Hated by Many, Loved by None

by Shan

  I tried to keep my mouth closed and not make a sound, but the smoke covered my face and filled my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe. As a result, I coughed uncontrollably, and, before long, I was yanked from underneath the bed, and a shit load of guns were shoved into my face. I held my hands up and looked around the room at all the uniformed men and tried to figure out what was going on.

  “Where are the drugs?” one of them yelled.

  I continued to cough and cough until one of them jerked me up from the floor and pulled me out of the smoky house. I sucked in the West Dallas air, welcoming it into my lungs like never before. I looked up and finally noticed three letters that got my heart pumping at lightning speed— DEA.

  "Where are the drugs?" an officer asked.

  "What drugs? I don't know what you're talking about," I said, and it was the truth. I didn't keep anything here but a small stash of weed— nothing that would make the DEA toss tear gas into my home and come shoving guns all in my face. They had to have had the wrong house.

  "Either tell us where it's at or we're gonna tear your whole damn house apart looking for it. We've been tipped off by an informant that someone was spotted bringing twenty kilos of coke into here and a crate full of guns. Tell us where to find them, ma'am."

  "I have no idea what you're talking about. I have a couple of ounces of weed in my purse, as well as a registered .22. There are no drugs here," I pleaded with them to believe me. The officer talking to me nodded for his men to go back inside. It didn't take long before I heard them tearing my house apart. I hadn't quite gotten it cleaned up from the last time, and I was sure that this time was about to be much worse.

  I sat on the porch for what seemed to be an hour before the officers came out shaking their heads in disbelief. A slight grin crossed my face knowing that they hadn't found a thing, just like I suspected. I almost laughed aloud until the last officer stepped out holding what I knew to be several baggies of coke in one of his hands.

  "This is all we found," he said to the lead officer. "’Bout twenty of these are behind the toilet, but, other than that, the place is clean."

  "Stand up. You're under arrest," the lead officer commanded.

  "What? Wait! I didn't do anything. That's not mine! Sir, that is not mine!" I cried, but he wasn't trying to hear my pleas as he jerked me up off of the ground and forced my hands behind my back. "Y'all mad ‘cause y'all didn't find shit and wanna plant that shit on me! Y'all know that ain't mine!"

  Two officers dragged me off the porch and took me over to an awaiting van. I was tossed into the back of it and cuffed to the seat like some animal. The door slammed shut, and that was when I broke down, crying like a baby.

  “They set me up! This is a set up!” I cried to myself.

  119

  16 Honey

  16

  Honey

  Once I confirmed that Jahzara had been arrested, I pulled away from her block and headed to my home. I hated to do her like that, but, if I couldn't eat, then neither could she. Imran wasn't just going to toss me to the side like yesterday's trash and think that I was going to be fine with it. After I handled his girl, I had to figure out a way to handle him. I knew about every spot he had in Dallas and could easily hit each one and take all of his money, but that would’ve been too obvious. He would know that it was me after what just happened, so I had to think of something else.

  Maybe, if I could just figure where the nigga’s at, follow him, and then I could hit his precious, little home that he didn't want anyone knowing about. He has to have something there that he’s protecting. Why else wouldn't he want his girl's best friends to know where he lives? I thought.

  I drove around to every trap house that Imran had in Dallas, knowing he had to be at, at least, one of them. That was how he operated. He went from trap to trap, checking on his money, on the product, but never did no real work. He thought he was such a fuckin' boss. Well, you just wait until Quin comes home. I laughed inwardly. We will see who the boss is.

  I pulled up to the last house and parked a few houses down. Imran's raggedy Honda Accord that he drove around in sat in front of the house, and there he was, leaning against the hood, talking to—is that Cedric? I squinted my eyes to get a better look and shook my head in disbelief. What the hell was he doing on this side of town, and why on earth would he be talking to Imran's snake ass? I pulled a cigarette from the box and quickly fired it up. I watched as the two of them laughed it up like they were best friends.

  "Fucking perdedores! Fuck you two muthafuckas!" I yelled, hitting the steering wheel. "I bet they’re laughing about me. Everyone wants to talk about Honey!"

  Tears fell from my eyes, and I took a deep toke from my cigarette. I pulled a .38 Special from underneath the seat and sat it on my lap. Cedric had purchased this gun for myself a couple years back after someone broke into our home. I’d never had use for it until now. Cedric had left me, and Imran had denied me, and now they wanted to sit up here and talk about me behind my back.

  I quickly sucked at the square again and blew out a cloud of smoke. I watched as some chick walked over to Cedric and wrapped her hands around his waist. The two of them embraced and shared a short but romantic kiss, and that caused more tears to drip from the corners of my eyes.

  I flicked the cigarette out the window, cranked the car back up, and slowly drove down the block in their direction. I held the gun out the window and blindly fired at them.

  POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

  Seeing Cedric had completely taken me off task and made me forget my intended purpose— finding out where Imran lived.

  "Shit!" I said as I drove down the dark street.

  ****

  "What's up? Damn! You just now getting home?" DeMarcus asked as he raised his head from a pillow.

  "I was working. I told you that.”

  "What the fuck happened to your face?" he asked, reaching to cut the lamp on.

  "Imran attacked me is what happened! I caught him trying to rape some little girl, and, when I threatened to tell Jah, this was the outcome."

  "What? Fuckin' pervert!" DeMarcus jumped out of bed and grabbed his jeans from the floor.

  "No, no, no!" I yelled, holding up my hands. "I got something for both he and Jah."

  "What did Jahzara do?" DeMarcus asked, grabbing a cigarette.

  "She took up for her man, of course. It's cool. I have the perfect plan to shut both of them down."

  "What are you about to do?" DeMarcus asked with both eyebrows raised.

  "I'm gonna write Quin again and let him know what Jah has been up to and how she gave Imran all of his stuff and even handed over his connect."

  "What do you mean ‘write him again’, Honey?"

  "I wrote him before and told him about the things Jah was doing at that club. After I seen the kinds of shows she puts on in front of all those men, it disgusted me, dancing all over men, bouncing her ass in their faces, showing her titties all over the club, just degrading herself. Quin had to know."

  "It's a strip club, Honey. That's what they do."

  "Yeah, but I had a feeling she was doing more than that, and that's what I told Quin."

  "I'm starting to really believe Tomeka when she said you had mental issues. Fuck is wrong with you? I'm ‘bout to get out of here."

  "So, you've been talking to Tomeka about me? You've been talking behind my back just like everybody else has, huh?"

  "This was back before you and I even started fooling around. She said you were a nut case, and I thought she was just playing around, but now I see how serious she was. I ain't got time for this crazy shit."

  After he was fully dressed, DeMarcus left my home.

  *****

  I walked into my kitchen, grabbed a notepad from the drawer along with a pen, sat at the table, and prepared to send a letter to Jahzara's ex-husband Quin for the second time. I twirled the pen between my fingers as I thought about exactly what I was going to say to him. A smile came across my face, and I began to
write:

  Hi, Quin!

  Yes. It's Honey again. Hey! Did you know that Jahzara has already moved on and is living with this guy named Imran Jackson? I told you before that she wasn't any good, but— Geesh!— I, at least, thought she would take some time to breathe after y'all divorced. Anyway, I just thought I would tell you that ...

  "Yes, Imran and Jahzara, you guys are done, and I cannot wait until Quin touches down," I laughed and continued to write.

  125

  17 Jahzara

  17

  Jahzar

  Spending the night in jail because someone set you up is the worst thing ever, I thought. I didn't get one minute of sleep because all I could think about was— Is this another one of Imran's schemes? Had he been gaming me all along? Am I just a pawn for him? I had picked him out of a crowd, but had he really picked me? I had so many questions but no fucking answers.

  I walked outside of Lew Sterret and was truly disappointed to see Imran waiting for me. I had a glimmer of hope that one of my girls would be out there. I called Tomeka to inform her that I'd been arrested when I couldn't get Honey and told her that I'd been knocked on drug charges and needed to be bailed out. Seeing Imran there, instead of them, threw me for one hell of a loop.

  "Where is Tomeka? Or Honey?" I questioned when I got closer to him.

  "I don't know, Jah. Tomeka called me this morning and said she didn't have money to bail you out, and I told her that I would take care of it," he said angrily before going to get in his car.

  I went and pulled the door open on the passenger side and collapsed down into the seat. Why the fuck was he here if he was this cheating, conniving bastard that Honey was making him out to be? If he wanted me out the way, then why not leave me in there? I wondered. God! I was so confused, but maybe I wasn't confused and everything was in black and white, and I was refusing to see it.

  "Can you take me to the store please? I need cold meds or something."

  "Are you gonna get your stuff and come back home?"

  "What? You think, because you bailed me out of jail, that I'm going to forget about what you did? I haven’t forgot.”

  “Look, I’m not gonna let you keep accusing me of sleeping with that grimy ass bitch or whatever the fuck she is trying to say I did. I let you get away with the shit just like I let you get away with throwing the fact that you didn’t wanna divorce your ex-husband in my face.”

  “I didn’t wanna divorce him, Imran. That was my husband! We’d been together since I was pretty much a damn child. I just don’t think I should’ve left like that without insuring that’s what he really wanted.”

  “He sent you divorce papers, Jah! What do you mean?”

  “Because of rumors he heard! Somebody lied on me, and he believed them. I was mad at him and wanted revenge, but I just feel like divorcing him was a mistake.”

  “Wow. So, this whole time we’ve been together has been a mistake?”

  “No!” I cried. “No, Imran. I love you, but I just…I don’t know. I have never been so confused in my damn life. Just let me go to the store and, then, take me to get a room. I need to think.”

  Imran reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it inside of his. Tears fell freely from my eyes because I knew that this would happen. I knew that I would regret starting this relationship with Imran, knowing that I had so many unanswered questions from my husband…my ex-husband. There was time put into our relationship, feelings, memories, and for me to just cave in and give him what he asked for kind of made it seem as if he was right about me. What kind of wife doesn’t put up a fight for her husband? I shook my head and knew that I’d fucked up big time. Quin would get home and find out the truth and wouldn’t want anything to do with me, and I didn’t blame him.

  “I know Honey’s your girl and all for however long y’all have been friends, but I promise you, Jahzara, it wasn’t like she said. She’s lying to you, and I would never do that to you, especially not with her. I’mma let you have your time, but we need to get together and talk about us. You just came into my life, and I’m not trying to lose you so soon.”

  I nodded my head but didn’t say anything. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were, back to when I was happily in love with the man of dreams, back before he left me all alone and before I was forced to shake my ass for cash. I wanted to go back to never touching those bricks, never getting this separated from my girls, and never falling in love with another man.

  Imran ran me by a CVS and, then, dropped me off at the Marriot located near his home. I told him to give me a few days to unwind and get my thoughts together and then we would talk. I was starting to think that maybe he was right about Honey. Some things just weren’t making sense, and I needed to get to the bottom of it. All I knew was that the bitch better not been lying to me. Nah, not having that.

  *****

  “Hi, my name is Jahzara Simmons, and I have an appointment at nine,” I said to the receptionist.

  “Okay. Fill these papers out, and we will be with you as soon as possible,” she handed me a clipboard, and I turned around to where the waiting room was packed with women of all age groups. Some of them looked like babies, and some of them looked too damn old to even be there. As I made my way over to an empty seat, my legs felt as if they were about to give out on me. I was so nervous about the choice I was about to make, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. There were still so many things that were up in the air about my relationship with Imran that I knew having a child would only complicate things even further. I didn’t even want to consult him about this knowing that he would try to talk me out of it and get me to keep it, but I just couldn’t.

  The minute I got to that hotel room yesterday, I immediately pulled out the pregnancy test I‘d gotten from the CVS and confirmed what I’d been suspecting. I knew, once I saw those two pink lines, that this was what I needed to do. Part of me wasn’t ready to raise a child, and the other part of me felt that it would hurt Quin too bad to know that I was about to have a baby by another man when he and I didn’t have time to.

  Once I’d completed the paperwork, I turned them into the receptionist, and I awaited my turn behind all the many of women that were there. It was kind of a sad sight to see so many women there to kill babies that didn’t ask to be created in the first place, but who was I to judge when I was here for the same reason? I just hoped that, when I was ready to bring a child into this world, I wouldn’t be cursed and have problems doing so.

  “J. Simmons!” a nurse called from a side door.

  Lord, please forgive me for what I am about to do, I prayed as I followed the nurse to the back to prepare for my procedure.

  *****

  Three Days Later

  It had been a few days since I had the abortion done, and I hadn’t spoken to anyone since then. Today was the first day I’d turned my phone back on, and the messages that were waiting for me were ridiculous. I knew that, after the abortion was done, I wouldn’t want to deal with anyone because of the emotional response that I was bound to have. I mean, I wasn’t this cold and heartless person that didn’t give a damn about human life. I would forever regret and hate the day that I killed my unborn child, but I knew that it was something that had to be done. Just like I knew that it was time for me to confront Honey and find out if everything she had told me about Imran was true. I hated to call her a liar because she had been my girl since I was a child, but all this was starting to sound like some things from our past. And that wasn’t sitting right with me.

  I pulled up in front of Honey’s house, killed the lights, and was about to jump out of my ride when I spotted her and DeMarcus hugged up against his car. The eyes don’t lie, and my eyes were definitely telling me that these muthafuckas were a damn couple or some shit. I took my cell phone out of my purse, unlocked it, and went to my camera. I brought the phone up to the window, zoomed in, and snapped a couple of pictures of them before cranking back up and driving off.

  “What the hell?
How long has that shit been going on? Damn! What else has this bitch been doing?” I said right before my phone rang, and Honey’s name popped up on the caller ID. I pressed the green button and placed the phone up to my ear. “What’s up, girl?”

  “Hey! How are far are you? I wanted to run and jump in the shower before you got here,” Honey said.

  I pursed my lips up, knowing the reason why she wanted to jump in the shower was so that she could clean up the funk from messing with that no good ass nigga. I rolled my eyes and tried to sound as if I wasn’t salty about what I’d just seen.

  “Girl, I’m not coming. I’m about to head home and lay down for a while. How about we get together tomorrow and talk? Something is wrong with my stomach.”

  “You going back to the house?” Honey asked.

  “Yeah, why? You don’t think I should go back there?” I asked just to see what she was going to say.

  “I’m just surprised that you’re going back after all the craziness. Well, just be careful, and call me tomorrow, so we can talk.”

  “Yep, sure will,” I said nonchalantly.

  I drove around Dallas before going back to my home in the West. The purpose of me taking the picture of Honey and DeMarcus was so that I could show Tomeka, but what good would that do besides push the three of us further apart? I hadn’t talked to Tomeka in a very long time, and, each time I called her phone, she refused to answer. I really wanted to confront her and see what was up with all that stuff she said to Honey. I really wanted to see how she was holding up. With her going back and forth to court and possibly facing jail time, I knew things had to be hard for her. That was why, when Imran told me she didn't have money to bail me out, I didn't even trip. Those lawyer fees and court costs were a beast. Trust me I was hating the fact that I would soon be dishing out cash for the same shit.

  I pulled up in my driveway, killed the lights, and got out of the car, slamming the door shut. I started for the house when I realized that I'd left my purse in the car.