An Alaskan Christmas

by Belle Calhoune

  Maggie began unwrapping the gift, marveling at Finn’s mastery of gift wrapping. Once she’d ripped away the paper, Maggie took off the top from the square box. The moment she laid eyes on the rounded glass orb, she let out a squeal.

  “Oh, Finn. It’s magnificent,” she said. She pulled the snow globe out of the box. It was a beautiful winter scene of a skating party at a lake. She shook the snow globe, admiring the delicate flakes that floated down on the scene.

  “I could tell by the way you’ve been admiring the snow globes here in the store they were something you really admired. I also knew it wasn’t something you would buy for yourself. You always think of others first.”

  “Do you like it, Mom?” Oliver asked. “Finn ordered it all the way from Montana.”

  Maggie reached down and tweaked Oliver’s nose. “I don’t just like it. I love it.” She met Finn’s gaze. “I’ll treasure it forever.”

  The magnitude of Finn’s gift lifted Maggie up to the stratosphere. Only Finn could have figured out her lifelong love of snow globes. Only Finn would have had the foresight to order her such a meaningful gift and present it to her on such a special day.

  As they locked gazes, a buzz of electricity passed between them. Awareness flared in the air. She didn’t know what else to say without sounding sappy. Maggie hoped she wasn’t wearing her heart on her sleeve, because at this moment the love she felt for Finn threatened to burst out of her heart.

  She loved him. And she couldn’t imagine not loving him. Not ever. Even though she knew they couldn’t be together, that knowledge did nothing to change the way she felt.

  A rapping noise echoed on the door. The sound of the doorknob rattling soon followed. Maggie felt her palms moisten with nervousness. It was hard to believe the moment had arrived. Keepsakes was about to open its doors.

  “I think we have our first customers,” Finn drawled. He looked at his watch. “And ten minutes early no less.”

  “Can I open the door?” Oliver asked.

  “Why don’t we do it together?” Maggie suggested, placing the snow globe back in its box and tucking it away behind the counter. With a deep breath, she headed toward the door with Oliver by her side and pulled it wide open, letting out a shocked sound as she saw a line of people waiting for entry. In all of her wildest dreams, she’d never imagined so many people showing up all at once.

  “Welcome to Keepsakes,” Maggie said in a cheerful voice.

  “Thanks for coming,” Oliver chirped, a big smile plastered on his face.

  Excitement hummed and pulsed in the air as the townsfolk poured through the doors of Keepsakes. A little bell jangled every time a customer walked in. The smell of peppermint wafted in the air thanks to an essential oils diffuser. They had set up a little sidebar table with eggnog and apple cider doughnuts. Every customer was given a raffle ticket for a chance to win holiday prizes. A festive vibe radiated in the shop.

  Hope floated in the air around them. She prayed her efforts to bring Keepsakes back to life would make Uncle Tobias proud.

  Maggie greeted each and every customer. She felt very grateful for the bustling crowd. Finn was working the register and using his charm to sell additional items to customers once they were at the counter, checking out. Despite what had transpired between them the other night, they were working together to ensure the success of the grand opening.

  At Finn’s suggestion, Maggie had framed a black-and-white photo of Uncle Tobias and hung it in a prominent place on the wall behind the cash register. It brought tears to her eyes to acknowledge how her uncle’s kindness and generosity had affected so many lives. Maggie couldn’t count the number of townsfolk who had approached her and recounted heartwarming stories about him.

  With only an hour to go until the shop closed, a tall, good-looking man with gray-blue eyes walked in and a hush fell over the store. Maggie frowned as she looked around her. Hazel’s jaw was practically on the floor. People were whispering and talking behind their hands. She swung her gaze to Finn. A myriad of expressions crossed his face—shock, recognition, joy.

  Suddenly it hit Maggie like a ton of bricks. Although twenty years had passed since she’d last seen him, she felt fairly certain about the man’s identity.

  It was Colin O’Rourke, Finn’s absentee father.

  * * *

  When Finn swung his gaze up from the cash register and spotted his father walking through the doorway, it felt as if he was having an out-of-body experience. He blinked once, then twice. He hadn’t been mistaken. Colin O’Rourke had finally returned to Love, Alaska. The years had been kind to his dad. He was still a man who could turn heads by walking into a room.

  Finn stepped from behind the cash register. In a few easy strides, he’d managed to intercept his father. They were the same height, Finn realized with surprise. For some reason, he always thought of his father from a child’s vantage point. Taller. Stronger. Bigger.

  “W-what are you doing here?” he asked in a low voice. Even though he wanted to kick his father out on his ear, he didn’t want to do anything to hurt sales or ruin the grand opening of Keepsakes. Maggie had worked tirelessly to pull this off. So far, they were knocking it out of the park.

  Out of nowhere, Declan appeared at his father’s side. “He’s here for you, Finn.”

  Finn felt a stab of betrayal as he locked gazes with Declan. He’d known his father was going to show up here today! And he’d allowed Finn to be blindsided. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so disappointed in his brother.

  Finn swung his gaze around the store. Maggie was looking at him with wide eyes. He quickly walked over to her. “I need a few minutes. Can you man the cash register?”

  She bobbed her head. “Of course. Take as much time as you need.”

  He made his way back to his father and brother. “We can’t do this here. Let’s go in the back room.” Without waiting for an answer, Finn strode toward the back of the store and down a small hallway. He jerked open the office door and stormed inside, followed by Colin and Declan.

  He felt as if steam was coming out of his ears. This was Maggie’s grand opening. It wasn’t the time or place for his father to show up out of the blue.

  He scowled at his brother. “Declan! What did you do?” His question came out like a ferocious roar.

  “I did what needed to be done,” Declan said, his expression unapologetic. “I reached out to him.”

  “Son, we need to talk and it needed to be face-to-face. Man-to-man. I’m not leaving until we air things out.” Colin’s voice was firm, brooking no argument.

  Finn let out a bitter-sounding chuckle. “Now? After all this time?”

  “You’re right,” Colin said, shaking his head. “We’re way overdue. And I apologize. To both of you. I bailed on our family. There’s no excuse for the things I’ve done. Back then I didn’t have the tools to talk openly to you about your mother’s death.” He winced. “Honestly, I’m not sure I do now.”

  Anger rose up inside Finn. “You’ve been gone in one way or another ever since then.”

  “Finn, I know there’s no excuse, but my heart was broken. I’m not strong like you and Declan. And to make matters worse, it was my fault.” Agony rang out in his voice. “She was my best friend. The very best of me. And when she left us, I crumbled. I lost sight of everything I held dear.”

  Maggie’s face flashed before Finn’s eyes. How would he feel if through his actions Maggie was taken from this world? He couldn’t even imagine the utter devastation.

  Colin frowned at him. “Declan told me you’ve been blaming yourself all this time,” his father said.

  Finn gritted his teeth. “I put the bullets in the shotgun. I went against everything I’d ever been told by you and Mom in our household.” He wiped away tears with the back of his palm. He let out a groan. “Boredom set in while I was home a
lone. I put the bullets in and then I shot off a few rounds in the backyard. I’d lined up some cans and I wanted to see if I could hit them.

  “I kept telling myself to take the bullets out so I wouldn’t get in any trouble, so no one would know what I’d done. But I forgot. And then that night you were in the backyard joking around. The gun went off. We lost our whole world. Because of me.”

  “And you never said a word, did you? You bottled it all up inside you and let it fester.” Declan’s face looked tortured.

  “No. How could I?” he asked in an agonized voice. “I didn’t want to lose the rest of my family. I didn’t want all of you to hate me.”

  “So instead you hated yourself.” His father’s words hung in the air like a grenade. Finn had never thought about it like that before. It was true. He had been struggling with feelings of poor self-worth ever since.

  Finn hung his head. He didn’t know what to say. How could he put into words the guilt of a child over something so monumental? How to put into words the devastation of having your father unravel and leave the family who had so desperately needed him?

  His chest tightened. “We lost so much. It was a lot to bear.”

  “You are not responsible!” Colin said in a raised voice. “No matter what you think you know about that night, you’re wrong.”

  “You need to listen, Finn,” Declan said. “Just listen.”

  “At the time I was as honest as I thought I should be about that night. You two were so young I didn’t want to overwhelm you with the details. I didn’t know it would be important.” Colin raked his hand through his hair. “I never imagined you would blame yourself, Finn. How could I when I was the one at fault? Finn, you know how meticulous your mother was to detail. Cindy was like a bloodhound.” Colin let out a sharp laugh. “Much the same way as she knew when you sneaked freshly baked peanut butter cookies from the tray, she knew you’d been playing around with the shotgun. That same day she emptied it when she realized what you’d been doing when we weren’t home. We were planning to sit you down and talk to you about it, but then—” His voice trailed off.

  “She died.” Finn’s voice sounded flat to his own ears.

  “Yes, Finn, she passed. And there’s not a day that goes by without my thinking of her. Mourning her. And wishing I’d never refilled the shotgun with bullets. Your mother and I had just enjoyed a wonderful night. We had dinner out at The Bay, then we came back here and drank some wine and a few beers. I was joking around with her about finally getting rid of that raccoon who kept messing with our trash.” Colin’s shoulders shuddered and he let out a sob. “To be honest, it all happened so fast. Like a flash. She was laughing and she lunged to take away the weapon. It was like an explosion.”

  For a few minutes everything was silent.

  His father cleared his throat. “So you can’t blame yourself, Finn. If you have to place all of this on someone’s shoulders, pick mine. I’ll gladly shoulder it if it brings you peace.”

  Finn felt as if he’d been blind for the last two decades and now he could suddenly see clearly. His father was a broken man. The death of his wife had gutted him. He’d spiraled out of control and, due to guilt and pain, abandoned his family. For many years Finn had harbored negative feelings toward the man who had given him life. But now—seeing him so shattered—it hit Finn hard. At this moment all he felt was compassion. And gratitude. It couldn’t have been easy to come back after all this time and confess the truth of that night.

  It was time to move past his mother’s death. In Finn’s opinion she had been the most loving, wonderful person in the world. Never in a million years would she have wanted her family to be eaten up by her death. She would have told them all to get a grip on themselves. Cindy O’Rourke would have hated all this angst and guilt and divisiveness.

  He wanted to honor his mother. The way he was living his life wasn’t doing justice to the woman who had given him life. He was throwing away every hope and dream for the future she’d worked so hard to build for him. Feeling overwhelmed, Finn bowed his head.

  Lord, I need Your grace. I’m at a crossroads in my life. For so long I’ve been carrying all this guilt around on my shoulders. I can’t carry it anymore. I’m incredibly weary. I’m not an unworthy person. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m still worthy of happiness. I’ve got to lay these burdens aside. I need to have forgiveness in my heart for my father. I’ve been so angry at him for something out of his control. He loved my mother more than anyone or anything. And I love Maggie. And Oliver. I need peace in my life so I can move forward and claim my future. Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to see clearly what’s been in front of me all of this time.

  When he opened his eyes he saw both Declan and Colin bowing their heads in prayer. He walked closer, bridging the distance between them. Without saying a word, Finn stood between them and clasped their hands in his.

  “Lord, please bring us together as a family,” Finn said. “Let the pain of the past be healed. Open our hearts and minds to all the possibilities stretched out before us. I ask this in Your name.”

  As soon as Finn stopped speaking he found himself enveloped in a hug by his father and Declan. His shoulders heaved as all of the years of painful separation and heartache melted away in the loving embrace of his family.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Maggie was trying not to worry about what was happening in the back room of the store. They had been sequestered for quite some time. Oliver was serving as her official greeter while she manned the cash register. There were only a few minutes left until the shop closed. They were all supposed to head over to the Moose Café, where Cameron had offered to host a small holiday party in Keepsakes’s honor. Oliver was excited about having hot chocolate and s’mores and hanging out with his best buddy, Aidan.

  Maggie’s mind was whirling with the possibilities about the sudden appearance of Colin O’Rourke. Perhaps Colin had come back due an illness? Oh dear. She hoped it wasn’t anything terrible. Or maybe he was trying to make amends at Christmas. It would be such a blessing for Finn and Declan if that was the case. The best gift of all.

  When it was time to close up shop, Ruby took Oliver over to the Moose Café with her family. Maggie promised to meet up with them in a little while. She couldn’t imagine what was going on in the back room. And the longer they stayed out of sight, the more she fretted. She prayed Finn was okay.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Finn, Colin and Declan all emerged from the back room. Colin approached her and they exchanged pleasantries before he departed with Declan. Finn stood quietly in their wake. He was staring at the door his father and brother had just walked through.

  “Finn, are you all right?” Although Maggie had accepted the fact that she and Finn didn’t have a future together, she still cared about him. There was no denying it. She loved him. But she could never profess her love for him, because he didn’t want it. He’d made that fact quite apparent.

  “I—I think so.” A dazed expression was stamped on his face.

  “What was your father doing here?” Maggie asked. Finn had told her about Colin’s disappearing act from his hometown. She couldn’t imagine what had brought him back after all this time.

  “He came to set me free,” Finn said. A slow smile began to break out over his face.

  Maggie wrinkled her nose. “I don’t understand.” She waved her hand at him. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.” She had promised herself to maintain a healthy emotional distance from Finn. It was the only way of protecting her heart from being smashed into pieces. She loved Finn, but she knew there was no hope of him loving her in return. Finn didn’t want the same things as she did. He’d made it painfully clear to her. And if nothing else, the past had taught her to guard her heart wisely.

  “Yes, it is, Maggie. Or at least I hope it is. I’m praying you care enough about me
to make it your business.”

  Maggie’s lips trembled. “I—I did care. I do care. But you made it pretty obvious you don’t want me to.” Don’t cry, she reminded herself. Be strong.

  Finn took a few steps toward her, bridging the gap between them. Maggie sucked in a deep breath at his close proximity. It was dangerous for her equilibrium to be so close to Finn. Before she could take a step backward, he reached out and placed her face between his palms.

  “Maggie, I love you,” he said. The expression on his face was heartfelt. Tears misted in his green eyes.

  She let out a gasp. His words had almost made her knees buckle. “What did you say?” she asked, wondering if she’d misheard him. Hope soared within her heart.

  He grinned at her, then dipped his head down to place a tender kiss on her lips. Being kissed by Finn was a sweet surprise. She had been under the belief such a kiss would never happen again.

  “I am head over heels in love with you, Mags. I have been for a while, but I was so busy running from things that happened a long time ago I didn’t feel worthy of you and Oliver. I couldn’t risk causing any more pain. When you told me about Sam, it tore me up inside. I knew you’d already suffered so much.”

  Maggie could read between the lines about Finn’s past. But she needed to hear it directly from his lips. If there was even a shot at them being together, she needed to understand so they could move forward. Not just for herself, but for Oliver as well.

  Finn took a deep breath and began to tell Maggie about the night of his mother’s death and the guilt he had been carrying around for twenty years.

  Maggie listened intently to every word. She tried to hold back the tide of tears, but they were soon streaming down her face. She cried for the little boy who had assumed ownership of something so devastating and life altering.

  “Declan brought my dad here so he could help me understand things. We finally talked about the night of my mother’s death.” He shook his head, appearing incredulous. “After all of these years, we finally broke through the wall of silence and dealt with the facts. It wasn’t my fault, Maggie. And the truth is, it wasn’t my father’s fault either. It was an accident. And he’s suffered because of it ever since.”