Robert shook his head. “Let’s go home.”
The ride back was silent. Robert couldn’t trust himself to carry on a regular conversation. His mind was reeling. Could he really go through with his spontaneous plan? Yes, he could. That wasn’t really the question. The question was—should he?
It would be deceptive. A lie.
But his motivation was pure. And his mother was dying. Would she make it three more weeks until Reuben decided to mosey on home? Robert’s fists clenched. How dare Reuben be so callous to their mother. She’d sacrificed so much raising them alone. Robert knew that in their growing up years, she had often gone without, so he and his brother had clothes and shoes and food and shelter. Oh, Robert knew the district had helped her some, but after a while, she wouldn’t take any more help.
“There’s other folks with needs,” she said and pressed her lips together in a firm line, and Robert knew there would be no more talk about it.
He and Reuben never wanted for anything. In the beginning, he used to fear his mother would remarry, and he’d have a new father. He didn’t want a new father. He wanted his own father back, but that was never going to happen. But Berta hadn’t remarried. In truth, she hadn’t even courted again. She just worked the farm. And when Robert and his brother were old enough, they slowly took over all the tasks outside, taking a lot of pressure off Berta.
And now? Now she was dying, and Reuben couldn’t be bothered to miss some work at an Englisch job? Anger burned through Robert, and he set his jaw. Deceptive or not, he was going to do it. He wasn’t going to have his mother die without seeing Reuben again. He just wasn’t.
“Stop at a gas station, would you? Or anywhere there’s a bathroom,” Robert said.
Chapter Thirteen
Lindy was shocked to hear the van turn into the drive so early that afternoon. Why, Robert had barely had time to make it to Ohio and back. He and Reuben must have come to a quick decision—which meant Reuben was in the van. Lindy flew out of the house and stood on the bottom step of the porch, her heart fluttering. She hadn’t seen Reuben for so long. But peering through the van windows, she only saw two people—the driver and one passenger. Where was Reuben?
Her heart fell, until the van pulled to a stop and Reuben, in his favorite blue shirt, stepped out.
“Reuben?” she cried. “Is that you? Where’s Robert?” She peered again into the van. Was he lying down in the back seat? Had he gotten ill?
“He’s not coming,” Reuben said. “He stayed back to help Otto for a few days. Then I’ll go back, and he’ll come home.”
Lindy frowned. That didn’t sound like Robert. He was too concerned about Berta to be gone a few days.
“Is Otto that needy?” she asked before she could stop herself.
Reuben nodded. He turned to the driver, who wore an odd expression. “Thank you, Ed. I’ll let you know when you’re needed again.”
Ed nodded, and the van pulled away.
Suddenly, Lindy felt completely self-conscious. It’d been so many weeks since she’d seen Reuben that she became tongue-tied. He approached her with a smile—looking as nervous as she felt.
“Thank you,” she finally murmured. “Thank you for coming back.”
“Of course,” he said. He didn’t really look her in the eye. Instead, he focused on the front door. “Mamm?” he questioned.
“Ach, of course,” Lindy said, turning around and moving up the steps. “You’ll want to see her right away. Come on.”
He followed her into the house.
“Berta?” Lindy said softly as she approached Berta’s bed. “You awake? Look who’s here?”
Berta stirred, and her eyes fluttered open. She looked up at Lindy and smiled.
“Reuben’s here,” Lindy said, taking a step back.
Reuben stepped forward. “Hello, Mamm.” He took her hand, and Lindy nearly burst into tears. Thank you, thank you, thank you, she thought over and over.
“How are you, son?” Berta asked. “Let me look at you.”
Reuben straightened and moved a bit farther away. Berta blinked and studied his face. Lindy felt like maybe she should leave. This moment really had nothing to do with her. She began backing away quietly.
Reuben turned. “Don’t leave, Lindy.”
She stopped, surprised, her heart swelling. Maybe Reuben missed her as much as she’d missed him. She didn’t leave the room, but she also didn’t move closer. She wanted Reuben and his mother to have this tender moment.
“I’m so glad to see you, Mamm. I’ve been worried.”
Berta gave a small moan. “Get Robert. I want both my boys.”
“Uh, he’s, well, he stayed in Ohio, Mamm. Otto still needed help. But don’t you worry, he’ll be back shortly.”
“You’re staying?” Berta asked.
Reuben didn’t answer for a moment. Then, “I’ll stay as long as I can.”
Berta seemed satisfied with his answer, and she closed her eyes again. When Reuben stood and turned to Lindy, his eyes were filled with tears.
“I didn’t realize,” he said, his voice breaking.
Lindy tiptoed from the room, and Reuben joined her in the kitchen.
“She’s bad,” he said.
“I know. She’s in pain, but she doesn’t like the Englisch medicine. Makes her fuzzy and sleepy.”
“But she’s sleeping anyway.”
“I know.” She smiled. “Ach, Reuben, but it’s so gut to see you.”
* * *
Robert nearly gagged. What in the world had he been thinking? He would never be able to pull this off. Should he tell Lindy the truth? Her eyes were so alive and warm and loving. It hit him straight in his heart. He wanted to blurt out the truth of it, but what would she think of him? Lying to his mother like that? Or maybe, she’d be sympathetic. Maybe, she’d condone what he was doing.
No. She’d never condone lying. Lindy wasn’t like that. She was pure of heart and full of integrity and goodness and… He shuddered. What was he doing? He wasn’t Reuben. He couldn’t be standing there, thinking about how wonderful Lindy was. Yearning to take her in his arms.
He went stiff. No. No. No.
“Reuben?” she said, her voice soft. “How have you been?”
“Fine,” he said abruptly, turning to the sink to get a glass of water. He had to do something, anything, to break the intimacy which stretched between them.
She followed him to the sink. “It means a lot that you’re here. Your mamm has been sad without you.”
“She’s had Robert,” he said tightly, taking a drink of water.
“Jah, she has. And Robert has been wonderful. But like she just said, she wants both her boys.”
He set down the glass and couldn’t help but notice that his hand was shaking. He needed to put a stop to this, and quick. He turned to her to tell her, but the look of love and hope and tenderness in her eyes stopped him cold. She took a step closer and leaned her head against his shoulder.
“Thank you for coming,” she whispered.
He gulped in a breath, and his mind whirled, and then without thinking, he took her in his arms and pressed her tightly against his chest. She let out her breath and snuggled into him. His throat tightened, and he tried to swallow. What was he doing? He breathed her in—her scent of cooking and shampoo and garden. He closed his eyes and breathed in again.
No. He couldn’t do this. It was wrong. He dropped his arms and would have stepped back except he was already pressed against the counter. But Lindy got the idea plain enough.
She blinked up at him and the look of confusion on her face tore at his heart.
“Wh-what is it?” she stammered. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing. I’m, well, I guess I’m upset about mamm.”
“Of course, you are,” she said, her relief clear. “I’m sorry. Can I get you something to eat? You must be hungry. I was making Berta some soup. Would you like a bowl?”
He nodded. “Jah. Sure. That sounds fine.�
�
“I’ll get it for you right away.” She moved to the cook stove and took the lid off a large pot. “I was making enough for a few days,” she explained. “Your mamm seems to like it. I usually can get her to eat a few spoonsful at a time.”
“As little as that?”
She looked at him, and her face colored. “That’s a lot, Reuben. She’s hardly been eating at all.”
Which of course, he already knew. Why had he even questioned her? Now, she was feeling criticized. He sighed.
“I’ll be outside,” he muttered.
“Don’t you want to sit with your mamm for a while?” she asked quickly. “I know she’d like it. And I’m sure Robert already saw to the animals this morning.” She flushed. “Sorry. You, uh, you do what you need to.”
He hesitated by the door and watched her resume stirring the soup with her eyes averted. She looked so vulnerable right then. She usually appeared quite confident and full of courage and determination. But right then, she looked soft and defenseless and exposed. He wanted to cross the room and take her in his arms once again. Assure her that all was well. That she was doing a wonderful thing with his mother.
But, of course, he couldn’t do any such thing. He’d already done much more than he should have.
So, he settled for a mumbled thank you and quickly left the room.
Chapter Fourteen
Lindy blinked back her tears. She took three bowls from the cupboard and filled two of them and put a small amount in the third. Her reunion with Reuben hadn’t gone exactly as she’d hoped. It was wonderful to see him again, of course, it was. But he was different. One minute, he appeared happy to see her, the next, like he’d retreated behind a wall of ice.
What was wrong? Was it simply because they hadn’t seen each other for so long? But wouldn’t that make their reunion all the sweeter and more intense?
Did he still love her?
She wasn’t sure. She took three spoons from the drawer. Ach, but she was being selfish. Reuben had just seen his mother for the first time in weeks and weeks, and Berta was bound to look quite different to him. Of course, he would be upset. He might even be upset with himself for waiting so long to come. She needed to give him some space. And time. There was a lot to adjust to.
She picked up Berta’s bowl of soup and took it in to her. She would do everything she could to ease Reuben’s adjustment back home. She exhaled in a sigh. But how unfortunate that Robert wasn’t here, too. He would know how to handle Reuben. They were twins, after all, and had been close their entire lives.
She missed Robert. Wished he were there. She stifled a compelling urge to talk to him about Reuben and her own confusion. Ach, but that was ridiculous. They didn’t talk in such intimate terms, and besides, he wasn’t there.
She was being silly and immature.
“Berta?” she said softly. “I’ve brought you your soup.”
* * *
Reuben locked his door and turned to head down the stairs of his apartment building. Darn his brother for interrupting his life. It figured that Robert would come all self-righteous and indignant, demanding that he come home. The nerve of him. Reuben didn’t interrupt Robert’s life and start bossing him around like he knew everything.
But then, Robert had always been the bossier of the two of them. And Robert was the twin who always knew what was best. But sometimes, Robert was wrong. And in this case, he didn’t know everything. He didn’t know how much Reuben enjoyed his life.
Truth was, Reuben didn’t expect to live the Englisch way of life forever. He didn’t really see himself settling down in Ohio to live out his days. But he wasn’t finished with the lifestyle yet. He liked the freedom. Liked having a cell phone and electricity and the ease of riding in cars. And he liked Ariel. More than he should, for sure and for certain. But one couldn’t always control such things.
Ach, but Ariel was sweet and delicious and exciting.
But he wasn’t going to marry the girl. He would simply enjoy her company for as long as he was there.
He sighed as he went down the stairs. He would have to go back to Hollybrook soon. He really did want to see his mother. He wasn’t as heartless as Robert thought. But being told exactly when he should go home, rankled him. Got on his nerves. And it made him feel stubborn and obstinate. Not his best qualities, for sure.
Still. Robert shouldn’t be bossing him around.
And if Reuben went home to Hollybrook, he would have to see Lindy. Not that he didn’t want to see her. It wasn’t that. Not exactly. He loved Lindy—or at least, he had. She was sweet, and someday, he would probably marry her. She was the kind of woman a man wanted to marry. Loyal, beautiful, capable, and loving.
Sure. He’d marry her someday. But not yet. And if he went back, she would expect some kind of promise from him—he was sure of it. And he wasn’t ready to give her a promise.
He thought of Ariel. She’d be spitting mad if she knew about Lindy. Well, she wasn’t going to know.
He stepped outside and drew in a deep breath of warm air. There was a slight smell of sewer, and he glanced at the drain next to the curb on the street. Sometimes it smelled worse than a filthy pig sty around his apartment building. Thank goodness, not all the time at least. He headed toward the bus stop to head for work. Taking the bus sure beat having to hitch up a buggy and travel at a slug’s pace.
He laughed at the image and then sobered.
Today, maybe he’d ask his boss for time off. Or if she was in one of her famous foul moods, he’d wait till tomorrow. No. Next week might be better. That could still be a week or two’s notice of when he took the days. Surely, she couldn’t complain about that.
With that settled in his mind, he sat down on the bench to wait for his bus. In the meantime, he could chat with Ariel. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in her number.
* * *
The next day, Robert nearly blew his ruse. He remembered that he’d promised Rachel an evening ride in his buggy later that week and had been about to make specific arrangements when he remembered that he was supposedly in Ohio. He couldn’t give Rachel a ride in a buggy. He should at least write her that he’d be gone for a few days, but then, maybe Lindy had already told her he’d supposedly stayed back in Ohio.
He was wearing Reuben’s shirt again that day. In fact, he planned to wear it every day. He was walking on thin ice here. He knew he and his brother were basically identical, but that didn’t mean he could continue fooling his mother. Or Lindy. He didn’t know how Reuben and Lindy usually communicated, and that would likely give him away.
The trick was, he needed to keep his distance from Lindy as much as possible. But his mother? Hopefully, she wouldn’t notice. She was groggy much of the time.
Or in a haze of pain.
Robert led their milking cow out of the barn. It hurt him not to be able to do something to help his mother. It cut him to see her suffering every single day. For the first time, he wondered if it wouldn’t be a blessing if she passed. Put her out of her pain. He sucked in his breath and stopped moving. What a thing to think. He tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry.
“Reuben!”
He jerked and looked toward the side door of the house. Lindy was standing on the porch, waving.
“Jah?” he called back.
“Can you come in?”
He secured the cow’s lead and hurried toward the house. “What is it? Has something happened?”
Lindy bit her lower lip and then said, “It’s your mamm. She needs to go to the bathroom, and she can’t walk.” Lindy’s eyes filled with tears. “She’s always been able to walk if I help her, but this time, she’s too weak.”
He pushed past Lindy and rushed inside. He heard Lindy following him.
“Mamm?” he asked, bursting into the front room.
“Ach, Robert,” Berta said.
Robert stopped short. “It’s Reuben, Mamm. Did you forget?” He nearly choked on the words.
She blinked at him
but didn’t respond.
“I hear you need help to get to the toilet,” he said. “Don’t you worry. I’ll just carry you.” He gave her a smile. “You’ll be as light as a feather.”
She frowned. “I don’t want all this fuss…”
“Mamm, you need to use the bathroom. This ain’t fussing. Just a fact of life. Now, tell me if I’m hurting you.” He put his arms beneath her knees and her shoulders and lifted. He was stunned at just how light she was. But she was wincing, and he knew he was hurting her. “Mamm?”
“I’m fine,” she eked out.
He gave Lindy a desperate look and she shook her head, her eyes spilling tears. And then she got ahold of herself and followed them to the bathroom.
Once he was inside with Berta, Lindy squeezed in. “I’ll take it from here, Reuben. Thank you.”
He set his mother down on the toilet seat. Lindy would have to finagle his mother’s gown and undergarments. He left the room, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the wall and took a great gulping breath.
They needed a bedpan or something. Why hadn’t he thought of it before?
Because she didn’t need it before, he thought. Well, she did now. He felt sick. His throat had practically closed around a lump of tears. Reuben needed to be here. A few weeks from now wasn’t soon enough.
Wasn’t soon enough at all.
He was ready to tear out of the house and race to the phone shanty to call him again when he realized his mother would need carrying back to her bed in the front room, so he stayed put. But it was all he could do not to start pacing. Agitation spread through him.
“You all right in there?” he asked through the door.
There was a fumbling noise.
“Lindy?” he asked, feeling panic now. “You all right?”
“Jah,” she answered in a muffled voice. “Jah. We’re fine. Almost finished.”
He held his breath until Lindy opened the door. “She’s ready,” she said.
The Twin (Lindy's Story Book 1) Page 6