Nicholas shakes his head at me and I take it as him telling me to drop it, which I gladly do. I eat my food without saying another word, eager for the meal to be over. After I finish, I excuse myself and head for the men’s room. Never mind. I don’t want to sit in there locked up in one of the stalls all evening, listening to all types of sounds. Returning to the great hall, the guests are already on their way to the ballroom. When I turn around, I see Nicholas walking a few feet behind me. I greet him with a nod and continue to the other side of the ballroom where it’s less crowded. Nicholas remains a few feet behind me the entire time. Does him following me around have anything to do with the fact that Johnny is here?
The string quartet starts to play a slow waltz, and a young lady appears out of nowhere asking me to dance. I balk for a moment, cursing myself quietly for not having just sucked it up and locked myself up in the men’s room. “I don’t really know how to dance.”
“It’s okay. You can follow my lead.” She smiles warmly and latches her arm around my elbow, leading me to the center of the dance floor.
This is humiliating on so many levels.
Taking my hand and wrapping it around her waist, she says, “My name is Eva Dahl, and you’re Joseph, right?”
“Yes.”
“You’re all the rave around here amongst the tween girls. You’re a little young for me, but my younger sister made me promise that I’d dance with you.”
I suppress a smile. Trying to move with her, I trip and manage to step on her foot.
“A waltz has three beats to it, like so.” She shows me and I’m able to pick up the rhythm pretty quickly.
Once we’re moving again, she says, “It was such a wonderful thing you did for Arthor. I thought he was going to die for sure.”
“Thanks.” I try to make my voice sound a little deeper.
“You look much younger up close.”
“How old are you?” I ask.
“Seventeen.” Picking up on how I won’t be doing the talking, she starts to tell me at length about herself. Her parents are making her study science at the University of Trollheim, but she’d much rather be a singer. And, oh, what she wouldn’t give to have a man take her away from her wretched life so she can finally be free from her father’s control.
“I completely get that,” I say.
Her big brown eyes pop open. “You do?” She must assume that since I’m a boy, I have more freedom than her—and if I was a boy maybe I would have had some freedom—but as it is, our situations are extremely similar, the only difference being she’s a free person as far as her status goes, and I’m a slave to every Master.
“Sure, just maybe in a different way,” I say.
“So tell me about that Johnny guy. He’s pretty hot.”
“Er…” I answer.
“I mean, what’s he like? He seems like one of the strongest, bravest guys out there.”
I nod and am amazed at how quickly she can change the subject. “He…uh…he’s pretty strong. Not really a nice guy, though.”
“Hm. So what’s it like to be a Laborer? I mean, here in Normark we’re all considered equals. There are no slaves and no Masters. We’re all Masters, I suppose.”
“It’s horrible,” I confess. “I’d do anything to live the way I want to.”
“Even risk dying…” she says dreamily. “That’s so brave. Maybe if you survive, you could come visit my sister and me in Normark?”
I hardly think I’ll ever be visiting her, but since the odds of me surviving the Savage Run are slim to nothing, I say, “I would enjoy that.”
“Now…where did Johnny run off to?” She scans the crowd. “Oh, I see him.” She hands me a pen and a postcard with my picture on it.”
“Where did you get this?” I ask.
“My dad has connections, and my sister gets pretty much anything she wants…so…will you sign it?”
I start to write my name. “H…” But I quickly turn it into a J and sign my last name. “There.”
“Thanks for dancing, Joseph. And for the signature. My sister will love it!”
She leaves me standing alone on the dance floor and heads toward Johnny.
“Thank you for the dance,” I say to myself. Zooming as fast as I can, I migrate toward a dim hallway and look for a place where I can be alone. Eventually, I find a dark room with built-in bookshelves, with a brown leather sectional, and a huge wooden desk. Just as I’m about to shut the door, Nicholas slips in behind me.
“Having fun?” He laughs heartily.
“Wipe that clever smile off your face.”
“It was quite amusing to watch.” He chuckles a few more times.
“I didn’t think it was funny.” Despite myself, when I think about it, I can’t help but smile. “Okay, it was a little funny. But she just wanted to dance with me to get a signature for her sister and to ask about Johnny.”
“She’d be smart to stay away from him.”
“For sure.” I walk over to the sectional and sit down. “This whole evening feels so…awkward.”
Remaining by the door, he says, “You can stay in here the rest of the night if you want. I’ll tell everyone you needed to get some rest.”
“Thanks.” There’s a pause in our conversation where we look into each other’s eyes. Realizing that I have stopped breathing, I look away.
“I’m sad she beat me to it though.” He moves closer to me.
My eyes have a mind of their own and find their way back to his. “Beat you to what?”
“I promised I’d take you dancing if you made it past the first phase.”
“Oh…that. Well…I won’t hold you to it. I know what you meant.”
He takes a step closer to me and reaches out his hand. “I meant what I said. Besides, now that we’re partners in crime, I can’t go back on my word, can I?”
I smile a little, but my breaths have become quick and shallow. “What, here?”
His right eyebrow rises.
“But there’s no music.” I don’t know why I’m trying to make it difficult for him because if I’m honest with myself, I know I’ll enjoy dancing with him.
“Come here.”
After a moment’s hesitation, I reach my hand out. When his warm skin meets mine, it’s as if electricity surges through me. He pulls me to a standing position and draws me in so close that his chest touches mine. He starts to hum and his voice vibrates through my core.
“Doesn’t it make you feel weird dancing with me since I’m in a tuxedo?” What a ridiculous question.
His eyes lock with mine. “Not really.”
His palm presses against the small of my back so heat collects there, and when he rests his newly-shaven cheek against mine; I can feel my pulse in my ear. For how long we stand and sway like that, I don’t know.
“Can I ask you something?” I finally say.
“Anything.”
“What is your opinion of a…gay person?”
“What do you mean?” He thinks for a moment and then chuckles. “I guess someone would think we were gay if they walked in on us.”
“Well—that—and I’m interested to know what you think about it.”
“Why?”
“My father hates any gay person, but I think they’re just like everyone else.”
“I wouldn’t condemn them.”
“But it’s against the law,” I say.
“Unfortunately, yes.” He lifts his hand from the small of my back, reaching farther across, pulling me closer.
It’s become difficult for me to think straight. “So do you think it’s wrong?”
He ponders for a moment. “My father would say it defies natural laws, that it isn’t conducive to the propagation of life, that it devalues traditional marriage, and that it turns moral wrongs into civil rights.”
“Do you agree?”
“It isn’t conducive to the traditional family.”
“But do you think it’s wrong?” I press, a little irritated that he
’s avoiding answering my question.
“I don’t believe in right or wrong anymore. I only believe in what works for society and the individual alike.”
“And when those two clash?”
He looks me in the eyes and for a moment, I think I can see his soul. “Then we must be brave enough to stand for what we believe. As long as we don’t hurt anyone, we should have rights to our opinions and to live the way we see fit.”
“Well, you have that right,” I say, thinking about my own Laborer status, which gives me the right to basically nothing. Especially not living the way I see fit. “It’s all so easy for you. Do you ever try to imagine what life might be like without your freedom?”
“I must admit I haven’t. Not until…”
I interrupt him. “So how can you say that we must be brave enough? Do you think that just by being brave and standing for what we believe, things will suddenly become fair? If a Laborer stands for what he or she believes, they’re punished for it.”
“Listen, you don’t have to be so upset with me. I agree with you. And I want to change it.”
I just stare at him blankly for a while with nothing to say.
He cocks his head to the side, his eyes narrowing. “What?”
When I realize I’ve been gawking at him for the last minute, my cheeks become hot. I look away.
Leaning his cheek against mine, he says. “You don’t have to fight against me.”
The knot in my gut melts away.
Suddenly, the door flings open and I hear loud laughter. Then Johnny enters, pulling Eva inside with him. Nicholas and I step away from each other immediately, but it’s too late; I know they saw us.
“Oh, sorry,” Eva says, but when she recognizes me, she says, “Oh, my!”
Johnny’s face lights up and a devious grin sprouts from his lips. “Wait a minute, I knew I’d figure it out.” He wags his finger at me. “Your father’s that crazy, holier-than-thou pastor at the hospital, and you’re that girl who rides around delivering medicine! Heidi!”
Chapter 18
Nicholas dashes across the room and pulls Eva and Johnny inside, slamming the door shut behind them.
“Wait. What? Joseph’s a…girl?” Eva’s eyes widen.
“No I’m not!”
“I know who you are. You delivered medicine to my grandmother like a hundred times, and I bet if I told President Volkov, he’d have no problem believing it,” Johnny asserts.
I wonder how Johnny saw me because I don’t ever remember meeting him.
“Listen to me very carefully,” Nicholas says. “Heidi had extreme circumstances and if I didn’t register her, she’d be dead by now.”
I can’t believe he’s telling Johnny about this.
“You knew about it and registered her anyway!” Johnny says.
“I did it because she deserved a chance to live. Like you do,” Nicholas replies.
Johnny sneers. “I can’t wait to tell Pres. about this.”
“Why would you do something so cruel?” Eva props her hands on her hips.
Johnny hesitates for a second. “Obviously because it’s illegal!”
“Just let her go, Johnny,” Eva says. “It would be so amazing if a girl could complete the Savage Run!” She turns and smiles at me, and it feels good to have someone defend me.
“Pres. needs to know about this,” Johnny says and reaches for the doorknob, but Nicholas presses the palm of his hand against the door, keeping it shut.
“What makes you think my father will trust you over me? I have Joseph’s government issued ID,” Nicholas says.
“She’s a girl!” Johnny points at me.
“This isn’t your battle. Turn a blind eye,” Nicholas says.
“Whatever,” Johnny says. “She’ll probably die in the next phase anyway.”
Eva puffs. “Wow, Johnny. That’s really cruel.” She faces me. “I’ll keep your secret, Heidi. It was really an honor to meet you, and know that I’ll be rooting for you. Oh, and do you mind signing you real name?” She hands me the card and pen again.
“Seriously?” Johnny says.
Begrudgingly, I sign it. After hugging me, she opens the door and walks out.
“I make deals, Nicholas. What are you going to offer me?” Johnny says.
“I have plenty of dirt on you, Johnny, that if I leaked it to my father, he’d disqualify you from Savage Run.”
Johnny’s face turns pale. I wonder what kind of dirt Nicholas is talking about.
“So if you keep your mouth shut, I’ll do the same,” Nicholas says.
“Fine, but don’t think this is over.” Johnny opens the door and slams it shut behind him.
“What do you know about him?” I ask.
“Plenty of stuff. I don’t want to overload you with it, though. Just keep your focus on getting through the obstacles.”
He’s keeping information from me again, but I don’t really care to know about all that Johnny has done, so I let it go. “Do you think he’ll tell?” I lean my back against the door.
“If he does, he’s a bigger jerk than I thought.” Nicholas places his hand on my shoulder and slowly lets it glide down my arm all the way to my fingertips before letting go. I’m tempted to take his hand and just feel the strength that’s there, borrow a little of what I’m lacking at the moment. But I shouldn’t. I need to rely on my own strength.
“Why did he have to remember me?” I ask.
For a moment, he looks conflicted, but then he brushes the back of his hand against my cheek.
No man has ever touched me with such tenderness—I didn’t think it was possible.
He says, “I should get back to the others.”
I want him to stay. It must be because I’m scared to be left alone with all my demons—no other reason makes sense. But I need to learn how to fight the demons myself. I reach behind my back and push the handle so the door opens. “I’ll hang out here until the benefit is over.”
“I think that’s a wise decision.”
Stepping out of his way, I let him out. The knot in my stomach returns as soon as the door closes behind him. Johnny knows. And I’m ninety-nine percent sure he’s going to tell.
* * *
At the end of the night, Nicholas escorts us to the hovercraft and we’re flown back to our hotel. The first thing I do when I get to my room is to check up on Arthor. He’s sound asleep. Mai tells me he’s been in and out for a couple of hours and that everything looks promising for him to be continuing the obstacle courses tomorrow. I’m not sure whether I’m the one protecting him or if he’s the one protecting me, but either way, what’s probably true is that we need each other.
When I go back into the living room, Nicholas has vanished. I know he’d tell me to go straight to bed, and I do think it’s the best thing for me considering I have to be up at six a.m. tomorrow. I go back to my room, but the thoughts start to come the second my head hits the pillow. What if Johnny already told President Volkov about me? What if they arrest me? Tonight? I open my eyes and sit up in bed. Inhaling slowly, I attempt to calm myself. Walking usually helps calm my mind, but technically I’m not allowed to wander around alone. If I dressed up as a girl and went to a more public place, no one would notice me. It’s not like anyone else is wandering around, except for maybe Johnny, but he already knows about me and if I’m in a public place and wear Mai’s clothes, any man would stand up for me if he started to attack me.
I go back into Mai’s room—the Unifer lets me pass without a word—and when I see there’s no one, I find a hot pink tank top, a pair of tight-fitted jeans, and a white scarf that I wrap around my neck. I also apply a generous layer of Mai’s lipstick and stick her sunglasses in my back pocket.
I climb in and out of the windows again, take the elevator to the main floor, and head toward the upbeat techno music. Entering the restaurant, I see colored strobe lights bouncing off of the floor and walls. After I see there aren’t any other Savage Run participants here, I put on Mai’
s sunglasses and sit down at the bar. The people on the dance floor move their bodies freely, and it makes me want to join them. But I don’t feel confident enough to let myself go so thoroughly.
Shortly after, the bartender brings me a drink.
“Excuse me, Sir. I didn’t order this,” I say.
He points to someone sitting at the end of the bar, and I recognize the guy as the registrar from Asolo—Cory’s registrar. I half-expect him to come over and sit by me, but when he doesn’t, I nod a thank you.
The beverage has a strong taste to it—like I imagine liquor would taste—but this is very sweet, and besides, the registrar wouldn’t order me, a young lady, an alcoholic beverage, would he? In any case, maybe if it does contain alcohol, it will help me relax a little. I drink the whole thing down and ask for another. The registrar happily pays for the next one. After drinking the second one, I don’t feel any more relaxed. It must just be an exotic juice or something so I tell the bartender to keep them coming. After I start on the fourth one, the registrar stands up and starts to make his way toward me. But as I’m trying to figure out how to escape this situation, I hear a voice behind me. The other registrar leaves the restaurant.
“Out roaming again?”
I turn around and see Nicholas, and immediately try to come up with a good excuse for being out. Dressed like a girl. “I…”
The bartender hands me another drink.
Nicholas’s face becomes stern. “What are you drinking?”
“It’s just…juice…soda juice…soda?” I’m starting to feel a little warm so I grab the menu off the counter and fan myself with it.
He picks up my drink and smells it. “It’s spiked, Heidi!”
“Spiked?” I ask, looking for the bartender, but he doesn’t seem to be around at the moment.
“As in an alcoholic beverage.”
“No…” I laugh.
Nicholas scoots the barstool closer to me and sits down. You need to go back to your room right this minute and get to sleep.”
“Tried already.” I rest my chin in one hand and drum my fingers on the counter with the other. “Didn’t work.”
Savage Run Page 17