Behind the Strings

by Courtney Giardina

  We hung up and I didn’t even make it back to the door into the studio before it began to vibrate again. I answered, hesitant to say “hello,” thinking this time it was a mistake, that I’d hear the car radio in the background as his phone rested on the passenger seat, but to my surprise I heard his voice loud and clear.

  “Hey,” Jesse said, “so I had a thought, but I can’t quite tell you what it is yet. I need you to do me a favor.”

  “Okay…”

  “I need to you check into your hotel, relax a bit, and get yourself ready to paint the town by eight o’clock. Can you do that?”

  “Uh, sure, I think I can manage that.,” I said.

  “I know, but I need you to trust me.”

  The word “trust” wasn’t really in my vocabulary. Jesse was asking a lot of me. Even though I told him I would give him a chance, there was still a part of me that didn’t actually believe I could do it. He asked which hotel I was staying at and told me I didn’t have to be in anything fancy, just dress as I would like any other normal person ready for a night out in Chicago. I laughed, a few different thoughts of what he his plan was ran through my mind, but I promised.

  “What do you have up that sleeve of yours?” I asked.

  “You’ll see.” Then he hung up.

  I had no idea what was going to happen at eight o’clock. Whatever Jesse had up his sleeve was a mystery to me, but one thing I knew for sure, was that when eight o’clock came around, I would be ready.

  By four o’clock I felt like an accomplished tourist and one heck of a blogger. I had watched Maiden Voyage in action during their Chicago radio stops and got to tag along as they hit up some of the coolest sights of Chicago, including conquering the 103rd floor in the Willis Tower. Looking out the window from that Skydeck was a breathtaking experience. What an amazing view of the city. I kind of blocked out the tour guide as he explained a bit about what we were looking at because in that moment I realized how blessed I truly was. This was my job. I got paid for this trip. It was kind of exhilarating. I know, some adventurer I was, sightseeing in a Midwestern city—kind of pathetic, but I was working on it. I was a small-town girl, from a place with a population less than 2500. Moving to the “big city” was a giant leap for me, and to be here on top of the world with some of country music’s rising stars was a heck of an accomplishment in my book.

  Our next stop was a photo shoot in front of Buckingham fountain. And I don’t mean the typical “pull out your cell phone” kind. The girls really had a photo shoot. It took about an hour for the photographer to get all the shots he wanted. I jumped behind him a few times to snap some moments for myself. I was so thrilled with everything I was getting for this story and the fact that I was having a blast doing it was an added bonus.

  We ended our day together with lunch and some shopping down at the Navy Pier before the girls had to jet off to New York for a late show appearance. I thanked them for their time then, still dragging my carryon alongside me, found my way to my hotel to do exactly what Jesse had to told me to.

  28

  By eight o’clock my hair was curled, makeup set, and my outfit ironed and slipped over my shea-buttered skin. Not even a minute later Jesse was calling my cell phone.

  “Well,” he asked, “are you ready?”

  “I feel like that depends on what I’m supposed to be ready for.”

  “We’re going on a date. I’ve got it all planned out.”

  “‘We’ as in you and me?” I asked.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He heard me hesitate for a moment, then he said, “Trust me, remember?”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  “Good. Are you hungry?”

  “Starving,” I said.

  “That is the answer I was hoping to hear. I’m going to text you an address. It shouldn’t be hard to grab a cab from the hotel. Give it to the driver, okay?”

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  “I’ll call you back in about fifteen minutes.”

  We both hung up. I threw on my jacket and headed to the lobby. I could see a few cabs already waiting outside. I waved to one, hopped in and read the address aloud.

  Jesse had impeccable timing. I hadn’t even fully exited the cab yet when I heard the ringing coming from my purse.

  “Hey,” I said once I answered, “I think I’m here.”

  “What do you see?”

  I looked around for a bit at everything around me. In the middle of all the hustle I spotted a large red awning on the street corner. I read the sign above it.

  “Pizza,” I said confidently.

  “You got it.”

  I stayed on the phone with him as I went inside and seated myself at a table for two in the corner. The waitress handed me a menu and Jesse paused for a moment, switching his phone to video. Once he came into view I nodded my head and laughed. He too seemed to be sitting by himself in a restaurant in Nashville. He held up a menu in front of him with a vast selection of deep-dish options.

  “What should we order?” he asked.

  I understood it now. Jesse really heard me when I told him my fear of the crazy music world and the way it pulled people in all different directions. This was his way of proving to me that even with hundreds of miles between us, it was possible to make this work. That maybe we might have to try a bit harder, but if we wanted it bad enough, nothing could stand in our way. Jesse was taking me out to dinner tonight. He was sharing in the Chicago experience with me. I was in a state of complete bliss. Here we were, sharing my first Chicago experience together. We were making memories.

  “Can I tell you something?”

  “You can tell me anything,” he said.

  “This is pretty much the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

  “Good. Now, let’s order.”

  I thought the waitress was going to think we were nuts when she came over with a glass of water. I looked up at her and briefly explained. Her heart melted with every word I said and she jokingly asked if she could borrow him, even just temporarily. I ordered what she recommended and Jesse ordered the same on his end. Our conversation was lively the entire time we sat there. I could see people looking at me, but I tuned them out. I wanted to focus on the two of us. I wanted to find out more about the man who, with the slightest touch, could ignite this fire inside of me, a fire so hot it singed every doubt that had been thrown at.

  “So tell me a little about Austin,” I said. “Do you visit often?”

  “I do. Most of my family still lives there. My sister had her first kid, a little girl named Haven, last winter. I went down for a while then.”

  “Haven…I like it,” I said.

  “Ha, yeah. My sister is pretty eccentric. She likes to go against the grain. Traditional isn’t really her thing.”

  “Do you have any other siblings?”

  “Nope, just the one. She’s three years old than me. Turned the big 3-0 this summer. I still haven’t let her live it down.”

  We both laughed. I hadn’t actually realized until then that Jesse was older than me. It wasn’t really by much, but the three years kind of made it more alluring, the thought of an older man.

  Not even half of my pizza was gone before I held my stomach and I groaned. Jesse, being a guy, cleared his plate in its entirety before he gave me another address in Chicago.

  “Wait, there’s more?” I asked.

  “Of course there’s more. We have the whole night of fun ahead of us.”

  I asked him if he was going to call me back in any specified amount of time, but this time that wasn’t the case. He told me I was pretty much stuck with him for as long as our batteries would last. I was incredibly thankful to myself for remembering to charge my phone while I was getting ready so I could spend as much time with him as possible.

  The streets of Chicago may have been even livelier leaving the pizza place than when I entered. I tried not to run into anything as I led Jesse through them. He hopped in his car to the next destination, but mine didn’t seem t
o be that far, so I opted to walk. He talked to me the whole way there and stopped mid-sentence a few times to comment first on my hair, then my eyes and my smile. I’d never felt more confident in myself or more beautiful than tonight. Even though I knew this was the very beginning of something between the two of us, and I wasn’t sure where it would end up, Jesse made me feel beautiful, appreciated and wanted. I felt a closeness to him tonight, unlike any of the other times I’d spent with him. It was more than wanting to rip his clothes off or feel his hands all over me. His genuine desire to show me happiness and the effort he put into this night allowed me to look past all of that. It showed me that he really did see something in the two of us. He was all of the things I was afraid of before. But with Jesse, it was all so different. He had found a loophole through the walls around my heart and was very slowly, yet successfully knocking them down.

  29

  Jesse arrived at his location a few minutes before I did mine. He had me switch my lens to face the city street and he did the same. Now it looked like we were walking side by side. I could hear the music coming from the bar in front of me once I walked up to it. The heart and soul of my world, country music, blasted from inside.

  “I’ve played that bar a couple times with some friends through the years. It gets pretty loud, so we probably won’t hear much of each other, but I know you’ll enjoy it, so go ahead inside.”

  I ordered a beer and pulled myself up onto an empty stool at the bar. Music venues in Nashville were never more than a stone’s throw away no matter where you went, but this place was different. It was still vibrant and full of life with the best kind of music playing through the speakers, but on the evening of this chilly Saturday, the screams of overjoyed football fans echoed through the place. A wall of televisions surrounded me and seas of colors blinded me as jerseys from multiple college football teams filled the room. A difference from the city that lives and breathes music over all else…it fascinated me that sports was certainly the highlight of tonight here in Chicago, even in a country bar like this.

  Neither of us said much for the hour, but every now and then we’d look through our phones and smile. It was like anything that needed to be said was heard loud and clear. We were both content, enjoying the moment and each other’s company. No words needed to be spoken. For me, just knowing he was there at I took in my surroundings, that was enough.

  “There’s one more stop in tonight’s adventure,” Jesse said through the ringing of my ears as I left my second stop of the night.

  “Oh yeah? Where to?”

  “Ah, now if I told you, what fun would that be?”

  Once again he gave me an address and I waved my hand into the street at a cab rolling by. Not more than ten minutes later, I arrived at the final destination. I hesitated at first walking through a set of hotel doors where I wasn’t staying, but once I walked through the lobby I discovered some kind of fancy craft cocktail lounge waiting for me. I followed the checkered flooring to sleek, burgundy-colored booth and made myself comfortable while Jesse told me what to order once the waitress had arrived.

  I ordered the craft cocktail Jesse told to me and leaned back, taking in the sound of instrumental jazz that played in the bar.

  “I could get used to this,” I said.

  “Stick with me then and I’ll make sure you do.”

  Jesse was in the middle of talking when the waitress came back with my drink. Reacting to her uncertain look before she set it down in from of me, I again explained the situation and watched her heart melt, just like the one at the pizza place had. She said she would make it happen and told me I was a lucky girl.

  Whatever drink Jesse ordered was beyond perfection. I was sipping slowly on the second one before he had even finished his first. It was getting late and I could feel my body tiring. My flight was rather early in the morning and I knew what it was trying to tell me so I slurped down the final few sips before Jesse so chivalrously walked me back to my hotel room.

  “I hope you had fun tonight,” he said as I kicked off my wedges.

  “It was amazing.”

  “Well, you get some rest and get back here safe. And maybe if I’m lucky, you’ll let me take you out for real?”

  “The sooner the better,” I said.

  After we said goodnight, I fell blissfully onto the bed. My eyes were closed as I thought about the last few hours. How did I get this lucky? Was Jesse really this perfect? I smiled at the thought of it. I tried not to question any of it as I indulged in the idea of him and me and what was to come. I didn’t want to care about tomorrow or the next day. I didn’t want to think about where this would lead or how it could go wrong. I just wanted to lie there in that bed for as long as I could, loving the idea of what was.

  30

  Life did not slow down once I landed back in Nashville. It was another week filled with endless phone interviews and email invites to showcases, all on top of trying to finish my Maiden Voyage write up before the deadline. There didn’t seem to be enough of me to go around for everywhere I had scheduled myself to be, but somehow I managed to pull it off and at week’s end still seemed to be on my feet.

  I felt like part of it was thanks to Jesse. We didn’t miss a beat after Chicago. He was the calmness I looked forward to each night. Once I was snuggled up in my bed I would call him. Even if he was performing, he’d take his breaks to say goodnight and sometimes I’d even ask him to leave the phone on so I could listen to him sing. If I fell asleep before he got back to me, he’d just hang up when his night was over and text me in the morning.

  We quickly settled into a cozy little routine, making our crazy schedules work no matter what we had to do, because apparently that’s what you do in relationships. All of it was new to me, and parts of it were for Jesse, too, but for the most part he was teaching me.

  When Friday came around, I wasn’t quite done with my blogger duties. I had accepted an invitation to an artist showcase just outside of town that evening. Jesse had offered to come with me, so I left the office a little early that afternoon to pick him up. I veered my car into an empty spot in front of a brick building that sat on the corner of the streets he had given me. A few minutes later I watched as Jesse stepped out of his loft and headed down a black metal staircase alongside the building.

  “Cute area,” I said once he was in the car.

  “It’s cool. I like the old town historical vibe.”

  “I can see why,” I said. “Thanks for coming with me.”

  “Any excuse to spend time with you? I’ll take it.”

  He leaned in for a kiss before I put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. On our way to the venue, we stopped for dinner at some place he saw on a television show and had been dying to try

  “So, how adventurous are you feeling tonight?” Jesse asked once we were seated.

  I thought back to lunch with Logan where he praised me for stepping outside of my comfort zone from the picky teenager I once was. Apparently this very rustic restaurant was known for its mouthwatering appetizers, so we ordered a little bit of everything.

  “Are you happy?” Jesse asked across from a tableful of mounds of fried foods.

  “With the fried pickles or the gumbo?” I asked.

  “All of the above,” he said, but I knew that’s not what he meant.

  He didn’t care about the fried pickles or the gumbo. We had spent the last couple of weeks together just like people in relationships would do, and I felt he was searching for an inclination that that might be where this was headed. We enjoyed each other’s company and I certainly enjoyed the kissing part of it, but as far as the feelings part of it, well, that was still yet to be discussed. There didn’t seem to really be a better time to talk about it than there in the middle of greasy fingers and spicy nachos, so that we did.

  “Yes,” I said, finally.

  “Really happy?”

  “If we’re being honest, I don’t really think I’ve ever actually let myself be happy. There’
s just something about you that lets me be me.”

  I told him how I liked being around him and how in the moments he crossed my mind when he wasn’t around I smiled at the idea that he was a part of my life. That it didn’t matter if I was stressed, sad or frustrated; he seemed to make it all disappear all because he was next to me.

  When I was finished, Jesse’s eyes stayed fixated on his plate. He kept putting bite after bite of food into his mouth, not looking up, which scared me. I almost wanted to rewind the last five minutes. I had gotten so caught up in all the amazing moments that we shared I hadn’t thought about whether or not there was a possibility he didn’t feel the same. Now it was suddenly at the forefront of my mind.

  He scooped up the final bite of brisket from his plate and wiped his fingers clean. His hands reached out onto the table, palms face up and wiggled his fingers as he smiled. I slowly set my hands on top his while he cleared his throat.

  “You remember the first night we met?” he asked.

  “I do,” I said. I thought back to the night Logan first introduced us. How even then I felt a spark when he hugged me.

  “I think I fell for you the moment I wrapped my arms around you. I’d never been so taken by someone before, but gosh, Celia there’s something about you that erases every fear and insecurity in my life. When I’m around you, it’s like every dream I’ve ever had is standing right in front of me. I never want to go to sleep because honestly I fear that I might wake up one day to find that you’ve finally realized you deserve so much better than me.”

  If there was a part of me that hadn’t already fallen for Jesse before tonight, after that, it stood no chance. I squeezed his hands so tight that my knuckles started to turn white. The glistening in my eyes came from the fact that I had never felt more wanted in my entire life than right there, at some hole-in-the-wall diner in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee. I stared straight into his eyes, ingraining everything about him and this moment into my memory.