth? You have spent the entirety of this game complaining to yourself,” Pascal enquires.

  “My dad. He told me that I would need to understand chess to understand people. The more I learnt how to manipulate a board, the better I would become at influencing my own life,” I reply as I watch Pascal move his knight. It makes me smile. It’s a good move. Alex’s brow rises at my comment as if something just clicked into place.

  “And do you? Influence your life, I mean,” he responds smoothly.

  “I think you can only influence your life as much as others will allow you to. I have been happy making my way as I have and thankfully reasonably successful,” I say, watching Alex move his queen sideways, his hand hovering a little longer than normal.

  “I think you are naïve, Elizabeth. You cannot learn life from a chessboard. People are more devious than that,” Pascal says. “This one is definitely more corrupt than most, spends his life scheming underhandedly and even he still loses occasionally,” he continues as he nods toward Alex.

  Standing and moving toward the table, I grasp both of their glasses and make my way to the bar to pour them another drink.

  “I think losing is an essential part of living, Pascal. It’s only when we lose that we learn to appreciate our losses,” I reply, placing his glass next to him and moving to stand behind Alex, draping my arms over his shoulders he reaches up and squeezes my hand.

  “Elizabeth believes that we must all harness our emotions to make ourselves more in tune with our inner selves. That we would be more rounded as individuals if we trusted more and embraced our feelings,” Alex quips while brushing my arm with his finger and making his next move. I’m quite impressed he knows me so well if I’m honest.

  “Really? My dear girl, I have never heard anything more absurd. I’m afraid we don’t have the luxury of being emotional in our world. Besides, I can’t think of anything more wearisome than fathoming my own feelings.” Pascal laughs and returns his head to the board. He’s clearly yet another tortured soul. My eyes narrow on him.

  “Pascal, you only see the negative side of emotions. There is so much more to it than that. You have had a wonderful evening being with your friend. While the two of you have postulated and positioned yourselves, I have watched the two of you, read your emotions. Your defences have been down and all the while you have simply been relaxing. It has been wonderful to watch Alex really relax and while I do understand what you mean, I wish you could both simply be yourselves more and show the world who you really are.”

  “Elizabeth, I get the feeling you may be straying a little from our conversation the other night. Do not push your luck,” Alex says with a frown and a more pressured grasp to my hand. Bastard. I must have hit a nerve. Pascal’s gaze is thoughtful for a second and then suddenly it’s replaced by a relaxed smile as he leans back and stares at me.

  “You’re lovely, Elizabeth, but quite wrong. Ours has been a long-standing game. I want Alexander in the most depraved sense of the word and he won’t allow it, which I find a little exasperating and he finds highly amusing. It’s the only reason we tolerate each other. Well, of course there are a few other reasons why he needs me, but I’ll let him introduce you to them when he’s acquiescent enough, and it appears he is not as yet, which is unfairly cruel of him.” Alex snorts out a bark of laughter as my eyes widen at the whole sodding paragraph. I couldn’t have got it that wrong, could I? No, I couldn’t. They are definitely not just tolerating each other. They are far more than that to each other. And what the hell is Alex going to introduce me too that involves Pascal?

  I’m really not sure I want to know the answer to that. Unfortunately, my brain seems to disagree as it launches new visions at me. I could growl at myself. Honestly, if I could, I might even whip myself to chastise my own naughtiness. It’s completely unacceptable.

  “Really? Well I’m a little tipsy, and what would I know anyway? I have simply enjoyed watching you be yourselves. Maybe I should leave you both to it,” I say, leaning in and kissing Alex on the cheek. “I wouldn’t want to trigger your negative emotions now, would I?” I continue as I wander towards the door, smirking to myself and watching Pascal’s lips draw up in amusement.

  “Elizabeth,” Alex calls as I round the corner into the hall. “I haven’t given you permission to leave yet. If you want to go, you’ll have to ask me nicely,” he says with a terse tone. What? Is he really going to do this in front of Pascal? Hell no. In private is one thing. I am not having it with the king of debauchery sitting in the room. Mind you, I’m not exactly sure which one of them I’m referring to anymore.

  Turning back into the room, I fix my eyes on his to see what I’m dealing with. Those cool blue eyes regard me impassively as he raises that damned sexy eyebrow to see how I’m going to respond to his order - yes order. How dare he? Lowering my eyes a little, I walk softly back towards the table. If he wants a game, I’ll give him one to play with, idiot. Slightly scary maybe, but I’m still not having it. I flick my eyes across the board before I reach him and calculate as fast as I can.

  “Would you mind if I went upstairs? I am tired and I dare say you both have plenty to discuss without me being here,” I ask, watching from the corner of my eye as Pascal fiddles with his rook and smiles at the show. Could I feel any more humiliated? It’s really not funny. In fact, I’m too full of irritation and unfair sexual frustration to deal with thoughts of embarrassment at the moment anyway so I glare at Pascal a little and then drop my eyes again.

  “Better. You can go,” Alex says, waving his hand toward the door and returning his eyes to the table. Really? Dismissed? I don’t think so. Arsehole.

  Turning and standing behind Pascal, I place a hand on his shoulder and stretch over him, narrowing my eyes at Alex as I reach for Pascal’s bishop. Sliding it across the board towards him, I feel a smile cross my lips as I watch his brow furrow in agitation and his shoulders stiffen. Well fuck him. He will not beat me into submission, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. He’ll give me a little more respect than that.

  “I think three more moves should finish him, Pascal,” I say quietly. Feeling Pascal’s chuckle under my hand, I let go of him and turn out into the hall again, making my way to the stairs. By the time I’m halfway up the stairs, Alex is at the bottom of them, exactly where I thought he would be, looking absolutely edible.

  “You won’t get away with it, Elizabeth. You will pay for that later,” he says with a calculated smirk as he stands with his hands in his pockets, fierce waves of dominance radiating off his body. His eyes narrow at me as he watches me hold my head up in challenge. It even surprises me if I’m honest because the man at the bottom of the stairs is definitely looking a little edgy. I can almost feel his hands around my throat and my insides quicken immediately at the thought of what he might have in store for me. I take in a deep breath and continue up the stairs, feeling bizarrely excited about the prospect.

  “Then I shall be waiting for you,” I reply as I drag my fingers along the banister confidently and head for the bedroom.

  Lying in his completely oversized bed, I contemplate the evening’s events and what the result of my insubordination will be. Snuggling down, I feel my eyes fluttering closed as the warmth of the duvet envelopes me and Alex’s scent wraps around my body, somehow drugging me into a sense of pure contentment. For someone who will be punished at some point, I feel remarkably relaxed about it, and unable to fight it anymore, I give in and let my body drift off into sleep.

  ~

  “Elizabeth, wake up,” I he
ar as a hand glides across my stomach. Gradually opening my eyes, I realise something’s covering them. I try to move whatever it is but find that I can’t move my hands. Feeling a little panicked, I pull at my arms and try to turn. They still don’t move and neither do my feet. All I can feel is something grating against them and instantly realise it’s rope. Shit.

  “Alex?” I question, struggling a bit more against the rope, which is completely stupid of me because I know how well he ties those knots.

  “Welcome back, Elizabeth. Try not to struggle too much. We wouldn’t want to bring out any of my negative emotions, would we?” he says with a chuckle. I can feel the smirk crossing his mouth.

  “What? What are you doing?” I stutter out breathlessly. My inner slut has clearly begun influencing my thoughts already.

  “Punishing you for your little indiscretion, of course. Nice move, by the way. I was impressed. Are you still feeling quite so bold now or have you realised your error yet?” he replies as he pulls his hand down to the top of my thighs and then dips two fingers inside me.

  “Alex I... Oh god, that’s good,” I mutter as his swirls his fingers around and then he pushes them in deeper with far more force.

  “Is it? I’m glad,” he says as he removes his hand. “How does this feel?” he continues as he puts something cold on my nub. The feeling is intense, almost painful as he increases the pressure and begins to circle it. I gasp at the icy feeling and try to recoil into the mattress but I can’t move away from it. With my legs and arms spread, I can’t find any purchase at all. Suddenly the cold thing is removed and his warm fingers are back inside me. Arching my shoulders a little I manage to grind down onto his hand. “Tut tut. Naughty girl. Stay still and stop being so fucking greedy or I’ll make this far less pleasurable for you,” he growls. I freeze instantly at his threat and try to relax again.