Robert entered the bathroom, and the smell of urine was nearly overpowering. The toilet had been flushed, so he wondered if Lindy had problems getting Berta’s gown out of the way. But he had no time to wonder. The look of total exhaustion on his mother’s face spurred him into action. He gently scooped her up to carry her back to bed.
He and Lindy got her settled, and Berta immediately closed her eyes. Lindy fussed a bit more with the pillows and then they both left the room, heading straight for the kitchen.
“We can’t do that again,” Robert told her.
Lindy shook her head. “Nee. It was nearly too much for her. And Reuben, I, well, I had trouble getting her clothes out of the way. I need to change her gown. It’s not very wet, but still.”
“It’s all right, Lindy. You did the best you could.”
“I just can’t bear the thought of changing her gown right now. She’s too exhausted. But I’m worried. Do you think it’s all right to wait until she’s rested?”
“And it’s not very wet, you say?”
“Nee. Just damp at the bottom edge.”
“It’s all right then. Let’s wait.”
“I’m sorry.” She broke down crying, and he took her in his arms. She wept against his chest for a long minute. Her hushed sobs finally stopped, and she sniffled against him.
“You’re doing a wonderful job,” he murmured against her kapp. “A wonderful job.”
She pulled her head away from him and looked up into his eyes. She was so beautiful, so tender and so full of love. He leaned down and his lips touched hers, tentative at first, but then, when he felt her welcome response, his kiss deepened. Every nerve in his body came alive with the beauty of her.
Breathless, she pulled away and reality hit him in the chest. What was he doing? He wasn’t Reuben. Lindy wasn’t his. Ach, dear Lord, what was he thinking?
“Reuben,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you so much.”
He licked his lips and looked at her stupidly, as if he couldn’t understand how they came to be in each other’s arms. He dropped his embrace and stepped back.
“I n-need to see to the cow,” he blurted and raced from the room.
Chapter Fifteen
Lindy stared after him. What was wrong? Why had he left so quickly? She pressed her hands against her warm lips. Was he sorry he’d kissed her?
Kissing between single people wasn’t forbidden, but it certainly was frowned upon. But she hadn’t seen Reuben for so long, and they were courting. Surely, it was all right. But if so, why had Reuben run off so quickly? She turned toward the sink and took a deep breath. Her head hurt. Her heart hurt. Berta was getting worse. Quickly.
And Robert wasn’t home. Robert. Robert.
He would be heartbroken. Tears burned in Lindy’s eyes. Robert should be here. Why was Otto so selfish? Didn’t he realize what was happening to Berta? Anger surged through her. He needed to be told. Robert needed to come home and be with Reuben and their mother.
He belonged at home. She blinked and touched her lips again. What would it be like to kiss Robert? What would it be like to be held in his arms instead of Reuben’s?
She gasped. No. No. No. She hurried back to the front room and gazed in at Berta. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Good. She went out the front door to find Reuben—not because of the kiss, but because she had something to do. It wasn’t her business, but it needed doing.
“Reuben?” she called.
He poked his head from the barn and gave her a guilty look. Goodness, but the twins looked identical. She’d seen that exact same look on Robert’s face once when they were talking about how he’d lied to his mother once when he and Reuben had been playing with barn kittens and had accidentally dropped one from the loft.
“What?” he asked her.
She marched up to him, determination burning through her. “I need the phone number of the closest phone shanty to Otto’s place.”
“Wh-what? Why?” His voice shook with emotion, and Lindy looked at him, puzzled.
“I need to leave a message for Robert. And for Otto.” She heard the stubbornness in her voice, but she made no apology for it.
“Why?” he asked again.
“Because Robert needs to be here. He’s going to be mighty upset when he realizes how Berta is failing, and he’s off doing who-knows-what for that selfish cousin of yours!” She clapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it—”
“Jah, you did.”
She nodded, tears once again coming to her eyes. “Jah, I did.”
He stood looking at her in silence for a long moment. The air between them thickened and she half-expected him to take her in his arms again, but then he began to chuckle. Her brow raised.
“What is it?” she asked. “Why are you laughing?”
“Because you’re the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” he said, his eyes full of tender amusement.
She stared at him. It wasn’t common to be so outright with a compliment. She felt her cheeks go warm.
Then he shook himself and grew serious. “I don’t know the number,” he said.
“You don’t know the number?”
Something was wrong. Off. Of course, he would know the number. Hadn’t he used that phone shanty while he was at Otto’s? Why would he say he didn’t know it?
“Don’t you have it written down somewhere?” she asked.
“Nee.”
She didn’t move. She just continued to stare at him. He wouldn’t look her in the eye. He was looking everywhere but her. She took a step back, a sick suspicion growing in her heart.
What in the world…? Could it be…?
She took another step back, but her eyes didn’t leave his face.
“Look at me,” she said. Her voice was demanding. She blew out her breath. “Please.”
He slowly moved his gaze to her face. Her eyes went wide.
“Y-you?” she squeaked. “Wh-what are you doing?”
He stepped to her and grabbed her arms. “Please, Lindy, don’t say anything. Please.”
Her mouth hung open. What was he playing at? She remembered Robert and Reuben switching places when they were young. It was all a good joke then, and everyone marveled at how they could get away with it. But now? They were adults, and it wasn’t funny anymore.
“Please, Lindy,” he was pleading. “Don’t tell Mamm.”
Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head. “Where’s Reuben? Where is he?”
“He wouldn’t come.” Robert’s words dropped like stones.
“Wh-what?”
“He wouldn’t come.”
She continued shaking her head. “Nee. That can’t be right. Where is he?”
“Lindy,” Robert’s voice was firm. “He wouldn’t come. I had to do something. I can’t let Mamm … I can’t let Mamm … die without seeing him.”
Lindy’s lower lip quivered, and she feared she would burst into sobs. She drew in a shaky breath. “Then, he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get how sick she is…”
“He gets it, Lindy.” Robert was angry now, and she winced. He noticed and lowered his head. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.”
“But I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either.” He was looking at her again. “He says he’ll come in a few weeks.”
“A few weeks?”
“That’s what he says.”
“But that might be… That might be…”
“Too late,” he finished it for her.
“Can’t Otto spare him?”
Something passed over Robert’s face. Lindy grabbed his arm. “What? What is it? Tell me.”
“He’s not at Otto’s, Lindy. He hasn’t been for some time.”
“Where is he, then?” Panic worked its way up her throat. Was he hurt? Was that why he hadn’t come?”
“He’s in a neighboring town…”
“But why? Doing what?”
“He works at a fast food place. A
hamburger place.”
“What?”
Robert had to be lying to her. Because if he wasn’t, it meant Reuben had been lying to her for weeks. She put her hand over her mouth. “Nee,” she whispered through her fingers.
“I’m sorry.”
Her mind whirled with the news. “So, that’s why the change of address? A hamburger place? But why did he leave Otto?”
* * *
Watching Lindy’s face—watching her digest the news, broke Robert’s heart. Right then, he would have gladly throttled his brother.
“He’s living Englisch, Lindy.” There. He’d said it. Told her the truth.
She gasped. “Nee!”
“I told him to tell you, but he won’t.”
“How long have you known?”
“A … while.”
“And you never told me?” Her voice was sharp with criticism.
“It wasn’t my news to tell,” he said. He leaned down to look more directly into her eyes. “I wanted to tell you. Reuben told me not to, and I honored that. I shouldn’t have.”
She was shaking her head vigorously now. “Nee! You shouldn’t have. You should have told me.” She flung her arm out, pushing him away. “You should have told me!”
She was furious with him, and why? Because of Reuben. That was why. He was the one she should be angry with, not Robert.
“I wanted to tell you,” he repeated. “Truly, I did.”
She was shivering now as if it were cold. But it wasn’t cold; the sun had warmed the air nicely. She blinked rapidly, and her eyes didn’t want to focus.
“Does he have a cell phone?” she asked, her voice shaking.
He nodded.
“Give me the number.”
“I’ll write it down for you. Just a minute.” He left her and ran to the house. What a mess. What a complete, horrible mess. He dashed into the kitchen and ripped a page from a small tablet and scribbled down Reuben’s number. Then he hurried back outside and handed Lindy the piece of paper.
“Here.”
She stared at it as if expecting the paper to come alive and hurt her. Then she squared her shoulders. “I’ll be back shortly. Can you make sure your mamm is all right? That she doesn’t wake up and need something while I’m gone?”
He nodded. “Of course. I’ll stay inside with her till you come back.”
She swallowed and closed her eyes for a quick moment. “All right.” And she walked away toward the road.
He watched her go, his head hurting. And for the first time in his entire life, he wished he weren’t a twin.
Chapter Sixteen
Lindy was shaking so badly by the time she got to the phone shanty that she could barely dial Reuben’s number. Reuben’s cell phone number. The very thought made her sick to her stomach.
But she did dial the number, and she nearly bit into her bottom lip waiting for him to answer.
“Yeah?” His voice came over the line.
She flinched, hearing him. She hadn’t heard his voice for months, and it sounded just like Robert’s voice. Only this time, she knew she was speaking with Reuben.
“Reuben?”
“Yeah. Who is this?” And then a pause. “Lindy?”
“Jah.”
“Uh… Um… How did you get… Why did Robert give you this number?” His voice was accusatory, which she considered the height of nerve, considering everything.
“I figured out that it was him pretending to be you.”
“I never told him to do that,” came Reuben’s quick reply. “That was his idea entirely.”
“Because he is trying to make your mamm happy.”
“I … I…” His voice faded to nothing.
“So.” Lindy drew in a huge breath and braced herself. “You’re living fancy.”
Silence. And then a bit of rustling. “Look, Lindy. I’m at work. I can’t talk.”
“You will talk,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “Answer me, Reuben. Are you living fancy?”
Silence again, but shorter this time. “For now,” came his response.
“And you couldn’t bother to tell me?” Her shaking increased, and she leaned against the phone shanty wall. She was going to tip over. Fall right on the ground. She closed her eyes against it and regained her balance.
“I didn’t see the need,” he said. “I’m going to come back, you know. This isn’t forever.”
“Your mamm is sick,” she hissed. “Your place is here.”
There was a scratching sound and then she heard Reuben’s muffled voice talking to someone else. He came back on the line.
“Look. I’ve got to go.”
“Nee!” she cried, but it was too late. The line went dead. She gaped at the receiver in her hand and then dropped it as if it were on fire. She stumbled out of the shanty and started walking back, her steps uneven and faltering.
It was over. She’d suspected it. For a long time, she’d suspected it. And now, she knew. Reuben was no longer courting her. These past weeks—ever since his change of address—had all been a lie. No wonder his letters had become stiff and brief. He didn’t love her anymore. Didn’t even respect her enough to tell her the truth.
Her eyes were fixed ahead in a blank stare, and she nearly tripped over a rock, catching herself just in time.
It was over.
No real surprise. But devastating just the same.
And Robert had known. He wasn’t the type to keep such information to himself. Why hadn’t he told her. Why?
Because Reuben is the one who should have told me. And Robert knows that. He even told you so. But still…
Anger toward Reuben surged up her throat. What a fool she was. Holding onto him even though his letters made everything obvious. And he wouldn’t even come home to see his own mother?
How had she been so fooled by him? His character wasn’t at all what she’d thought it was. How wrong could a person be?
And then, she stopped short. Wait. Wait.
Robert was the one who had kissed her. It was Robert who had called her adorable.
No. No. No. Robert was courting her sister. This couldn’t be.
And she had kissed him back. But she’d thought she was kissing Reuben. Hadn’t she? Hadn’t she thought she was kissing Reuben? Ach, but this was a mess. A huge, awful mess. She increased her speed now, although she didn’t know why. She didn’t want to see Robert. And she’d hardly be able to avoid it.
But why had he kissed her? He didn’t need to. Not to keep the ruse going. Why had he kissed her?
Her feet flew over the asphalt now, and she turned up the drive. She ran to the house and burst through the side door. Robert was in the kitchen.
“Lindy?” he said, his voice full of alarm. “What is it?”
“Why did you kiss me?” she asked, breathing hard.
“I … I was supposed to be Reuben,” he said. “Right?”
She pressed a hand to her chest, trying to still her breathing. She searched his face for more, for some indication that there might be more to it than that, but she saw nothing. His gaze didn’t waver. “Right,” she uttered.
Oh, dear Lord, why had she blurted that out? What was wrong with her these days?
“What happened on the phone?” he asked.
She blinked. “Nothing. But we’re not courting anymore,” Her tone was dull, and she wondered why she was even telling him. It wasn’t his business, after all.
“I’m sorry.” His expression was sympathetic. Pained, almost.
She set her jaw. “Don’t be. It wasn’t meant to be.” She knew that to be true, but it would take a little more time to actually feel it to be true. She had loved Reuben—or loved who she thought he was. In any case, it was going to take a while to digest it all.
“And your mamm? Did she wake up?”
“She’s resting peacefully.”
“Gut.”
They stood three feet apart, staring at each other.
Maybe Rachel was the one who should
have this job after all, Lindy thought. But the very idea was a knife to Lindy’s heart. She loved Berta so deeply now. How could she relinquish Berta’s care to someone else?
“Are you all right?” Robert asked.
“I am. I will be.” She gave him a tremulous smile and took a deep breath. It was true. She was going to be all right. Of course, she was. She’d make sure of it. And Berta needed her.
Lindy was going to forget her own troubles and concentrate on Berta.
It was possible that Berta had more days left that either Lindy or Robert thought. She’d rallied before, and she could rally again. Why… perhaps Lindy would have another month with her. It was possible. Everything was possible.
Her eyes misted over. Everything was possible. The good and the bad. She let out her breath, and she felt a tiny smile play at the corner of her mouth.
“What?” Robert asked. “You’re smiling. What is it?”
Lindy squared her shoulders. “Berta could surprise us all, you know. She could linger for days, even weeks.”
Robert gave her a dubious look. “Lindy, I don’t think—”
She held up her hand. “Nee. I don’t want to hear it. I prefer to think we’ll have Berta with us longer than we think. She took her pain pill the other day. Did you know that? It’s not that I want her to linger if she’s in pain. But she did take the pill, and it relieved some of her discomfort.”
“Lindy…”
“I know, Robert. You don’t have to tell me. I know she’s dying. But she’s not dead yet. And I plan to give her the best last days possible. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure of it.”
He studied her for a long moment. And then he asked, “Are you going to tell her? About me pretending to be Reuben?”
Lindy shook her head. “It isn’t my place to say anything. I know why you’re doing it, Robert. And I understand.”
“But you don’t approve…”
Lindy shrugged. “I don’t know. But my approval doesn’t matter, does it? And besides, Berta was so happy to see Reuben. That’s something.”
“I’m not usually a liar,” he said.
“I know.”
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