by Shan
Friends for life! Amigos para toda la vida!
The last time that Cedric and Honey broke up, Honey ended up staying at my house. Each morning, when she woke up, she would write a new message for me on the refrigerator, trying to cheer me up and also trying to teach me a little Spanish. I’d completely forgotten all about it until now, just when I was about to give up and call it a night. I went back to the table where I’d left the handwritten note and then returned to the kitchen. I placed the note up against the magnet and compared the handwriting. Compared the A’s, the L’s, and I’s to see if they looked anything alike, and, unfortunately, they did. The handwriting on the fridge was so neat and pretty just like in the note. All the letters were too close to the same not to be a match. I allowed the note to fall out of my hand, and I slid down the cabinet until I hit the floor and placed my head against my knees. I cried like a little baby.
Back when we were in junior high school, Honey had accused seven boys in our grade of raping her inside of the boys’ locker room. Each one of the boys had claimed that Honey agreed to have sex with a few of them while the other ones got to watch. They were all arrested and charged with sexual assault, based on the condition Honey was in. She had been beaten, her hair was mangled, and her clothes were torn. Not only that, a rape kit pulled semen that matched a couple of the boys that had been accused. A year later, Honey accused a maintenance man that lived in her apartment complex, a teacher from the school, and a pastor of one of the churches of the same crime. They all had been charged and sent to jail all because of Honey’s condition and because traces of their sperm that was left behind. Eventually, an investigator from the Crimes Against Children division at the FBI got involved after hearing about a child who’d been raped a handful of times within only a year. They discovered that Honey was being molested by her father and by an uncle, and that it was possible that Honey was making everything up, accusing men of malicious crimes because she was too afraid to accuse the men who had really been hurting her. Her father and uncle denied everything, and, because the FBI could never find proof of what happened, neither of them were arrested. Honey was sent to live with an aunt after child protective services stepped in, and her parents returned to Mexico.
As soon as her parents left and she was far away from her uncle, things seemed to return to normal for her and everybody around her. Although Honey never admitted if she’d lied about being raped or not, she never accused another person of doing her any harm until Imran.
After all this time, why now? I wondered. Why now and why Imran?
145
21 Tomeka
21
Tomeka
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
I shot up in bed and quickly glanced over at the digital clock that sat on the nightstand next to my bed. It read three-thirty in the morning, which meant that the only thing on the other side of that door was trouble. I quickly trotted to the kitchen, grabbed the biggest knife I could find, and walked towards the door. Once I peeked through the peep hole and saw that it was Jahzara, I went to sit the knife down on the bar, and then went back to open the door.
Jahzara looked all frazzled and disoriented, but, even then, it didn't take away from the fact she was draped in money. Her Pink sweat suit fit perfectly against all the curves of her body, and the brown Coach shoes she wore screamed out money. Her chocolate skin, even with the bruises, was so pretty that she looked like a life-sized Barbie doll. I watched as she flipped her hair to the back and then noticed the small cut on her lip. It was then that I remembered her calling and saying she was in the hospital and wondered if she'd came across DeMarcus and was here to get my advice.
"What's up? It's rather late," I said with a yawn.
"Yes, I know, but I needed to talk to you. She's at again, Meka. I can't believe this!" Jahzara walked inside and began to pace the space in my tiny living room. I went to stand close to the bar where I'd placed the knife in case she wanted to try something.
"Who is at what again?" I asked, shrugging my shoulders and frowning in displeasure.
"Honey. Remember back in the day when we were in junior high and she accused all those boys and those men of raping her? Come to find it was because of what her dad and Uncle Aidan were doing to her." Jahzara stopped pacing and looked at me to see if there was any recognition.
She was going too far, and I was about to let her know that. Honey hasn't had any problems since she got away from the people that were hurting her, and Jahzara knew that. She was stretching this shit all because she knew she'd been a terrible friend to us, doing whatever she could to excuse her behavior. Accusing Honey was one of them, and I wasn't trying to hear it.
"Are you hearing yourself right now, Jahzara? All this shit you've been talking about us, being jealous of you, hating on you and that no good ass nigga you got. Then, you lie to me about bailing me out of jail, knowing that Honey did it! You take my money and then wanna call me a hater. Did my money buy them shoes on your feet?" I yelled at her. "You know damn well those niggas raped her, just like you know your dude attacked her. You need to get out of here with that bullshit!"
"Damn, Meka! She done manipulated you like that? You believe everything she told you, huh? Does that even sound like me? Have I ever lied to you about anything?" Jahzara asked with tears in her eyes.
"No, you haven't which is why I'm appalled by the shit you've been doing lately. I'm not standing for it, though. Get out, Jahzara! Honey told me you would try some shit like this. Get out of my house before I call the police and have you put out!"
"Meka, Honey was the one who robbed me. I have proof!"
"You are really pushing it, Jah! Listen at yourself. You sound desperate as hell right now. Get the fuck out!"
"Okay, cool. I'll leave," Jahzara held her head down and slowly walked out of the door.
I walked and slammed the door shut and then immediately went to my bedroom to call Honey. She told me that Jahzara would come to me and show her ass, and she couldn't have been more right.
"Honey! Are you sleep?" I asked the moment Honey answered.
"Not now, bitch. What's up?" she responded.
"Jahzara came through here making all these accusations. Bringing up shit from ten years ago. Talking about you were doing the same things from back in junior high school. I had to put her ass out."
"What do you mean ‘doing the same thing from junior high’? What is she talking about?"
"You accusing men of rape and shit. And then she started talking about how she had proof that you robbed her. She sounded so crazy. You should've heard her," I laughed.
"That bitch! Voy a matar. Fuckin' bitch!" Honey squealed through the phone. I could tell she was on fire because she was beginning to speak in Spanish, as she always did when someone pissed her off.
"Look. Don't worry about it, girl. She's gone now, but I had to call you and tell you that."
"Yeah, okay. Bye!"
I hung the phone up, shook my head, and went back to bed.
143
22 Honey
22
Honey
I paced the floor, angry and pissed that Jahzara was beginning to figure things out. She was trying to expose me, and I wasn't going to have that. She didn't understand what it was like to be me. All she had to worry about was being cute and wondering which nigga she wanted to be with for the week. She didn't have real problems, except for the ones I'd been causing and was about to cause.
I had to live with the fact that all men wanted to do was hurt me. All of them wanted to taste me, touch me, and then leave me. They'd all done it. My father, my uncle, those boys that laughed at me in school, all of them. They were no different. Cedric wasn't any different and neither was Imran. Jahzara was supposed to have my back, but she was off siding with the damn enemy.
I curled my knees up to my chest and began to rock back and forth as I cried and cried. I knew that I was going to have to get rid of Jahzara for her blatant betrayal. She had to go. She just had to. I picked u
p the phone and called Tomeka back to let her know that we were gonna have to meet and talk to Jahzara. I told her how sick I was of Jahzara playing games and how we needed to bring her to her senses. Tomeka agreed that we needed to teach Jahzara a lesson for betraying us.
Later that morning, I drove over to Jahzara's house to leave a note on her door because I couldn't get in contact with her over the phone. It was time we handled this shit once and for all.
Sorry, Jah. I used to love you, but you allowed a man to come between us. Just like my mommy did. That’s not good, bitch.
151
23 Jahzara
23
Jahzara
After visiting Tomeka in the wee hours of the morning, I came back to my house where I sat in the same chair for hours just staring at the floor. I'd accused Imran of some of the most hurtful things ever all because I wanted to be a good friend. I wanted to be there for Honey like a friend was supposed to and not seem as if I had chosen my man over her. I'd partially gotten rid of Imran's child because of some of the harsh things that Honey had said about him. Because I held on to the little hope that she was actually telling the truth. I should've known it was all a lie. All the signs had been there. All the accusations she’d made just came out of nowhere, didn't make sense, but, because I loved her, I rocked with her. I allowed her to manipulate me just as she was doing with Tomeka. It seemed like, the same things she was telling me about Tomeka, she was also telling Tomeka about me. Playing us against each other, so we would be mad at one another and not figure out what the hell she had up her sleeve.
It was all good, though, because I'd been thinking a lot about moving up out of Texas and starting my life over somewhere else. I first had to see what the court was going to do with me for the drug charges that were pending against me, but, soon as that was over, I could leave. I had a nice amount of cash saved up and could easily relocate and forget about everything that had happened here. Forget about Tomeka, Honey, my parents, Quin, and Imran.
I was just about to get up and retire for a few hours when a tiny piece of paper slid through the crack of my door. I got up and walked over to the window, peeking out of it just in time to see Honey getting in her Impala. I rolled my eyes and reached down to get the paper that contained a little note for me. I scoffed at the same pretty handwriting that the bitch had.
Jah,
Look. All this needs to stop. We need to get together and hash out all of our problems and get back to being sisters again. There is so much “he said, she said” shit going on that things are getting twisted and confused. I love both you and Tomeka, and I know you feel the same way about us. Let’s all meet back at my place around nine tonight and discuss this over dinner. Love you, sister. Amigos para toda la vida!
Honey
Just when I was about ready to give up on these two, she comes through with this. A slight smile came across my face as I folded the letter in half and went into my bedroom to get some rest. I just hoped that we did get things hashed out and figured out what we were gonna do next. I didn't know if I could continue the friendship the way it was before unless Honey fessed up to the shit she'd done and agreed to get some help.
*****
The clock in the rental I was driving read 8:55 P.M. After sitting here for the past fifteen minutes, I contemplated on whether I wanted to do this little dinner with Honey and Tomeka. I started to feel like maybe I should reconsider and tell them bitches, “Fuck it”. I'd been through too much, too, too much.
"Hey, Imran. It's me. Jahzara. I just wanted to see if we could get together and talk. I really wanna apologize to you for a lot of things, but I’d rather do it face to face. Also, I am here at Honey's house and something doesn't feel right. If you don't hear from me within the hour, call to check on me please. Bye. I love you.”
I hung up my cell phone, tossed it into my purse, and also grabbed the nine millimeter I had bought from the pawn shop before coming here. I checked the clip like I'd been taught and also checked the safety. Seeing that everything was cool, I slid it into my purse and got out of the car.
Honey stayed in a nice area that was in between the North and downtown. There was a lot of traffic going up and down through there— trains, buses, and regular commuters that made it a very noisy area. People were always out and about, doing things, making the neighborhood a good one, but it just had too much damn traffic.
While walking up to the door, my stomach did major flips, and my heart kept telling me to turn around and go home. I reached out and was about to ring the doorbell when it opened. Tomeka was standing at the door with her hand held out, welcoming me inside. I stared at her for a few moments before slowly walking into the house where I stood in the foyer and waited for Tomeka to close and lock the door.
"Smells good," I said, trying to calm my nerves and ease some of the tension that was thick in the air.
"Yeah," Tomeka said nonchalantly.
I walked behind Tomeka as we headed for Honey's kitchen. As we were walking, I heard light footsteps behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Honey coming my way, but, before I could react, I was knocked out by the butt of her gun.
"Oh, my god, Honey! What the fuck are you doing?" Tomeka frantically asked.
"Help me! Grab her legs, and I'll get her arms!" Honey commanded.
"What? You said we were gonna talk to her, make her see the error of her ways!"
"That's what we're doing! Now, grab her legs!"
"Honey, not by force. This is not right. I don't wanna hurt her. I just want her to know how bad she hurt us and to apologize. Not this.”
"You said you fuckin' loved me, Meka! I thought that you loved me!"
I tried to crawl away and get to my handbag that fell when Honey hit me, but she walked over to me and kicked me in the face. Blood shot all over the floor, and my head became heavy and weak at the same time. It hadn't been long since I was mugged and knocked out in practically the same exact way, so it made me wonder if Honey was behind that shit, too. I could feel them dragging me across the floor. I wanted to resist, but I seemed to have lost the function of my lower limbs.
"We have to do this, Tomeka. It's the only way she's gonna learn. We can't just tell her; we have to show her. If you love me like you say you do, you will help me," Honey said to Tomeka.
I really hoped that Imran got my message, so that he could come through. I hoped he would hear the sincerity in my voice and know that I realized how much I truly fucked up.
157
24 Tomeka
24
Tomeka
I pinched my nose repeatedly, waiting for the sting of the line I had just taken to wear off and for the high to kick in. I was supposed to be done with this shit, but Honey and her fucked up plan had me going backwards. She didn't say anything about beating Jahzara's ass and tying her up when she called me. She told me that we were only going to talk to her, hopefully get her to apologize for the bullshit she had done to us, and get her to apologize for lying on Honey when she knew it was her man who'd done all of these things. I really didn't see the point and felt as if we should have left it alone. If that was how Jahzara wanted to be, then fuck her. Who needed friends like her any damn way? Before, I would've climbed mountains for her, but, after the way she acted, I was more than ready to wash my hands of her and move on.
At that point, I was livid because Honey never said that this was the plan. If she had told me this was what we were going to be doing, I would've never showed up here. I wasn’t into hurting anybody since I'd already fucked up DeMarcus and my record. I wasn't trying to add anymore charges. This was not sitting well with me at all, and I wanted to tell Honey how I felt, but I knew she would start to freak out. Ever since we’d started messing around, she felt as if I couldn't say no to her about anything, and that pissed me off. She wanted me to agree with her on everything, but, sometimes, she was wrong— like now.
I walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room where Honey had Jahzara tied to a c
hair. Her arms were tied behind her back, and her feet were tied tightly to the legs of the chair. She had lost consciousness after the kick to the face and was slowly waking up. Honey sat on the couch, smoking a cigarette and tapping her leg against the floor. I wondered what she had up her sleeve. Was she gonna stare at the girl all night, or was she going to try to hurt her more than what she already had? Not knowing what was going through Honey's head caused me to break out into a sweat. If all Jahzara did was tell a few lies and act as if her shit smelled better than ours, did she really deserve this? To be beat up and tied to a damn chair?
I looked over at Honey, waiting for her to say or do something. She seemed to be in a deep trance, lost in her thoughts like her soul had left her body. Her eyes were emotionless. This scared me even further because I hadn't seen this look from her since it came out that she had been molested for all those years when she was younger. I looked from Honey to Jahzara and, suddenly, felt sick to my stomach.
"Honey, what are we doing here? This is not the way to go about things," I said, filling the deathly silence.
"She's waking up!" Honey put her cigarette out in the ashtray and jumped up from the sofa. She walked over to Jahzara and stood in front of her. Jahzara blinked her eyes several times before she opened them and looked around frantically. "Welcome back, bitch!"
Honey back handed Jahzara across the face and then brought her fist back and punched her in the mouth repeatedly. I tried to contain myself, but I couldn't. A slew of vomit flew from my mouth, onto the carpeted floor. After gathering myself, I went over to where Honey was and tried to pull her back before she killed the girl.
"Honey, stop it! You're going to kill her! This is not what we talked about!" I screamed.
"Y’all bitches hate me that much! I ain't never did shit wrong to either of you! Y'all hating me because of what? What have I ever done wrong to deserve this?" Jahzara said, spitting blood onto the floor.